The Undistracted Widow - Chapter 10

Introduction

We are in chapter 10 of our textbook.

Today’s Subject: Managing Your Emotions

Key Verse:

Colossians 3:2–4 KJV 1900

2 Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. 3 For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.

Right Thinking Produces Right Feelings

Our author begins by reminding us that we are indeed NOT robots. The fact that God made us in His images speaks to the reality that we are emotional beings just He is. The only difference is He is holy and righteous, we are not. As she noted...

“The problem comes in when we do not manage our emotions so that God is glorified and our lives are enriched.”

She is correct to note that emotions are great indicators of our situation and our relationship to God. She goes to quote Jerry Bridges who states, “Our emotions MUST BE SUBSERVIENT to the truth.” I might clarify the truth of God’s Word.

“The great truths of Scripture helps us to know God better and will provide a rock on which to base our thinking.”

Thus, it is extremely important that we spend as much time in God’s Word as possible. It is equally important that we fill our minds with God’s Word through memorization. She gives the example of another widow who testifies to the importance of our emotions being subservient to the truth of Scripture. She then states goes on to talk about how many widow, after losing their spouse, are devastated, despairing, and complaining toward God. Her point is that we must be careful and must gain control over our emotions. We can do so when we are grounded in the principles of God’s Word and return to depending on Him to think rightly about our circumstances.

Two Separate Worlds

She starts this section with an interesting topic usually related to widows and widowers. She says there are many widows who talk to their deceased husbands and write letters to them. She continues by stating...

“I cannot find endorsement in the Scriptures for talking to the dead....the Scriptures do not endorse this practice even if we think of the deceased as still alive and living in heaven.”

I completely concur with her assessment. If anything, we find in the Old Testament a strong sense of God forbidding His people to talking to the dead. In particular, my mind goes back to when King Saul sought an audience with a witch who was involved in divination and spiritism. It was practice forbidden by Saul and by God.

She goes to address those who might say there is no harm in taking such actions.

“My objection is that besides denying reality, it inhibits the ongoing growth of a warm, vibrant, and precious relationship with the Lord.”

Instead, we must do as she advises and fill our hearts and minds with thoughts of the Lord. By the way, the longer you dwell on the person you lost by talking to them and writing them notes the longer it will take for you get your emotions under control. Are we not to be filled with the Spirit and not with our emotions? I believe that a solid case can be made that when we allow our emotions to rule and reign we are in sin.

James 4:17 KJV 1900

17 Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.

Toward an Orderly Mind

She gives two key verses for this point.

Colossians 3:1–3 KJV 1900

1 If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. 2 Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. 3 For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.

Isaiah 26:3 KJV 1900

3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on thee: Because he trusteth in thee.

She lists some ways that you, as a widow, can bring order to all the chaos of a grieving mind.

Pray and ask God to help you direct your thoughts for His honor and your good.

Identify what you are feeling.

Label that feeling correctly.

Explore your thoughts to see how they engendered those feelings.

Identify what beliefs you hold that led to those thoughts.

Compare those beliefs to the truths of Scripture.

Rid yourself of wrong beliefs through confession, repentance, and accepting Biblical truth. (I would add committing to obedience.)

Coach yourself to think on the things that are true according to the Bible.

Monitor what feelings follow your new beliefs and thoughts.

Her idea of charting your feelings is a great idea and one that I often encourage when I am counseling someone. In fact, I have included with your notes a chart that I use.

Explain Chart.

Philippians 4:8 KJV 1900

8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Depression

Feeling depressed is not a new phenomenon, since symptoms that are now defined as “depression” sometimes characterized people of the Bible. God’s Word not only helps you face this problem but also shows you how to be an overwhelming conqueror even in the midst of feeling depressed (based on Psalm 19:7-14, 119:165; Proverbs 16:25; 1 Corinthians 1:25, 3:18-20, 10:13; 2 Timothy 3:16-17; 2 Peter 1:2-10; 1 John 5:4-5).

What is “depression?”

Many defined “depression” as a condition marked by feelings of dejection and/or guilt. The result of hopelessness and cessation of activity. Often classified as a “disease” by some in the medical profession, depression is often thought to be the most prominent disorder presently observed in general medical practice. However, in spite of the prevalence of “depression,” medical science admits that the causes of depression are largely unknown.

