God’s Purpose for Our Family

Struggling is a part of our growth and relationships are a part of our struggle.

The process of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly is called Metamorphosis.

When Metamorphosis is almost finished the caterpiller breaks out of the cocoon. The struggle is part of the process… the struggle builds strength that enables the butterfly to fly. Without the struggle the butterfly will not survive… metamorphosis will not be complete without the struggle.

No matter how bad we want to help the caterpiller get out of the cocoon, our help will only hinder the process. The butterfly will not be strong enough to fly.

Our struggle is important, we want to protect our family, our marriage, and our kids from pain but pain is part of the struggle of growth.

Our struggle drives us closer to Jesus, builds our faith, helps us to become a better person, gives us more experience, and shows us that God is always faithful.

Our personal relationship with God can be a struggle but we must see the benefit of abiding with Jesus through the struggle.

The same can be applied our relationships. When it comes to our immediate family and a marriage pain and struggles are inevitable and deeply personal.

Life is a struggle and relationships can be very consuming and difficult but what’s going to come out in the struggle?

Are we are quick to blame the other person?

Unfortunately we cannot control others, we cannot make other people’s decisions for them… we cannot make our spouse better… our kids will eventually become adults.

For all those who are married in the house…

Remember on your wedding day… what a beautiful moment… the pictures, the flowers, the music, the family, the celebration… everyone was happy… especially the newlyweds.

Remember the vow you made to one another… to love for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.

It seems like after the honeymoon, everything became real… life was tough. There was no better, only worse… there was not richer, only poorer… there was no health, only sickness.

We are quick to see our spouse as an obstacle… we can often see ourself as a victim in a difficult marriage. Everything he does/she does annoys me.

I don’t feel loved, I don’t feel appreciated, I don’t have those same feelings that I had when we first started dating. That man… that woman that I’m now married has abandon me and disappointed me, has hurt me.

Relationships are a struggle especially when they revolve around I and ME.

A healthy marriage is not possible if we put conditions on love…

When we view love as transactional… like a paycheck.

I will love if HER if she treats me with respect…

I’ll respect HIM when he is worthy of respect and I feel loved.

Marriage is hard because love must be freely given even when your spouse did not earn it or deserve it.

If marriage was easy, everyone will do it.

Unfortunately, Our world is full of victims of failed marriages.

Kid’s grow up in disfunction, verbal abuse, physical and emotional abuse… if they grew up not seeing a loving and healthy marriage modeled in their own home, then what’s the point of committing to marriage.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment and today, people don’t want to commit to anything.

Church, ministry, job, parenting their kids.

Marriage requires commitment.

Anything worth while is worth the commitment but in our dysfunctional society, when things get difficult, we bail.

When things get tough, we bail.

When something else better comes along, when something makes me feel better about myself, then just bail.

We all have dysfunction in our past. Just because it’s a learned behavior it doesn’t mean it’s a good decision.

For those who are not married yet, don’t rush into a relationship…

Don’t marry to somehow fill a void.

Enjoy your singleness, it’s a gift God has given you to enjoy and delight in it be content in it.

Marrying the right person requires waiting for the right person… not the perfect person but God’s choice.

So often people like the idea of marriage as if marriage is some sit com… or they see a happy couple and want to be happy like that happy couple appears to be.

Marriage is hard but marriage is wonderful when we marry wisely and live a Christ - Centered Marriage.

Paul describes a healthy, Christ-Centered marriage the way God views us as HIS church.

Our foundation must be on Christ personally before we can build a healthy, Christ Centered, Spirit led, Biblical marriage.

Why is love apart from God impossible.

Submitting to others isn’t natural for us.

Sacrificing for others isn’t natural for us.

Preferring others over ourselves isn’t natural for us.

Christ must be our foundation, we cannot love other people God’s way without abiding in God’s love.

We are not able to genuinely and sacrificially love without Jesus being our foundation and pursing that knowledge of God.

Establishing that… here is our text.

Ephesians 5:21–33 (ESV)

21 Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

PRAY

Adding vs 21 into our text is critical in any relationship, especially a marriage relationship. So often this verse is skipped when it comes to the roles of marriage as husband and wife.

Ephesians 5:20–21 ESV

20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Paul is leveling the playing field as followers of Christ. We are all called to submit to one another put ourselves under one another.

As we walk in love, as we are filled with the Holy Spirit, as our heart is overflowing with thanksgiving and praise to God. We don’t see others as an obstacle but in partnership with one another as we serve one another.

Our relationship with Jesus is the outflow that will benefit and bless every other relationship.

Our text this morning deals with a Christ centered marriage. However, Paul, within the same text, deals with our relationship with Christ as HIS church.

As follower of Jesus Christ submitting to HIS Lordship is necessary.

Whether you are married, single, divorced, widowed…

weather you are a parent, whether you are a child or teen living at home…

As HIS Church, we must learn to submit to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. (And that does not come natural to us)

Paul is dealing with family rolls between a wife and her husband and a husband and his wife. First, Let’s look at the wives…

Wives must submit and respect her husband as the Church submits to Christ.

