Marriage: A Picture and a Gift

So, what do you do when you want to know the meaning of a word? You go to a dictionary! Or at least for me, I ask Siri or Google. So, I Google the definition of marriage, and here’s a few things that came up:

“The state of being united as spouses in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law.” - Merriam-Webster

“A marriage is the relationship between two people who are married.” - Collins Dictionary

“The leading cause of divorce” - Urban Dictionary

Ouch. Haha, ok so this is what you find if you Google “marriage.” (For the record, I did have to Google “marriage urban dictionary” which is probably not the smartest thing to do ever, but that’s ok.)

Is this all that marriage is though? Simply a contractual relationship that gives the partners certain rights and responsibilities, made and broken by the laws of our country? What about sex? Kids? What is marriage all about?

Welcome back to our Foundations series. As we’ve come through this series, we have explored the basics of what it is that we believe, and why we believe it. Our aim has been to go to God’s Word, open it, mine the depths, and understand what it says regarding any of the topics we have discussed.

For the next four weeks, we are going to continue and actually finish out this series. We’re going to look at some positions and practices that we, as a body of believers, hold. Again, we hold these values and practices because of what we find in God’s Word. So our ultimate goal is going to be to open up the Word and understand what it has to say on marriage, family, divorce, remarriage, and even tithing.

So today we are going to start off the next couple of weeks looking at marriage, family, divorce, and remarriage. Here’s a summing up of how we view marriage, based on Article 6 of the PAOC general constitution:

It is life long, “one flesh” commitment

It is between one man, and one woman

It is the biblical context for procreation

It demonstrates Christ and His church

It is the foundation for family

It is broken by porneia (the Greek word meaning marital unfaithfulness).

Ok so six things… can we break this down into three points haha. Well, let try and sum it up:

Marriage: A Life-Long, “One Flesh” commitment modeled off of Christ and the church.

Today, we are going to explore what marriage is, how it works, and what it demonstrates.

A Life-Long, “One Flesh” Commitment…

Let’s start with this question: What is marriage?

First, what is marriage? We’ve seen some definitions from Google. Now let’s go back to our ultimately authority: God’s Word. What does the Bible say about what marriage is? Let’s start back at

Genesis 2 for a moment:

Genesis 2:18–24 (ESV)

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them.

And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field.

But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.

And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called Woman,

because she was taken out of Man.”

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

This is the first ever marriage that takes place. The union of the first man, and the first woman. God’s Word states it clearly: A man shall leave his father and mother, and be united to his wife. And they shall be one flesh.

Jesus later affirms the same thing: That marriage is a “one flesh” relationship.

Matthew 19:6 ESV

So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

So Marriage is a covenant between one man and one woman, one that is sealed by a bond of one flesh intimacy in sexual union. What is this “one flesh” relationship? It is a union unlike any other in life. Part of it is sexual union.

Heb 13:4 tells us

Hebrews 13:4 ESV

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

So we see that from a Biblical standpoint, sex outside of marriage is considered sin. Yet, within marriage it is something that is a gift, and beautiful.

‌1 Cor 7:3-5

1 Corinthians 7:3–5 NIV

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

So in marriage, the husband and wife work together for the good of each other. Marriage requires selflessness.

So this idea of one flesh is a sexual union, but the “one flesh” intimacy of marriage extends beyond the physical. It is also more than just some temporary relationship created for personal pleasure. It goes beyond the contractual concept that Canadian laws dictates. Marriage - in the words of our SOET (which is the Statement of Essential Truths put out by our denomination. We’ve been exploring what the SOET says during this series and examining whether it lines up with what the Bible says so that we can understand why the Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada and we believe what we believe about big topics - feel free to stick this elsewhere, but given the convo with Susan it might bear more detailed explanation again):

“establishes an emotional and spiritual oneness that enables both partners to respond to the spiritual, physical, and social needs of the other.”

