The Process of Christian Conflict Resolution [Part 4]
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Open your bibles this morning to Matthew 18...
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
This morning we continue looking at this process of Christian Conflict resolution. We have come to step four, telling the matter to the church. Jesus says, after all of these attempt for you to go to your brother, for you to take one or two more with you, and if they still refuse to listen to you, tell it to the church…
Now, we must recognize that this step is leaving the informal relational discipline, where the matter is fairly concealed and private, and is not moving into the steps of formal discipline. For, the entire Church is involved. So, the issue becomes bigger, probably more vulnerable and uncomfortable, and more dire to the health of the body.
So what does it mean to tell it to the church? I want to give you what I see in the scriptures in 5 observations...
I. First, telling it to the church means that Church order matters.
What I mean by church order is having biblical leadership and biblical membership. Paul wrote the first three chapters of 1 Timothy and then said,
14 I hope to come to you soon, but I am writing these things to you so that, 15 if I delay, you may know how one ought to behave in the household of God, which is the church of the living God, a pillar and buttress of the truth.
There is order to the church. There is a way in which we must behave In the family of God.
This is important because if you remember we are trying at all levels, at all costs to seek reconciliation and to restore friendship. Our mission at this step, and at every step, is love! Paul begins his letter to Timothy by saying, the aim of our charge Timothy, as leaders in the church, as church ordered, as ministers of the Gospel, our aim is love.
There is order here. It would be a really bad thing for you, having gone through all of these processes, having had all of these meetings with your brother the right way, only to stand up in the middle of a worship service and tell everyone the issue. Why is that a problem? Context is one issue… Everyone might be confused without the right context. But mainly because their is no need for unbelievers, or even non church members to know. The RIGHT PEOPLE need to know. At this step, it is a household of God matter.
Secondly,
II. Telling the matter to the church means to go to your Elders first.
The Elders are to act as counselors in this situation. 1 Peter says, elders are to exercise oversight in the flock of God. They are to hear the matter, to weigh the matter, to pray, and to proceed in leading the way. This is why proper biblical eldership is so important. Because not handling a matter such as sin in the body the proper way doesn’t make matters better, but worse.
The Elders should likewise repeat the process as before. They should go to this person in sin exercising oversight and the responsibility given to them by God, as teachers, to try and bring this person under the word of God. To call them to submit to Christ for the sake of the church.
But there is a possibility that it still doesn’t work. They might willingly refuse to meet with Elders. They also might meet with elders and tell them they are wrong. So what then?
Jesus says, tell the church. In this case, if there is still lack of repentance and obstinance, the matter must progress.
Third observation,
III. Telling the matter to the church also means telling the matter to the entire membership.
The word used in Matthew 18:17 is the standard word for church in the new testament, ekklesia… it means gathering. The gathering or assembly of believers. This is one example of where we get the idea of Church membership. Now I have talked with a few of you about church membership recently, so I want to be as delicate and non domineering as I can as I talk about this. I want you to know that I am not harping to force anyone into membership, but simply want to exposit the word. However, in order to exposition the word faithfully here I must show you why church membership is biblical and detrimentally important in Christian Conflict Resolution. Which I fear those in my generation and under, we were not brought up being taught this.
We understand from the book of Acts easiest that the early church had a clear idea of who was with them and who was not. A number of times the text reads, “and so many were added to their number”…What does that mean? It means they had a record of who was added with them. Someone knew who was with them, there was even a mark of being added, right? That mark was baptism.
But in Acts chapter 6 there arose an issue. The ministry was not running as smooth as it could. In order to fix the issue the 12 apostles, verse 2, “summoned the full number of disciples”. Or the “congregation”. How would they know they had summoned the “full number”? There was a clear sign, they are added to our number. Someone knew who was with them and who was not.
This is where being a member of the church matters. Members are those who are committed to a body. They are not visitors. They are those who are committed to the ministry of the local body. Because they as Christians are a part of the body. The family, and household of God. As the church expands, this becomes even more evident in the apostles letters, but I want to share with you what I heard regrading this matter at the Founders conference this year when Emily and I attended.
Dr. Joel Beeke, a long time pastor and prolific author was asked this question during a panel of Q&A for the conference speakers,
“Why is church membership important? If I attend a church regularly for a number of years and am involved, am I not under the authority of the elders and the pastor? The body of believers is global, why do I apply for membership at one specific church? ”?
His answer helped me a lot in thinking through the importance of Church membership. He responded...
“So why do you get married? Why don’t you just live common law? You still make commitments to each other… You get married because God wants you to have a commitment base, a foundation so that when troubles come you don’t just run way. When you don’t have a commitment of membership what happens is you can quickly wonder off to another church, or go somewhere else. Very few common law marriages last a life time. When you are committed to a church, unless that church is committing spiritual heresy or doctrinal heresy or something false…
...you are committed to that church. The new testament church the people were committed to the church. Jesus himself thought in terms of the local all the time… There are seven letters to the what? Seven churches of Asia. The local church is critical in the life of the believer. You need to be receiving input from it, you need to be putting into it, you need to be involved. In a sense, don’t let me exaggerate this, in a sense you are married to a local church in terms of a commitment of your soul. Committed to a pastor, committed to Elders to pray for them and support them. You are a family, and it is good to have a commitment to your family.
