Men & Women in the Family

Lead Vocalist (Joel)

Welcome & Announcements (Jason)

Good morning family!

Ask guests to fill out connect card

3 announcements:

1) Baby Bottles

Due back today!

2) Members Meeting

February 25 at 5:30

Please bring a soup, chili, or dessert to share. The Hospitality team will supply drinks and crackers.

3) Baptism Sunday

March 3

Please talk with an elder ASAP if you’re interested

Now please take a moment of silence to prepare your heart for worship.

Call to Worship (Psalm 63:1-4)

Prayer of Praise (Mendi Keatts)

Lovingkindness

The Love of God

Prayer of Confession (Josh Winchell), Failures in parenting

Assurance of Pardon (Romans 5:1)

How Deep the Father's Love For Us

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Scripture Reading (Ephesians 6:1-4)

You can find it on page _________ in the black Bibles

Pastoral Prayer (Jason)

SERMON

START TIMER!!!

It's possible to say something that's technically true, but not very helpful.

Consider the story of a Russian rocket that was launched last August. For the first time in nearly 50 years, Russia was attempting another moon landing. In 1976, when Russia last landed on the moon with a rocket named Luna 24, the Soviet Union was in an intense "space race" against the United States. Now, with the ongoing war between Russia and Ukraine, the tensions between the U.S. and Russia are high yet again. So perhaps for the Russian people the opportunity to land on the moon again with a rocket named Luna 25 represented a great opportunity for national pride. But it was not to be.

The official report from the Russian government--and I'm not making this up--was that Luna 25 "ceased to exist."

Perhaps they were taking a cue from Elon Musk, who said in April 2023 after a similar fiasco that his rocket had a “rapid unscheduled disassembly.”

Now that is technically true, but it's not very helpful. It doesn't really tell you much. It doesn't tell you the reason that Luna 25 "stopped existing."

The full story is that Luna 25 crashed into the moon after a technical glitch. Since the crash, NASA has released photographic evidence of a new crater on the moon. [1]

There's an important lesson we can learn from the Luna 25 debacle. We should speak in a way that is not just technically true, but actually helpful.

For example, consider the ways we often talk about men and women in parenting.

Far too often we talk about parenting in ways that are technically true, but not very helpful.

We tend to talk about parenting in a generic sense. Parents do this, parents do that.

What we often fail to do is talk about mothering and fathering. We often fail to explain that moms and dads are not interchangeable. That we are different, and therefore parenting as a mom and a dad is a different thing.

As author and social commentator Ryan Anderson says, “There is no such thing as “parenting.” There is mothering, and there is fathering—children do best with both.” [2]

Or, as David Popenoe, a professor of Sociology at Rutgers University says, "We should disavow the notion that 'mommies can make good daddies,' just as we should disavow the popular notion . . . that 'daddies can make good mommies.' . . . The two sexes are different to the core, and each is necessary--culturally and biologically--for the optimal development of a human being." [3]

If we’re going to talk about parenting in a way that is both true and helpful, we need to talk about what it means to be a man or a woman in the family.

Turn in your Bibles to Ephesians 6.

Last week we examined Paul’s words to husbands and wives in Ephesians 5. We said that because men and women are equal and different, we have different roles and responsibilities in marriage.

Today we’re going to remain in Ephesians, but this time we’ll consider what manhood and womanhood looks like in the family.

The Big Idea I hope to explain from God’s Word is that because men and women are equal and different, moms and dads are both equal and different.

We’ll do that by examining...

How dads and moms are the same, and

How dads and moms are different.

Before we begin, let me say a word to those of you who find yourselves in exceptional circumstances.

Some of you have lost children, or are unable to have children, so this topic is exceptionally painful.

Some of you are single moms or single dads.

Some of you are married, but your spouse is not a follower of Jesus, so in some ways you’re functioning kind of like a single parent.

Others grew up without a mom or a dad, or with a bad mom or dad, so this topic is painful.

The very first line of Leo Tolstoy’s novel Anna Karenina says, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

We cannot possibly address all the ways that families have been unhappily broken by sin and suffering.

But we can hold up for you God’s good design for a happy family, where children are raised by a mom and a dad who are united in the covenant of marriage.

And we can tell you that no matter how your family has been broken, there’s a place for you at the foot of the cross and here at PBC.

Let’s consider first...

1) How Dads and Moms are THE SAME.

