Hosea and Gomer

Connection/Tension

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Finishing our series called Once Upon a Marriage. This is going to be possibly a challenging message. Talking about divorce and adultery. Wohoo!

I know this can be a trigger for people for many reasons. Let me just preface the whole message with this: I’m not interested in dredging up the past. The truth is that you can do everything right and still get divorced. You can do everything right and have your spouse be unfaithful. AND, you can do everything wrong - be unfaithful, get divorced for the wrong reasons - and not let this define you or your current or future marriage. You don’t need to walk in condemnation over the past. If you need to, get some emotional healing, seek forgiveness if you need to, and then move forward. So this message is not about your past, but about your future.

Some easy opening questions: How many of you plan to commit adultery, cheat on your spouse, get someone else on the side? Raise hands… How many of you plan to get married, have a few kids, and then go though a bitter, ugly divorce? Hands…

No one? That’s interesting, because statistically speaking, half of you will. Not you, of course! But half of all marriages end in divorce. Roughly half of all marriages experience the pain of unfaithfulness. Why is that?

Let me suggest that our modern American society has trained us for divorce. I’m about to sound really old fashioned to some of you, but bear with me. What dating has become in our culture is just practice for divorce. Think about what dating looks like today. Use to there were certain things reserved for marriage. Now, the only significant difference between dating and marriage is a little piece of paper you got from the courthouse and a ceremony that doesn’t mean that much. Because now we do during dating what we used to reserve for marriage. We give away our hearts, we share our bodies, we sleep in the same bed, we share the same sink with our toothbrushes. We play house. And when things don’t work out, we grab out toothbrush and our broken heart and basically practice divorce.

And when we’ve done that 5, 10, 15 times, it’s no wonder that when we do get married, and we have the piece of paper and the ceremony that doesn’t really mean that much, that when things get tough in our marriage - and they will - that we grab the pieces of our broken heart and our toothbrush and leave. Society has trained us well for divorce.

Today I want to look at a marriage that is both very painful and very beautiful at the same time. And I want us to see that when there is every good reason to throw in the towel, oftetimes God has something different. We are going to look at a couple named Hosea and Gomer. Here is a marriage that has every reason to end in divorce, but God does something different and beautiful.

Text and Context

Context: takes place about 700 years before the birth of Jesus. The northern kingdom of Israel is experiencing unprecedented prosperity. But as is true so much of the time, when there is an increase in prosperity, this is often a corresponding increase in all kinds of sin and spiritual adultery. That’s what’s happening in Israel.

Hosea 1:2–3 “When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea, “Go, take for yourself a wife of whoredom and have children of whoredom, [*] for the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the Lord.” So he went and took Gomer daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son.”

* - God tells this prophet just starting out in his ministry to marry this woman who is essentially in the sex trade. Why is he telling him to do this?

This is a tough story, and we’re going to see that there are layers. At one level it is the very real story between Hosea and immoral Gomer. But there is another layer where it is about God and his love for his immoral people Israel. And another layer shows how God continues to love us even when we reject and sin against him.

Bring this into our context. A girl with a pretty bad past. A young preacher. God tells him to marry this girl. He’s thinking, if God told me to do it, then it must be everything is going to work out alright. She’s thinking, I’ve finally found someone who’s nice and treats me with respect, and I like his family. Finally a decent man likes me.

And so they get married have their honeymoon in Cancun and very quickly she becomes pregnant and they are excited about what they’re going to have and they get an ultrasound and discover there is a stem on the apple - that means a boy in scientific terms - and they start going through names. We can’t name him that because that’s the name of an old boyfriend. Not that one either, or that one. She has lots of old boyfriends. But the baby is finally born and they are so happy and dreaming of this great future.

Then life happens. His ministry gets busy, spending a lot of late nights at the church in meetings. She’s resentful because he’s not around to help with the baby. She feels neglected bc he doesn’t change diapers or take the garbage out without being nagged. She just had a baby and her body isn’t what it used to be and she doesn’t feel very attractive and her distracted husband isn’t pursuing her. They aren’t doing well.

And then something happens. One day an old boyfriend reaches out to her on FB. Then a guy at the gym begins to notice her. She takes a part time job, and the dude at work starts to pay attention to her and listen to her complaints about her husband and their life, and he is so compassionate and understanding. And one day the mailman shows up at the house when the husband is gone, and something happens. And she begins to believe the most common misconception regarding marriage: What I’m missing is better than what I have.

I have a decent guy here but he’s not bringing me everything I want, and the things that I do not have are more important than the many things he is bringing. So this is what Gomer does:

Hosea 2:5 “… she said, “I will go after my lovers; they give me my bread and my water, my wool and my flax, my oil and my drink.””

