Godly Conflict

BABY DEDICATION:

INTRO: Last week we had our dogs in the running around in garage and one of our cats was laying asleep on the lawn seat when the dog hopped up on the mower to check him out! The cat attacked, the dog attacked the cat went ballistic like a ninja with his fierce claws slicing the dogs face open.

That is life in the church at times

Relationship explosions

Ballistic responses

And a lot of wounds to nurse later

Sometimes, it may seem easier to walk away from a friendship than address a serious conflict. But, working through such problems and making amends is vital to maintaining worthwhile friendships, and personal growth for all parties involved.

Most CEOs agree that conflict management is difficult. When asked which is the biggest area for their own personal development, nearly 43 percent of CEOs rated conflict management skills the highest on the “2013 Executive Coaching Survey” from the Stanford Graduate School of Business.

What instruction does the Bible give us regarding conflict in the church?

Matthew 18:15–20 NLT

15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. 17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. 18 “I tell you the truth, whatever you forbid on earth will be forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit on earth will be permitted in heaven. 19 “I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. 20 For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.”

I think this applicable in many other relational areas of our life too…

1. Take Them Aside (Go privately; ASAP)

Addressing publically causes pride to rise up and they will typically lash back to “defend their honor.” (Same with kids, spouses, church goers…it don’t matter)

EX: A mother screaming at her kids in Walmart. Making unkind comments to your spouse at a church gathering. Handle it when you get home, set-up a meeting

Ephesians 4:26–27 NLT

26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

2. Talk It Out (Point out the offense)

Be strong and courageous, don’t just bury the offense; maybe write down notes in preparation for the meeting

Approach them humbly and share vulnerably

If we are the one approached how should we respond?

James 1:19–20 NLT

19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20 Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.

i. Listen With Empathy - Understanding the emotional state of another person; “Put yourself in the other person’s shoes”

ii. Be Slow To Speak (Remain calm)

iii. Be Slow To Become Angry

Proverbs 18:2 NLT

2 Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.

Advice to all parties involved:

• Remain calm. Recognize when you are becoming defensive or too emotional.

• Do not blame or accuse each other.

• Focus on the issue at hand, not the way you are feeling toward each other.

• Explore underlying issues.

• Accept that each other’s perspective is different, but not necessarily wrong.

• Be willing to apologize and forgive.

3. Take A Friend (Take one or two others with you)

Deuteronomy 19:15 NLT

15 “You must not convict anyone of a crime on the testimony of only one witness. The facts of the case must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.

4. Take It To The Church (Take your case to the church)

1 Corinthians 6:1–8 NLT

1 When one of you has a dispute with another believer, how dare you file a lawsuit and ask a secular court to decide the matter instead of taking it to other believers! 2 Don’t you realize that someday we believers will judge the world? And since you are going to judge the world, can’t you decide even these little things among yourselves? 3 Don’t you realize that we will judge angels? So you should surely be able to resolve ordinary disputes in this life. 4 If you have legal disputes about such matters, why go to outside judges who are not respected by the church? 5 I am saying this to shame you. Isn’t there anyone in all the church who is wise enough to decide these issues? 6 But instead, one believer sues another—right in front of unbelievers! 7 Even to have such lawsuits with one another is a defeat for you. Why not just accept the injustice and leave it at that? Why not let yourselves be cheated? 8 Instead, you yourselves are the ones who do wrong and cheat even your fellow believers.

CONCLUSION:

“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.” - Thomas Paine

Wether your conflict is with a fellow Christian in the church, your spouse or someone else… Remember this:

“You are trying to solve a problem, not win a war.”

Men, we like to conquer (hunt, kill, mount, move on) BE CAUTIOUS, BE HUMBLE

ACTION PLAN (From This Day Forward - Craig Groeschel)

Meet somewhere with no distractions

Agree on the problem at hand (Owning your part)

Discuss the solutions, select one you can agree on, apply it

Meet again to measure the progress and make necessary changes

Celebrate the wins