Stay, don't wait
Notes
Transcript
[Before I start today, I want to let you know that there will be discussion of self-harm, so if you need to leave or go somewhere you can’t hear during that time (or turn off the sound until you see the hymn start, if you’re online), please take care of yourself but my hope is that it will be helpful.]
Avicii was one of the most popular electronic DJs and producers of the 2010s, with mega-hits like “Levels” and “The Nights” that combined catchy music with reflective and vulnerable lyrics. As I was preparing this week, I was struck by his song “Waiting for Love.” The lyrics to the chorus are:
Monday left me broken
Tuesday, I was through with hoping
Wednesday, my empty arms were open
Thursday, waiting for love, waiting for love
Thank the stars, it's Friday
I'm burning like a fire gone wild on Saturday
Guess I won't be coming to church on Sunday
I'll be waiting for love, waiting for love to come around
Jesus’ last words to the disciples were:
And see, I am sending upon you what my Father promised; so stay here in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.”
He called them to stay. But what does that mean and why?
Were they being asked to wait in a holding pattern? Waiting around for love is a dangerous game.
Avicii’s own story doesn’t end happily. Many of his lyrics reflect his own struggles with mental health and purpose. And in April of 2018 at just 28 years old, he died, reportedly by suicide.
His family released this letter shortly after:
Our beloved Tim was a seeker, a fragile artistic soul searching for answers to existential questions. An over-achieving perfectionist who travelled and worked hard at a pace that led to extreme stress. When he stopped touring, he wanted to find a balance in life to be able to be happy and to do what he loved most – music. He really struggled with thoughts about Meaning, Life, Happiness. He could now not go on any longer. He wanted to find peace. Tim was not made for the business machine he found himself in; he was a sensitive guy who loved his fans but shunned the spotlight. Tim, you will forever be loved and sadly missed. The person you were and your music will keep your memory alive. We love you, The Family (source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avicii#Death)
The first thing I need to say to this is I acknowledge the tragedy and I want to remind each of you that there are resources that you can and should make use of if you ever find yourself struggling with depression or thoughts of self-harm. The “988 Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, and prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones” for anyone nationwide through local crisis centers, no questions asked (988lifeline.org). There are mental health providers in our community. Ministers, though not a substitute for trained mental health professionals, can help you navigate moments of need, be there to listen and support and, when you’re ready, help you find the resources you need.
Why am I so sensitive to this? Well, because I have experienced my own depression, seen people I care deeply about suffer, and had to process a seminary classmate’s death by suicide. I haven’t made it through alone, so I don’t want others to feel like they need to either.
But why talk about this today? Is it really important to the understanding the Gospel?
I think so.
Because unlike Avicii, the disciples weren’t waiting for love. Love came to the world in the form of Jesus. They had the privilege of walking with him. They went through the pain and grief and confusion of seeing him killed and buried. When Jesus was crucified, he had told them not to despair or fear. But if you’ve ever experienced grief or depression you know that saying “do not despair” doesn’t make it easy (or sometimes even possible) to not despair.
Yes Jesus had returned from the dead but now was preparing to leave them again almost immediately.
But before he left, Jesus gave them two things.
First, he retold his story (and theirs) through the lens of their scriptures, the law of Moses, the prophets, and the psalms. Like the two on the road to Emmaeus before them, their eyes were opened to the truth of who Jesus was, what his purpose was on earth, and how it connects to their own lives so far.
Second, Jesus gave them a sense of purpose and future that looked different and better than their present. They were once again left without the person whom their life has revolved around, but this time with assurance that this isn’t the end of their story. No, he promised to send them the Holy Spirit as a helper and comforter.
And that gave them something to hang onto while they waited - this time with a sense of hope and even joy. I made it through depression day to day with the help of this kind of hope, an ability to interpret what I was going through not necessarily as positive but as meaningful.
