Mourning & Blessing: Theology of Mourning a Loss

Introduction

I was asked to come to a panel discussion at the Nelson Hospice Society. At the panel we would discuss some of the sacred rituals and ordinances surrounding death and dying. Beside me was a Jewish woman, a man that claimed to be a Tibetan buddhist, tho he was white?, another woman that was a spiritual medium and crystal worshiper and another person that a universalist/atheist.

This was an eclectic group of spiritual practitioners facing a group of trainees and health professionals that wanted to know how to act or react to those in care that were dying or had died.

What does the religion require?

What is the process for grief?

What are the rituals?

Well, I felt pretty close to my partner the Jewish woman. She began to teach. I remembered something that I remembered for today. The sitting of the shiva. She started to paint the picture from the moment the person dies where the body is never left alone.

Shiva is derived from the word sheva, which means seven, signifying the seven days of mourning.

It is a time referred to as – “sitting shiva” and its primary purpose is to provide a time for spiritual and emotional healing, where mourners join together.

A person sits shiva for a parent, spouse, sibling or child. Shabbat is considered part of the shiva period and does not end the mourning.

Traditionally, shiva is held in the home of the person deceased because it is believed that is where the spirit of this person will continue to dwell and where memories have occurred.

Shiva focuses on the mourners and is when family and friends come to comfort them.A memorial candle is lit, because in Jewish tradition it is believed that a person’s soul is like a flame that brings light into others lives.

The people sitting shiva sit on low benches as a sign of mourning.

During shiva, a mourner is expected to ignore their own physical beauty.

Mirrors are covered to remind the mourners that shiva is a reflection of loneliness and not about social acceptance.

Shoes are removed.

WOW, I thought, all these rituals and ordinances. Some if not all of them have intentionality and meaning. I actually think we can learn from this Jewish woman. There was something powerful about this process.

It came to others to talk and their stories varied to what the deceased wanted. There was little to no care for the mourners and how they were to be cared for.

My turn, it was my turn to tell the whole room about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. That in an instant when we are absent from the body we are present with the LORD.

2 Corinthians 5:8 “8 Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.” That like the thief on the cross, some can come to saving grace thru faith at their death bed.

Luke 23:39–43“39 One of the criminals who were hanged railed at him, saying, “Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!” 40 But the other rebuked him, saying, “Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? 41 And we indeed justly, for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong.” 42 And he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” 43 And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise.”” “43 And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise.

I began to tell them that Purgatory was a made up place by rich land owners and church leaders to control people and their money by giving people false hope about their loved ones and their eternal destiny. Never fully grieving as they were trapped in a middle spiritual space between heaven and hell.

I talked that God is a God of all comfort. That sadly, if you died alone, you were never ever alone as God was with you always.

2 Corinthians 1:3–5 ESV

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.

Text

Matthew 5:4 ESV

4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

This Kingdom “map” that Jesus unpacks here on the mountainside becomes yet again colorised with a new but redone mandate to something that God has always done.

Jehovah always comforts those that mourn…

Isaiah 61:2 “2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn;”

Mourning a Loss

When we experience a loss, it might be something that we might predict like cancer or debilitating disease like blindness

STORYLINE

Friend of mine was a youth pastor and over time had developed a progressive degeneration of his eyes to the point he knew that he would become legally blind in over a year.

or a traumatic loss such as a car crash or being laid off at your work.

STORYLINE

Couple was travelling home and the boom of a combine harvester had accidentally sung into the lane of the highway as the combine had been parked off on the shoulder. This couple hit and instantly perished there on the roadside.

What if the loss is something different?

Loss of Memory due to Dementia and Alzheimer's Disease

Loss of marriage due to divorce or death (widow)

Loss of family due to death or estrangement

Leaving home

Illness/loss of health

Death of a pet

Change of job

Moving to a new home

Graduation from school

Loss of a physical ability

Loss of financial security

Loss of relationship because people have moved away or you had to move away.

STORYLINE:

I had to leave my youth pastor role at a church and found myself at a “Blue Christmas” Service balling my eyes out because I didn't realise it but I wasn't okay and that I was mourning the sudden loss of all my youth that I had spent 5 years discipling and being together.

My new church gathered around me and heard my stories and celebrated all their achievements and it gave me a time to heal and forgive the church that had hurt me.

Mourning the Suffering Around Us

“Christianity is caring. This beatitude does mean: Blessed is the man who cares intensely for the sufferings. and for the sorrows, and for the needs of others.” - William Barclay

This connects to us as Followers of Jesus, for he has given all of us the empathy and compassion for others made in His image.

He has given all of us the ability to feel others pain and others grief.

God has placed in all of the divine tools to go into places like a “shiva” and listen to one that mourns a loss loved one.

God has given us the ability to respond with flowers when we hear of someone has lost a sister.

When we watch the news and see suffering, we compassionately want to “do” something. We want to comfort those that are suffering.

When we act, when we care, when we pray and move as God moves we too are reciprocally Blessed.

Mourn our Sins

Lastly, the writer remarks about our spiritual state. William Barclay again reminds us:

“Christianity begins with a sense of sin. Blessed is the man who is intensely sorry for his sin, the man who is heart-broken for what his sin has done to God and to Jesus Christ, the man who sees the Cross and who is appalled by the havoc wrought by sin.”

As we approach Holy Week leading up to Good Friday, we can begin this transformative reflection of what our sin has done.

Sin separates always. Sin is death.

Death to relationship with Father, Son and Spirit.

Many a time have I had conversations with people that have walked away from their relationship with God and when they do the “heart-work” and repent, they really begin to feel the loss and the grief it has on the Holy Spirit.

In an instant they are forgiven but in some cases, tears flow from the totality of loss it has taken out on them and others.

Experience Jesus

We have talked a lot about loss and mourning.

There are those that need to do some heart work?

Mourning the loss

Mourning the lostness of the world

Mourning our sin

Open up the altar for those that are in need of a fresh powerful encounter with Jesus.