In Scripture, feelings associated with being depressed are described as having a fallen countenance (Genesis 4:7), having a broken spirit (Proverbs 17:22, 18:14), being sad (Proverbs 15:13), experiencing despair (Psalm 42:11), being broken hearted (Psalm 147:3), being burdened by the weight of sin (Psalm 38:4), mourning (Psalm 38:6), having grief (Psalm 119:28), or losing heart (becoming faint or weary) (Ephesians 3:13; Hebrews 12:3).

David described many of the symptoms and feelings of “being depressed” in Psalm 38 by saying...

Psalm 38:3–17 KJV 1900

3 There is no soundness in my flesh because of thine anger; Neither is there any rest in my bones because of my sin. 4 For mine iniquities are gone over mine head: As an heavy burden they are too heavy for me. 5 My wounds stink and are corrupt Because of my foolishness. 6 I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long. 7 For my loins are filled with a loathsome disease: And there is no soundness in my flesh. 8 I am feeble and sore broken: I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart. 9 Lord, all my desire is before thee; And my groaning is not hid from thee. 10 My heart panteth, my strength faileth me: As for the light of mine eyes, it also is gone from me. 11 My lovers and my friends stand aloof from my sore; And my kinsmen stand afar off. 12 They also that seek after my life lay snares for me: And they that seek my hurt speak mischievous things, And imagine deceits all the day long. 13 But I, as a deaf man, heard not; And I was as a dumb man that openeth not his mouth. 14 Thus I was as a man that heareth not, And in whose mouth are no reproofs. 15 For in thee, O Lord, do I hope: Thou wilt hear, O Lord my God. 16 For I said, Hear me, lest otherwise they should rejoice over me: When my foot slippeth, they magnify themselves against me. 17 For I am ready to halt, And my sorrow is continually before me.

Who can experience feelings of depression?

No one is completely immune to the feelings of depression (based on 1 Corinthians 10:12-13). People in Scripture also experienced what would today be classified as “depression.” As you will see in the following examples, the precipitating factor was a self-focus that led to sin, which then led to “depression.”

Elijah reacted to Jezebel’s threats by fearing for his own life, giving in to despair and fleeing, even after a great victory (1 Kings 19:1-4);

David committed sin, failed to repent, and then lost hope (Psalm 38);

Jonah, displeased at the workings of God’s sovereignty, became angry with God, which resulted in his wanting to die (Jonah 4:1-11);

Peter denied the Lord by lying and cursing, which led him to weep bitterly (Matthew 26:69-75); and

Judas betrayed Jesus and then felt remorse. After throwing the thirty pieces of silver into the sanctuary, he committed suicide by hanging himself (Matthew 27:1-5).

Since you may experience “depression” as a result of sinning, examples from Scripture are recorded for your instruction so you will persevere (be obedient to God’s Word) and receive hope (based on Romans 15:4).

What are possible factors that may lead to “depression?”

Any number of factors can contribute to your “being depressed.” There are numerous physical factors that do not involve sin. However, you must guard against having unbiblical responses in the midst of physical problems. While the following list is not exhaustive, it indicates the importance of conducting a careful and Biblical self-examination to determine what changes the Lord wants you to make in your life (Proverbs 11:14, 18:13; Isaiah 55:8-11; Matthew 7:1-5; 1 Corinthians 11:31; Philippians 4:6-7; James 1:5, 22-25).

Physical Factors

Sickness, childbirth, surgery and the recovery process, hormonal or chemical imbalances, organic dysfunctions, sleep loss, unhealthy diet, fatigue, menstrual cycle phenomena, or physical maladies (i.e., hypoglycemia, diabetes, glandular dysfunction)

NOTE: It is important that a medical diagnosis be made by a primary care physician and medical supervision be maintained with some of these conditions. At the same time, however, you must make Biblical changes in your life so that you can learn to live Biblically in the midst of physical need and medical treatment. Remember, God is sovereign and will never allow a physical problem to come into your life that would make it impossible for you to be obedient to His Word.

Unbiblical Responses to Life Situations

Physical “handicaps” (i.e., paralysis, loss of limb, blindness, deafness), job loss, divorce, death of a loved one, loss of a relationship, financial difficulties, accidents, interpersonal conflicts, children leaving home at maturity, retirement, persecution, perceived crises, traumas, or medical treatment for yourself or your loved ones.