Although this guy gives me so much of what I need, he doesn’t give me everything, so she does what people have done for centuries, she trades the 80 for the 20. This is always a foolish, terrible trade. What do I mean? Well in a decent marriage, a person is going to provide about 80% of your needs and expectations. No one can meet 100% of your needs, and if you want your marriage to fail, just begin to expect 100% from them. This guy is delivering 80% of what she wants, but there is about 20% that he isn’t living up to. Since she doesn’t have the 20%, she ends up trading the 80% she does have for it, and ends up with far less than what she had in the first place.

What’s the 20% others will offer us? He listens to me. She laughs at my dad jokes. He thinks I’m special. She enjoys the same hobbies as me. He is considerate. She has a bass boat. And so we trade in the 80 for the 20 and believe the lie that what I’m missing is better, more important, than what I have. If the grass looks greener in another yard, it means it’s time to water your own yard! If some else’s grass looks greener it’s usually bc you can’t smell the poop on it.

Remember there are layers to this story. Before her adultery, Gomer bore Hosea some children. One was a daughter named Lo-ruhamah, which means “not pitied”. Then she bears a son named Lo-ammi which means “no kin of mine, not my people”. And what we’re seeing in these names is more than just the story of Hosea and Gomer, but God’s hurt and pain over the rejection of his people. God is pained by their spiritual adultery.

God hurts over his people. Just like in a good marriage, he has entered into covenant with these people in an exclusive relationship. And he wants and has every right to expect that they will be covenantally faithful to him. And they aren’t. And we see a couple of way of how God responds to the spiritual adultery of his people.

First, He gives them over to their consequences.

Hosea 2:8–10 “She did not know that it was I who gave her the grain, the wine, and the oil, and who lavished upon her silver and gold that they used for Baal. Therefore I will take back my grain in its time, and my wine in its season; and I will take away my wool and my flax, which were to cover her nakedness. Now I will uncover her shame in the sight of her lovers, and no one shall rescue her out of my hand.”

C.S. Lewis said that either we will say to God “Thy will be done” or God will say to us “thy will be done”. In other words, if we want to live outside of God’s love and blessing he will allow it. He does not force himself upon us. Even though God is really giving his people everything they need, they believe the lie that Baal can give them something more. And so God withdraws his hand of blessing and allows them to experience the pain of their choices.

We can sense God’s hurt, but he allows them the dignity of making their own choice. If you want to see how life is like without me, try it. Same thing happens in marriage. If we want to do marriage without God, if we want to put other idols in our life beside him, he will let us. He loves us enough to allow us to make our choices, AND he loves us enough to let us experience the consequences. This is not vindictiveness. This is part of his love in action in the hopes that it will bring us to our senses.

God says that no one will take her out of his hand. There is still some possessiveness here. They can run away, but God isn’t giving up on them that easily. He is essentially saying that he will fight for the marriage. If you have been betrayed, it is completely appropriate to feel hurt and to have a sense of righteous anger. We committed to something and my spouse broke their commitment. But there is also space to say I’m not going to let the devil win. I made a commitment and I’m going to fight for this marriage. Society says this person has hurt me so I’m going to take my toothbrush and go somewhere else. God might say that even if you do have grounds for divorce, it doesn’t mean you should give up that easily.

God will give us over to our consequences. But we also see another response by God.

Second, He shows them a faithful, unfailing love.

There are consequences, but through it all God never withdraws his covenantal love. We see this shift:

Hosea 2:14–15 “Therefore, I will now allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. From there I will give her her vineyards, and make the Valley of Achor [trouble] a door of hope.”

Did you know there are basically two ways to have a great marriage. The first way is to do everything right. All you have to do is never sin or mess up. That will work. The second way is to walk through the Valley of Achor together until you find the door of hope. What does that look like? It means you don’t always do everything right. You sin. You say harsh, cruel things to one another. You get distracted and ignore each another. You let the kids become the focal point of marriage and neglect one another.

And then you repent, and cry together, and return to God, and forgive one another, and maybe cry some more, and you recommit yourself to your spouse, and you allow God’s Spirit to break off the things in your heart that aren’t like him and conform yourself to Christ. And you walk through the Valley of Achor - together - until God shows you the door of hope. And I believe that God can show you a door of hope if you keep walking together and fighting for your marriage.

Some of the best marriages I know have walked through the Valley of Achor. One of my dearest friends broke the news to me several years ago that he had had an affair with someone he worked with. This man and his wife we close friends, and I remember feeling so much pain at his admission. He was so ashamed. She was so betrayed and wounded. She had every reason to divorce him. But she decided instead to give their marriage a chance. She committed to walk through the Valley of Achor, and I don’t pretend to believe that it wasn’t grueling and painful with lots of angry tears, but a little over a year after his betrayal I was privileged to lead them in a re-commitment ceremony at a cabin on top of Mount Magazine. They walked through the Valley of Achor - together - until they found a door of hope.

