The Undistracted Widow | Chapter 17

Distraction and Devotion

1 Corinthians 7:34–35 KJV 1900

34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

Don’t Look Now But...

“Loving God and living for him is the key to honoring him in widowhood…Beware-the world, the flesh, and the Devil will oppose this kind of undistracted resolve in every possible way.”

“Distractions, whether right or wrong ones, lessen our capacity for focusing on the things above. Additionally, a myriad of distracting elements in our culture vie for our attention and weaken our resolve to be fully devoted to the Lord. Being distracted from concentrating on the Lord himself is nothing new.”

Martha and Mary

Luke 10:38–42 KJV 1900

38 Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word. 40 But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. 41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: 42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

John 11:5 KJV 1900

5 Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus.

John 11:20–27 KJV 1900

20 Then Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met him: but Mary sat still in the house. 21 Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died. 22 But I know, that even now, whatsoever thou wilt ask of God, God will give it thee. 23 Jesus saith unto her, Thy brother shall rise again. 24 Martha saith unto him, I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day. 25 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: 26 And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this? 27 She saith unto him, Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world.

“My point in looking at these two portions of Scripture is to demonstrate that even a godly woman like Martha who love the Lord and believed deeply that he was the Messiah could in a weak moment of distraction fail to honor the Lord she loved.”

Martha ought to be remembered primarily for this confession of belief in Jesus Christ rather than for her momentary lapse into distracted, impatient criticism.”

“When we are distracted from loving Christ and fixing our eyes on him, we need to hear the admonition to Martha as an admonition to ourselves: you are worried and bothered about many things; but only one thing is necessary. Choose the good part, which shall not be taken away from you. Choose the good part - of being careful to spend time at Jesus’ feet, in his Word, getting to know him intimately and therefore loving him with less distraction.”

Spiritual A.D.D.

“Minimizing unnecessary distractions is something all Christians need to do in order to be devoted to God. What are the particular distractions that may enter in or intensify during widowhood?..it is oh, so tempting to take what seems to be the easy path. Weary from constantly having to adjust to life without our spouse, it seems easy - and comforting - to find some way to simply escape from grief.”

“Such escapes usually come through the excessive use of or appeal to certain things or people.”

“Food can also be used as a distraction from the pain of grief. Whenever we are depressed, sad, or disappointed, we might be tempted to use food as a source of consolation and distraction.”

1 Corinthians 10:31 KJV 1900

31 Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.

Ecclesiastes 10:17 KJV 1900

17 Blessed art thou, O land, when thy king is the son of nobles, and thy princes eat in due season, for strength, and not for drunkenness!

“When we are under the pressure of bereavement, it’s tempting to either idolize or ignore relationships with the people closest to us.”

“We must not let the temptation of loneliness cause us to our friends in selfish ways. It’s fine to pour out your heart to a dear friend, but if you do not also pour out your heart to the Lord and find solace in his presence, then you are putting your friend in the place of the Lord, and that is idolatry.”

Psalm 16:4 KJV 1900

4 Their sorrows shall be multiplied that hasten after another god: Their drink offerings of blood will I not offer, Nor take up their names into my lips.

“Verse 4 cautions us to against pursuing people or things that we may be tempted to set up as gods in our lives. If we do so, the result will be multiplied sorrow.”

“Children and grandchildren can be a significant blessing in your widowhood, but take note of how much and in what ways you depend upon them. Remember that they are grieving too…Be careful that you are not selfishly looking for comfort from them while ignoring their own need for comfort. Do not expect your children to become your single source of social contact. Do not use them as distractions from your loneliness. If you did not develop and cultivate friendships with your peers before the death of your husband, you will need to do that now.”

Relationship Extremes

“Friendship with couples change after the death of a spouse. Some will endure and some will not. In the one that endure, make it a point to engage both wife and husband in conversation. Maintaining such a balance is important. Be aware of your eye contact and the expressions on your face. In other words, observe yourself. This shouldn’t involve a huge burden of self-policing, but be aware of how you are coming across to them. You want to minister love and grace to both of them. You want to rejoice in their ongoing marriage relationship and continue to be their friend so that you will do good to them and God will be glorified.”

“A widow who seeks to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord can be an effective witness to the majestic power, wisdom, and love of God.”

“Run instead to the true Comforter - to the one who alone is able to keep you from falling. Our Lord is able and willing to uphold all who trust in him. May we be faithful to fix our eyes on him in undistracted devotion.”

Discussion Questions

How do distractions impact our ability to focus on God and His will for our lives?

In what ways can grief and loss lead to distractions and temptations to escape from painful emotions?

How can we balance our relationships with loved ones while also maintaining our devotion to God?

How do we discern between healthy and unhealthy distractions in our lives?

What steps can we take to minimize unnecessary distractions and stay fully devoted to God?‌