School of Life and Marriages : Trinity of Love
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HIS LOVE … HER RESPECT.
9 Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor.
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.
11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Man are made for relationship . God said is not good for man tobe alone .No man do alone well.
The 3 cord has been intrepreted as man , woman and God - Correct . but for this lesson we look at the word from another angle and perspective .
The Cord - 3 Strands of Love . Love is the most talked about topic in the world and yet it is the most misunderstood cos most people including chrsitian don’t know what love is .
The bible was clear -
Eros - Erotic - Sextual love
Phileo - brotherly love , feeling and affections , intimacy and companship
Agape - The God kind of love - covenant and commitment .
The love that should bind couple together should be threefold - that consists of all the 3 kinds of love , as this type of cord is not easily broken.
The next time you think of 3 fold cord , remember that in marrriage it is the nature of the cord that is in question , not the people or the presence or absence of God but the nature of the love pratice ..
The reason why divorce rates are so high , the reason why separations have become so rampant , the reason why frustration is so common in marriage is because we are not breaiding our love with 3 strands .— many people are not intentional espcially christian .
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it,” (Ephesians 5:25).
“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.” (Colossians 3: 13-14).
Bible Texts: (I Corinthians 13:1-13, Titus 2:4; Ephesians 5: 25-33; I Peter 4:8; Colossians 3:19)
Introduction: - The Webster’s Dictionary of English language defines love as a “feeling of strong personal attachment induced by a sympathetic understanding or by ties of kinship; ardent affection”.
Christian love is not physical attraction, lust, personal desire, sympathy, or compassion for the opposite gender. It is also not sex. Like God, love is invisible, but we are sure of its existence because of its mysterious emotional experience or expression. It is an unseen force which unties two people together. Love is a powerful, positive thought and feeling of well-being for another person. It is the conscious or unconscious experience of God.
1. Three Dimensions of Love
Agape or Hesed.
Was us to used to described the strongest kind of covenant , blood covenant .
Hesed was a covent entered into that was final . I make a vow to you and my covenant i will not break nor altar the words that comes out of my mouth . that is what AGAPE means , it is a forever covenant .
Hesed said commitment inspite of circumantance we go thorough , Inspite of what I get from you . I remian commimted .
16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
Even while you are sin Christ die for you.
8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
AGAPE: This love is based on the spiritual process.
It is God’s type of love; sacrificial and unselfish. It is unmerited and unconditional love. E.g., Christ and the church, David, and Jonathan (I Samuel 20: 17; Ephesians 5:25-26)
The kind of love is spiritual
8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
16 By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.
35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.
Only in Agape we can do for better for worse , only in Agape we can do covenant . but the trouble with this is that christian in marriage are developing themselves in AGAPE but not developing themslef in the other aspect of love . The danger of of basing marriage on agape alone is that after a while , one of the parthners will begin to feel trapped , cos is not about filling , emtions it is covenannt .
and people say this word esp in christian home ., you have to love me no matter what I do. !!!
So Agape become — Inspite of ..
Inspite of the way you act , talk , behave , treat me , conduct yourslf i still love . this is not suspose to be so , Agape isn’t you are stuck with me LOVE , but I am committed to you love . A person who loves with agape focuses on the other person.
New or growing christian may need to develop AGAPE .. it is developed . this is your focus when you are single .
18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height—
19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,
and bring it into their relationship as they usually weillhave problme with self =ishness , and legalism innmarriage. However mature christian who has developed agape should take care to introduce the other kinds of love into their relationshi so they don’t end with “IN SPITE OF LOVE””
let us discuss-
Agape is love based on committment not feelings . Is there a place for feeling in marriage or are we required to love regardless of how we feel ?.,
EROS:
Eros or erotic love focuses on the sexual relationship bet a man and woman . the problem with most christian is that they are so holy that they downplay the need for erotic love in marriage ,yet it is one of the 3 cords that si vital for healthy union .
God desire that husband and wife should have a good sexual relationship .
Sex is holy God created , not adam . the same way you develop and cultivate agape in marriage is the same way you should also have to cultivate eros or something will go wrong .
2 Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder.
3 The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband.
4 Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.
5 Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it.
This love is based on the physical process. It is borne out of carnal desire or strong attachment with sexual attraction. It is based on gratification, which is usually selfish, and which collapses as soon as the desire is achieved, e.g.
- Boyfriend and girlfriend relationship
- Sexual love between husband and wife - Amnon and Tarmar (II Samuel 13:1-17)
The Trouble of Eros .
The Danger of Familiar- one things that war againt eros in marriage . the nature of eros kind of love is that onces you become accustomed to a particular level of eros it becomes insufficent and uninspiring . familiarity sets in and becomes a diseases that can destroy a marriage . to avoid the danger of familiar , a bit of wisdom and creativity is required in the eros department as couples need to put a lot of focus into this area of their life.
Wisdom keys too avoid the Danger of the Familiar . WOMEN
Work on being desirable in appearance and conduct .. Adopts helps what will make.
