The Biblical Definition of Marriage

SCRIPTURE

Genesis 2:18 KJV 1900

18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:21–24 KJV 1900

21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22 And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

MAIN IDEA

Marriage is a God-ordained covenant between a man and a woman, which God designed to last for a lifetime.

INTRODUCTION

Series Update

For the last several weeks we’ve been in this series titled “Rooted” where we have been working our way through our Statement of Faith and some of the foundational principles of what we believe. So far we’ve talked about: (1) The Word of God, (2) The Triune Godhead, (3) The Grace of God, and (4) The Spirit-Empowered Church. In those messages, we have covered 10 out of the 16 items on our Statements of Faith.

This morning I want to shift gears slightly and move past the Statements that deal with eschatology (end-times events including, (11) The Rapture of the Church, (12) The Second Coming of Christ, (13) The Final Judgment, and (14) The New Heavens and New Earth). We’ve dealt with those recently both on Sunday mornings and during Wednesday Night Bible Study.

Marriage - Statement of Faith

This morning I want to move forward and look at number 15 on our Statement of Faith, which deals with Marriage. Here is the statement:

Marriage: We believe that marriage, as ordained by God and defined in the Bible, is the sacred union of one man and one woman, as they were originally created by God. (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-5; Ephesians 5:31)

What Does the Bible Say Concerning Marriage?

The title of the message this morning is “The Biblical Definition of Marriage.” We need to know and understand what God has spoken and commanded concerning marriage. My opinion doesn’t matter. Your opinion doesn’t matter. Neither does anyone else’s opinion. State laws are not to be our source of doctrine. Supreme Court decisions are not to be our source of doctrine. As Christians, our doctrine concerning marriage comes from the Bible, the Word of God. What matters is that God has spoken and given us clear commandments, direction, and guidance on marriage. And we would do well to know, understand, and follow what God has to say.

I’m Not Here to Condemn

Now let me say here before we get any deeper into this subject, that I, in no way, intend to condemn anyone for their past or even for where you may find yourself right now in comparison to what God’s Word says. My goal is to help you think biblically about these issues and give you the knowledge and the tools you need from God’s Word to know what you should do from this point forward.

With that said, let’s get into it.

MESSAGE

There is no way I have time this morning to discuss every aspect of marriage and what the Bible has to say about it. So let me start off by giving you a list of some of the main doctrines from the Bible concerning marriage, because I want to have time to get to some practical application.

Marriage is a God-Ordained Covenant

Marriage is the Creation of God

God said, “it is not good for man to be alone.” God created the first woman Eve and brought her to Adam. So God was the best man, the witness, and the officiant of the first wedding. And He created the institution of marriage and intended it to be carried on for future generations. Notice that in our scripture text Adam said, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother.” This is interesting because Adam didn’t have a father or a mother. He simply had a Creator. So Adam was speaking that future generations were to also follow along this same pattern of marriage that God had created and ordained.

God Ordains and Annuls Marriage

Over in Matthew’s gospel, Jesus is speaking to the religious leaders that are trying to trap Him in a question about marriage and divorce and Jesus says, “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder (separate).” God puts a marriage together. Marriage is one man and one woman becoming one flesh in the sight of God. Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman with God as their witness. God is the one who ordains the marriage and God is the only one who can annul the marriage.

The Only Marriage that God Ordains is Between One Man and One Woman

Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve

The types of marriages that God accepts is not left open to interpretation in the Bible. God’s definition of marriage is one man and one woman becoming one flesh. God designed males and females to be the perfect complement for each other. And God designed marriage to be the union of a man and a woman for companionship, intimacy, and procreation. Two men cannot produce children together. Two women cannot produce children together. God designed this thing so that it takes a man and a woman to produce a child.

Homosexuality is Sin

But man (and really the devil) has perverted God’s design for marriage. Let me make this plain for us today. Homosexuality is a sin and God does not accept or ordain homosexual marriage. That is not my opinion, that is what God’s Word says. A homosexual couple may be able to be legally married by the laws of the state in which they live, but they are not married in the eyes of God. Homosexuality is an abomination in the eyes of God.

Leviticus 18:22 NKJV

22 You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination.

Romans 1:26–27 NKJV

26 For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. 27 Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.

1 Corinthians 6:9–10 NKJV

9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.

Transgender Perversion

In today’s society, not only do we have to consider homosexual behaviors as being contrary to God’s plan for marriage, but also the effect of the transgender movement as well. Today, men can become women and women can become men. Some think they can do this by simply believing in their mind that they identify as the opposite sex. Others actually go through with treatments and surgeries to try to transform themselves into the opposite sex. This is a perversion of God’s righteousness and holiness in so many ways.

God Designed us as Either Male or Female

First, let me say this, it is not complicated to determine whether someone is a male or a female. It is actually very easy. God created males and females to be different. When a dog has a litter of puppies, it is quite easy to figure out which ones are boys and which ones are girls. You pick them up and take a look under the hood. God created us either male or female. Men have an X and a Y chromosome. Women have two X chromosomes. It is not a mystery. Someone who chooses to identify as a member of the opposite sex or who even goes through sex change treatments or surgeries does not change the gender that God created them to be.