Lack of Biblical Obedience

Eating disorders, overwork, insufficient rest, improper sleep habits, substance abuse (drugs, alcohol, prescribed medications), lack of exercise, failing to complete responsibilities (such as housework, yard care, assignments at work, care of children), lack of devotions, unfaithful prayer life, refusing to forgive others or be restored in personal relationships, lack of fellowship with fellow believers, failure to minister as part of Christ’s body, or failure to confess sins to the Lord and to others in a faithful manner.

Unbiblical Thoughts & Thought Patterns

Bitterness, worry, anxiety, envy, jealousy, self-pity, a spirit of unforgiveness, impatience, procrastination, lustful thoughts, holding grudges, prideful thinking, anger, or esteeming yourself above others.

Any of the above contributing factors that are not dealt with in a Biblical manner may tempt you to continue in a “downward spiral,” which can result in feelings of depression.

What is the Biblical perspective on factors contributing to “depression?”

Physical Factors

God as fearfully and wonderfully made your body (Psalm 139:14). As a believer, you have been redeemed with a price and are to exalt Christ and glorify God in your body (1 Corinthians 6:20; Philippians 1:20). Proper care of your body is essential in accomplishing this goal. You are to present your body as a living and holy sacrifice to God, which is your spiritual service of worship (Romans 12:1).

Since some physical conditions (for example, hormonal imbalance or organic and glandular dysfunctions) may contribute to your feeling depressed, it is important that a medical diagnosis be made and proper care be maintained whenever this type of condition is present or suspected. However, you are still responsible to respond Biblically in any difficulty regardless of your feelings (such as Jeremiah did in Lamentations 3:31-32, 38-40; or as the Apostle Paul did in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10).

In the midst of physical difficulties, as you seek to be responsible (which includes seeking appropriate medical help) and are practicing Biblical love in all your relationships, you will please God and will receive His strength and loving care (based on Genesis 4:7; Psalm 34:19; 37:23-24; 119:143; 147:3, 6; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10; Philippians 2:3-8; 4:13, 19; James 1:25).

All Other Factors

All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). God has started and will complete His work in you (Philippians 1:6), so trust Him (Proverbs 3:5-6), because He intends for you to be conformed to the image of His Son (Romans 8:29). He uses the trials of life to accomplish that purpose (Romans 5:3-5; James 1:2-4) and to prove the reality of your faith (1 Peter 1:6-7).

No matter what may occur in your life, your loving obedience to God’s Word (John 14:15) give you an opportunity to die to self in order that you may live for Christ (Luke 9:23-24; Galatians 2:20). God has promised to take care of all your needs as you seek first His kingdom and righteousness (Matthew 6:33), by keeping your eyes firmly fixed on Jesus Christ (Hebrews 12:1-2) and following His steps (Matthew 11:29; John 13:12-17; 1 Peter 2:21-25).

NOTE: God’s Word never commands you to change your feelings, but you are commanded to change your deeds (thoughts, words, and actions) by being obedient to Scripture. God’s commands are not burdensome (1 John 3:5). Your obedience to Gods’ Word is based on your love for the Lord Jesus Christ instead of the unpredictability of your feelings (based on John 14:21, 23; 2 Corinthians 5:14-15; Galatians 5:16-17; 1 John 5:3).

Biblical self-evaluation is necessary in every area of your life (Matthew 7:1-5; 1 Corinthians 11:31), which includes your actions (Matthew 7:24-27; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8), your relationships with others (Ephesians 5:21; Philippians 2:3-4), your words (Matthew 12:36-37; Ephesians 4:29; Colossians 4:6), and your thought life (2 Corinthians 10:5; Colossians 3:2). As you obey God’s Word in all areas of your life, you will receive the Lord’s blessing (James 1:25). If you are not obedient to God’s Word, you will receive the Lord’s corrective discipline (1 Corinthians 11:32; Hebrews 12:5-11). Particular attention needs to be given to:

Regular confession of sins to the Lord (1 John 1:9) and, at the appropriate time, to those against whom you have sinned (James 5:16);

Faithfulness in prayer (Colossians 4:2; 1 Thessalonians 5:17);

Diligence in the study of (2 Timothy 2:15), meditation on (Joshua 1:8; Psalm 1:2), and memorization of God’s Word (Psalm 119:11, 16);

Fellowship with other brothers and sisters in Christ (Hebrews 10:23-25); and

Consistent ministry as a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ (1 Peter 4:10).