LET GO + LET GOD

Scripture

Romans 12:17–21 ESV

17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Introduction

I need to start tonight with a trigger warning. If you enjoy being in conflict, tonight is not going to be your favorite message. If you find satisfaction in strife, you’re not going to like what I have to say tonight. If you take joy in holding grudges, the Bible is going to offend you tonight.

Let me take it a step further. If you’re comfortable using words like “toxic” when referring to Christian brothers and sisters, you may be uncomfortable tonight. In fact, you might feel slightly provoked. That’s okay. I’m ready for that. More importantly, God is ready for that. My heart tonight is to challenge us to take a closer look at what God says about the way that we’re supposed to love problematic people. You might even call them your enemies, but I want to caution you from using that word flippantly. I’m not suggesting that you put your head in the sand and be ignorant of the trouble in the world that will come your way. Jesus even tells us that people will hate us because of Him.

John 15:18 ESV

18 “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.

What I am suggesting is that we identify our primary enemy more directly and intentionally. The Bible tells us who he is and what he does.

1 Peter 5:8 ESV

8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

If we’re going to obey the command of Jesus to love each other well, we are going to have to be adamant about the ministry of reconciliation and passionate about unity in the body of Christ.

John 13:34 ESV

34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

We’ve been talking about a lot of different types of relationships in this series, and tonight we’re going to spend some time in the Word discussing how to have relationships with difficult people in difficult circumstances. Here’s my spoiler for you before we even dive too deeply into this thing: you are going to have to release your grip on some ideas that are tied to your hurts and allow the Holy Spirit to do a deep work in some places that need healing.

If you’re taking notes tonight, the title of our message is “LET GO AND LET GOD.”

1. Don’t EVER…(Romans 12:17) [THE OFFICE CLIP]

Michael Scott puts it this way.

There’s no asterisk about this one. What’s interesting is that Paul tells us in Romans 12:9 that we’re to hate what is evil. Notice that he doesn’t tell us to hate who is evil, though. We can’t be oblivious to evil in the world, but we can choose how we respond to it when it is directed at us.

Hating what is evil doesn’t mean we have the right to repay that evil with more evil. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.

There is no Biblical basis for you retaliating against someone who’s wronged you. Zero. It doesn’t matter what was done to you or what was said about you. Your wrong is not justified by someone else’s.

2. Show it Off (Romans 12:17)

This is not just about the attitude of your heart. What we’re getting ready to talk about covers more than just you deciding to withhold revenge. It’s about more than deciding not to act foolish. It’s about going above and beyond and demonstrating with your actions that you’re the disciple of Jesus your words claim you are. When the opportunity to repay evil arises, we’re called to do more than just abstain and avoid. Instead, we’re called to act in opposition to the instincts we might have to execute judgment. Staying neutral isn’t an option. Not only do we not have the right to repay evil, we have to demonstrate with our actions that we’re honoring God and one another in every way. Are we having fun yet?

3. What’ My Responsibility Here? (Romans 12:18)

Let’s talk about living at peace with everyone for a second. Who is “everyone” in this context? Other Christians? Estranged family? Gay people? Murderers? Liars? Pastors? Jews? Gentiles? Palestinians?

Well, it’s everyone. We’re to pursue peace with every person and every people, including the ones who have hurt us or wronged us. Is peace an option? If it is, then it’s a responsibility. Choosing to live in peace doesn’t mean choosing to be a doormat. It doesn’t mean being an idiot and letting people take advantage of you or abuse your kindness over and over and over again. It means making the intentional effort to choose reconciliation over retaliation.

I know this will raise a lot of questions, so I want to try to preemptively answer as many of them as I possibly can by pointing you to the Word of God.

Isaiah 55:12 ESV

12 “For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.

John 14:27 ESV

27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

When it comes to relationships, we are to pursue peace. We’re all to pursue peace. In every conflict, we’re to pursue peace. In every argument, we’re to pursue peace. The only way to do that wisely is led by the Holy Spirit. He will always point you to living in peace as much as you are able to do. That means not quitting when it isn’t easy. That means extending the same forgiveness to others that Jesus offers you. That means you can live in peace without evening the score. How do we pursue peace in relationships?

First of all, invite the Holy Spirit into the process. He is the peace that Jesus promised to leave us in John 14. He will help you settle your feelings and give you wisdom in how to move forward.

Second of all, evaluate your role in the conflict and get honest about what actually happened and why you’re actually upset. Were you sinned against or were you the one who did the sinning? Is it an issue that you can resolve with the Holy Spirit on your own? Is the behavior habitual or was it a one-time offense? Does the other person involved know what happened? Let’s look at a couple of verses to give us a Biblical foundation for some practical application.