Consider with me two main ways moms and dads are the same:

A) Both Have AUTHORITY

Ephesians 6:1—Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Unlike the authority a husband has over his wife, parents have what Jonathan Leeman calls authority of command. [4]

Unlike husbands, parents have the authority to enforce obedience, using what the Bible calls “the rod”.

We don’t have time to take a deep dive into what the Bible teaches about discipline this morning. But moms and dads you do need to understand the Bible expects you to exercise authority over your children.

Your kids are not in charge. You are in charge. God has given you authority over your children.

Show me a spoiled and unhappy child and I’ll show you a mom and dad who have abdicated their role as authorities in the home.

Parents, it is selfish and unloving to refuse to exercise gentle but firm authority over your children.

That does not mean, parents, that you have absolute and unquestioned authority over your kids.

In his book, Leeman gives the following helpful thought experiment:

Who has final authority over a child, the parents or the government? Most of us would quickly answer, the parents.

But what if the parents are abusing the child? Most of us would agree at that point the state has authority to intervene.

But what if the state says, “You must affirm your child’s chosen gender.” Again, most of us would say the parents have the right to resist this intrusion of state authority.

The point is, all earthly authority is in some sense relative. [5]

Moms and dads, you both have authority over your children but it is not unlimited or unquestioned authority. You must exercise your authority in submission to the state, your church (if you’re a member), and ultimately your Creator.

But the key point here is that this authority is equally given to both moms and dads.

Which means both moms and dads should be teaching their children.

Proverbs 1:8—Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.

And both moms and dads should be exercising gentle but firm discipline over their children.

Proverbs 29:15—The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

Proverbs 15:5—A fool despises his father’s instruction [that word “instruction” can also be translated “discipline”], but whoever heeds reproof is prudent.

Kids, this means you need to obey both mom and dad.

Dads and moms: this means you have a responsibility to lead your children. And it is in your best interest to support each other’s authority. Don’t allow your children to undermine your spouse.

Both moms and dads have authority, and also...

B) Both Deserve HONOR

Ephesians 6:2–3—“Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.

This is pretty straightforward, but because both moms and dads have authority both moms and dads deserve honor from their children.

Just as a wife must respect her husband because the office he holds as head, children must respect their parents because of the office they hold as parents.

Kids, this means you need to honor both mom and dad. You need to respect them in how you talk to them and about them.

Moms and Dads: As your kids get older they will be more tempted to disrespect you. Do not allow this. Fight to ensure that both mom and dad are honored in the home.

Because men and women are equal and different, moms and dads are both equal and different.

We’ve seen how dads and moms are the same, let’s now consider...

2) How Dads and Moms are DIFFERENT.

Although we know instinctively this is true, we live in a culture increasingly afraid to say that out loud.

We especially don’t want to talk about how moms and dads are different.

But the Bible clearly teaches moms and dads are not interchangeable.

Using verse 4 as a launching pad, let’s consider five ways moms and dads are different...

A) Dads are the Primary PACESETTERS for the Home.

You’ve heard the old saying, “Happy wife, happy life.” Or, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” While there’s a measure of truth in those statements, the truth is it’s men who are the primary pacesetters in the home.

This is a natural implication of the truth about male headship we discussed last week.

Because he is the head of the wife, he is also the head of the home.

And as head of the home, it is fathers who are primarily responsible for the culture of the home.

Ephesians 6:4a—Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. . .

What does Paul mean? If he’s talking about parents picking on their children, he wouldn’t be addressing fathers.

Some of your homes are like mine where the mom is the primary teaser.

But Paul isn’t talking about teasing. He’s talking about a culture in the home that angers and discourages your children.

We get a glimpse of this by looking at the complementary passage in...

Colossians 3:21—Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Here the provoking doesn’t cause short-term anger, but long-term discouragement. Which suggests Paul has in mind the culture of the home.

Our homes can have a culture which leads our children to anger, resentment, discouragement, and despair.

And dads, it is up to you to establish the right kind of culture in the home! The way you exercise authority will either provoke your children or propel them. You will either tear them down or build them up.

Dads, what kind of pace are you setting in your home?

Are you abusing your authority by resorting to physical violence in the home?

I’m not talking about controlled discipline of a young child.

I’m talking about things like slapping your children, disciplining them in anger, yelling at them, calling them names, or publicly humiliating them.

Dads, if you are you need to repent. Moms, kids, you do not need to cover over dad’s sin in this area. Talk to someone if dad is mistreating you and we will help you however we can.

Are you provoking your children by playing favorites?

