Righteousness in Daily Life: Marriage and Divorce
Matthew: The King and His Kingdom • Sermon • Submitted • Presented • 41:55
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· 16 viewsRighteousness in the kingdom of God persists in the lifelong marriage covenant by protecting the one-flesh union and pursuing reconciliation.
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“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’
But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.
And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’
But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
It’s no surprise or exaggeration to say that divorce wrecks havoc on all society.
Over 50% of marriages end in divorce.
We need to have a level of contrition about common circumstance in our culture.
It's not enough to simply roll our eyes in frustration.
It's not enough to grumble and complain about the times that have changed.
It's not enough to boast about our own marriages.
We need to have a contrition that supersedes all discussions of divorce.
Everyone assumes that they will enter marriage differently than others in their lives.
They assume that divorce will never happen to them.
In order to understand Jesus’ assumptions about divorce, we need to understand marriage.
God’s ideal for marriage…
God’s ideal for marriage…
(Matthew 19:3-6; Genesis 2:24)
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’
And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”
By asking Jesus this question they are seeking to trap him.
Notice the phrase within their question which is extremely important here in Matthew 19, “for any cause?” or “for every cause?”
Much of the Jewish debate in the day was concerning what constituted a husband’s of his wife.
The more liberal branch would accept anything from burning dinner to having a displeasing appearance.
Whereas the more conservative branch said that the only thing that MUST remove a marriage is adultery.
This more conservative branch REQUIRED a divorce after a woman committed adultery.
But notice how Jesus answers them…
He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female,
and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
Life-long covenantal union.
Life-long covenantal union.
The first is that marriage is meant to be permanent.
It is meant to last as long as the Lord gives life.
God was the FIRST ONE who presided over a marriage ceremony.
For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage.
Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.
Marriage is designed to be a LIFE LONG union between husband and wife.
Polygamy in Other Countries vs. USA
As we are exposed to other parts of the world, people often remark,
“How is it that they can have two wives overseas?”
To which people in other countries would respond to us,
“How do you think you can have with more than one partner and not take care of them?”
Other countries realize that women especially are vulnerable.
In the ancient world, women were especially vulnerable to attack, being taken advantage of, and a host of other vulnerable situations.
God designed that as long as a husband and wife live, they are UNITED.
One-flesh union between man and woman.
One-flesh union between man and woman.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
The second assumption is that marriage is a one flesh union.
As much as we are surprised by Jesus admonition to cut off our arm and pluck out our eye, we should be surprised at the idea of divorce.
It is God‘s will for your life to care for your spouse as much as it is for you to have an arm.
Most of us don’t daydream about cutting pff our own arm.
And in the same way we should never daydream about being removed from a spouse.
Matthew 19:5–6 (ESV)
‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Marriage is what GOD unites between a couple.
Procreating and life sustaining.
Procreating and life sustaining.
Marriage creates a stable bond that is stable.
It allows a family to flourish.
And God blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth.”
Parents
We need to remind our children of the love that we share between each other.
Their friends are littered with situations of divorce.
Fractured homes.
Broken families.
And they need to see from believing parents the kind of unity that can only come from Christ exalting home.
Divorce is never God’s intention.
God does not give a get out of jail free card with marriage.
Marriage is according to God’s design yet sin twists God’s intention.
Divorce is NOT the “Unforgivable Sin”
“Divorce and wrongful remarriage are forgivable sins. We want to start here, at the heart of our faith in Christ. When Jesus died, He did not fail to atone for the misdeeds of His people in this critical area.
Even the person who has acted as wrongly as possible in this matter may be fully forgiven, and may have a fulfilled life of service to God after repentance. Also, God mercifully blesses many second marriages that began sinfully. This is a mystery for which we can all be extremely grateful.”
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’
But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Yet, sexual sin (porneia) breaks the marriage covenant.
Yet, sexual sin (porneia) breaks the marriage covenant.
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house,
The law given by Moses in Deuteronomy is nested within a section focusing on property and rights within the community.
Women at this time were either married or a part of their father’s household.
This protected and brought safety to the women in a vulnerable society.
Moses regulates the principles of divorce and remarriage bring stability to a society that would flounder unless regulated.
“This document “certified” the divorce, allowed her to remarry, and spared her from accusations (and the penalty) of adultery…[A] husband could reclaim an abandoned wife until she had a certificate of divorce from him”
— The Expositor’s Bible Commentary, Volume 2: Numbers–Ruth (Revised Edition) (Notes)
This giving of a certificate of divorce was an ALLOWANCE.
It was not a prescription.
It was an allowance because of their rampant rebellion.
This allowance was temporary.
Not in the same way a command functioned.
Moses said that a man could only divorce his wife if he found “some indecency in her” which many have taken to mean….
“to complete household tasks, being physically unattractive, overcooked meals, and failed to offer sexual relationships frequently enough were grounds for divorce.” —Charles Quarles
The prophet Jeremiah speaks of Israel’s rebellion in a similar way of a bride departing from her husband.
Be appalled, O heavens, at this; be shocked, be utterly desolate, declares the Lord,
for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water.
The idolatry that Israel was pursuing required two things.
A forsaking of the “fountain of living waters” and a “hewing out cisterns for themselves.”
This is the direction of all idolatry.
“If a man divorces his wife and she goes from him and becomes another man’s wife, will he return to her? Would not that land be greatly polluted? You have played the whore with many lovers; and would you return to me? declares the Lord.