Matthew 5:38–48 ESV

38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40 And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41 And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. 42 Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you. 43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? 48 You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Does the offense require a confrontation? Do you need an apology to forgive by faith? I’d venture to say that most offenses in our hearts shouldn’t require anything more for us to live in peace than some quality time with the Lord. In that time, you can both ask the Lord to show you the other person’s heart and you can catch His heart for that person. It’s hard to hate someone you’re committed to seeing through the eyes of Jesus. Love requires action. If someone has done something that bothers you, start by praying for him and choosing to bless him with your words and your actions.

I believe there’s a place for Biblical confrontation, and the Bible gives us a template for how to do it. Let me preface by saying this, though: I don’t believe we need to go around confronting one another over every little hurt feeling or offense. Ask yourself if the action that offended you had more to do with you or the other person? Was it an isolated incident? Are they going through something hard? Was what they said out of character or has it become a pattern? I believe we should be able to see isolated incidents as just that. Believe the best according to 1 Corinthians 13:7 and let it go. Pray for people who are clearly acting out of hurt. Let God correct them and you keep your heart right.

Should an issue become habitual, the Bible tells us how to confront one another in love.

Matthew 18:15–16 NLT

15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.

Remember that we’re talking about other believers here. The goal in the conversation should be to win that person back. If you’re unsuccessful solving it between the two of you, involve someone else. It’s most effective to involve someone else who can speak to the behavior. The next verse talks about taking it to the church, which sounds extreme, right? The proper order in that scenario would be to take it to church leadership and allow them to move forward as they see fit.

What is absent from this protocol is going and telling everyone you know about someone else’s sins in an effort to build an army of your own against one person. The goal is restoration and reconciliation, not public shaming and excommunication. The goal is build the body of Christ by strengthening the individual parts. We accomplish that when we choose to live in peace. Ask yourself if it’s Holy Spirit demanding that this issue be confronted or your fragile ego?

Before we move forward, let’s clarify something. You’re to leave at peace with everyone as much as it depends on you. There comes a point in which you have done everything that you can do to live in peace and it’s just not possible. Peace requires cooperation, and you can’t live in peace with someone who is abusing you. You genuinely might need to remove yourself from a relationship with another Christian. In those instances, I believe we need to involve pastoral leadership. That’s for your safety, the safety of the rest of the flock, and the good of the other person involved.

3. Revenge is Best Served Smiling (Romans 12:19)

This is pretty straightforward, but it’s important that you know your qualifications for exacting revenge. You don’t have any. Only God is perfect, which means He’s the only one who can legitimately take revenge. The beauty of the gospel is that God, though He was justified in executing revenge on every single one of us, chose instead of punish sinless Jesus. if God can demonstrate mercy to people when He’s uniquely positioned to serve judgment, so can you. It should also remind you of what He’s done for you and take your eyes off of others.

4. This, Not That - Burning Coals Edition (Romans 12:20)

Instead of putting yourself in the position of Judge God, aim to imitate Servant Jesus. When you feel like snubbing your nose at someone, serve instead. One of the quickest ways to get your feelings to line up with the Word of God is to purposefully walk in love. When you don’t feel like you love someone, act like you do.

The reference to heaping burning coals on someone’s head is probably not understood contextually by most people. This is a reference to an ancient practice in which someone who had sinned would carry the hot ash of burning coals on their heads for a season to demonstrate repentance. When we walk in love, we position people for a comeback. We make space for them to become who God has called them to be. Remember, Romans 2:4 tells us that it’s kindness that leads to repentance. Walking in love when people hurt us isn’t meant to make them feel bad. It’s meant to bring them to repentance.

5. Goodness Gracious (Romans 12:21)

How do we conquer evil? By doing good. The way to eradicate evil is to flood our lives with the goodness of God shown by our actions. I want to reiterate that this doesn’t mean being reckless with your life. It means being led by the Holy Spirit. He will always lead you to truth. He will always lead you to wisdom. He will always lead you to love. He will lead you to the right good to do. We can’t expect the world to change magically. We have to be the change we wish to see in the world and in the church. How? By doing. Talking is good. I like to talk vision. Let’s keep talking about it, but let’s also start doing something about it. There’s a lot that needs changing in the world and in the Church, and it starts when we begin seeing our part in it.

Invitation to Response

We need to handle some business with the Lord tonight. Living at peace with everyone means living at peace with yourself. If you’re here tonight and you’re struggling to find peace in your soul, this altar is a place where you can bring your fear to die. If you’re holding on to a hurt from someone else, the first step is to let it go by faith. Sacrifice the offense and the hurt tonight. Allow God to wash it away with His love. Make the faith choice to commit to being a person who walks in the peace of God and lives in peace with everyone by the power of the Spirit.