It’s Complicated…

Welcome

Well, good morning. If we haven’t met yet, my name is Dan and I serve as the Teaching Pastor for Lifepoint Worthington. I’m glad you’re here with us this morning!

Before we get started…

New to LP

Introduction

In July of 2013, the social media giant Facebook released a new feature that become a cultural motto we still use today. A phrase that, though only two words long (three if you count contractions), guards hidden details like the proverbial troll under bridge, letting you know that there’s so much more you could say but, for whatever reason, don’t.

Facebook introduced it as a genius way of expressing the often messy or convoluted realities of relationships — the phrase was: It’s Complicated.

Anyone remember making that you’re Facebook Status?

There is so much packed into that phrase - and if it really was that complicated - it probably didn’t belong in the public sphere on the internet because “It’s Complicated” always left a lot to the imagination, right?

Who might “it” be complicated with?

Why is it complicated and not straight forward?

It’s a status that always had followers wanting more information about what was really going.

But the thing I love about that phrase - though I never used it myself because it came out after Courtney and I were married (although I did it as a joke once — a joke that Courtney, for some reason, did not find funny) - the thing I love about that little phrase is how perfectly it summed up relationships.

And while most people used to talk about a romantic relationship, I think that phrase could truthfully be used to to talk about any relationship we could have.

You think about your relationship, some of you would say, “It’s complicated.” And it means it doesn’t neatly fit into the good or bad category.

Maybe it how you think about your relationship with a former spouse - a friend (or former friend) - a sibling or one of your own kids. All of us have at least one of those kinds of relationships (and most of us have several) where in the only way to briefly describe the relationship is with those two fateful words, “It’s Complicated.”

Because for so many of us, at least one of the deepest relationships we have is profoundly complicated.

The question is, what do we do with those relationships? Can they get “uncomplicated”? Can we restore them? Should we even both trying?

Well, today, we’re starting a brand new series across Lifepoint to dig into these kinds of questions.

We’re calling it “Me and You: Why we really need each other.” And over the next six weeks we are going to explore the complicated, broken and yet profoundly beautiful web of relationships we find ourselves in. Families and Children, Singleness, Friendship, Marriage and we even have a week dedicated to the unmet longings some of us have for one or more of these kinds of relationships.

Today, as we get things started, I’m going to focus on what I think is the the root problem in all our relationships - the thing that I think makes them complicated! And, at the same time we’ll explore why we can’t just run off by ourselves, but why we really do need each other.

And if there’s anything I want you to walk away thinking about, it’s this: relationships aren’t safe, but they’re good.

Relationships aren’t safe, but they’re good.

So if you have a bible with you, open up with me to the Old Testament book of Genesis.

First book of the bible. We’ll be in chapter 2 and 3.

I’ll pray, and then we’ll get started.

PRAY

They’re Not Safe…

Alright, let’s go ahead and get started.

I think the first thing I need to do is tell you want I mean by saying relationships are not “safe.”

When we think of the word “safe” and how we evaluate what is or is not “safe,” what we’re usually asking is whether what capacity this thing has to harm us, right?

And there are very few things that have no capacity to harm us, right? Like think about a basic example like electricity. Is electricity safe? Is it safe to have it running through your house?

It’s complicated.

There’s a billion good things about electricity, but it can do a tremendous amount of damage!

Relationships, I think, work the same way! There are a billion good things about being in relationship with other people, but they can also do a tremendous amount of damage.

In fact, it often feels like the closer you are to someone, the greater the ability they have to really hurt you! That’s why you can have some troll on the internet leave a nasty comment and you barely think about it, but if the same idea come from your spouse or your parent, or a friend, you can carry around with you for months - even years! Some of you know this all too well and you still hear in the “back of your head” the voice of your dad, your husband or wife, or someone else you were close to…

I think the question we have is why are relationships like that? How did things get this way?

The Fall of Relationships

If you have your bible open, look with me at Genesis chapter 3, starting in v. 16.

Let me remind of you of what the book of Genesis has talked about already. Genesis chapter one focuses on the act of Creation - and it tells it from God’s perspective, chapter two is essentially the same story but from humanity’s perspective.

Chapter three is where you get the infamous story of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden eating the fruit they’ve been told by God not to eat. In the biblical storyline, it is the first act of rebellion against God; we call this the “fall” of humanity.

All the brokenness we see and experience in the world around us - death, pain, disaster, suffering, all of it has it’s starting point here in the events of Genesis three.

Now, we can have a conversation about what the book of Genesis is - and whether or not it’s fact, myth or something else entirely. In fact, if you have a question about that, let me encourage you to ask that question on the form in the notes app.

