Anchored in Love: Understanding Biblical Roles and Flexibility in Marriage

Intro:

Importance of Communication in an athletic team sport

Importance of Communication in a Military Mission

Marriage is a Collaborative Mission based institution that requires teamwork and communication.

The Lord was clear about what the primary role of marriage was to be in society

Genesis 1:26–28 CSB

26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness. They will rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the livestock, the whole earth, and the creatures that crawl on the earth.” 27 So God created man in his own image; he created him in the image of God; he created them male and female. 28 God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it. Rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and every creature that crawls on the earth.”

(v.26) Management and Stewardship of the creation

(v.28) Expansion & Dominion under the authority and rule of Christ.

This Mission was immediately deemed a failure at the Fall of Man(Adam & Eve)

But we were recommissioned after the Resurrection:

Matthew 28:18–20 CSB

18 Jesus came near and said to them, “All authority has been given to me in heaven and on earth. 19 Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

(v.18-20) The Great Commission is a recommissioning service to all believers. So this tells us that a married couple is in joint cooperation with this text as our mission objectives. Our happiness comes second to this joint mission:

This is why the permanence in marriage is stressed by Jesus. “what God has put together let no man take asunder”

why does he does this?

Because a Healthy Christian marriage gives the world a symbolic picture of God’s relationship to the church, which helps the world conceptualize “the Gospel itself”

The best bible track ever written is a Godly Marriage.

eph 5:25-32

Ephesians 5:25–32 CSB

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of his body. 31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church.

Objective: My assignment is Roles and Responsibilities

Now that we have established the Joint, Collaborative mission that our Lord has given to us we must work out how that message will be disseminated between us as a couple.

Step by Step vs Principles

Step by Step tells you the “what” but Principles tells you the “why”

Explanation for cooking steak:

Cut of Meat: Select, Choice, or Prime

Doneness: Rare, medium rare, medium, Medium well, and Well-Done

Presentation: Don’t cut the steak for at least 20min after pulling of the grill or oven, Cut the meat against the grain

These are all principles of handling steak on the grill or oven. Once you know these you can then taper the recipe to your liking. Some people just like a steak with no seasoning. Some people like a steak with just Salt & Pepper, Some people like their steak well seasoned with some Garlic Butter on the side. Even with all this variance the principles for cooking the steak are the same.

The Bible is not a step by step book on how to have a happy marriage. It is a book of principles whereby which if you know the principles you can implement them in your house with your own seasonings.

Some folks are young married. Married fresh out of high school or college. They will have challenges related to that situation

Some folks got married as older adults already in the Professional World

Some folks never lived away from home and got married

Some folks came into marriage without any children between them

Some folks came into marriage whereby which one person had a child and the other one had to love both

Some folks came into marriage and had to blend two families with children, because this is there second marriage.

For these Reasons the bible did not give a step by step because there are two many situation that require different methods. The Bible gave principles

It is on that premise we will give the first principle:

I. Chew up the meat and spit out the bones

Genesis 2:24 CSB

24 This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.

Mark 10:8–9 CSB

8 and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

What does it mean to become one flesh?

Spiritual Union: After Consummation there is an immediate spiritual union or blending. It is not progressive, it is immediate. Just like when you got saved. You were immediately united with Christ.

Practical Union: This is an on-going process whereby which we learn to function as two people with separate wills, desires, past experiences, family dynamics, and communication styles which overtime get blended into one cohesive narrative(story).

(v.24) Notice the text “man leave his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh” This leaving is physical, emotional and practical

Practical- Both the Husband and Wife have been raised in separate homes watching parents handle marital responsibilities in different ways.

ex: The wife was raised in a home with two parents the father worked and the mother stayed at home and raised the kids. The Husband was raised by his mother and watched her do everything. The Husband does not really have positive example of a man who works to provide for his family.

That is why the principles of the bible become important because our experiences must filtered through the bible.

There are some principles we learned growing up the align with the bible, but there are some principles we learned that do not align with the bible. We are to hold fast to those things which are biblical, but we are to throw away those things which don’t align with the bible.

Transition Statement: Now that we have established that you must build your home based on what works for you as a couple built on Biblical Principles Lets take a look at some of principles that are true for all those in the room.

II. Husband Love & Wives Respect

Ephesians 5:33 CSB

33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.

