A Godly Blueprint for Marrage

Mother’s Day Comments”

"Good morning and happy Mother's Day to all the amazing moms here with us today! Today is all about celebrating you and everything you do. Moms, you're like superheroes with your love, strength, and endless support.

Take a moment to think about how much moms mean to us. Whether you're a mom by blood, adoption, or you're like a mom to someone special, your love makes all the difference.

As we come together to worship, let's thank moms for all they do. And let's not forget those who might find today tough – we're here for each other through the ups and downs of motherhood.

May you all feel extra loved and appreciated today. Happy Mother's Day!"

(SERMON BELOW)

In today's message, we're going to talk about the roles God says husbands and wives should have in marriage.

Why do these roles matter? Well, because marriage is something God created. When people don't follow God's plan for marriage, it can cause problems. So, it's important for us to understand and follow what God says about marriage, even if it goes against what we're used to or what society says.

In the beginning, God called Adam and Eve to rule and steward creation together. This loving and orderly partnership was meant to accomplish God’s mission on the earth.

What should the husband’s and wife’s roles look like in marriage? Personality and upbringing make each godly home different, but the basic roles and principles should be the same.

The Husband Must Love His Wife

Instead of using his leadership to control or dominate his wife, God calls the husband to use his leadership to love his wife. God planned this from the beginning. The husband would lead through loving his wife. What should this love look like? Paul teaches that the husband’s love should mirror Christ’s love for the church. In Ephesians 5:25–28 he says:

Ephesians 5:25–28 NKJV

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

What can we learn about a husband’s love from Christ’s example?

1. The husband’s love must be realistic

The husband should have no fantasies about the woman he is marrying v.25. Christ loved the church, but he knew she was sinful and disobedient. Christ gave his life for the church while knowing her faults. His love was realistic.

In marriage, both mates must grasp this reality. In fact, much of pre-marital counseling is destroying the false expectations set up through romantic comedies and Hollywood. The husband must love realistically. This woman does not walk on water; she has been infected by sin just as he has. She must be reformed daily by God’s grace, and she must be loved through her faults. Scripture says, “Love covers a multitude of sins”

1 Peter 4:8 NKJV

8 And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”

Having a realistic love is important for both mates because if they don’t have it, they will become disillusioned. No doubt, one of the reasons for such a high number of divorces in the first year of marriage is because most love is not realistic.

2. The husband’s love must be sacrificial

He is to love her as Christ loved the church and be willing to die for her (v. 25).

Ephesians 5:25 NKJV

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

It should be understood that if anybody feels like the wife’s role is unfair, they should give more thought to the man’s. It is much easier to submit to someone than to give one’s life for that person. This love that the husband is supposed to embody is impossible apart from the grace of God. To love sacrificially means the husband must often give up other things in order to serve and please his wife. He must sacrifice for her. He must sacrifice time, friendships, career, entertainment, hobbies, etc., in order to love his wife like Christ.

3. The husband’s love must be purposeful

The purpose of Christ’s love is to make the church holy, cleansing her by washing with the Word (v. 26–27).

Ephesians 5:26–27 NKJV

26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

Christ’s purpose is to make the church a perfect bride. Similarly, the husband must love his wife through teaching her Scripture, getting her involved in a Bible preaching church, and encouraging her to get involved with the ministries of the church.

He must seek to cultivate not only her character but also her calling, so she can fulfill God’s plans for her life. He must help her discern her gifts and talents and encourage her in the use of them for the glory of God. This purposeful love also means at times admonishing her to help her know Christ more. Every man should consider if he is ready and willing to love a woman in this way even before getting married. Is he ready to be a spiritual leader? Is he ready to be devoted to the spiritual development of his wife?

4. The husband’s love must be personal

He must love her as his own body (v. 28).

Ephesians 5:28 NKJV

28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

Every day the husband brushes his teeth, combs his hair, and clothes himself. Every day he maintains his body. Sadly, husbands often go weeks without ministering to their wives. It is very easy to get so busy with life, work, and ministry that one unintentionally allows weeds to grow in his marriage. Love must be personal. He must love her like his own body. He must daily take time to cultivate a happy home.

