Part 5: Church Members Lead Their Families to be Healthy Church Members

Introduction: Waffle Iron for Christmas

Although it did not meet my expectations, I did not leave my family. I may have been somewhat upset for a while, even confused (perplexed, befuddled, discombobulated, flummoxed?). But I did not storm off, leaving my family forever.

Misunderstandings occur and will occur in families. But we still forgive and love one another and continue to be in family together.

In fact, we took care of the misunderstanding when it happened, probably because my facial expression said it all. My mother had heard how I enjoyed homemade waffles at a friend’s house, and so she thought she would tell my grandma about it so she could give a waffle Iron for Christmas.

This allowed me, even a young kid, to look at the situation differently. I was able to recognize that the gift had been given out of a thoughtful, observing love.

Perhaps I needed to even modify my expectations?

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation, one in which you had particular expectations but they were not met?

Many people hold expectations about the church . . .

1. The Expectations vs. The Reality of the Church (Eph. 5:25-32)

The Expectations: Perfect People

Thom Rainer, “Ten Reasons the Formerly Churched Left Their Churches”:

“I decided I didn’t like the institutional church.”

“I was hurt at the church.”

“I just couldn’t find a church to meet my needs.”

“I had a need and the church didn’t meet it.”

“I never felt connected in the church.”

In other words, the expectations of the church are often: People who are always kind, loving, mentally healthy, carry no baggage from the past, always do what is right, act just like Jesus all the time, act in a way that no one will ever be hurt emotionally or psychologically (including never being held accountable for anything they may do wrong), espouse whatever beliefs or views they want without any biblical response, serve me and what I think I personally need, others to reach out to connect but I do nothing in return.

I.e., the expectation some have of the church is the same as one would expect of “safe spaces” on university campuses.

Lego Video Illustration: “Everything is Awesome!”

The Reality: Still Sinners

Everything is not awesome.

Ephesians 5:25–32 (ESV)

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

2. The Goal of the Church

Holiness

Ephesians 5:25–27 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

1 Peter 1:15–16 ESV

but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”

Romans 12:1 ESV

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

1 Corinthians 6:19 ESV

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own,

1 Corinthians 6:9–11 ESV

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Colossians 3:12–13 ESV

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

The Image of Jesus

Romans 8:29–30 (ESV)

For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

1 Corinthians 15:49 ESV

Just as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the man of heaven.

2 Corinthians 3:18 ESV

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

Commentator David Garland:

2 Corinthians (2) The Old and New Ministries (3:7–18)

All Christians may approach the Lord as Moses did when he went up Mount Sinai into the presence of the Lord. The results are similar. Beholding with an unveiled face the glory of the Lord causes us to be transformed into the same image.

We Aren’t There Yet

1 John 1:8 ESV

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

Colossians 3:9–10 ESV

Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.

1 John 3:2 ESV

Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is.

3. What this Means: Parents Lead Families to Love the Church (Eph. 6:1-4)

Parents: Teach Your Children

Ephesians 6:1–4 ESV

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Teach All the Time

Deuteronomy 6:4–8 ESV

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.

Teach Them to Love the Church

Ephesians 5:25 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

How did Christ love the church?

Love the church with all her spots, stains, wrinkles.

The church is a (community) body of believers in Jesus who are in the process of being sanctified, learning how to love others better and how to behave better. You are going to get hurt; your individual desires will not always be met (sometimes they shouldn’t be), your beliefs and behaviors will be challenged, you will find hypocrites at every turn. The people of God—the church—is a work in progress. The church is a training ground for how to become more like Jesus; it is not a Lego town where everything is awesome.

This, however, is not to be used an excuse to act and believe contrary to Jesus’ commands and what the Scripture says. We are to aim at being holy, sanctified believers, allowing the Holy Spirit to conform us to the image of Christ.

When we sin against a person, we admit it and ask for forgiveness. When forgiveness is offered, it is accepted and the two parties are reconciled. This is one primary area that the church is entirely different from the world. Many times the world or unbelievers do not admit to wrong-doing nor do they ask for forgiveness. Similarly, the world is often unwilling to forgive.

But the church? Christians are to admit when they are wrong, asking for forgiveness and the offended one grants it. This is love; this is loving the church.

Illustration: Daniel Darling (author, pastor, and Christian professor) - “5 Ways You Can Love Your Church”:

1) Extend your church the same grace you give yourself.

2) Be intentional and dependable.

Everyone who is physically able is to be a functioning member in a church ministry. God has not called us to be pieces of driftwood that passively bobble up and down in the river of life, carried by its current and eventually washed up on the bank to rot. God has not called us to be along for the ride, but to be the current that drives.

3) Speak well of your church in the community.

4) Build intentional relationships in your church.

Call, text, email, come to fellowship opportunities, join small home group, Sunday school, do ministry together

5) Give regularly to your church.

Warning: 1 John 3:10

If you do not love the church (your brothers and sisters in Christ)

1 John 3:10 (ESV)

By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.