Wives, submitting and respecting your husband is a command. It’s not old fashioned, back woods, or out of date command.

It’s still current, still relevant and it’s still Biblical.

Submitting and respecting your husband is not always easy but it’s still a command and God will bless your marriage when you obey.

Sometimes your husband doesn’t always get it right. Sometimes he makes bad decisions. Sometimes he isn’t easy to deal with or he isn’t worthy of your respect… but wives must submit and respect their husbands.

There will never be a marriage that is exempt from this command.

Sometimes for your own safety you need to leave an abusive situation. Mom, you protect your kids and you get someplace safe.

But if you just think he a lousy husband, is he argumentative, angry, and fearful. If you hear all negative all the time, how confident would you be as a leader?

The same is true at home, if your husband is struggling, encourage him, support him, talk to him if you are having trust issues but at the end, build him up.

Taring him down is never going to make him into the wonderful man you are looking for in a husband.

You are a work in progress, he is a work in progress.

List those qualities that he already has that you love and respect about him and be thankful for him.

Then ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with HIS presence so when the pressure is on the fruit of the Spirit comes out of you instead of the works of the flesh.

Ephesians 5:24 ESV

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Not just in the things we agree with but in everything.

Husbands, don’t just make a decision without consulting your wife. Do not abuse this God given authority because there is a God given weight to that authority.

As your wife, she is your greatest asset, she should always have your support, but also she should also have the greatest voice in your decisions.

God speaks wisdom through that cute beautiful little voice. Husbands, listen to her! When she is not happy about something you are doing, or you are deciding to do, give her your undivided attention. And take what she says as gold.

But at the end, wives, submit and respect your husband’s decision and support your husband as he leads the family.

Husbands, love your wives like Christ loves the church and gave HIMSELF up for her.

Wives have one command in a marriage but husbands have the weight of leadership and sometimes that weight can be overwhelming without following Christ’s leadership.

Men, learn to lead in your home by loving and serving well, lead sacrificially, love your wife with total devotion, protect your wife, pray for her and with her. Don’t carry all the weight of the burdens. You were not created to carry them, talk to your wife about them and take everything to the Lord in prayer.

There is power when married couples pray together.

Men, be led by the Holy Spirit as you are filled with the Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 5:18 ESV

18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,

When we are filled with the Holy Spirit we are able to love well, serve well and lead well.

Be a man who knows God’s Word, loves God’s Word, and aligns their life according to God’s Word.

Ephesians 5:25–27 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Men, Husbands, love your wife as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her. We must die to protect our wife and to protect our family. We must die to the things that the enemy will use to destroy our marriage.

Die to sexual immorality, impurity, idolatry, the love of money.

Jesus willingly sacrificed HIS life so the church could be sinless, holy, without spot or wrinkle justified before the Lord.

Husbands let Jesus be the example for us to follow HIM in our marriage. The church was by no means perfect yet, Jesus willingly laid down his life for HIS Bride, the church.

Men, husbands we need support, we need encouragement, we need a safe place to share our struggles.

Don’t listen with the idea of wanting to fix the issue, just listen.

Wives, please be that safe place as you walk through those difficult and challenging places in your marriage. Don’t walk in isolation but in communion with one another, in communion with Jesus. Praying together, taking all of our needs to the Lord.

Ephesians 5:28 ESV

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

The husband must love his wife as he loves himself.

Jesus tells us the 2 greatest commandments… Love God with your all and love your neighbor as your self.

We must love God completely, love self correctly, and love others compassionately.

We must love ourself correctly but (v.28) husbands must love your wife the way you love yourself.

How much do you love yourself?

Husbands, how you love yourself will be revealed in how you treat your wife.

Are you living in the past… are you riddled with guilt and shame?

Are you constantly reminded by your failures that you can’t move forward.

God loves you regardless of your past mistakes.

When you are in Christ Jesus, your past no longer defines you. Walk in forgiveness, grace, and love because in Christ, that’s who you are.

Ephesians 5:29–30 ESV

29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

If we love God and if God loves us then we must love others, especially our spouse.

Husbands love your wife as you love your self.

It’s not happy wife, happy life… it’s if you love your wife you will have a wife that joyfully respects and submits to her wonderful and loving husband.

And wives respect and submit to your husband and he will joyfully and graciously love you.

Husbands, take care of things at home first, that is your number one ministry, your number one relationship priority here on earth is your marriage.

How much are we investing in our marriage?

We spend a whole lot on ourselves, our kids, our house, our cars… but our marriage?

If a marriage is compared to Christ and the Church then we must take marriage as something sacred, holy, and cherished. Just like our relationship with Jesus, it only gets better with time.

The secret to a happy heathy marriage is knowing our Biblical roles and living them out.

Ephesians 5:33 ESV

33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Wives need to know they are loved and husbands need to know they are respected.

TAKE AWAY:

Are you putting conditions on your love?

Single People… are you being content and Christ centered in your singleness?

Married People…

Wives, how well are you submitting and respecting your husband?

Husbands, how well are you loving and sacrificing for your wife?

How much are you investing in your marriage?