So, what is marriage? We have seen in Scripture is is a relationship between one man and one woman. It is lifelong. It is the Biblical basis for procreation. It is a union of “one flesh,” that goes far deeper than a contractual relationship or for person pleasure. It is spiritually, emotionally, and physically becoming one. This is a beautiful gift from God that many are called to. But what then, does marriage demonstrate?

A Life-Long, “One Flesh” Commitment…

…That Shows Us Christ and the Church

Well what in the world does that mean? Marriage demonstrates the relationship between Christ and the church. It shows us a picture of how Christ loves the church. It demonstrates the relationship between Christ and his bride. And it allows the world to see the relationship between Christ and His bride. This is what we find in Ephesians 5:23-32

I think a good start is to consider this entire section:

Ephesians 5:23–32 (ESV)

For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

This larger context helps us better understand what it is that Paul is getting at here.

Paul places the emphasis on how authority in the home worked into a different perspective. In this timeframe in ancient Roman culture, the father had complete authority, even to the point of life and death. Even if his daughter got married, he still retained that authority. Paul says, “no, once you’re married the allegiances change. Now the new husband is the head of this new home.” Paul addresses the authority structure in the home, and shows how the roles of the husband and wife correspond to the roles of Christ and the church.

In the same way that Christ loved his church, enough to die for her, to care for her, so husbands should self-sacrificially love their wives. Likewise, wives submitting to the leadership of their spouse, allowing him to lead, and allow you to be cared for by him demonstrates the submission of the church to Christ, and the church’s dependance on Christ.

The conversation on submission and authority is not an easy one. I don’t blame anyone who might feel uncomfortable, men or women. These verses can get taken out of context fast. So, let’s try to get a proper perspective on what Paul is getting at here.

First, are men and women equal in personhood and importance? Yes.

Galatians 3:28 ESV

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Likewise, way back in Genesis 1 27 God created people in His image.

Genesis 1:27 (ESV)

So God created man in his own image,

in the image of God he created him;

male and female he created them.

This means that men and women are equally loved by God. They are equally in the image of God. One is not better than the other, more important, or more needed.

Second, when Paul speaks of submission, or authority, he is not picturing subservience or domination. Mutual submission - as something distinctly Christian - plays an important role. We must each honor, respect, listen to, and serve our partners. Marriage is a mutual partnership. Husbands are supposed to love their wives like Christ loved the church. Well, Christ died for the church. He gave Himself up for her. This doesn’t just mean that men should be willing to “take a bullet for you honey.” This is self-sacrificing love in it’s highest form. If husbands are to demonstrate the kind of love Christ calls us to on a daily basis, we must be continually working to love our wives as our selves. Placing their needs ahead of our own. You should be seeking her good, nurturing her talents and abilities, exemplifying a servant leader. You don’t get free reign to make decisions, but should instead carefully and respectfully consider the perspective of your wife in any decisions that are made, certainly large ones. (Focus on family: Submission of wives to husbands.)

1 Cor 13 5 tells us this well as we read that love does not insist on its own way. So to lead well, we should be servants, placing their needs ahead of ours, caring for our families, and loving them as we would love ourselves. So, lest we think that a man’s leadership in the home is one of dominance. It is instead one of leading the way in caring for, serving, protecting, and guiding one’s family. All the while submitted to Christ!

Likewise for wives, submission does not mean a “yes dear” approach to marriage. This is not a no-matter-what obedience. Neither is domineering over one’s husband ok. Instead, submission should look like how the church submits to Christ. The church submits to Christ in everything, since Christ is completely holy and perfect. Christ leads the church, cares for the church, and protects it. The church leans on Him, is guided by Him, and is under Christ’s authority.

So too, wives should allow their husbands to lead, and be cared for by them. They should submit to their husband’s authority. Unless your husband is going against God’s Word. Then it is important both to speak up, and if he persists not to submit. Engaging in sin in an effort to submit to your husband does not nullify sin.