God Intends Marriage to be Permanent

Till Death Do Us Part

God designed marriage to last for a lifetime. That’s why most wedding vows include, “till death do us part.” As I said earlier, in Matthew 19 Jesus is being interrogated by the religious leaders who are trying to trap Him in His words concerning divorce. Here is how Jesus responds

Matthew 19:3–9 NKJV

3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” 4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” 7 They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” 8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

Wrong Teaching Concerning Divorce

Some in Jesus’ day were teaching that a man could divorce his wife for any reason. If she burnt his supper, he could file for divorce. If he found any fault in her, he could file for divorce. But Jesus said this is not God’s plan at all. God intended marriage to last until death do them part. But Jesus said Moses allowed a certificate of divorce because of the hardness of their hearts. But that is not how God intended it in the beginning.

God Intends Marriage to Last a Lifetime

God says in Malachi 2:16, “I hate divorce.” So that is important to keep in mind. I believe that God’s will is for a married couple to stay together and work out their differences if possible.

Biblical Reasons for Divorce

However, the Bible gives a couple reasons where it is acceptable to divorce: (1) sexual immorality and (2) abandonment by an unbeliever. However, there may be other situations where divorce is inevitable. Spousal abuse or child abuse are a couple examples. Divorce is not God’s plan and should not be the first option. The offended spouse should separate and try to allow time for repentance and restoration.

However, there are times when repentance and restoration is not feasible and divorce is the only option. And I believe that in the case of sexual immorality, abandonment, and other specific cases of continual abuse, neglect, etc., those are situations in which God understands. And even in situations where someone has been through a divorce that is not justified in God’s eyes, He is faithful and just to forgive. Again our focus today is not where you’ve been, but on where you are and where you’re going.

APPLICATION

Now let’s dig into some personal applications. Let’s look back at Genesis 2:24:

Genesis 2:24 KJV 1900

24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

There are three things here that are supposed to happen when a man and a woman are married. They must:

1. Leave,

2. Cleave, and

3. Weave (become one flesh)

LEAVE

Leave Means Separation from Family

A man is instructed to “leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife.” When a couple gets married there is to be separation from the parents and family. Typically, during a wedding ceremony, the father or a father-figure walks the bride down the aisle. The minister asks, “who gives this woman to be married to this man.” The father typically says, “her mother and I.” This part of the ceremony represents a transfer of relationship and responsibility from the parents of the bride to the husband. These two individuals are becoming one flesh in the eyes of God.

Jesus is First; Marriage is Second

The most important relationship that we should have is with Jesus Christ. But for a husband, the second most important relationship in his life should be his wife. And the second most important relationship for the wife should be her husband. Their relationship with each other comes before mom, dad, children, friends or anyone else.

That is difficult for some people. A lot of the problems in a marriage are the result of one spouse or the other allowing other relationships to be more important than the relationship with their spouse. A wife should not have to compete with her husband’s friends for attention and relationship. A husband should not have to compete with his wife’s parents for attention and relationship. When a spouse allows a relationship with someone other than their spouse to become more important, they are actually sinning against the vows they made when they entered into the marriage.

Spouse must be Most Important Relationship (Other Than Jesus)

There must be a separation. The problem in some marriages and why there are so many problems is that one or both spouses didn’t properly leave. You don’t forsake your parents. You don’t forsake your friends. You don’t forsake other relationships. But you make a commitment to your spouse and you make them the most important person in your life. That is the only way that a marriage will work and will last.

CLEAVE

What Does it Mean to Cleave?

Our scripture text says that a man is to “leave his father and his mother and cleave unto his wife.” The meaning of the word “cleave” is interesting. It means “to stick to, to be joined to, or to catch by pursuit.” I like that last one, “to catch by pursuit.” Some of you who are married or were previously married you probably pursued after your spouse.

Skating Rink Example

I remember when I was younger (now this is way before Sis. Tabitha came along), mom took me to a skating rink. While I was out there skating, there was a young lady who was trying to catch up to me and get my attention. But I was so nervous and shy and wanted to avoid her so bad that I just skated faster and faster. She was pursuing. But didn’t want to be pursued.

Tabitha Example

A long time later Sis. Tabitha and I met and I’ll have to admit she pursued me first. And I have to admit that I wanted to be pursued by her. And I’m thankful to God that we met that day. I believe God put us together. And what God has joined together, let no man put asunder (separate).

Lack of Separation Can Cause Problems in Marriage

Problems in a marriage arise when something is allowed to begin to separate what God has put together. The Reverend Billy Graham was asked about his success in his marriage and how he avoided the pitfalls of ministry for so many years. He said that he attributed it to two things: (1) he never handled the money of the ministry, and (2) he never put himself in a situation where he was alone with another woman. Two of the most dangerous temptations to any person: greed and lust. He avoided these pitfalls by separating himself from them and cleaving to his wife.

