Sweaty Subjects (2)

Dating.

Hey guys ! Hope you are all doing well tonight! We are getting closer and closer to the end of the school year… How do you guys feel about that?

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Quick questions…. does anyone know what Epistemology means? Epistemology is a philosophical term which means… How we come to know things… How do we as humans come to understand things… like what is true?

So I have a question for you guys to start us off… Why do Christians believe what they believe?

Christians believe what we believe because God has given us His written word and instructions about why the World is the way it is, and how we are supposed to live! In simple terms, our etymology — why we think what we think— is the Bible.

Today we are continuing our two part series…. the Sweaty Subjects…. Remember last week we talked about sex.

And quickly to recap…. lets cover what we learned about sex super fast… I won’t ask for responses from you guys this time… not cause I don’t trust you…. But anyway…

The most important thing that we learned, is that God gets to decide the parameters around sex. We don’t! And what is cool, is that God laid it out suuuuper specifically and intentionally so that we know exactly what to do and what not to do! We don’t need to ask — What does God really want for sex? He put it plain and simple.

Now this week is a little different… Today we are taking a step back and we are going to talk about dating! woohoo!

This is when the couples in the room purposefully avoid eye-contact

Does anyone know what the bible says about dating? Who wants to be brave?

Yeah its a trick question because the bible actually does not say anything about dating… So why is that? Well the concept of dating didn't even exist until the 1800’s. like a couple hundred years ago. So for the rest of history before that…. They did not date. Including the bible times. They just got engaged to be married, then got married. wild eh?

So before we say anything else we need to ask ourselves… what does that mean to us? that they didn't have dating in bible times… Well the first thing it tells us is that we don’t *need* dating. Dating is not a requirement to be married. But does it then mean that dating is bad? No it also does not mean that because since the bible never speaks on dating… it does not speak against dating.

Now… just because the bible does not say: “This is how you need to ask a girl out and behave on a date” Does not mean that we cannot take biblical principals and apply them to our dating culture, make sense?

So let’s answer a few questions:

Why should I date?

Well biblically, there is no reason to. You can actually save yourselves a lot of pain and heartache by waiting a long time to date.

Is dating wrong?

No! But it should be done a certain way and that way should involve “Dating without regrets” which is not a super easy thing to do, but it is possible.

What is the purpose of dating?

To find someone to marry! Does that mean that we should just get married now? No, please don’t get married now. But it means that there is really no room for the idea that “I want to date because all my friends are” or Lord forbid: “To get the experience of dating” — You can actually have an awesome dating relationship even if you didn’t date 20 people to “test the waters”… That is a terrible way of thinking about dating

If you are dating, you need to date intentionally… Meaning you have to know 100% that this is someone who you could see marrying. Because what you are saying by dating them is that “Even though we are in grade 11 and we aren't going to get married now, that is what dating is about.”

When you think about dating that way — it makes you respect and honour that person so much higher. Because you might marry them some day, they aren’t just a “high school experience”. They actually matter. And guess what… if the person you date isn't going to be your spouse, he or she is likely going to be someone else's.

I dated a girl in high school for two years who was a solid believer. It did not work out between us, (God knew what He was doing cause He gave me Rachel) but we worked really hard at good Godly dating. Fast forward a few more years, and both of us are married to different people… Now I know that myself and my wife look back at that relationship and are actually thankful! No boundaries were broken and we both grew in our faith during that time. It is possible to date well as a Christian, although its not easy.

On the other hand of things — I am very thankful that Rachel didn’t really date in high school cause again its really hard to date well in high school. Not impossible but it takes a lot of work and reliance on God.

4. Who do I date? Who is the one???

a. We might wonder right away, how do I know WHO I should be dating?

And a lot of times, we do this thing…where we make up a checklist of the types of qualities we would love to have in our significant other…Which isn’t a bad thing, there are definitely good things to look for, which we will talk about, and red flags to avoid… but… the whole idea of checklists has a few problems…

It isn’t realistic that someone can fulfill all our hopes and dreams of a checklist! Because we down put flaws on checklists, and we all got em!

But it also creates this idea that, when I find this perfect person…who checks all my boxes… they will complete me. Ever heard that? “You complete me”? A lot of us are searching for someone to complete us…whether we realize it or not… And the reality is… no matter how awesome a bf or gf may be, they are human and will let ya down and they have their own problems… they aren’t perfect and wont be able to complete us…

It is only, we believe, Jesus that can complete us. God who made us, gets the right to be able to complete us, people cant live up to that… and so when we expect them to it means they will for sure fail and let us down.