(v.33) “To sum up” Paul in Ephesians gives his most comprehensive teaching of Christian Marriage in Chapter 5. He tells the wife “submit unto your husband as unto the Lord” and he tells the man “Love your wife like christ loves the church” What Paul gives us here is Principles, which applies to all Christian Marriage.

(v.33) Paul then gives us a conclusive statement in this (v) We know that because of the prepositional phrase “to sum it up”

You will remember I am giving your principles not steps:

(v.33) “Each one of you is to love his wife”

Clearly Paul is talking to all the men. He says “each one” every Christian man is bound by this command. We are to all “love” Paul uses the greek word “agape” (present, active, imperative) Paul is commanding all Christian men to continually Love their wife with the same love Christ loves us with demonstrated by his death on the cross!!! A self-sacrificial love.

(v.33) “and the Wife is to respect her Husband”

That word “respect” in the greek: Phobia which carries the idea of “reverential fear/respect” this carries the idea of having such a “respect” for the position he holds you are able to respect him even when he does not behave according to the title he holds. Your Respect is in the title first, then secondly it moves to him, personally.

Now let’s get Practical:

Husband when you think about the daily responsibilities involved in fulfilling the mission of God for your family what are ways you can display agape(love) to your wife and family?

Gratitude

Sensitivity to her daily struggles and challenges as a woman & mother

Time off

Wives when you think about the daily responsibilities involved in fulfilling the mission of God for you family what are ways you can display phobia(respect) to your husband and your family?

Gratitude

Verbal Affirmation/Respectful tone

Time Off

Conclusion: Love & Respect are the foundational principles for Husband and Wife. However you decide to delegate daily responsibilities these two principles must be maintained.

III. Husbands Role

Husbands the bible is not silent about it’s expectation of you in the marriage let’s take look at them:

Leader

1 Corinthians 11:3 CSB

3 But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of the woman, and God is the head of Christ.

In the same way Christ provides leadership and oversight to his bride the church, Husband you are to lovingly lead your wife. Notice I put (lovingly) because she is not your slave, nor child. She should have a voice in the home, she should be your confidant particularly as you make decision for the family.

Protector

1 Peter 3:7 CSB

7 Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker partner, showing them honor as coheirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

Men testerone, which contributes to his physical strength. Making him physical stronger than his wife. We are to deal with our wives understanding this truth. They should feel protected by us not from us. During conflicts men make sure to watch your tone, so as not to intimidate your wife.

and why?

so your prayers won’t be hinder. God says that’s my baby you better not intimidate her with your strength. I gave you that strength to protect her from others not to be used against her.

Provider

Pre-fall

Genesis 2:15 CSB

15 The Lord God took the man and placed him in the garden of Eden to work it and watch over it.

(EXP)(15) Notice what God gave Adam. He gave him a job and a job description. He was responsible for providing for his new family. Husband you are primarily responsible for providing for the family. If your wife has income it is part of the overflow. You are the provider.

Genesis 3:17 CSB

17 And he said to the man, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘Do not eat from it’: The ground is cursed because of you. You will eat from it by means of painful labor all the days of your life.

(EXP)(17) Prior to the fall work for Adam was a joy. He was a farmer, so the ground was always fertile, no weeds. All he had to do was plant and pick. And the first garden blueprint was already given to him by God. All he had to do was cultivate what God had already created. After the fall God introduce sin not only into the first couple but also the ground.

Adam will have to labor for the sustenance for his family but now with resistance. It won’t come easy

Priest

Deuteronomy 6:3–9 CSB

3 Listen, Israel, and be careful to follow them, so that you may prosper and multiply greatly, because the Lord, the God of your ancestors, has promised you a land flowing with milk and honey. 4 “Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. 6 These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. 7 Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. 9 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your city gates.

Husband you are primarily responsible for the discipleship or your wife and children. Your wife is a support to this process, but you are the Pastor of the home. Your wife should not be waking you up along with the kids for church you should be leading that process.

Pet-Peeve(husbands looking at their wife’s bible on sunday morning) when I see that I can tell who the spiritual head of the family is. Men not having a bible is like trying to golf without clubs.

The greatest gift I have is the bible my Dad read with all his notes. He has my name written in his bible around scriptures that apply to my life. That is better than money.

IV. Wives Role