Divorce perverts God’s design with lifelong consequences.
Divorce perverts God’s design with lifelong consequences.
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’
But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Divorce was regulated in the OT.
A certificate of divorce was given to wives in particular to show they were no longer bound to their husbands.
Jesus expresses later that this only occured because of their hardness of heart.
He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
Christian
If we start with the exception though, we will be in a bad way.
If we begin by assuming that divorce is even on the table in our marriages, we have already failed.
If we assume that divorce is EVEN on the table, we have given in.
JUST LIKE if we assume it is ever “OK” or acceptable to commit any sin.
We have already failed.
Sealing a MARRIAGE is like crawling into a SUBMARINE and closing the hatch.
Once you’re under water, opening the hatch is OFF the TABLE!
What does Jesus mean by “sexual immorality”?
The term “sexual immorality” is the Greek word “πορνεία” which is where we get concepts in the English language like pornography.
“This is a general term that encompasses sexual sin such as adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, and incest. When one partner violates the unity and intimacy of a marriage by sexual sin—and forsakes his or her covenant obligation” —John MacArthur
Jesus recognizes that sexual infidelity strikes at the heart of the marital covenant between spouses and is therefore grounds for divorce. However, divorce is not mandatory, and reconciliation is desirable.
What does it create?
The Gospel & Divorce
Divorce breaks the heart of God because of the symbol that it destroys.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Divorce lies about the symbol that marriages represents.
Marriage is meant to picture Jesus Christ and His bride.
But divorce lies about the gospel.
Matthew 5:32 (ESV)
But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery…
Makes them a victim of adultery.
Makes them a victim of adultery.
Jesus never abandoned His bride.
Jesus never forsook His people.
But divorce lies and leaves a person to themselves.
Matthew 5:32 (ESV)
and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Marries another adulterer.
Marries another adulterer.
Divorced Individuals
You probably are experiencing much guilt and shame.
Especially if it was an unlawful divorce.
You need to hear this today that divorce is NOT the unforgivable sin.
Jesus Christ came to this earth.
He died the death that you deserve.
He bore the JUST penalty for sin.
He bore God’s wrath toward sin.
He rose again for our justification.
There truly is forgiveness in Jesus Christ.
Come to Him today!
Why do we allow it?
Divorce is permitted but not required.
Divorce is permitted but not required.
“Divorce for immorality is permissible, not mandatory. Jesus did not teach that the innocent party must divorce an unfaithful partner, still less that sexual unfaithfulness ipso facto dissolves the marriage. He did not even encourage divorce for unfaithfulness.
His whole emphasis was on the permanence of marriage and on the inadmissibility of divorce and remarriage. He added the exceptive clause to indicate that divorce and remarriage because of sexual infidelity is alone not tantamount to adultery.
His purpose was not to encourage divorce for this reason, but to forbid it for every other reason.” —John Stott
Sexual Immorality
Sexual Immorality
But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
1. “It is against the law to drive only 10 mph on an interstate when the speed limit is 70 mph.” But there are exceptions—like driving slowly during a traffic jam or during perilous conditions like snow, ice, or torrential rain.
Christian
If we approach
Abandonment
Abandonment
To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband
(but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.
But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.
“When an unbeliever desires to leave, trying to keep him or her in the marriage may only create greater tension and conflict. Also, if the unbeliever leaves the marital relationship permanently but is not willing to file for divorce, perhaps because of lifestyle, irresponsibility, or to avoid monetary obligations, then the believer is in an impossible situation of having legal and moral obligations that he or she cannot fulfill..” —John MacArthur
How do we prevent divorce?
Divorce is prevented by protecting the “one-flesh” union.
Divorce is prevented by protecting the “one-flesh” union.
Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more.
For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus.
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality;
Paul urges believers to walk in the will of God.
The will of God is spoken into distinct ways in the Bible.
The first is the secret of God Deuteronomy 29:29.
“The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.
The second where the Bible speaks of the will of God is in His revealed will.
God‘s revealed will for you is to abstain from sexual immorality (πορνεία).
that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor,
not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;
His concern is that each person knows how to control or govern his own “vessel” or body.
The interesting thing about the word body, brings the sense that each of us having material vessel that needs controlled.
He compares the control of the Christians body with that of the Gentiles.
The Gentiles vessel are covered by the passions of lust.
In order to be governed by the passions of your lust, do nothing.
To take no precautions in controlling our passions, is to live as the Gentiles do.
that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.
For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.
Premarital Counseling at GLBC
This is one of the reasons why we take so long to do premarital counseling at Gospel Life.
I require every person that I’m involved in their marriage to do premarital counseling.
Not to discourage them, but to make sure they are prepared for the somber commitment that they’re making before God.
Divorce is prevented by pursuing reconciliation of offenses.
Divorce is prevented by pursuing reconciliation of offenses.
Cleaning Up Our Homes
We need to think about protecting our marriages in the same way we think about cleaning our homes.
If you heard that you were having company over, you would tidy up at home.
This tidying up takes different shapes for each of us.
Some of us clean every nook.
Others just shove the dirty clothes into the closet.
But what happens when you shove proverbial clothes into the closet of your relationships at home?
It builds up.
It places a mess on top of a mess.
So our obligations in marriage have everything to do with cleaning up the messes we make.
It requires us to forgive one another quickly and reconcile.
For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge,
and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness,
and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.
For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Many marriages stumble because they have
For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins.
Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall.
For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