I think it’s helpful to think of Genesis as something like Paradigmatic-History. And what I mean by that is that Genesis seems more interested in giving us a theological paradigm for how to view the world and humanity than it is with giving us all the details a mere origin story.

I like how one author, John Sailhamer, an Old Testament Professor at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School put it:

The Pentateuch as Narrative: A Biblical-Theological Commentary c. Verdict (3:14–20)

The snake, the woman, and the man are not depicted as individuals involved in a personal crisis; rather, they are representatives. We are left with the impression that this is not their story so much as it is our story, the story of humankind.

In other words, Adam and Eve is about a real Adam and a real Eve, but it’s also about more than them. And what happens to them what God says to them is about more then just them, it impacts all of us.

Now, with that in mind, look at God’s words to Eve in Genesis 3:16 as he pronounces over her the fallout of her rebellion. And specifically look at the second half.

Genesis 3:16 (ESV)

16 To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

In other words, God says that Adam and Eve’s rebellion has introduced into world conflict. That Eve will want to go one way and Adam the other way. More than that, it’s a conflict that is specifically marked by a power struggle — that Adam will rule over her.

This is what the fall introduces into the human experience - conflict and dominance. And when I say this is paradigmatic history, this is part of what I’m talking about - Genesis does not just tell us the story about the first humans, but it also giving us a fuller account of the human experience.

The point is that as sin enters into the world, one of the primary way it infects humanity is in the realm of our relationships by introducing conflict and dominance.

Now, it’s possible to say that Genesis 3 is really only talking about the relationship between husbands and wives - maybe men and women. But I think as the rest of Genesis unfolds, it’s consistently tracing these themes in every relationship it talks about!

Conflict and dominance is at play immediately following - all to highlight the insidious impact of sin on each and every kind of relationship.

It’s in the story of Cain and Able, to brothers, one who murders the other. It’s the sibling conflict and rivalry around Isaac and Ishmael, of Jacob and Esau, of Rachel and Leah, of Jacob and Laban. In fact, in every story of community, family, and friendship in Genesis, you can find the core elements of what God pronounced over Eve in Genesis 3:16, conflict and dominance.

And now it doesn’t take much imagination to see how those same issues infect our own relationships today.

Part of the human condition means that in every one of our relationship we bring either conflict or dominance.

Have you ever been in one of those moments where someone says something and you’re like, I can’t put my finger out it, but I just want to disagree with them?

This is often me…Courtney calls me on it all that time…that I am kind of an natural contrarian. Like I am really good a disagreeing with people or agreeing with someone’s disagreement. And it gives me the ability to comfortably “play both sides” which, because I’m a broken messed up individual, I can often (without even realizing it) use to my advantage. It’s a powerful thing when you can help someone believe you agree with them without ever having to agree with them. It’s manipulative. It’s dangerous.

And some of you share this ability - though your innate desire to bring conflict may come through other kinds of passive aggressive approaches.

I don’t view myself as having a particularly dominant personality…but I suppose what else would you call anger if not a form of at least attempted dominance?

And it’s not just me.

[STILL NEED TO GET IN THE KITCHEN]

The point is, Genesis gives us the paradigm of relationships that have all been infected by sin which produces these two elements: conflict and dominance.

And this is why I say relationships are not safe. Because within each relationship we have lies the twin dragons of Conflict and Dominance, which once roused, wreak havoc. And it is not a matter of if, but when they are roused. And then what happens in the aftermath.

So, no. Relationships are not safe.

…But They’re Good

But…they’re good.

Relationships aren’t safe, no. But they are good.

Why do I say that? Because, again, looking at Genesis - our origin story - we find that from the very beginning, God created us and designed us to be in relationship.

The Way It Should Be

Flip back with a page or so to Genesis 2:18.

And let me set the scene a bit more. Remember Genesis 1 and 2 are giving us the account of God’s creation from two different perspectives; chapter two is God’s perspective and chapter two humanities.

And you find this really beautiful refrain all over Genesis one - after God creates something, it says “And God saw that it (what he created) was good.” And actually, in a fairly confined amount of space, the phrase “it was good” is repeated 6 times. Which makes it the major idea behind God’s creation - that all of what he created was good.

Now remember, the Old Testament was originally written in Hebrew (with a few sections written in Aramaic), not English. And the word for “goo” here is the word “tov”. Which is a far more powerful word than what we typically mean by “good”. For us, good usually means something more like “middle of the road.” It could have been better. Like if I get done today and ask Courtney like I always do, “how was the message” and she says “it was good.” I know I somethings ups.

But in Hebrew, the word Tov means so much more. It’s actually more like saying “it’s right.” or “it’s the way it should be.”

It’s more like that feeling when you’ve finally landed on just the right word you’ve bene looking for. And something inside of you goes, “That’s it!”