Are you provoking your children by being unnecessarily stern?

Do you say "no" more than you have to?

Dads, how often do you have fun with your kids?

Are you provoking your children by being too rigid?

As your children grow, do you give them opportunities to appeal your decisions, or are your commands never allowed to be questioned?

Do you give your children whiplash by demanding they quickly change gears on a moment’s notice, or do you graciously warn them with something like a “five-minute warning” so they have time to adapt and follow your instructions?

Are you provoking your children by being too lenient?

Many parents are far too lenient with their young children, only to clamp down when their teenager turns rebellious. In reality we should do the opposite. We clamp down and establish clear authority when our children are young, then slowly give them more freedom as they mature and grow in responsibility and trustworthiness.

Are you provoking your children by being inconsistent?

Do you act one way at church and another way at home?

Do you interact with different kids in different ways?

Are you provoking your children by never admitting your sin and mistakes?

You help your children follow your authority when you show them you are under authority.

When God’s Word corrects you, do you confess to your children?

That may be the first and most important way you respond to this sermon today.

Dads: you have an outsized responsibility to set the pace in your home. The ecosystem of your home will either be helped or hurt by your presence. How are you doing, dads?

Moms: are you supporting your husband in his role as leader?

Do you encourage him when he does well?

Do you remind him when he neglects to set a God-honoring pace for your family?

Dads and moms are different because dads are the primary pacesetters for the home.

Also...

B) Dads are the Primary PASTORS in the Home.

Jonathan Edwards once said, “Every Christian family ought to be as it were a little church.”

And the pastor, or the spiritual leader, in the home is supposed to be the father.

That’s the clear implication of what Paul says next...

Ephesians 6:4b—. . . but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

What does it mean to lead my family in the discipline and instruction of the Lord?

Let me suggest at least three activities. This is not an exhaustive list, but it’s a good place to start.

Dads, YOU MUST LEAD IN CORPORATE WORSHIP

You’re the one who is looking at your family’s involvement and leading them to be more involved if that’s an issue. Your wife is not more involved in the life of the church than you are.

Whether you like it or not, you are setting an example of how your children will think about the church. You are teaching them a theology of the church by your life.

You’re also leading your family how to respond to corporate worship. You’re singing loudly when we sing, praying fervently when we pray, listening attentively to the sermon. You are modeling for your wife and family what meaningful worship looks like.

Dads, if your church involvement is poor you may only be shooting yourself in the foot, but as Kevin DeYoung writes, you’re shooting your children in the leg and your grandchildren in the heart. [6]

Dads, YOU MUST LEAD IN FAMILY WORSHIP

These weekly gatherings are essential, but they are not sufficient.

Husbands, being a spiritual leader means you lead your family in some time of family worship at home.

Donald Whitney—“Consistent, father-led family worship is one of the best, steadiest, and most easily measurable ways to bring up children in the Lord’s ‘discipline and instruction.’” [7]

And if you want help on why and how to do this well, consider buying Whitney’s book Family Worship in the bookstall. Better yet, get a group of men and read and discuss it together.

At the very least family worship should include some time in prayer and reading a Bible story.

Families with young kids, we just released a resource this week on the PBC Kids Youtube channel with one example of how that can look.

Dads, YOU MUST LEAD IN PERSONAL WORSHIP

Family worship is important, but so is your personal time with the Lord.

Dads, you should be modeling for your family what that looks like.

And you should ask your children regularly how they’re doing.

If you make your children brush their teeth or do their homework, you should also make your children spend time in God’s Word once they’re able to do so.

Moms, if your husbands won’t do this than you do it! It is better for your children to be taught God’s Word than not at all!

But dads, one way you’re called to be different is by being the primary pastor in the home.

Also...

C) Dads are the Primary PROVIDERS for the Home.

I did not say dads are the sole providers. Many of you women work hard to help provide for your families. There can be much good in that.

But I believe, as a general rule, men are expected to be the primary providers in the home.

We catch a glimpse of that by looking again at...

Ephesians 6:4b—. . . but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

That word “bring them up” is used only one other time in the Greek New Testament. It’s the word translated “nourishes” in Ephesians 5:29.

It literally means to provide, to nourish, or to feed.

Andreas Köstenberger says "The term ‘bring up’ . . . conveys the sense of rearing children to maturity, which includes, but is not limited to, providing for their physical and psychological needs.” [8]

This idea of men providing for their families is one of the ways men and women are called to be different.