Celebrate HIM and celebrate your self , for men eros is so tied up into th sense of self estem and self worth. God inhabit the praise of his people. . disrepectful. A man will find it hard to be sexually attrated to a woman who constantly derides , controls and bashes his sense of ego and pride .
Ero Trigger is maninly what he see, what he touch , what he smile and percive ,. it is main perception . increase the visual aid of love in your home .
MEN.
The Eros trigger for a woman most often is not what she sees but relational.
Men need to invest in quality relationship, communication , sowing a seed in rightouness.
A toucch of her hands , a phone call during the day , a seed of love and appreaciation.
Poitn to Ponder .
One of the things that war against eros in marriage is danger of familiar- wives please never let your husbands become to familiar with you sexually . you may be his wife , nut every MAN NEED INSPIRATION.
Quote -
No body who has eaten and is satisfied goes about lusting after food . if a husdand or wife is drifting away then somethings may be wrong in the eros department .
Man home and marriages need to talk open to themsleve about the sexually need and desire and temepatation.
Let this discussed
How can you reduce or remove familarity .
What help tips for ladies
how can a man so seed in marriage.
PHILIA:
This is based on the emotional process. It is love that is borne out of common experiences, goals or bonding. It exists between brothers and sisters (siblings of the same parents, parents and children and among friends e.g. –
Jacob and Joseph (Genesis 37:4, 34:3)
John and Jesus (John 13:23)
Love focus of companionship ,intimacy and feelings of affections in marriage .
Many how and christian are not each other companion. how long can you stay in the presence & atomshpere of your wife or husband.
It is frienship love based on compassion and bonding . (Courting couple & relationship you focus on this).
This frienship love is enhansced by cinversion , where couples can share thier dreams and ideals , where they can talk about issues and exchnage opinions as friends . No walls , not barrier.
Many couples are great in eros and agape but rarely talk, are not friends and don’t known each other . the results of this is that they become total strangers living in the same house and paying bills espcailly in westharn world . it like a contract.
David and Johnathan .
26 I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; You have been very pleasant to me; Your love to me was wonderful, Surpassing the love of women.
the trouble for phileo is that it is such a strong need espcially for men that never goes away. A man longs to exprience this kinds of love with his wife , but if he doesn’t find it in her , he will look for a male companion (worse a women) to share his life interests with .. A JONATHAN .
David’s comparison of his relationship with Jonathan with that of women is probably a reference to his experience with King Saul’s daughters. He was promised one of Saul’s daughters for killing Goliath. The first daughter was abruptly given to another man. The second daughter was promised, but Saul continued to add conditions to the deal, hoping to see David killed in battle (1 Samuel 18:17, 25). The loyalty and camaraderie David had with Jonathan came with no conditions and was of greater value than the companionship of Saul’s daughter.
Ladies in other to avoid this problem be your husband’s Jonathan . Let him come to you with his dreams, and vision and his goals.
( don’t dample , insluate, short cisrcuit ,)
Be intrested in what is intrested in. Grow up phil department and watch marriage blossom and come with new season.
Thinks
The reason why a three- fold cord is not ealiybroken is when on cord is weak , the other cords will offer support untill the weak cord beocme strong again.
Quaote.
Don’t build your marriage as a two fold cord . this is the temptation of many christians - Agape and Eros is simple not enough.
Let us discuss.
Should a man’s wife be his best friends or is this a role that only anbother man can fill
2. Practical Demonstrations of Love in Marriage.
You must constantly reassure each other of your love by saying “I love you”. It should not become mechanical but must come genuinely from the heart. It should also not be a reward for sexual gratification, good meals, housekeeping allowance etc. To say “I Love you” is reassuring but to act it out consistently is even more so. So how do you act it out?
a. Through tenderness. Give admiring glances, affectionate touches (holding hands) and extra attention that shows that your partner is special to you.
b. Through giving of gifts. This should be not only on birthdays and formal occasions but also regularly as a surprise. It does not have to be expensive but the thought behind the gift is what is appreciated.
c. By spending time together. Occasionally, go to a special place; the beach, restaurant, or take an out-of-town holiday.
d. By honouring your wife. Make her your queen and spoil her occasionally (I Peter 3:7)
e. Through sacrifices. Sacrifice your own comfort. Husband should join wife in cleaning the house, washing dishes, clothing, including wife’s underwear (Luke 22: 26-27)
f. By accepting your spouse’s shortcoming. Do not compare your wife your mother or your husband with your father. Marry your partner’s strengths and weaknesses.
g. Through being faithful. Especially when your spouse is uncooperative, arrogant, and selfish and fails to recognise or appreciate your love and sacrifices.
h. By practicing the characteristics of love as narrated in I Corinthians 13:4-8 (List them out as you read the passage).
Lastly, anytime it seems either or both of you are getting cols toward each other for a cogent cause, pray that Jesus should grant your marriage new wine as He did at the wedding of Cana of Galilee (John 2:1-10). He will cause your love for each other to be renewed.