Am I fully forgiving?

Introduction

Introduce self

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Continuing our series Questions we’re afraid to ask.

We have heard on the topic of why do bad things happen to good people and last week we talked about living an unforgiven life.

Today I want us to take a look at the question “If I don’t forgive, will I be forgiven?”

Jesus said

Matthew 6:14–15 “14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: 15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

And I’m going to do so by having you ask yourself this simple question “Am I fully forgiving?”

Living a forgiven life is importat as we heard last week but so is living a life og forgiving others.

Character: Forgiven person that doesn’t forgive

Do you remember the little girl in willy wonka, the original movie, that was a spoiled brat? Veruca Salt. She grew up in a rich home, here parents gave her whatever she wanted, but instead of making her life about doing the same for others, she made it all about herself?

If your like me there is probably some words you would use to describe her or a child and adult like her.

She is given everything but yet gives nothing to anyone.

And what type of person is she because of it? What type of life does she have?

A miserable one that’s truly lonely.

And that’s the same type of life, I believe, someone who has recieved the forgiveness of God that we heard of last week but refuses to give it will wind up living as well.

Problem: You have been offended and won’t forgive the other person

The process of forgiveness doesn’t start with you forgiving, it starts with you being offended.

Don’t raise your hand but have you ever been offended before?

Most of us have. What do you do when you get offended?

Some start with figuring out how to get revenge. Madea said it best when she was talking to dr Phil. Have you seen that scene?

Madea : Well when you gettin' "got" and somebody done "got" you and you go "get" them, when you get 'em everybody's gon' get got. Dr. Phil : Yea but you're gettin' the gotters when they didn't do anything to even get you. Madea : Yea but if the gotters get me I'm gonna get my glock.

Dr. Phil is trying to get her to see that what she is taking offense to isn’t something to be offended by.

Do you ever stop to ask the question “should I be offended by this?”

We have a culture today where media portrays those who are offended by everything.

Can I tell you, this question changed how I respond to criticism, it changed how I respond to offenses, and while I’m not perfect with it, I’m much better than I was years ago.

It’s important to ask this question because as people are dead to self, it’s hard ot be offended.

Galatians 2:20 “20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”

Ever seen a dead person get offended? Nope? me either.

This si becuase the offenses that people make toward you are often not actually because of you and ultimtely their behavior that contradicts scripture is an offense to God not you.

Oh, it takes some humilty to get there. I said I’m not perfect at it and I’m not trying to brag about humility.

When we are able to get this perspective we truly understand

John 15:18 “18 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.”

then I can be understanding, I cna be full of grace, I can respond in such a way that sees their hurt, their pain, and instead of seeking vengance, which God says is His, I can humbly seek restoration.

Oftentimes though, we get offended and take the Madea mentality instead of the Master’s mentality.

We want to get them back. We just can’t believe they woudl treat us that way and they need to know how mad I am about it.

I mena that’s biblical though right? God forgives you and you don’t forgive others becuase that’s what God does…

No…

Ephesians 4:32 “32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Agitated: Most influential person in your life is the one you haven’t forgiven

What happens hen we don’t live that way? Then the offense lives in our lives like a beach ball in water.

**beach ball in horse trough**

The offense comes into our life and instead of processing, forgiving, and letting it go, we decide to push it under, hold onto it, and hide it from the world.

the problem with that scenario is that you can’t keep pushing it down forever and there will be triggers in life, something that comes up, and it will rear it’s ugly head.

Then you push it down, and then it takes even less for it to come up next time.

and all the while you are sitting there being heacvily influenced by someone who has made you anry.

The most influential person iin your life is the one you haven’t forgiven

Do you like for people you don’t like to have power over you? I mean I know I’m from the south and there is rebellion just rbead into us but I think it’s pretty common for us not to want to be ruled by someone, especially someone we dont’ like.

Wheny ou hold onto an offense and unforgiveness, you are sowing a seed of bitterness in your heart.

