Elephant In The Family Room - Husbands and Fathers

Welcome Church – Im so encouraged to be here and to have this opportunity. There are some weeks that leave you craving a Sunday Church sevice, and I have had one of those weeks – Had a medical procedure, I have been sick- had a fever and all of your know that a man cold is probably one of the worst sicknesses know to human kind, Lost my voice, I had to miss one special night, so to be here today is a true blessing. But I just want to say thank you for being here and I am grateful The Lord has given me this opportunity to present this message today….

Today we are going to be taking a look at the book of Ephesians exploring a passage of scripture that is familiar to most of us. In this letter to the church at Ephesus, Paul gives us a set of instructions for the family. It lays out the conduct of each person’s roll in the family dynamic.

Before we get into it any further…

LET’S PRAY!!!

Ephesians 5:22- 33

22 Wives, submit[ to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.

26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless.

28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of his body.

31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.[h] 32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.

Ephesians 6:1-4

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right.

2 Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, 3 so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land.

4 Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Slide: The family dynamic needs to be reset and responsibility resumed…

Mark 3:27

But no one can enter a strong man’s house and plunder his goods, unless he first binds the strong man. Then indeed he may plunder his house.

We live in a day and age where the strong men are being bound tighter and tighter and the family unit as God intended for it to be has been plundered beyond recognition and distorted through the lies and schemes of Satan. Christian MEN as the leaders of the home we need to careful look to ensure that we are fulling the God Given Responsibilities we have and that and that our wives are not spiritual widows and that our children are not spiritual orphans.

I believe that while there are many factures at play, the main reason we are in the situations we are in as a society is because the Husband and Father have been led astray by all this world has to offer. They are pursuing things and engaging in activity that are so far away from Gods plan.

Slide of Boat: 1-3 talk through it

The time and detail spent on the specifics of things that don’t matter.

Are we investing in a future potential shipwreck ?

Slide: 22 Wives, submit] to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.

Slide: The leadership of the church belongs to Christ, The leadership of the family belongs to the Husband & Father.

In modern times these verses have been weaponized to benefit abusive men and argued by feminists to demonize scripture But when these scriptures are applied correctly with the right mind set it is a recipe for success for the family Just as the church is contingent on the life of Jesus, the family is contingent to the life lived by the father. The old saying – as goes the father so goes the family! Husbands if you’re not leading your family in a Christ-like way don’t expect your Wives to submit in a Christ-like way or your children to obey in a christ like way.

This verse is not to belittle women……My wife Rachel is so much smarter than me, there are so many things that she is better at than me, there are so many things in my life that without her I would have never been able to accomplish. But when its all said and done, when my life is over, Rachel will not be the one who stands before God to give account of our family….. IT WILL BE ME…

before we get further into this message it is important to note that this passage is written to the Christ centered family. This is why I am so passionate about teaching my children and our teens that being careful with who you allow yourself to date is so vitally important!!! Its ok to be picky!! Its ok to have standards and not comprise……Outside of your relationship to Christ, who you Marry is the most important decision you will ever make. It would be better to stay single your entire life than to settle for less than what God has intended for you in a spouse. Your choice in this matter will affect you in every aspect of your life.

Slide: 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless.

Husbands we are called to be the Spiritual Leaders, Pastors, The Shepards of our family

Slide: Just as Christ loves His church, the Husband and Father is to love his family.

What does this love look like?!

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Slide: 4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[b]

Slide: 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Slide: Just as the Christ loves His church, the Husband and Father is to love his family

Christ’s love is sacrificial, the husbands and fathers love needs to be sacrificial..

Christ’s love is unconditional, the husbands and fathers love needs to be unconditional..

Christ’s love is faithful, the husbands and fathers love needs to be faithful…

Christ shows Grace & Mercy to His Church, the husbands and fathers need to show Grace and Mercy to His family!

Slide: 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of his body.

One flesh – Your wives needs are just as important as yours. Men we have a tendency to be selfish and inconsiderate to our wives needs. They are not our maids or servants. They are not our moms!!! They are our teammates.

Slide: Just as Christ protects & provides for the church, The husband & father is to protect and provide for the family.

1 Timothy 5:8

Slide: 8 But if anyone does not provide for his own family, especially for his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Slide: 31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.[h] 32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.

Slide: Leave & Cleave

1+1=1

Husband + Wife = The image of God

Ephesians 6:1-4

Slide: 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right.

This verse offers a summary clearly written to children still living under the authority of their parents. The emphasis here is on godly obedience. For children to obey their parents is specifically referred to as "right."

Proverbs 22:6

Slide: Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Train – to teach a particular skill or type of behavior through practice and instruction over a period of time – quality time has to be spent we have to invest more in our family than we do in our work and hobbies Our responsibility is to train up a child…Although the mother plays a crucial part in this alongside the husband and father, the ultimate responsibility falls on the husband and father..

· “Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And, weak men create hard times.”

What we are seeing in this generation 20-30 somethings is a group of grown boys that can grow facial hair masquerading as men. We need Men, Godly men to stand up and take back our families! Fatherless homes have been attributed to many of the issues we are facing in our society, but let’s be clear just because there is a man in the home with a title of father does not mean that home is not fatherless. Fathers – we teach not by words alone but by our actions, our children can call our bluff.

Slide: 2 Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, 3 so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land.

Slide: 4 Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

This passage is very interesting… We understand with the leadership we have as husbands & fathers and how we use that leadership can ultimately stir up anger in our kids if it's not Godly leadership.

Slide: How do we stir up our children to anger?

Not being Present… Over / Under Discipline Not setting Expectations Not being Truthful Not showing Love

Slide: Are setting a Godly example as Husband and Father?

Do as I say not as I do….

So many times and in so many ways I have seen this play out, especially at the sports fields… run faster, try harder, eat healthy, stay disciplined….. so many times I want to yell to that obnoxious father that is screaming at the teenage ref… Why don’t you go show them how to do it?

Slide: Are you a 4th Quarter Husband and Father??

My weight - Personal conviction - Listening, constantly correcting - Self Evaluating

that why I am so passionate about telling other!!!

Thats why I coach

Thats why I mentor men

Does the ask of your family match your output as the Husband and Father??

Are you fighting for your marriage and family so that when your kids see those same struggles they wont give up? Spending time with God

Respecting one another

Prayer

Life morals

Where you build your home and the foundation for your family matters!!!!

Matthew 7:24-27

Slide: 24 “Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain fell, the rivers rose, and the winds blew and pounded that house. Yet it didn’t collapse, because its foundation was on the rock.

Slide: 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and doesn’t act on them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 The rain fell, the rivers rose, the winds blew and pounded that house, and it collapsed. It collapsed with a great crash.”

Men WE ARE AT WAR and we don’t even know it!!!

Ephesians 6:11&12

Slide: Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Fathers, Mothers, Grandparents, Single Moms, Single Dads, Children… listen up if you are not focused on the elephant that is in your family room… and focused on how we as sons & daughters of the living God need to be a unified as a family…

Closing / Invitation:

Slide: Just as the church is built on Christ, the family is built on the Husband & Father.