Discipline: Shaping the Heart vs. Changing Behavior

The Centrality of the Heart

Proverbs 4:23 NIV

23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Luke 6:45 NIV

45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

Matthew 23:25–27 NIV

25 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. 26 Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. 27 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.

James 4:1–2 NIV

1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.

What kinds of tools do we use that emphasize the behavior over the heart?

What’s happening in the heart?

Understand the difference between childishness and sinfulness.

Understand the difference between the “what,” “when,” and “why” of sin.

Illustration: Responding to a bike not being put away.

What: Anger

When (not why): When you see the bike

Why:

Fear of man – “the neighbors will think we’re slobs”

Greed – “someone will steel the bike I spent good money on”

Comfort – “I can’t park in my ‘spot’

This requires

Know your child

Patient correction

Identify actions and attitudes the Bible calls “sin.”

Revenge

Fear of man

Pride

Covetousness

Anger

Rebellion

Selfishness

Hatred

Where does behavior fit with these actions and attitudes?

What godly actions and attitudes should replace these sinful attitudes?

Our Responsibility to Shape the Heart

Hebrews 3:12–13 NIV

12 See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. 13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

Galatians 6:1 NIV

1 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.

Roles of a parent

Default (and necessary)

Make rules (legislator)

Correct (cop)

Punish (warden)

Don’t stop there:

Encouragement

Rebuke

Entreaty

Instruction

Warning

Prayer