Hebrews 12:15 “15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;”

Bitterness leads to trouble for everyone around you because of who you are when you are bitter. It causes you to relive past hurts and not live in the freedom you have in Christ.

Solution: Remind yourself of your forgivenss and give God’s forgiveness to others.

The only way to begin the process of forgiveness after an offense is to remind yourself of the forgivenss you have been given by the one who doesn’t have to forgive.

Then you have to choose to give that forgiveness to others.

Guide: Jesus

The person to help you do that is the one who made a way for not only those who loved him but those who didn’t to be forgiven.

Jesus died for the pharisees that crucified him as much as he died for the disciples who loved him.

God made a way for everyone to be forgiven, even those who worshipped Baal, sacrificed to greek God’s and cursed his name.

The one who didn’t have to forgive, forgave yet those of us who are forgiven will often choose not to forgive.

Journey: Matthew 18:21-31

Jesus made a big deal about forgiveness in Matthew 18.

Verses 6-9 Jesus spoke about offenses and gave a warning to those who commit an offense.

Matthew 18:6–9 “6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. 7 Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh! 8 Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire. 9 And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.”

Who is it that these people are offending? Is it the little children? Yes AND…God.

Then after talking about the lost sheep, he speaks about restoring a brother and notice who he is talking to in this passage

Matthew 18:15 “15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.”

Who is bein addressed here? The offender or the offended?

When we get aoffended what do we do? We say things like “Well they need to apologize to me” “ They need to make it right.”

The BIble says nuh uh…you need to make it right.

Then there is process for that reconsilation given. and Peter comes out and says

Matthew 18:21 “21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?”

490. That’s the number 40. So get a counter out and start coutoing right? no.

Christian Standard Bible Chapter 13

Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, 5 is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs. 6 Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth.

1 Corinthians 13:4–5 KJV 1900

4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

Thinketh translated from a greek word that means to not take an inventory.

Love doesn’t keep a record of all the wrongs that have been done to you.

Jesus sin’t saying keep a tally, he is saying “forgive them all.”

He then gives this parable for them to understand why it’s important to forgive that way

Matthew 18:22–31 CSB

22 “I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven. 23 “For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle accounts, one who owed ten thousand talents was brought before him. 25 Since he did not have the money to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt. 26 “At this, the servant fell facedown before him and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 Then the master of that servant had compassion, released him, and forgave him the loan. 28 “That servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him, started choking him, and said, ‘Pay what you owe!’ 29 “At this, his fellow servant fell down and began begging him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ 30 But he wasn’t willing. Instead, he went and threw him into prison until he could pay what was owed. 31 When the other servants saw what had taken place, they were deeply distressed and went and reported to their master everything that had happened.

Christian Standard Bible Chapter 18

22 “I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven.

23 “For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle accounts, one who owed ten thousand talents was brought before him. 25 Since he did not have the money to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt.

26 “At this, the servant fell facedown before him and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 Then the master of that servant had compassion, released him, and forgave him the loan.

28 “That servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii., He grabbed him, started choking him, and said, ‘Pay what you owe!’

29 “At this, his fellow servant fell down and began begging him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ 30 But he wasn’t willing. Instead, he went and threw him into prison until he could pay what was owed. 31 When the other servants saw what had taken place, they were deeply distressed and went and reported to their master everything that had happened.

The guy was forgiven a substantial debt. Then wasn’t willing to forgive someone else.

What ahppned next?

Matthew 18:32–35 “32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: 33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? 34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. 35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.”

Christian Standard Bible Chapter 18

Then, after he had summoned him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Shouldn’t you also have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And because he was angry, his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured until he could pay everything that was owed. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to you unless every one of you forgives his brother or sister from your heart.”

There it is. Your heavenly father won’t forgive unless you forgive your brother.

Is my salvation dependent upon me forgiving other people? No.

So what’s up here?

First, Salvation is by grace through faith. not works.

When we trust in Jesus as our savior we are confessing that we are sinners, repenting of our sin of unbelief in God, and accepting His full forgiveness.