To get more real, the story of Hosea and Gomer centers around the ultimate betrayal - a spouse literally giving their heart and body to someone else. But let’s be honest. We have all been guilty of marital infidelity. Jesus said that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has committed adultery in his heart. Flirting with the guys at work is a kind of adultery, even if it never goes anywhere. Looking at porn is a kind of adultery. Every marriage will walk through the Valley of Trouble. Sometimes we walk through that valley alone, but we keep our hand out waiting for our spouse to join us whenever they are willing. And when we walk through the valley of Achor, we remember that God is holding our other hand with his unfailing love.

Gospel/Response

I told you this was a tough message. And it’s about to get worse. To this man who hasn’t done anything wrong and whose wife has left and is actually out prostituting herself again, he says something amazing to the betrayed spouse.

Forgive and love as you’ve been forgiven and loved.

The text I’m about to read indicates that Gomer has fully entered back in to her previous life, enslaved to something like a pimp. And if you read the rest of the story, to this man who hasn’t done anything wrong God tells him to take his own money and go buy back his wife. Even though she brought this mess upon herself, at great sacrifice to himself he is to go and purchase her out of her sexual slavery.

Hosea 3:1 “Go, love a woman who has a lover and is an adulteress, [*] just as the Lord loves the people of Israel, though they turn to other gods...”

* - How is this even possible? I’m not sure I would have the emotional capacity for this. How do you find it within yourself to do this? This is what he says…

Forgive and love as you’ve been forgiven and loved. How do you love a wayward spouse? How do you love a spouse who, maybe they haven’t been physically unfaithful, but they have been emotionally unfaithful. How do you love someone who still hurts you, disappoints you, grieves your heart through boneheaded decisions and thoughtlessness. You forgive and love them in the same way God forgives and loves you. You love them as they don’t deserve, just as God loves us when we don’t deserve it.

The story doesn’t tell us how things work out in the end. Just like in life, just like in your marriage, there are no guarantees that everything will work out. And forgiving and loving as God forgives and loves you does not mean you put up with physical abuse. It doesn’t mean you become a doormat. It doesn’t mean that you don’t construct some boundaries. If there is adultery - emotional or otherwise - with a coworker, it might mean changing jobs. Part of the boundary for my friend that was unfaithful meant moving to another city to get away from the other person. If it involves porn, it might mean putting safeguards on the computer. It doesn’t mean you don’t make some changes. What it does mean is that regardless of what your spouse does, you are going to continue to do what God says, even though there are no guarantees.

I told you it was a hard message. And I promise you, when things get tough in marriage, everything around you will tell you to take the easy way out. Your friends will tell you to dump him. Leave her. Get divorced, bc this is what society trains us for anyway. As I said at the beginning, the goal is not to bring condemnation on those who have been divorced. We live in a fallen world, and the second worse sinner in your house is your spouse, and there may come a day when you’ve done everything you can, and to protect yourself or your kids you have to leave.

But it may be that God would say it’s not time to give up yet. Because marriage is not just a piece of paper and a ceremony. It is a commitment of covenantal love. It is a commitment that says I am going to put your needs above my own. That in every situation I am going to seek your highest good. This is something that our dating, live in society can’t train us for. It can’t give us the assurance of knowing that the person I’m with is giving me the same 100% commitment that I am giving them. That they are just as committed as I am to walk through the Valley of Achor as many times as it takes until we find the door of hope. Only marriage can give us that.

Let me tell you what else it gives us. When a marriage is firing on all cylinders, it reveals the same kind of covenant commitment that God gives to us. Hosea’s marriage to Gomer demonstrates this commitment when he goes and pays for his wife, buying her out of her slavery. The Bible word for that is redemption, and it is precisely what God has done for us in Jesus Christ. While we were prostituting ourselves, becoming slaves to our sin, God purchased our freedom. This is how the apostle Paul says it:

Romans 5:8 “But God proves his love for us in that while we still were sinners Christ died for us.”

Jesus shed his blood so that he could redeem us - purchase us - out of our sin so that we could know his love. This is why his heart hurts when we give in to spiritual adultery, because he has given us his all. He has held nothing back from us. How can we not fully give him our whole selves.

If you have never done this, if you have never made a decision to give Jesus your whole self, I invite you to do this today. He loves you. He has pursued you. You are listening to this message bc he has divinely arranged your life for this moment. The Bible says that whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Jesus died for you. He purchased your freedom. Maybe today you are in the Valley of Achor bc God has lured you into the wilderness so that he can get your attention. Would you give him your heart today? (next steps slide)

And if you in the valley of Achor in your marriage and you feel like giving up, might God being telling you to wait. To trust him. To believe that he can make something beautiful out of the mess.

Pray for those who feel like they are in the Valley of Achor… in any area, relationally, financially, emotionally… Psalm 23, the valley of death’s shadow, we will not fear bc you are with us