The Undistracted Widow | Chapter 15

Remembering the Past

Ecclesiastes 7:10 KJV 1900

10 Say not thou, What is the cause that the former days were better than these? for thou dost not inquire wisely concerning this.

This week’s topic focuses our attention on the past. However, as we will see, there is a Biblical way to remember the past versus man’s way of remembering.

Our author starts with her own personal testimony. She talks about her favorite painting which reminds her of her husband. She then poses two questions.

“Why are we humans prone to nostalgia? What make the past sometimes seem better than the future? When we look at the past, we know how things turned out, and such knowledge makes us feel more in control. We tend to feel threatened by things that are beyond our control.”

There is no doubt that she hits the proverbial nail on the head here. It really does come down to the issue of control.

The author directs our attention to Psalm 77. As she noted, the psalmist recalls his former happiness, laments over his present distress, and feels sorry for himself. However, he make the right correction by shifting his focus back to God.

As you already know, whenever we focus on self, we set ourselves up for failure. Any focus on self sends us into a downward spiral away from God. Focusing on self leads to and increases unbiblical words and actions. If not corrected, these words and actions can lead to physical ailments. Interestingly, our author points that in the beginning of this psalm the psalmist quite often refers to himself. In fact, the psalmist uses the personal pronouns “I,” “me” and “mine” 19 times in 9 verses. Our psalmist experienced the very thing that I just mentioned. His focus was on himself, his past, and his present distressing situation. To what did it lead? If will look at that Psalm, you note how the psalmist could not sleep for all the anxiety he was feeling. He not strength in his spirit. His eyes were wide and his tongue silent. In other words, his focus on self led to so many unbiblical thoughts that it was effecting his physical well-being. We have all been there. I am sure that you know exactly what the psalmist felt.

However, when did things turn around for him? Things progressive got better when he turned his focus back to God. As our author noted, the psalmist made a on conscious decision.

Psalm 77:11–12 KJV 1900

11 I will remember the works of the Lord: Surely I will remember thy wonders of old. 12 I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.

He is still using the pronoun “I.” However, now it is the proper use of the pronoun. For now he is determined to remember the Lord’s works and wonders of old, not his past. The psalmist now determines to meditate on God’s works and doings. From there on, the entire psalm focuses on God. What happens? His anxiety dissipates. A calm assurance in the promises of God replaces any fear or worry.

We must be very careful about how we view the past. In fact, I just had this very same conversation with another person just on Wednesday. Too many times, we allow the past to dictate the present. Sometimes we live so much in the past that we are going backwards instead for forward for the Lord.

So how do we handle the past?

Remember What God Has Done for You

“God always was, always is, and always will be sovereignly and lovingly in control of all that comes into your life. Because we are all sinners who deserve hell, the fact that God through His Son has chosen to save some and grant them eternal life with him in heaven is a mercy of the greatest magnitude.”

This is exactly where we should start. If you want to remember the past, then start with salvation and the fact the God in His great mercy and grace has given you eternal life. There is no worry now of our eternal future. Additionally, God not only provided for you salvation, but each day His Spirit lives within you. He has also provided you His complete Word for you study and live by. On top of all that, God gave you wonderful family and friends. Some of our family and friends were with us for just a short time. Their time on earth was determined by God just our time is right now. We should rejoice that God gave us that time with them. And, as the author noted, when God takes them, it is His right to do so and we no claim on them.

“We must accept that God has something new for us now and not stay stuck in the past.”

“Remember the past in order to trust God for the present and the future.”

Again, how do we handle the past as believers. We begin with remembering what God has done for us. However, there is one additional thing we must.

Seeing From God’s Perspective

The author gives a great illustration. No one drives a car by staring in the rear view mirror. Instead, we look ahead and only glance in the mirror from time to time.

“Learning to live as a widow is similar. If you spend too much time thinking about what is past, you will note be able to focus your mind and energy on what is ahead.”

Philippians 3:13–14 KJV 1900

13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Regrets

“We all say and do things we regret. We sin against others and we are sinned against by others. You may need to go to God and ask forgiveness for some particular way you sinned against your spouse; do so, and then be free in Christ. Do not say that you cannot forgive yourself, for that would not be consistent with Biblical teaching. If you are truly repentant, God will forgive you, and that is the end of the issue. Accept His forgiveness and stop bringing up to yourself how you sinned against your decease husband. God’s forgiveness ends your guilt and sets you free to move on. When we linger over past wrongdoing, we are practicing unbelief because we are not trusting that the blood of Christ really cleanses us from all sin. We must go to the cross and remind ourselves of the provision that God has made for our sins to be forgiven.”

1 Corinthians 4:3–5 KJV 1900

3 But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man’s judgment: yea, I judge not mine own self. 4 For I know nothing by myself; yet am I not hereby justified: but he that judgeth me is the Lord. 5 Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts: and then shall every man have praise of God.

“Once you have dealt with your regrets about the past, you may find it equally challenging not to dwell inordinately on the good things in the past. Brooding over the good that we’ve lost indicates how desperately we want to regain it.”

“Ask the Spirit to teach you to appreciate where God has you now and to anticipate good times ahead with God. God does not waste suffering. He will bring good out of it.

Romans 5:3–4 KJV 1900

3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; 4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

How to Honor Your Husband’s Memory

“The wearing of wedding and engagement rings is a question that sometimes troubles widows.”

“One thing we must keep in mind is how our choices and actions will be perceive by those around us - how to be our ‘brother’s keeper.’”

“What we surely want to avoid is changing nothing at all and making a shrine out of keeping everything exactly as it was for years on end.”

In my mind, that shrine becomes an idol. Just a thought!

“Tell your grandchildren about their grandfather’s life, and when discussing his death, use it as an opportunity to teach your grandchildren about heaven and hell, about the gospel of Jesus Christ, and about what God is doing in the world.”

A Proper Sort of Biblical Forgetfulness

“The saints in Scripture were weak and sinful like us. However, the thing God chose to emphasize about their lives was their relationship to Him.”

“In your remembrance of your husband, it is right to acknowledge that he was not perfect. He was a sinner, and not all aspects of his past were exemplary. But the overall impression of his life should be a positive remembrance. Dwell on the things that were fine and good about him while also recognizing his imperfections.”

We bring a sense of balance to everything we do including how we remember the past.

Discussion Questions

Why do you think humans are prone to nostalgia? Is it a positive or negative thing?

How can focusing too much on the past lead to negative consequences?

What is the difference between remembering the past from a human perspective and from a Biblical perspective?

How can we use our past experiences to trust God for the present and future?

How can we view the past in a way that helps us move forward and not stay stuck in it?

What are some practical steps we can take to shift our focus back to God when we find ourselves dwelling on the past?

How can we balance remembering the past with living in the present and looking towards the future?

How can we use our past experiences to help others who may be going through similar struggles?