Relationships 2024 (wk 4)

A Win-Win Relationship

Good morning, CHURCH!

Welcome to FFM where we love God and love people.

I’m Dr. James Byrd and this is my amazing wife Dr. Angel Byrd and together we are “The Love Byrd’s.”

(Introduction)

Are you ready to be equipped today?

Are you ready to learn something about relationships?

Let me see your Bibles.

Let’s Pray

Lord, help us to see you as new and fresh through your word today.

Help us to see truth where we have believed lies.

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Help us to see where we have been deceived by the enemy.

Most of all whatever we learn today I pray it leads us to love you more and love people more.

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Scripture:

In a passage of scripture in Mark chapter 3 where Jesus was speaking about blaspheming against the Holy Spirit, he made a statement of truth that can be taken as a principle.

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Mark 3:25 NIV

If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that we can apply that to our relationships.

If we want to have Flourishing relationships, we must find a way to have less division and more togetherness.

We are in week 4 of relationship month 2024.

Relationships 2024

A healthy marriage is not possible without the two adults in relationship with God pursuing their individual wholeness and well-being.

In our attempts to be healthy we have been playing a game of tennis going back and forth trying to get the other person to change enough to bring us peace.

And we find other speakers or influencers that say what we like and get our spouse to listen to it.

We would never find true health playing that game.

Today’s message title is:

A Win-Win Relationship

A few weeks ago, we talked about the Flourishing Marriage Model which consisted of the healthy adult wife in relationship with God, the healthy adult husband in relationship with God, and the sweet spot when they come together after having been alone with God.

Imagine a circle that represents our covenant which encompasses our entire relationship.

It would include Father God, the husband, and the wife.

It is our responsibility to avoid any breaches of this circle/covenant that encompasses the relationship.

To avoid a breach of the covenant, it would require ongoing monitoring and reinforcement of the covenant commitment.

For the marriage to consistently flourish we would need to work as a team to protect the covenant.

That would require us to honor our differences, move in unity, and assure that neither of us loses.

And this allows us to display God’s glory, leave a godly legacy, inspire godly offspring, and be a light to others.

This is the model marriage.

Earlier I said this would require us to honor our differences, move in unity, and assure that neither of us loses.

Today we are going to cover all three of those starting with honoring our differences.

Point #1

We are Different.

(Dr A) Why do differences drive us apart?

Differences are vital for a team to be efficient and effective.

And if we are married we are a team. And our differences are vital for us to be effective and efficient.

Could you imagine if the Kansas City Chiefs football team had 53 quarterbacks on the roster.

Or if the same 11 that play offense were the same 11 that played defense.

They would lose every game.

There is no diversity in that type of roster.

Patrick Mahomes might be the best quarterback in the NFL but he wouldn’t be the best middle line backer.

The same goes for the marriage relationship.

If we are both the same and there are no differences, one of us wouldn’t be needed.

One person has strengths in an area that the other might be weaker.

And vice versa.

1 Corinthians 12:14-15 NIV

Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

15 Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body.

You can read the entire passage in your study time, but the point here is that diversity is necessary.

Just like we need all of the different parts of the body to function at our best, we need each others differences to function at our best in the relationship.

Listen to this.

The problems we experience in marriage are not caused by our differences, but by not honoring our differences.

Our differences are what make us unique.

Even twins are not the same.

They may look the same but they are unique.

God made each of us unique and different.

Psalm 139:14 GW

I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this.

Since God created each of us purposefully and intentionally, neither of us should attempt to be any different than who God made us to be.

Individuality needs to be safely honored and supported within the confines of a caring, committed relationship.

There needs to be room in the marriage for both of us to be true to who we are.

This is no excuse to carry on in some manner that God doesn’t approve.

We do need to make changes when they are needed to honor God.

But doing things different and being different are not the same.

The objective is to honor and value our unique design while also learning how to best utilize the difference.

So, we honor our differences and we walk unified.

Point #2

We are Unified.

Ephesians 4:3 NIV

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

EVERY EFFORT

Unity is essential and mandatory for a godly marriage.

As we see in Ephesians 4, God is all about unity.

God showed us himself through a unified relationship with the Father, Son, and Spirit.

And just as God is unity personified, our marriage needs to personify unity.

Unity is a oneness, but it is not sameness.

It is sad to see when people in a relationship lose or deny their individuality.

We don’t have to lose who we are to be unified.

Differences are innate, and they are a God-designed blessing.

Unity occurs when two individuals share a common purpose, like being committed to serve God and being conformed to the image of Christ.

We honor differences, we walk in unity, and neither of us must be losing.

Point #3

We are winning.

We know that God hates divorce so we must adopt a win, win policy where neither of us loses.

This is where we both win, or no one wins.

It’s like being on a sports team.

If the Lakers win the game, it’s impossible for half the team to win and half the team to lose.

We win as a team, or we lose as a team.

In our marriage it needs to be completely unacceptable for either of us to walk away feeling as though we loss.

The goal is not to get our own way, because if that’s the goal it puts us in an adversarial position.

And if we are adversaries, someone must lose.

In marriage we must be open to find a solution to any problems that arise in which both of us can feel good about.

-It can be his way

-her way

-a combination of both

-or some completely different alternative.

If you think about it, most couples start out like this in the dating phase.

You’re trying to make sure that the other person feels good about everything that goes on.

But if you don’t keep this policy in place things often change for the worst.

If you have this winning policy, both of you will always feel safe in the marriage.

Sometimes finding a winning solution may not always come easy.

Be open to possibilities that may come to light as you take the time to ponder over ideas and brainstorm.

No one wants to sign up for a losing team.

And no one on a losing team wants to keep losing.

We all want to win.

So, let’s not settle for losing in our marriages.

If you’re watching online or here in the building, I have a very important question to ask you.

What is the Holy Spirit saying to you right now?