Christian Conduct As Wives
The Ambassador's Handbook • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Handout
The Son of God goes forth to war,
a kingly crown to gain;
His blood-red banner streams afar!
Who follows in his train?
Who best can drink His cup of woe,
triumphant over pain,
who patient bears his cross below,
he follows in His train.
A glorious band, the chosen few
on whom the Spirit came,
twelve valiant saints, their hope they knew,
and mocked the cross and flame.
They met the tyrant's brandished steel,
the lion's gory mane;
they bowed their necks the death to feel:
who follows in their train?
A noble army, men and boys,
the matron and the maid,
around the Savior's throne rejoice
in robes of light arrayed.
They climbed the steep ascent of heav'n
through peril, toil and pain;
O God, to us may grace be giv'n
to follow in their train.
4. Christian Conduct As Wives (3:1-6)
Today, we’re going through perhaps the most controversial part of this letter. If Peter was alive today and posted these verses on Twitter, he absolutely would have been canceled. But it’s all here clear in the Bible for us to see, and at least we Christians should not be divided about this issue.
[talk about how men can learn from this as well]
a. Christian wives are commanded to submit to their husbands. (3:1a, Genesis 3:16, 1 Corinthians 11:3, Colossians 3:18)
The first word is “likewise.” We begin by comparing the role of wives to the suffering of Christ and, by extension, the role of servants. I’m not saying that wives should be treated as slaves, of course (though some of them may have been in this culture), because Peter tells us in what way the two are comparable. He says that, like servants should submit to their masters and like Christ submitted to suffering, wives should submit to husbands.
He commands them to “be in subjection.” This is the same Greek word used when talking about submission to the government and submission to masters or employers. It’s the same kind of submission. A submission which does not fight back and strive to gain the mastery. A submission that, even under an unbelieving and cruel authority, still obeys with humility.
This subjection is not part of the curse, but rather, part of the curse is that desire to rebel against subjection.
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
So when God designed the perfect world, a wife obeying her husband was a perfect part of that world. In fact, in all of the perfect creation, God created many hierarchies. Some animals are larger and more powerful than others, and within groups of animals, there is often a hierarchy. Some can do things others cannot. Some are more important than others. Some trees and plants are larger and more beautiful than others.
In creation, God created a world that was “formless and void.” It was empty, unpolished, and a wasteland. He brought order to this by filling the world and then dividing the parts of His creation. Trying to make men and women have equal functions is like having a football team where every player just does whatever he wants. It would be chaos. And it is chaos in a marriage. For there to be order, there must be leaders and followers.
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
It’s important to note that these instructions don’t absolve the husband of all responsibility, just like the previous commands for submission do not mean the government and masters can do what they want. All leaders are under the authority of King Jesus and must ultimately answer to Him for their deeds. And husbands are dealt with in v. 7. However, a citizen usually cannot change the operation of the government, a servant cannot change the behavior of his master, and a wife cannot change the heart or actions of a husband. All three of these people must learn to adapt and live Christianly despite adverse circumstances.
Notice how the verse commands, “but in subjection to your own husbands.” We are not trying to teach something like Muslim culture where women have no rights and are of lesser value than and are submissive to all men. The Bible is clear that men and women are equal in value and competence. Men do not automatically have the authority to rule over women. But a woman must submit to a man when that man is her husband so that an orderly home can be produced.
Exploring the Epistles of Peter: An Expository Commentary (1) The Requirement (3:1a)
None of this means that men are superior to women or that women are inferior to men. It simply means that God has a blueprint for marriage and that He insists on order in the home. To establish that order, He assigns their respective roles to the husband and the wife. There cannot be two captains on a ship; neither can there be two people at the helm in the home.
b. Submission is a witness for Christ to an unbelieving husband. (3:1b-2, 1 Peter 2:11-12, Ephesians 5:33)
Why should wives submit because God commands it, but there is another reason given here.