Just as that indebnted servant did.

When we understand that full forgiveness we have been given, we can fully forgive others. And that’s where the path to forgiveness starts

1. Remember and Appreciate your forgiveness

Do you live like God had to forgive you?

If you know anything of the Old Testment I’m sure you remember the flood? Where God destroyed everyone except Noah and his family?

DIdn’t know that? What abotu when He desdtroyed Soddohm and Gomorra except for Lot?

What about when he told Joshua to destroy all the people in the land the ISraelites occupied?

Even when the SIraelites were out of Egyp and traveling with Moses God said

Deuteronomy 9:13–14 “13 Furthermore the Lord spake unto me, saying, I have seen this people, and, behold, it is a stiffnecked people: 14 Let me alone, that I may destroy them, and blot out their name from under heaven: and I will make of thee a nation mightier and greater than they.”

God did not have to offer forgiveness to you. Yet he chose to. And not only did he choose to forgive you, he made a way for that forgiveness to be possible.

yet we often take this for granted. We forget the sacrifice made for us and the begin living entitled lives that make us the suproieme important ones of it. Remember veruca salt? She did the same thing.

When was the last time you thought of the thigns God has forgiven you of?

We use the line “but you don’t know what they did to me” I get it. I’ve heard stories from many of you and others of offenses made against you that are horrendous. Forgiveness in our lives doesn’t always result in the relationship returning to what it was but it does mean your free from the bondage that will be placed on you if you don’t forgive.

We forget our offense towards God. When we don’t trust Him as our savior we are looking at ur creator and telling HIm “I knwo better than you. I am better than you.”

How pridfeul and arrogant would we have to be to do that?

yet it’s what we do any time we choose to not obey God, even in the area of forgiveness.

Wheny ou can recall your fogriveness from God

2. Release the offender to the offended

You have to give the offender over to God.

This can mean you don’t interact with them, this could mean you are still around them and see their offenses toward God not you therefore enabling you to be cordial, kind, and loving.

This takes truly dieing to self and beliving your are more important thany ou re.

The Bible says to esteem others better than ourselves. Thies does not mean we think we are worthless.

LISTEN

It means we see our value in Christ and their value as well

John 15:5 “5 I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.”

The same is true of the other person. They cannot grow, change, or be different than they are without Christ’s work in their heart. You trying to change them won’t work.

Nations, Organziations, and people groups are usually not that suceptible to outside attacks.

Both Pearl harbor and 9/11 brought Americans together in a way that is often unrecognizable today. What the Japanese and Taliban did to our nation brought great destruction on their people because when something is attacked from the outside the immediate response is defense.

A wall goes up. If someone offends you and you tell them how to change their life…don’t expect a welcome response.

Whereas America and other groups can more easily fall apart from the inside. This is why it is so imoprtant for us to allow for God to work in peoples hearts to direct them towhere He woudl have themt o be. We can point in that direction, walk along side people as they grow, but what we can’t do is force change upon a person externally.

God says Vengance is His and I think we like that idea. God will take care of my enemies.

You know what else He can do to your enemies? Forgive them.

That’s why Jonah was so upset. He didn’t want the people who offended him by their lifestyles to be forgiven so he ran from God.

We do the same when we won’t release the offender to the one who is most offended by them and allow Him to deal witht hem as He sees fit.

Then

3. Live without bitterness

Ephesians 4:31–32 “31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Bitterness leads to wrath, anger, calmour, evil speaking…yet forgiveness and letting go of an offense leads to a tender heart. Which do you want to live with?

Resolution: Choose to love as you have been loved

God loved you enough to forgive you completely. God loved you enough to pursue a relationship with you and allow you to come to Him when your ready.

Can yu do the same with others?

Can you have forgiveness in your heart and be ready to forive someone when they are ready? Can you lvie without being offended by every little thing and realizing the one who is most offended is God and He will care for them better thany ou can?

Impact: Negative: live with bitterness and its result. Positive: Freedom

Time of response