That is tov.

What God created was tov.

It’s right. It’s true. It’s beautiful. It’s the way it should be. It’s…good.

And I say all that so you can feel the weight of what’s said in Genesis 2:18:

Genesis 2:18 (ESV)

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone;”

Which, of course is a way of saying, “It’s not the way it’s supposed to be for man to be alone.”

Or, inversely, “The way it should be is for man to NOT be alone!”

Why?

Because there is something about the way we’ve been created that actually thrives and does best when we are in relationships. When we are in meaningful relationships with others where we both know and are known.

This is part of why it’s so automatically painful when the relationships that should be closest are…complicated, right? Because that’s not the way it should be. It’s not good!

That strained relationship you have with your dad is not the way it’s supposed to be.

That your daughter doesn’t seem to want anything to do with you right now is not TOV.

That you have been deeply hurt by a close friend - maybe betrayed by a spouse is not good.

And that’s not me assigning blame - that’s a whole ‘nother conversation for a whole ‘nother time.

What is good…what is right…the way it’s supposed to be with with meaningful, life-giving relationships with family, friends, and neighbors.

That is good.

The Church as Picture of the way it should be

And actually, this unique kind of community we call the church is supposed to be a picture of those kinds of relationships…of what is good. The church is supposed to what the way it’s supposed to be.

What do I mean by that?

In the New Testament letter of 1 Corinthians, the Apostle Paul uses a really interesting metaphor to talk about the church that I think challenges the way most people think of a church.

See, we tend to think of the church, if not just as a building, as some kind of social institution. That is a group of people who share a particular set of beliefs.

But when Paul talks about it, he says it this way in 1 Corinthians 12.

1 Corinthians 12:12 ESV

12 For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ.

1 Corinthians 12:14–17 ESV

14 For the body does not consist of one member but of many. 15 If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell?

He says we actually need to think about the church like a body - and each person in the church - is different on purpose. In fact, the body doesn’t function right if it’s all the same body part…that’s actually not a body at all!

Instead, each part, or member like Paul says, is interdependent on the other. And the reason I say the church is supposed to be a picture of relationships the way they should be is because in the church, the body, we are growing in the awareness OF our interdependence. Our relationships in the church are marked by the very idea that we really do need each other.

Now, here’s the problem. Like in every other relationship we have, we bring those same two issues we saw in Genesis 3 - conflict and dominance. And it’s no surprise that we see this two things play out over and over again on the church seen - conflict and division where no one can agree or domineer personalities that seek to rule over everyone else. And no, it’s not every church but it’s a common enough story for us to know it’s a problem.

But here’s where the church can model something different.

You see, while Paul says we are like the different body parts, there is one unifying piece that’s supposed to bring the whole thing together: Jesus. That what unifies the body is not our alignment to a particular political party, not our agreement on every social policy and idea, not our willing affiliation put up with people will go along with our idea…what unifies this body is first and foremost our allegiance to Jesus!

The church as a body is united together by our common faith in Jesus as Lord, King, and Savior. He is the one who calls the shots. He is the one who gives direction. He is the one who models for us what life together is supposed to look like - and when Jesus is our model, we find a very different ethic for how we relate to one another.

Paul says it this way in his letter to the Philippians.

Philippians 2:4–8 ESV

4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

In the church, it is humility, not conflict and dominance that ought to direct our engagement.

[EXPAND]

But, even more than an example, our allegiance to Jesus is the way to bring about this kind of Humility. Because at the heart of the good news is that Jesus, though he lived the perfect life we should have but failed to live…took on all our conflict, only domineering, the cost of all of it, the penalty for all of it on himself as it it was his own…and on the cross he died in our place, for our sin and brokenness, for our rebellion so that by faith in Him, pledging our allegiance to him and Him alone, we would be empowered to live a new way life and a new kind of life.

And if the church is a body, to many of us are okay with just being glove, a shirt, a shoe. And you may be a really nice glove. You may be some fresh Nikes. But you’re not yet a hand…you’re not yet a foot. You’re on the outside looking in! More than that, without actually being apart of the body, you’re still left to deal with the conflict and domineering only in your own strength.

If that’s you, today is the day for you to be part of the Body - to be part of the way it’s supposed to be…to experience new kind relationship more and more free from the clutches of conflict and dominance.

Where you live under what is tov. Where you experience what is good.

Application

Exploring Other Relationships in this Series

In this series, we’re going to be exploring different kinds of relationships. [EXPAND]

Bearing with one another

We learn the delicate balance of both speaking and receiving the truth in love.

The goal of the church is not alignment or agreement, but holiness. This takes work.

Lifegroups

Plug in Lifegropus.