1 Timothy 5:8—But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Just as the head takes in food that nourishes the entire body, the head of the household is called to provide for his family.

Men, are you providing for your wife and children? When there’s more month than money, who is the one who’s going to sacrifice to make sure you make ends meet?

I have a very vivid memory about when this truth hit home for me.

Holly was pregnant with our oldest child, and I was cutting the grass at our home in Memphis, Tennessee.

At this point in my life I was fairly against the idea of a mom staying home to care for her children.

Growing up I had seen this principle abused by many woman who stayed at home and barely did anything.

In many large families in my church it was quite common for a mom to assign much of the work around the house to the kids, leaving her plenty of time to do whatever she wanted.

So my intent was for Holly to continue working after our son was born.

Until that day when I listened to a sermon by John MacArthur on Titus 2 while I cut the grass.

Listen to the passage he was preaching:

Titus 2:3–5—Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

In that sermon, I heard for the first time what it truly meant for a wife and mother to be a worker at home.

This wasn’t about a lady staying at home doing nothing, but investing her time and energies and strength and beauty in the high and holy calling of caring for the home.

I still remember the exact moment when my glowing, pregnant wife stepped out onto the porch with a glass of ice water. I turned off the lawnmower, gave her a big sweaty hug, and told her about the sermon I just had listened to.

I then told her my desire to work as hard as I needed to in order to ensure her ability to remain home and care for our kids.

Holly, who is both smarter and more skilled than I am, was not angered by any of this. She was overjoyed! This was what she wanted more than anything!

And through the years I have worked two, sometimes, three jobs to honor that commitment to her. I have devoted my energies to providing for our family, and she has devoted her life and energies to caring for our home.

Perhaps you’re hearing all this and wondering, are you saying a woman can’t work outside the home?

Absolutely not! If you read a passage like Proverbs 31 you’ll find a picture of a woman who is hard at work doing all sorts of things.

She’s buying and selling merchandise, she’s involved in real estate, she’s caring for the poor in her community, and seems to be working tirelessly to supplement her husband’s income.

Even Titus 2:5 doesn’t say a woman only works at home. It simply says she does work at home.

There is no rule that a woman cannot work outside the home. Some women must work outside the home because there is no man who is physically able to help. Other women work outside the home to help make ends meet. Other women have careers they’re passionate about, or incredible skills that enable them to be a blessing to their families through their work outside the home.

Not every family has to make the same decisions Holly and I made, but every family needs to do what they can to organize their lives so mom is able to care for the home.

In that sermon I mentioned earlier, John MacArthur said this: “The point is not so much that a woman’s place is in the home as that her responsibility is for the home.” [9]

Or as Rosaria Butterfield writes, “A helpmate is not a doormat. She is smart and strong and knows how to think and advise her husband when called upon. While she may also have a job or career that contributes to the household, being a helpmate means that the husband’s vocation comes first.” [10]

Ladies, if you’re in a career field that regularly keeps you away from the home, obeying Titus 2:5 may not be impossible, but it could be very difficult.

And yet I would encourage you not to make rash decisions. Talk with your husband, seek counsel from other believers and pastors, and pray.

Men: I don’t think this necessarily means you have to make more money than your wife. This is more about input than output. Your primary domain is to work to provide, and hers is to care for the home.

She may have a wonderful career that enables her to make more money than you even though you work twice as hard. That’s fine!

The question is are you directing your life towards providing for your family, and is she directing her life towards the home?

MENTION Q&A

Dads and moms are different because dads are the primary providers for the home.

Also...

D) Dads are the Primary PROTECTORS of the Home.

Remember that famous line when the Titanic began to sink? “Women and children first!”

This side of the feminist revolution, that’s unpopular to say, but I think instinctively we all know this is how God designed things to be.

It’s significant that shortly after telling dads to raise children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, God reminds us we’re in a spiritual battle.

Ephesians 6:11–12—Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Ladies, you definitely have a job to do here as well, but I believe the Lord intends for men to be the primary protectors of the home.

After all, even Jesus says a thief cannot plunder a house until he first binds the strong man.

Men: are you protecting your home as if it’s under spiritual attack? Because I promise you it is.

Are you endangering your children by the things you bring into the home?

Are you aware of the ways the Enemy will try to steal, kill, and destroy your kids?

What steps are you taking to guard your children from the Evil One?

This is your responsibility, men!

When dads are faithful to be who God has called them to be in the home, moms are free to be who God has uniquely gifted them to be.