The verse describes unbelieving husbands. They do not obey the word. Of course, just like the case of a master and a servant, having an unbelieving authority who may be hostile to Christianity would make the relationship of submission—which was already hard to begin with—even harder. A wife already naturally rebels against that place of submission because of sin, but when her husband “obeys not the word,” she is even more tempted to fight back.
But the instruction here, as in the case of servants, is to make even more of a point to submit when the husband is not a Christian. To what end? So that, without ever reading the Bible, without ever going to church, they may see the reality of Christianity.
[talk about different kinds of evidence]
Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul; Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation.
The next verse says that husbands will notice the actions of their wives. It’s a given. The word “behold” speaks of looking closely at. Like you’re at the store, see something that interests you, and pull it off the shelf for a closer look.
Evil men are strict observers of the conversation of the professors of religion; their curiosity, envy, and jealousy, make them watch narrowly the ways and lives of good people.
If their wives recently got saved, the husbands may be specifically watching to see what this new religion is about. It’s like if you do or have worked retail, you’re the face of that company to the people you help. [example of Subway] It’s the same with being a Christian. We are followers of Christ. We are supposed to be like Christ. So people will judge the truth of our claims and the character of our Lord by how we act. And this is especially true in a marriage relationship.
What should they see when they behold? Two things. First, a chaste conversation. That is, a pure lifestyle. This would have been quite different from the usual immorality that characterized the pagan world. Living in a pure, clean, holy way would have been an immediate evidence of genuine change.
Second, fear. This is like the fear of God in that it is less terror and more reverence. The wife acknowledges the leadership of her husband, even if he is unsaved, and gives respect to that position because it was appointed by God.
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
c. Christian women should focus on internal, rather than external, beauty. (3:3-4, 1 Timothy 2:9-15; Psalm 51:6, Psalm 149:4, 10-11)
These three things don’t need much explanation, but let’s run through them. [explain]
There are two ways to take the comment about putting on apparel. You could say the idea of costly apparel is implied, which may lead you to believe Peter is forbidding dressing up nice. You could also stick with the exact words and say it refers to all clothing. In that case, it’s obvious Peter is not forbidding any of these things, because we can be pretty confident he would not forbid wearing clothes. But he’s creating a contrast between a focus on inward and outward beauty.
In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.
Some other people say that kind of dress was associated with harlots in that time, which is why Peter spoke against it, but it wouldn’t necessarily be wrong today.
[Talk about New Jerusalem and stuff] I don’t believe Peter forbade jewelry or nice clothes, but is rather setting up a contrast.
Under costly attire there may be a humble mind.
The focus should not be on appearance. A Christian wife should not put all her energies into a rich appearance but neglect good works and godliness. The Pharisees tried to appear righteous but were really completely corrupt inside. It wasn’t that their outward righteous actions were necessarily bad, but rather that their hearts were in the wrong place entirely. Same with this example of godly wives.
The verse verse says that these women should rather seek to adorn themselves internally. The beauty should be in the hidden man of the heart. That inner, true self.
Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: And in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
The next phrase ties back to 2:18, speaking of our spirit as that which is not corruptible. As he explained much in the last part of chapter 1, all flesh is as grass and is fleeting. That should not be the focus of a women’s adorning. They instead should be focused on cultivating morality which gives more beauty than any outward, corruptible thing--and that spiritual beauty is more profitable, because it will influence an unsaved husband (and also others) toward Christ.
What specific virtues should a woman seek to embody in her spirit? Here’s another controversial idea—she should have a meek and quiet spirit.
Meek - “Mild of temper; soft; gentle; not easily provoked or irritated; yielding; given to forbearance under injuries.” (Webster)
Quiet - “Bearing with tranquility the disturbances caused by others.”
This is a very patriarchal and stereotypical picture, but it is the command of scripture. There is room for differences of personality within this but a Christian woman should always strive to be meek and quiet. She should defer to others, not seeking her own gain, and be patient with other people.