When the world hears the phrase “male leadership,” it often has negative connotations, but it should not if properly understood. Consider what Christ taught his disciples about leadership in Luke 22:25–27

Luke 22:25–27 NKJV

25 And He said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them, and those who exercise authority over them are called ‘benefactors.’ 26 But not so among you; on the contrary, he who is greatest among you, let him be as the younger, and he who governs as he who serves. 27 For who is greater, he who sits at the table, or he who serves? Is it not he who sits at the table? Yet I am among you as the One who serves.

As described in Luke 22, male leadership primarily means greater service. Christ told his disciples that whoever wanted to be the greatest must be like “the youngest.” The Jewish culture was very hierarchical, meaning that the youngest would always serve the oldest. But, Jesus spoke to this hierarchical culture and said that true leadership is servant leadership. To lead means to be like the youngest—the servant of all. True leaders will forego their right of being served in order to serve others. That’s how a husband should be in marriage. They should be constantly humbling themselves in order to serve their wife.

Christ demonstrated this leadership in John 13, when he did the work of a slave by washing his disciples’ feet. There is nothing negative about this type of leadership. God always intended this type of loving leadership for the marriage relationship, and the husband must daily seek to cultivate it.

What other traits should characterize gender roles in marriage?

The Husband Must Submit to Christ’s Leadership

First Corinthians 11:3 says:

1 Corinthians 11:3 NKJV

3 But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

In this verse, we see the divine prerogative: Christ submits to God, the man submits to Christ, and the woman submits to man. If the husband is going to lead his wife according to God’s design, he must first submit to Christ. It is for this reason that a wife must submit to her husband, for when she is following her husband, she is really submitting to Christ’s delegated authority.

This brings a grave responsibility to each husband to know Christ’s leading. He must truly be somebody who abides in God’s Word and prayer so that he can discern God’s voice. The man considering marriage should ask himself, “Am I pursuing the Lord in such a way that I can know his voice in order to lovingly lead a wife and a family?” It has commonly been said, “Only those who are near, hear.” The husband must be near Christ, his head, to hear his voice. Only the husband who is near Christ will be able to model Christ and lead properly. And by the way to hear God’s voice is to be reading His holy word.

This is also important for single women to hear and consider because not every man is spiritually fit for leadership. They should ask themselves about a potential husband, “Does this man love Christ? Is this man following Christ? Is he spiritually fit to lead?” One can be sure that if a single man is not faithful in following Christ, he will not be faithful when married.

Scripture says that he who is unfaithful with little, will be unfaithful with much (Luke 16:10

Luke 16:10 NKJV

10 He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much.

Husbands must continually be submitting to the leadership of Christ in order to properly lead their homes.

The Wife Must Submit to Her Husband’s Leadership

As mentioned previously, in submission to Christ, the wife must submit to her husband. Ephesians 5:22 says,

Ephesians 5:22 NKJV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Scripture commands the wife to submit to her husband as though she were following Christ. The word “submit” is a military word that means to “come up under.” Like a sergeant submitting to a colonel, the wife must submit to her husband in every area, unless it would cause her to disobey her Commander and Chief, Christ.

In every decision, the woman must obey her husband, unless his leadership is leading her to sin. In military terminology, this would be called an “unlawful order.” The wife must wisely discern this.

With that said, this certainly does not exclude the wife’s ability to make decisions on her own. Christ in leading us gives us many responsibilities and a form of autonomy under his authority. In following Christ, he often does not tell us to go to the left or to the right or when to rest. Scripture calls for us to be wise people and use the principles given in Scripture. Similarly, the wife may have many areas of leadership under her husband’s authority.

For some, the wife will be autonomous in the area of caring for the home, even though she is still under her husband’s leadership. For others, the wife will oversee finances. Good leaders recognize others’ strengths and lean on them in those areas. This will be true in every marriage, and it may look a little different in every marriage.

This may be a revolutionary concept that a newly married woman must come to grips with. No longer is it simply, “Am I honoring the Lord in my actions and endeavors?”, but also “Am I honoring my husband, who the Lord has called me to follow?”

Consider the honor given to Sarah because of the way she submitted to her husband, Abraham. First Peter 3:5–6 says this:

1 Peter 3:5–6 NKJV

5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

Sarah called her husband master, and Scripture says this is one of the characteristics that makes a woman beautiful to the Lord. A female considering marriage must ask herself, “Am I ready to honor and submit to my husband as unto the Lord? Am I willing to submit to his plans as he hears from God?” The one who is not willing to submit should consider if she is really ready to be married.