E) Moms are the Primary NURTURERS in the Home.

Erica Komisar is a clinical social worker and psychologist. She is not a Christian, in fact she’s an atheist. And yet she wrote a book a few years ago about a growing trend she noticed in her practice. The more presence a mother has in the life of her child during the first three years, the greater the chance the child will grow up to be emotionally healthy, secure, and resilient.

Listen to what she wrote about the importance of moms as nurturers:

“Part of our strength as women is in being more nurturing, empathetic, more sensitive emotionally, and more attuned to the nuances of relationships than most men. There has been a new call for women to be leaders in the corporate world, in business, and in politics, but our strength as leaders begins at home with our ability to feel for and nurture our own children. At some point, women who loved nurturing their children and saw it as a great contribution to society and a meaningful pursuit in life, were told they were not modern, not feminist, not cool if they choose to stay home with their children. Instead of showing respect and admiration for mothers who chose raising a family as their meaningful work, society rejected these women.” [11]

What Komisar’s saying corresponds with what the Bible says about mothers.

For example, when Paul wants to give the Thessalonian Christians an illustration of nurturing, he thinks of a mom.

1 Thessalonians 2:7—But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.

Mothers, your ability to nurture your children is a beautiful gift. Don’t let anyone despise that!

C.S. Lewis wrote a letter to encourage a mom who was feeling a bit discouraged about her role as the primary nurturer in the home. Listen to what he said...

“A housewife’s work . . . is surely, in reality, the most important work in the world. What do ships, railways, mines, cars, government etc. exist for except that people may be fed, warmed, and safe in their own homes? . . . We wage war in order to have peace, we work in order to have leisure, we produce food in order to eat it. So your job is the one for which all others exist.” [11]

Ladies, whether you do this work part-time or full-time, whether you do it with absolute pleasure or sometimes with pain, whether it comes naturally to you or not, whether you do it by yourself or with help, the fact that you’re doing this work is a noble thing.

Husbands, celebrate your wife when she does this noble work. Encourage her every opportunity you can. Do what you can to help her thrive here.

Because men and women are equal and different, moms and dads are both equal and different.

We’ve done our best to be both true and helpful as we think about how moms and dads are equal and different.

But we’d be more unhelpful than the Russian government if we didn’t point out there is coming a day when mothering and fathering will cease to exist.

Mothering and fathering are beautiful, glorious, weighty gifts. But they are temporary gifts.

There is coming a day when woman will no longer bear children, when moms and dads will no longer raise them.

And while that may seem sad to some, it’s only because we don’t fully understand the incredible love to which moms and dads point.

The nurturing love of a good mother points us to a God who cares for His people with a love we cannot fathom.

Isaiah 49:15—Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.

The pace-setting, pastoral, providing, and protecting love of a good father points us to our Father who showed us love most supremely by giving us His beloved Son.

John 3:16—For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.

That’s the love we remember every time we celebrate the Lord’s Supper.

The bread we eat reminds us of Jesus’ body, freely given so that God’s people could be saved.

The cup we drink reminds us of Jesus’ blood, freely shed so that we could be forgiven.

But remember this is a special meal for Christians who have made their faith public through believer’s baptism.

If that’s you, you’re invited to take communion with us in a few moments.

However, If you have not trusted Christ and made your faith public through believer's baptism, we ask that you not take communion this morning.

That’s not because we think we’re better than you or anything like that.

For the unbeliever, we want you to receive Jesus Himself, not merely the symbol that reminds us of Jesus.

For those that have received Christ as Lord and Savior but have not yet proclaimed your faith publicly through believer’s baptism, we believe the Bible teaches baptism is the first step of obedience as a follower of Jesus, we shouldn’t take the later step of communion until after we’ve taken that first step.

So if that’s you this morning, you’re welcome to remain in your seat when your row is dismissed to take communion in a few minutes.

If you want to talk and pray with one of our pastors about this, pastor Jason will be waiting in the back by the white flag.

Or if you prefer, you’re free to leave the service when we stand in just a moment.

If you choose to leave, nobody is going to be staring at you or judging you because there will also be a bunch of parents getting up to collect their kids from the nursery while we’re singing so that all our volunteers can join us for communion.

Let’s pray, then we’ll stand and sing together.

Prayer of Thanksgiving

Hymn of Heaven

LORD’S SUPPER

Doxology

Benediction (1 Timothy 6:15b-16)