Men and Women Have Different Needs

To cleave means to show mutual love and respect in the relationship. Understand that God created men and women to be different. And that means men and women have different needs in a relationship. Men want to be respected. That’s why Paul wrote in Ephesians Chapter 5 that wives should submit to their husbands and show them reverence (respect). When men feel like they are being disrespected, it is going to create a hindrance to cleaving. I’ve seen it before where a wife starts comparing her husband either to her father or to another man’s wife in a mean or degrading way. “Well my dad would have done it better…or so-and-so’s husband did this or that.” This type of comparison makes a man feel disrespected and actually opens up the door for the spirit of jealousy to come in. The same can happen the other way. I’ve seen husbands compare their wives to their mothers or another man’s wife in a mean and degrading way.

What a Husband and Wife Need in a Relationship

When this happens, the man feels disrespected. But the woman feels unloved. A woman’s desire is to feel loved. She wants to know she is the most important person in her husband’s life. That is why God commanded husbands to “love your wife as Christ loved the church.” Men, we are fulfilled physically and visually. Women are fulfilled emotionally and through intimacy. That is the source of a lot of problems in a marriage when a husband or wife tries to fulfill their spouse’s needs in the wrong way. Husbands, your wife needs intimacy. And not primarily physical intimacy. She needs emotional intimacy. Wives, your husband needs to feel respected and physical intimacy.

Biblical Teaching on Intimacy in Marriage

While we’re here we might as well make it plain. The Bible teaches that husbands and wives should not deprive each other of intimacy except when it is agreed upon for the purpose of fasting and prayer.

1 Corinthians 7:3–5 NKJV

3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

I know this part may be a little uncomfortable, but it is biblical. One of the ways that Satan works to destroy marriages is through lack of intimacy or perversion of intimacy. I belong to my wife and my wife belongs to me. That means I don’t belong to another woman and my wife doesn’t belong to another man. My desire is to fulfill her needs in the marriage. And her desire is to fulfill my needs in the marriage. And when it is done in a biblical and healthy way, the marriage relationship is strengthened. But when it is done in a non-biblical and sinful way, the marriage relationship is weakened.

Satan Has Perverted Intimacy God Intended for Marriage

I don’t have to tell you all the ways that Satan has perverted the intimacy that God intended only within the bonds of marriage. They have become prevalent and accepted in our society: homosexuality, transgenderism, pornography, multiple partners, etc. But God’s Word hasn’t changed. God still expects that all sexual relations occur within the covenant of marriage as defined as the union of one man and one woman. Anything else is fornication, adultery, homosexuality, polygamy and all of these are sin.

Teaching Children Abstinence

I think it is still important, and biblical, to teach our children to abstain until they are married. Some people think that’s old fashioned. But I guess the Bible is old fashioned because it is 2000 years old. But it is still as true today as it was when it was written. And the truths of God’s Word still apply today. And what the Bible says was sin when it was written is still sin today.

But a husband and wife are to cleave to one another. They’ve got to leave, then they’ve got to cleave, and finally they’ve got to weave.

WEAVE

A Husband and Wife Should Share Everything

“And the two shall become one flesh.” A marriage between a husband and a wife is the joining together of two lives into one. They should be so close and so connected that you can’t tell where one ends and the other begins. A husband and wife should share everything.

There Should be Nothing Hidden

There should not be anything that is hidden from each other. The last verse in Genesis Chapter 2 is verse 25 that we didn’t read earlier. It says:

Genesis 2:25 KJV 1900

25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

The first thing Adam and Eve tried to do after they sinned was to cover up their nakedness because they were ashamed of what made them different. But in a healthy marriage relationship, there should be nothing hidden from each other. The two have become one flesh. If there are things hidden in the relationship, then they are not really one flesh.

Cell Phone Example

Some of you can relate to what I’m about to say. Think of it in this way. You should be able to leave your cell phone unlocked and your spouse come by and pick it up and look through your phone calls, text messages, and internet search history. Even those of you who can’t relate to a smartphone, your conversations and relationships throughout the day should be carried out as if your spouse was right there with you. If your spouse asks you where you’ve been and who you’ve been with you should be able to tell them the truth without any issues.

Tabitha Example

It's all about weaving two lives together into one. Tabitha knows me better than anyone else on planet earth. She knows my hopes, my dreams, my fears, my strengths, my weaknesses, and the areas where I am self-conscious. Most of the time she knows what I am going to say or do in a situation before I do it. That’s because there has been a leaving, a cleaving, and a weaving together of our lives into one fabric. We are so intertwined that it is impossible to separate one from the other. If I didn’t have her I wouldn’t be complete. If she didn’t have me she wouldn’t be complete. That’s because we are one flesh. Two have become one. God brought us together. And what God has joined together, let no man put asunder (separate). “To have and to hold from this day forward. For better or worse. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health. To love and to cherish. And forsaking all others. As long as we both shall live.”

CLOSING