Untitled Sermon (3)

Intro

Last week’s assignment.

I will ask _______ about _______ when __________.

Who has a story?

The Emotional Cup

See slide and explain

Approval

Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Approval is: Building up and affirming the worth of another person; noticing someone's character and commending them for it; it's bragging about how great someone is and speaking highly about them. It is acknowledging a person for WHO they are, not just for what they do. It also includes affirming the fact of and the importance of a relationship.

The opposite of approval is disapproval, Disapproval can make someone question whether they are liked, viewed favorably, or viewed as worthy.

Approval sounds like: I'm proud of you. You have such a kind and generous heart. I'm impressed by your investment in our people. I love being your mom/dad.

Notice, God’s commands in the New Testament often come attached with messages of Approval.

1 Peter 2:10 (ESV)

Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

Ephesians 5:1 (ESV)

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.

In other words, BECAUSE you are approved by God, you can carry out what He has asked. His commands are not commands TO be, but commands BECAUSE WE ARE.

Approval is different than Appreciation. Appreciation is about what others do. Which is valid! But different.

Receiving Approval

One time, my dad gave me approval. I’ll never forget it… *Story of my lost father recognizing Christ in me.*

Discuss: Tell someone about a time someone approved of you and either who you were, or some innate trait in you. Not what you did. What was that like?

We all have a need for approval, but we also have unique and pers ways we like for others to show it. Here are five unique dimensions approval. Which one of these is most important to you?

Affirm me privately when you see me exhibiting a positive character quality. 

Look beyond my performance and affirm me for my character, heart, or maturity. Tell me something about myself that makes you grateful or proud of me. 

Be sure to notice when I have done something that is impressive or honorable. I especially like to be bragged on in front of others 

Separate WHO I am from WHAT I do when you think of me/talk to me. 

Tell me how grateful you are to be in a relationship with me.

Okay, now we’re really going to let the rubber hit the road. Take your cell phone out. Think of a person who showed you approval recently and shoot them a text saying, “It really meant a lot to me when you gave me approval at this time in my life.

Giving Approval

Remember: When people are imperfect in the things they do, don't forget to see who they are. A person's worth isn't the same as their performance. Who they are ≠ What they do. This is a part of sharing God's grace being a steward of His unmerited love and favor!

Listen for unmet approval:

“They only like me for what I do”

“No one really knows the real me.”

“If someone knew the real me, I’m scared they might not like me much.”

Attention

1 Corinthians 12:25 (ESV)

that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.

Attention means: Conveying appropriate interest, concern, and care; taking thought of another: entering another person's "world." The opposite of attention is neglect. Neglect can be communicated by insensitivity, not noticing a need, or failure to prioritize someone's preferences

Attention sounds like: Tell me about your day. How did your test go? I would like to get to know you better, can we meet for lunch?

Let's do something fun this weekend. Your choice!

We all have a need for attention, but we also have unique and personal ways we like for others to show it. Here are five unique dimensions of attention. Which one of these is most important to you?

Spend time with me in order to learn about my joys, struggles, and dreams. Know them and be "in them" with me.

Enter my physical world by visiting my work, home, and/or other places I enjoy going or things I enjoy doing. 

Enter into my emotional world by discerning my feelings, trying to understand my emotions, and empathize with me. 

Maintain good eye contact, give me your undivided attention, listen carefully before you respond, and offer feedback when appropriate. 

Spend time doing what I enjoy doing, rather than insisting we do what you want to do.

Mark 5:24–34 (ESV)

And he went with him. And a great crowd followed him and thronged about him. And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and who had suffered much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was no better but rather grew worse. She had heard the reports about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. For she said, “If I touch even his garments, I will be made well.” And immediately the flow of blood dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease. And Jesus, perceiving in himself that power had gone out from him, immediately turned about in the crowd and said, “Who touched my garments?” And his disciples said to him, “You see the crowd pressing around you, and yet you say, ‘Who touched me?’ ” And he looked around to see who had done it. But the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came in fear and trembling and fell down before him and told him the whole truth. And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.”

Notice the difference between Jesus’ response and his disciples’ response. What’s the difference?

When Jesus gives the woman attention, how does she respond?

What happens when we notice the need for attention in someone and respond appropriately?

just imagine - in the midst of that crowded scene, the crowd suddenly stops. And Jesus, who's been heading another direction, turns around and looks at you. He looks Into your eyes; He looks deep into your heart and then speaks with tender words: "Dear one, you just touched me. Your pain, your needs, the weight of your struggles has just touched Me And then Jesus speaks to the very issues of your heart, He addresses the deep pain. He calms any fear, soothes the pain and addresses every need.

Be still and allow yourself to be thankful that He noticed, that He's been sensitive, and that He's responded to you.

Tell Him: "Jesus, I'm grateful that I can trust You for more. Today or tomorrow, as I go through life, I can go through it with a different vision. I can look for You to notice my needs. I can expect You to be sensitive to my heart and lovingly respond to me.*

Give Attention

Spend time with people. There is no substitute for simply being with someone. Time is a valuable commodity, and giving it to others is thus a wonderful way to express attentive care.

Do not just spend time with groups of people; arrange for private meetings with specific individuals.

Our need for attention simply cannot be met as well in groups as it can in a one-on-one setting.

For instance, if you have three children, you should spend private time with each child on a regular basis in order to meet their individual needs for Attention

Meet people where they are. Enter into their worlds. Let your child take you to his or her favorite park. If you have a business luncheon, pick up your client at his or her office. When your spouse, child, or friend has a play, concert, sporting event, or awards ceremony, be there.