This is completely opposite from how women are encouraged to act today. They are told to be fierce, confident, and determined. So, so many modern movies and shows encourage women to be flawless, emotionless warriors who fight against the oppression of other people to get what they want. I could give many examples, and I’m sure you could think of some as well. It’s kind of a modern trend to take an existing story with a female character who struggles and grows in morality, then remake it where the character is already perfect and only has to realize how awesome she is.
It makes for awful storytelling and it’s unbiblical. Those characters should not be the standard. Instead, the standard should be to have a meek and quiet spirit.
Peter adds an encouraging note—this is, in the sight of God, of great price. More valuable than any gold, jewelry, or fancy clothes is a meek and quiet spirit. The world puts no value whatsoever on that, but God prizes it. Her price is far above rubies.
He delighteth not in the strength of the horse: He taketh not pleasure in the legs of a man. The Lord taketh pleasure in them that fear him, In those that hope in his mercy.
For the Lord taketh pleasure in his people: He will beautify the meek with salvation.
A godly woman doesn’t need gold, jewels, or nice clothes to be beautiful. She may wear them, but the real beauty will come from reflecting Christ.
d. Submission has been modeled by past Christians. (3:5-6a), Genesis 18:12, Romans 4:16)
Because submission to a difficult husband is a hard calling, Peter gives an example to inspire his readers. He calls our minds back to the long legacy of godly women in the Old Testament. These women adorned themselves with a meek and quiet spirit and obeyed their husbands. But here’s the real catch of this verse—they trusted in God.
Christians ought to do their duty to one another, not out of fear, nor from force, but from a willing mind, and in obedience to the command of God. Wives should be in subjection to their churlish husbands, not from dread and amazement, but from a desire to do well and to please God.
Just like Jesus enduring suffering, trusting the Father’s will and sovereignty, wives should trust in God’s purposes. They may think they are losing out by obeying a wicked husband. Maybe they are. But God is still God. God is still ordering their lives for good.
We see the specific example of Sara in the next verse. She obeyed her husband as he left their affluent home of Ur and traveled into the wilderness. This isn’t really seen in the text, but using some sanctified imagination, we can guess what she must have thought about leaving all the comforts of home and spending the rest of her life in a tent. How many wives here would be happy if your husband randomly told you that you’re going to sell your house and live in your car for the foreseeable future, traveling randomly from place to place?
It was doubtless a hard task for Sara. But she still obeyed Abraham. She went so far in recognizing his authority as to call him “lord.”
Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?
Not that all wives must call their husbands “lord.” Some commentaries say that this title is comparable to calling someone “sir” today. The point is that she submitted so much that she verbally acknowledged Abraham’s headship.
Next, we see that all Christian women are daughters of Abraham. We know from Romans that all Christians are spiritual descendents of Abraham, so it makes sense that we are also spiritual descendents of Sara.
Therefore it is of faith, that it might be by grace; to the end the promise might be sure to all the seed; not to that only which is of the law, but to that also which is of the faith of Abraham; who is the father of us all,
This is important because Sara, as a Christian wife’s ancestor, is also her example. We look to the faith of Abraham, and how he stepped into the unknown at the command of God. But Peter tells us that it’s also important to look at the faith of Sara, and how she stepped into the unknown at her husband’s command.
e. Wives should trust God without fear. (3:6b)
This phrasing is a little tricky. I believe the point here is that women are daughters of Abraham inasmuch as they do well. If you follow Sara’s example of faith, then you are faithfully being her daughter, and if not, then you are not. Not that you become unsaved or lose the spiritual ancestry of Abraham and Sara, but you are not being a true daughter.
Amazement in that last phrase means “astonishment, confusion, or perplexity.” Today, it means full of wonder or surprise in a good way, but this older usage can mean being surprised at something bad as well.
Anger assails men; fear, women. You need fear no man in doing what is right: not thrown into fluttering agitation by any sudden outbreak of temper on the part of your unbelieving husbands, while you do well.
This ties back to trusting in God. The holy women of old time trusted in God, removing fear. That is the example for today as well.
