Children and Their Parents
Notes
Transcript
Before I had a child, I was always told that being a parent was the hardest job one could ever have, but worth every ounce of effort. I have found that to be true. Being a parent is a monumental task. Our responsibility to our children is to provide a home, food, clothing, a nurturing environment, protection from wicked forces, and the guardrails for how they should operate in life. We do all of this work and then feel the responsibility for how it turns out while balancing the need to allow them to grow into their own identity in Christ.
Our responsibility to our children, simply put, is to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, and then launch them into adulthood, continuing to guide them, but leaving room for them to make their own decisions.
We understand a parent’s responsibility to their children, but today we are going to talk about a child’s responsibility to his or her parents. In the book of Colossians, Paul writes,
Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.
Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.
Paul is very brief in his commands, but it echoes what he says in Ephesians. In Colossians there is a simple command. Children be obedient to your parents in all things. The remainder of the sentence provides the reason behind the command. It is well-pleasing to the Lord.
We obey our parents because it pleases God.
We obey our parents because it pleases God.
We live in a world marked by brokenness. God’s original design was abandoned due to sin, which led to all the brokenness we experience every day. The imperfect family dynamics we experience are not part of God’s design. They are a result of the sinful nature we are all born with.
It does not take long for a child to begin expressing his or her personality. Even in a one year old, defiance of a parent’s authority can be clearly seen. It is obvious that one year old does not understand what he or she is doing, but as they get older, mom and dad, or whoever the adults in the home, are in charge. They have the authority. The child then tests that authority. But a child’s ultimate responsibility is to submit to their parent’s authority because it pleases God.
A parallel passage to Colossians is in Ephesians, where Paul spends much space addressing the relationship between husband and wife. The roles of husband and wife are to exemplify the roles of Christ and the church. In other words, Christian marriages are to function like a living example of what it is like to be in covenant relationship with Christ. But he continues by addressing the responsibility of children to their parents.
These verses in Colossians are like the abbreviated version of what he wrote before in Ephesians. Let’s look at Ephesians chapter six together:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise),
so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.
Just like the passage in Colossians, children are called to obey their parents because it is right. Does verses two and three look familiar? It should. It comes from the ten commandments. But this is the fifth in the order of commandments found in Exodus 20. So why does Paul call it the first commandment? Well, we should not read it as Paul stating it is the first in the order. It is, however, the first commandment that addresses interpersonal relationships, and it is the first one containing a promise for those who keep it.
The promise is that their days may be prolonged in the land in which the Lord their God gives them. Remember that the covenant with Moses at Sinai is conditional. If Israel was to retain the blessings of God, there were ground rules. The first command he gives after telling Israel how to relate to him is how to relate to their parents. This is significant. God cares about the relationship between parent and child, and children are not the authority in the home. Parents are.
If you are a child living under your parent’s roof, they are the authority. God has placed them in your life to lead you, to guide you, and show you how to walk with Jesus. Unless they are telling you to do something ungodly, your responsibility is to obey them. Obedience to your parents glorifies God.
But there’s a reason our parents are given this authority beyond the fact that they gave birth to us. Let’s talk about that.
Obeying our earthly parents teaches us to obey our heavenly Father.
Obeying our earthly parents teaches us to obey our heavenly Father.
A relationship to your parents is the first relationship you are born into. Everybody on earth comes from somebody. Biology teaches us this, but we inherently know this. Adopted children often want to find their birth parents because they want to know where they come from. Our parents are placed in our lives by biological necessity, but also because God designed it that way. As we grow up, God knows we are going to need structure and guidance, so our parents are supposed to provide that.
God knows we need to learn to obey our parents. It is his way of preparing us to obey him. The book of Proverbs is full of wisdom. The first several chapters read like a father’s letters to his son. there are numerous references to the father pleading to his son to listen to his teaching.
Hear, my son, your father’s instruction
And do not forsake your mother’s teaching;
My son, if you will receive my words
And treasure my commandments within you,
Make your ear attentive to wisdom,
Incline your heart to understanding;
For if you cry for discernment,
Lift your voice for understanding;
If you seek her as silver
And search for her as for hidden treasures;
Then you will discern the fear of the Lord
And discover the knowledge of God.
My son, do not forget my teaching,
But let your heart keep my commandments;
For length of days and years of life
And peace they will add to you.
Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father,
And give attention that you may gain understanding,
For I give you sound teaching;
Do not abandon my instruction.
Hear, my son, and accept my sayings
And the years of your life will be many.
My son, give attention to my words;
Incline your ear to my sayings.
Do not let them depart from your sight;
Keep them in the midst of your heart.
My son, give attention to my wisdom,
Incline your ear to my understanding;
That you may observe discretion
And your lips may reserve knowledge.
The caveat to all of this is that the parent is a believer in the Lord and follows him. But even if your parent is not Christian, you are still under their authority, and obedience to their authority trains you in life to also submit yourself to the authority of God.
A parent is God’s representative to a child until that child comes to faith, grows into adulthood, and becomes responsible for walking with God himself. If you cannot bring yourself to be obedient to your parents, how do you expect to be obedient to God, who gave you your parents? It is impossible, because obedience to your parents honors God.
The reason this is a struggle is because of the brokenness that sin has caused, but in our overcoming sin, we have to put back into place what God has ordained. Christ is the head of the church. He has the authority to guide us and direct us in all affairs. Similarly, the husband has been given headship in the home to mirror what Christ does for the church. Children are responsible for honoring the position God has given parents in the home through respect and obedience.
So how does this play out when we have multiple generations in the room? Let me offer a few points of application.
If you are grown and your parents are still around, remember you are not exempt from keeping the fifth commandment. You just keep it in a different way. The most important thing you can do for aging parents is care for them in their old age. They brought you up, and now it is time you provide for them in their time of need.
If you are grown but live at home, you may not realize it, but they still have authority over you. You live in their house and though you are an adult, they still get to run their house their way. If you don’t like it, work something out or move out. But you can’t honor God by disobeying your parents even in adulthood.
If you are still a child living in your parent’s house, they are the authority God has placed in your life. Your duty to God is to honor your father and mother. Regardless of how the situation is at home, your obedience to your parents, especially when it is difficult, is pleasing to the Lord.
Maybe you didn’t have a good father. Maybe you didn’t have good parents. I’m sorry if that’s the case. But know this: God is perfect in all of his attributes. He never designed life to be this way. But he sent his son Jesus to offer himself as a sacrifice, paying for our sins, so you can be invited back in to his family.
You can ask God to be your father today. All you have to do is admit you are a sinner. Acknowledge the brokenness of life. Believe in God’s solution to the brokenness in your life. When you accept Jesus as Lord and Savior, he comes into your life and begins to mend the broken pieces so we can recover God’s design for our lives.