Listen for the need for attention:

It seems that we never have time to talk.

When can we do something that I want to do?

Comfort

2 Corinthians 1:3–4 (ESV)

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Comfort is: responding to a hurting person with words, feelings, and appropriate, gentle touch. Giving comfort might include putting an arm around you when you're sad: sitting quietly, and just "being there" during a difficult time. It might even include crying with you. Comfort means providing others with compassion for their physical and emotional needs- because those needs are common to all of us.

The opposite of comfort is minimizing or overlooking the pain of others.

Comfort sounds like: I'm sad for you. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I know you must be really disappointed and I'm heartbroken for you.

Comfort vs. the other guys slide

John 11:28–35 (ESV)

When she had said this, she went and called her sister Mary, saying in private, “The Teacher is here and is calling for you.” And when she heard it, she rose quickly and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet come into the village, but was still in the place where Martha had met him. When the Jews who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary rise quickly and go out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there. Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept.

Jesus was moved deeply within His spirit and He wept with his friend Mary (John 11:35). Comfort flowed through the prompting and power of the Comforter - and others were impacted: "Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, 'See how He loved him.* (John 11:35-36).

For us comfort may be as simple as sharing I’m really sorry that happened. Very often the Holy Spirit's first work is to take captive and resist our common, unhelpful, or unproductive responses. Consider that Jesus could have but didn't give these unhelpful responses:

Advice/instruction: "Let me tell you how to solve the problem." *Maybe next time that happens you should..

* Logic/reasoning: "Let me analyze the situation and tell you why it happened. *I think that happened because.

Pep talk: "You're a winner!" "I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day."

Minimize the incident: "Sure it hurt, but there's still a lot going on that's good." "Aren't you being overly sensitive?" Spiritualizing: "Well, you know that God will work all this out for your good" "It's good to know that we are more than conquerors!"

Each of these responses seems to work best after we offer comfort to the one who is hurting. Jesus can identify with our pain because He is "a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief" (Isaiah 53:3). After we experience His comfort, then we have comfort to offer to others around us (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

The need for Comfort is met by caringly responding to a hurting person through words, actions, emotional responses, and physical touch. Meeting this need requires us to truly hurt with and for another person in the midst of their grief or pain.

Romans 12:15 (ESV)

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

Learn to recognize when people need Comfort, and be available and willing to minister to them during such times. People's need for Comfort is most acute when they are physically ill, dealing with the illness or death of a loved one, going through a divorce or separation, unemployed, under stress, or facing a major change in their normal routine as a result of a job change, relocation to another city, or a similarly disruptive circumstance.

When someone needs comfort, refrain from analyzing the root causes of their misfortune ("The reason this happened was..."), giving advice ('If I were you, I would...*), and criticizing their behavior (*IFyou had not this would not have happened to you."). Instead, learn to empathize with those who are hurting, identifying with their feelings, joining them in their mourning, and offering sensitive, sympathetic care. Remember that Comfort is an emotional response to another person's emotional pain. The need for Comfort cannot be adequately met by rational responses such as analysis, advice, or criticism.

Use words that convey genuine Comfort, such as "I am so sorry that you are hurting,**I hurt for you,""I love you and I want to pray for you right now, or*I am on your side and I am committed to help you through this." Such expressions of Comfort can be communicated both verbally and in writing.

In addition to verbal expressions of Comfort, use appropriate physical touch to minister care. If administered sensitively and sincerely, a warm embrace, a squeeze of the hand, or a tender touch on a fevered brow can bring great Comfort to a hurting person.

Sometimes simply being with others in a time of difficulty or loss sitting quietly beside them in a hospital room, at a funeral home, or around their kitchen table provides great Comfort.

Listen for when someone needs comfort:

“I’ve had a really bad day.”

“I’m sad about…”

“It really hurt me when…”

Becoming a comforting person means showing compassion in all relationships.

Be intentional about giving comfort.

Show You Care with Friends:

• Make an effort to care. Just be there and listen. Say words like,

You seem upset. I'm so sorry about whatever you're going through. I want you to know that I care and I am here to listen.

Think about someone close to you who may be sad or alone. Offer to have a meal with them and share comforting words with them.

Show You Care with Family:

Watch this video of how hard it can be to give comfort to your. spouse. Laugh together about times when you've struggled in a similar way. Find a chart of feeling faces online and show them to your child. Ask your child to share the feelings they have felt that day/week and give comfort or celebrate as appropriate. Hug your child and say, "I love vou so much. When you hurt, Jesus and I hurt with you. We don't want you to feel alone."

Remember: Comfort is simple but powerful. Think about what the other person is feeling and what you feel FOR them. That's what you say!

Show You Care with Co-workers/ Colleagues:

• Send an email or call a colleague who is having a tough day, Say something like: *7 was thinking about you and wanted you to know that I'm sorry for the stressful things that happened today. I'd love to hear how you're really doing.

Watch this video and let it

Inspire vou to share the same sentiments with members of your team.

Show You Care in the Community:

Look for someone who is clearly having a tough day (le., cashier, Waiter/server, sales person) and offer comfort. "It looks like you might be having a rough day. / am sorry for the frustration you must be feeling. I sincerely hope things get better."

Offer to pray for someone who is struggling. Share your words of compassion and then pray out loud for God to comfort this person. Explain that God has comforted you so that you can comfort others!