Pastor Tom Ascol immediately followed up with:
Therefore, if you are not a member of a local church, and you call yourself a Christian, don’t be surprised if I am skeptical…
Beeke and Ascol make the point that membership is definitively biblical, but in our case this morning, membership is detrimentally important to Christian Conflict Resolution. Members of a church are not committed to be legislated to death by thousands of rules (If you have not read what I wrote to the church and sent out on Friday I would encourage you to pick up a copy from the back table after service...).
Members are commited to a number of things, yes, but they are the essential things: They are committed to make Jesus the center of their life, to biblical doctrine through the Holy Spirit, to living their lives as disciples following the scriptures, and to one another....
That commitment to one another deeply matters in the realm of church discipline, because…
Fourth,
IV. The purpose of telling the matter to the church is for the church to exercise their duty in admonishing a brother or sister to repentance.
Where do I get this? Straight from the Apostles teaching… Turn in your bibles with me to 2 Thessalonians chapter 3… starting in verse 13
Paul is finishing a section in Chapter 3 where he is telling the church, which might have been his strongest most mature church he wrote to, who to keep away from. In this context it is a lazy brother. One who is not willing to work. One who has no job and is mooching off the body and has become a busybody. But the principle remains the same here in conflict resolution… Look at verse 13-15....
13 As for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good. 14 If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. 15 Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.
The principle is taught to the Roman church as well, Romans 16:17
17 I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.
This is telling it to the church. Because the next step is to treat him as a gentile: as an unbeliever…Right? But not at this step. Church membership has requirements because the body as a whole need to be on in agreement with each other on terms. What is an elder, what is a member, what is our authority, what is our mission etc… The members of a church need to be submitted to the Lord Jesus, commited to the scriptures, and looking to their Elders enough to hear the warning here.
At this step, when the matter is told to the body, the congregation may no longer fellowship with this person as though nothing were wrong. We are told not to have anything to do with them… Call them a brother, yes..., we are not questioning their faith in Christ. Yet...
But we are to withdraw from them, and warn them…This is our duty…
Jay Adams gives a helpful example to put this in to perspective.
Handbook of Church Discipline: A Right and Privilege of Every Church Member (How Does It Work?)
It means that if John calls Bill (the same john who is under church discipline) and suggests that they play a round of golf on Monday, Bill will reply by saying something like this: “John, there’s nothing I’d rather do. But there is a problem. You are under the discipline of the church and have not repented. I would be happy to spend that time with you on Monday talking about the problem instead.”
In fact, if we take Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 5 into account, those who are in unrepentant sin are not to be eaten with, meaning church members are not to fellowship with them. And truthfully they are to be kept from partaking the Lord’s supper. So, church order again has importance because those who serve communion should have been told if they need to specifically refuse anyone communion.
I hope that you do not hear this as unloving or legalistic… This is the word of God. All of this is done in the motivation of love. Which leads me to my last observation.
V. Telling it to the church displays the serious threat of sin in our body.
One commentator puts it this way,
1, 2 Thessalonians 3. Commands to the Church (3:13–15)
The punishment was not intended to alienate the person and make him an enemy of the church but to make the person aware of the wrongness of his actions by demonstrating the church’s unanimous condemnation of his behavior. One who had been “shamed” successfully would have realized the error of his own position and come to respect the truth of the criticism leveled against him
Paul says similarly about elders in blatant unrepentant sin,
20 As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear.
My friends, as I close I want to ask you, do you take sin seriously enough?
Jesus once said,
43 And if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than with two hands to go to hell, to the unquenchable fire. 45 And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life lame than with two feet to be thrown into hell. 47 And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into hell, 48 ‘where their worm does not die and the fire is not quenched.’
This process puts on a public display of how serious sin is in the eyes of God.
Paul says in 1 Corinthians 11:30 That sin not dealt with in the church is the reason that many of them are weak and ill and some have even died…
Sin is serious enough that He sent his son to die for it! He sent his son that we might confess our sin, be forgiven and purified. To find victory over sin, rather than to keep sinning… If christ has died for your sin, to pay for it, to cleanse you, why then would we not be actively seeking to remove it from our lives?
13 Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.
The mercy of God awaits you. Let not your heart conceal your sin. Do not justify it. Do not run from it. Take full responsibility for it and take it to the one who can wash it clean. The only one who can purify you through the blood of the cross. God gives us Gospel hope through the prophet Isaiah
18 “Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool. 19 If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land; 20 but if you refuse and rebel, you shall be eaten by the sword; for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”