Again, what is pictured here is the beautiful, one flesh relationship and love that should be in marriage, and certainly exists between Christ and his bride, the church. Here’s the problem: we live in a fallen world. So does that mean that the woman who experiences physical, emotional, sexual, or spiritual abuse should submit to that? No. This is unacceptable. But if we are striving to honour Christ and to live in a way pleasing to God, then wives should submit and allow their husbands to lead. And husband should love their wives as themselves, placing her needs ahead of your own.

I think this quote from Focus on the Family sums up the Biblical picture of marriage well:

When a husband submits to the Lord, leading his wife with a servant’s heart and nurturing her God-given talents, she can confidently submit to him — lean on him and trust his covering. - Focus on the Family.

So marriage, when we consider how these roles are supposed to work, is a beautiful picture of Christ and the church, and demonstrates the union of Christ with his bride. The mystery Paul speaks of here in verse 32 is the mystery of how Christ is spiritually united with the church. And as there is union with Christ and his church, so there should be union between a man and woman in marriage (Cornerstone). So the picture of Christ and the church serves as our model for marriage. And marriage - when we seek to honour God - demonstrates to the world the beautiful union of Christ and the church.

Conclusion

Let’s recap:

Marriage: A Life-Long, “One Flesh” commitment modeled off of Christ and the church.

Scripture shows us that marriage is a relationship between one man and one woman. It is lifelong. It is the Biblical basis for procreation. It is a union of “one flesh,” that goes far deeper than a contractual relationship or for person pleasure. It is spiritually, emotionally, and physically becoming one. This is a beautiful gift from God that many are called to.

At the same time, we know that in this world the picture has been distorted in many ways. Divorce, sex outside of marriage, same-sex marriage, single parenting as a result of death or abandonment. These circumstances abound in our culture today. It’s not the church’s job to stand there and wag a finger at all of this. It’s our job - as Christ’s hands and feet - to care for those God places in our midst, protect those that need protection, and strive to speak the truth of God’s Word in love. The reality is that God’s heart is for people. Will our church continue to promote and support a Biblical view of marriage and family? Yes! But are we going to shun or drive away those who are in need of help, support, encouragement or direction? Never.

So we have seen what the Bible shows marriage is, and how in brief we need to respond with Christ’s love to the hurt and brokenness in this world.

But what is our ultimate model for marriage, and what does marriage demonstrate to the world? The union between the Christ and His bride, the church. A union in which Christ is the head, and the church submits to his authority. In the same way, the husband is the head, and the wife submits to his authority and leadership. Again I want to bring up that quote from Focus on the family:

When a husband submits to the Lord, leading his wife with a servant’s heart and nurturing her God-given talents, she can confidently submit to him — lean on him and trust his covering. - Focus on the Family.

This is the picture Paul discusses in Ephesians. This is what we need to strive for, because people are watching, and our marriages and families speak volumes in this world.

So, if you are not a believer here today, here’s the reality for you: Christ loves you with a love so deep that He gave His life for you. No matter the hurt or brokenness in your life, He desires a personal relationship with you.

If you are a believer here today who is married, I want to encourage you to consider how marriage demonstrates Christ and the church, and the model we are given in the union of Christ with His bride. Marriage is a gift. Maybe you are here today and single. If that’s you, remember that Christ is united to you, as part of the church and that singleness is also a gift.

If I can leave you with anything for this week, it is the challenge to serve and honour God to the best of your ability. If you are single, live for the Lord! If you are married, live together for Christ! For all of us here in this place, the challenge is to

For those of us today who are currently in a marriage relationship, let this serve you as it did me: to remind you of what a gift from God marriage is and to remind you of how we ought to be loving our spouses. Consider: How can I love my spouse better this week? Maybe have a conversation with them about it - communication is always a good idea!

For those of us who are not married , or maybe never have been, let this serve as a reminder of the kind of love that Christ has for you - for all of us. He was willing to give up everything for us - talk about selfless love! The human marriage relationship is a poor reflection of His love for us, though it is meant to reflect that. If Christ loves us so deeply and wonderfully, then I encourage us all to consider this week: how can I love Jesus better? Again, communication is always a good idea, so take some time to pray about this in this upcoming week!