The Wife Must Submit to Christ’s Leadership

Again, Ephesians 5:22 says,

Ephesians 5:22 NKJV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Not only does this teach that wives must submit to their husbands, but the implication is that they must first submit to the Lord.

The husband is just a representation of Christ’s leadership, no matter how frail that representation may be. It is in submitting to Christ, abiding in his Word, and loving him that the wife will find the ability to submit to her husband.

This will be especially true in dealing with a husband who doesn’t know the Lord or who is far from him. First Peter 3:1–2 says this:

1 Peter 3:1–2 NKJV

1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

The husband’s leadership applies even when he isn’t following God. In that case, the wife’s submission to Christ is even more important.

By submitting to Christ, she will find ability to love and submit to a difficult husband and this submission may bring transformation and even salvation to his life.

However, this is only possible when the wife is submitting to the Lord.

Jesus said in John 15:5 “Abide in me and you will produce much fruit” (paraphrase).

John 15:5 NKJV

5 “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.

The ability to love, to have peace, to have patience, to forgive, etc., all comes from God.

The single woman considering marriage must ask herself, “Am I daily submitting to the Lord’s leadership so I can faithfully submit to my husband’s leadership?” This daily submission to the Lord prepares a woman for marriage.

Also, the single man considering marrying a female must ask, “How is her submission? Does she faithfully submit to the Lord? Is she faithful in church attendance, daily devotion, and service to God?”

For if she does not submit to the greater, the Lord, then she will not submit to the lesser, her husband. A wise man will consider a woman’s obedience to God when seeking a wife.

God has called for the wife to first submit to Christ so she can faithfully respect and submit to her husband.

The Husband and Wife Must Train Their Children Together

Ephesians 6:1–4 NKJV

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

This means that both parents must work together to train the child and not exasperate him—leading him to rebel by dominant, loose, or unfair leadership.

Parents must demonstrate godly leadership that models Christ, teaches the children God’s Word, and draws them to a closer relationship with the Lord.

This is an impossible task for one parent alone and that is why God has given spiritual responsibility to both. The husband should still ultimately oversee this training, but the responsibility is shared. For that reason, parents must come to an agreement on how to train the child. If there is no unity in the training, it will have hazardous effects on the child.

Godly couples must sit down and discuss how this will be done. This will include discipline, spiritual training, academic training, athletic training, and areas of service, among other things.

Sadly, what has happened in many Christian homes is that this call for the parents to train their children has been left to the church, the school, the grandparents, the babysitter, the athletic coach, etc. God never intended for these other mediums to raise the children exclusively; they should be supplements at best. Consequently, 75% of Christian youth fall away from God when they get to college because many parents have neglected their responsibility.

Engaged couples should consider their future children’s training before they are married, since raising godly seed is one of God’s primary desires for the marriage union (cf. Mal 2:15)

Conclusion

In embracing God's blueprint for marriage, we find not only a framework for relational harmony but also a pathway to spiritual growth and fulfillment. As husbands and wives, let us commit ourselves to love, serve, and submit to one another as unto the Lord. By walking in obedience to His Word, we not only honor our covenant with each other but also reflect the beauty of Christ's love for His Church. Together, let us build marriages that glorify God and bear witness to His transforming grace in our lives.

Let up pray:

Heavenly Father,

We come before You with humble hearts. We thank You for the wisdom and guidance found in Your Word, which lights the path to healthy and thriving relationships.

Lord, we pray for all couples, both married and those preparing for marriage. Grant us the strength to love sacrificially, to serve one another with humility, and to submit to Your divine order for our families. Help us to embody the love of Christ in our homes, reflecting His grace and mercy in all that we do.

May Your Holy Spirit empower us to cultivate marriages that honor You, where love abounds, forgiveness flows, and unity prevails. Give us wisdom as we raise our children in Your ways, teaching them to love and follow You wholeheartedly.

Lord, we surrender our marriages to Your care, trusting that You are the ultimate source of strength and guidance. May Your presence dwell richly in our homes, filling them with Your peace and joy.

In Jesus' name, we pray.

Amen.