Because when your identity — your “completion” comes from some person on the earth, like your future spouse — or even some thing, like sex for example, that thing will let us down. 100% of the time. Our completion and identity need to come from Christ alone. He designed us to have a relationship with Him.

Colossians 10:2 says

The New International Version Chapter 2

and in Christ you have been brought to fullness

And guys, if you want to know who you should date, date someone who believes that whole-heartedly. That Christ completes them, and their identity is in Him.

Another pit fall we all get caught up in is this really selfish way of thinking — I want a person like this… I wont date a person who doesn't have this… When really what the questions should be for us, guys…. Especially if you are someone who wants to date and be married in the future.

Is about the other person. What kind of person do you think they will want to marry? What changes do you have to make in yourself to get to that point?

It is ridiculous to expect the perfect Christian boy or the perfect Christian girl to come along into your life when your faith is not a priority whatsoever in your own life.

Let’s not look at dating from a selfish point of view.

Next Question:

5. Does it matter if I date a non-Christian?

In short… yeah it matters…… let me explain.

Im not saying, that no one has ever dated a non christian and it ended up being great, that they came to faith and are both passionate about following Jesus now… and many many God loving people have spouses that weren’t Christians at the time or that they married before they themselves became a Christian, thats a different situation.

But heres an important note: Conversations about faith with someone you like, CAN happen —— before a romantic relationship is pursued… we don’t have to FLIRT to CONVERT…we can simply show people we care and that Jesus loves them…without dating them. And that will cover a lot of potential future issues.

The most often used verse in tackling this subject is this one…

2 Cor 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

So what is a yoke? Hillaby - bring up the yoke please

We aren't talking egg yolk. This is an Ox yoke. The point of this tool is so that two cattle can march in one direction together and well. But if a weak Ox and a strong ox are yoked together, what do you think happens? They go in circles… cause the stronger one cant force the other straight. Or what happens if they dont agree which way to go?

In a similar way, a christian who is yoked to an unbeliever won’t agree which way to go… which will produce a negative, unproductive relationship for God. And the sad reality is, many christians who have tried this dating method, have eventually given up and said “Im tired of pushing back, so ill give in and go the direction of my unbelieving partner”

You can go towards Jesus —— Or you can go towards other things. you have to pick one.

The bible explains The Christian life like running a race. Hebrews 12 says that we are to run the race with our eyes fixed on Jesus. God is the ultimate prize for us and everything else in comparison is trash.

So heres the thing… when we are looking for a companion… its hard to do that if that person isn’t on the same journey as we are. Its hard if their life is pointed in a different direction… and it might not seem tough now… especially f they say “oh I believe in a God” awesome! check that box! …. But over time the difference will become more obvious and more difficult.

last question:

6. When should I be dating?

Well for some of us its simple…. Our parents have told us you can’t date until you're ____ old. And I hate to say it, but if thats the case for you — the bible is clear about honouring your parents.

If that is not the case fro you, the question changes to — “When am I ready to date” and what makes you ready to date?

Well, I think a lot of what we have talked about relates to that… if you have been nodding along, maybe you are ready for that… if still there is a mindset of “screw this! I just want to date for something to do, or because It feels good to me, or ______” thats probably definitely a sign that you are not ready to date … we should have a sense of maturity in how we are trying to date without regrets, value the other person, and work on who we are becoming more than developing our own checklist.

I think two things that can be good indicators if we are ready is this…

First, Our relationship with God is top priority in our life,

As awesome as that other person is… even when you are married… God deserves and demands top spot in our life….that is the most important relationship we will have, with the one who made us! And it needs to stay that way, even in the exciting phase of a new relationship… are you in a place like that?

Second, you need a good third wheel.

Not necessarily meaning that you need to bring a friend to sit awkwardly and chaperone you all the time… but in the sense that you allow other people to have an input into your relationship… that you have a community of people around you that love God… that can help keep you accountable in this relationship…

Whether it is parents or friends… we need people to tell us when we are being dumb, prioritizing the wrong things or making bad choices… that keeps us safe, because we are all able to easily be dumb! Its kind of like training wheels.. that third wheel is pretty important… without it when you are learning, you will eat pavement hard… and so you may need to lean quite a bit on that for protection.

So. That is some stuff to think about. Whether this is a topic that feels relevant to you right at this moment or not… it will be, and it has a lot to do with faith, and so we should not take it lightly…

Lets pray.

Small Group Questions

Any initial thoughts on the lesson?

Why do you think dating is so big in our culture?

What are the differences between a relationship that prioritizes Christ and one that doesn't?

What do you think a biblical, God-honouring dating relationship would look like practically?