If we don’t feel like we have a way out of whatever we’re stuck in, if we’ve tried and failed to crawl out on our own or been foiled by others around us, or even if we get everything we thought we wanted and still aren’t happy, the only solution often seems to be to wait. We don’t see a way to connect our past and present to a worthwhile future.
But God’s call, and Jesus’ final words are different. They give direction and purpose.
Jesus said to stay, not to wait. In fact, the word stay also means sit, and is used in Proverbs for wisdom and folly sitting in the gates and streets of the city seeking the attention of passersby to convince them to follow their ways.
The disciples know there is more to come. And unlike the last time Jesus told them to stay (in the garden of Gethsemane when they fell asleep while Jesus was praying to God before being betrayed and captured), they understand and embrace the call to remain faithful during the in-between periods.
So what did staying look like? According to Luke they blessed God continually and with great joy. Their hope pulled them back to God its source, even as they come to grips with the fact that they will not see Jesus again until his return.
The word for “bless” is “eulogizo” as in eulogize, but it is much more than commemorating the acts of the dead. It is a foundation both of God’s covenants with humans and human’s provision for those who come after them (through inherited blessings), as well as an appropriate response in kind to receiving God’s blessing.
In Genesis,
Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and the one who curses you I will curse; and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”
In Jerusalem, as they await the Holy Spirit, the disciples, blessed by Jesus, bless God in the temple itself, for their faith is grounded in fulfillment of the Jewish scriptures, and they follow the model of Psalmists and Prophets, blessing God even in the midst of difficulty.
But this is only the beginning, and even without reading ahead to Acts, the second volume of Luke’s story, the Disciples are named by Jesus as witnesses “starting in Jerusalem.”
Because the disciples’ witness doesn’t wait until they are fully prepared. There are no tongues of fire descending on heads as they receive the Holy Spirit, not yet at least. But they still eulogized God in every sense - spoke well of God, rejoiced in God’s story, and blessed God’s name.
Jesus didn’t, after all, say you “will be witnesses when you are ready.” Jesus said “you are witnesses” now. And the proclamation of repentance and forgiveness of sins was to begin in Jerusalem. They didn’t need for everything to be in place, to be clothed with power from on high. They already had the good news and the imperative to testify.
We heard a second account of the ascension today in Acts 1. There, we get a little more detail on the immediate aftermath of the ascension, where men in white robes appear and ask the disciples “Why do you stand looking up toward heaven?”
Why do you stand waiting for love to come around?
If you are struggling and hurting today, your life is valid and worthwhile. Love will make itself known. But you don’t have to wait for it to come around. It has already been given to each of us in the overcoming of sin and death by Jesus.
If you have been broken, through with hoping, left with open but empty arms - know that you are God’s vessel of love. Jesus too was broken, and we commemorate that every time we celebrate communion.
And there are reasons baptism draws on the image of drowning and the Holy Spirit comes with fire. The greatest capacity for love and compassion comes through the personal experience of pain and of joining in community with others through and after that pain. It’s not easy or perfect or like nothing happened. Nor is it some kind of saving “suffering for others” that becomes a double burden. The only one responsible for that kind of saving is Jesus. Suffering can grow us, but we do not seek it out.
And making it through doesn’t always look the same either.
Sometimes it looks like huddling up in a closed room somewhere with friends just talking or sitting in silence or even yelling and crying in anger and loss.
But other times making it through means blessing a God who cares for us through our worst times in the temple, in Jerusalem, in Judea, Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.
You don’t have to wait for love to come around. We have been given the message of Cross that we are saved through God’s love, a love so deep as to die for us.
But even if that rings hollow for you, even if power from on high sounds like a joke when you can’t even find the power to keep going until tomorrow, even if you are not in a place today where you can hear that message and believe it, even if you feel defeated and unloved or unlovable, there are resources available to everyone walking through grief, through depression, through impossible decisions, through doubt, through crises of faith.
And beyond that, you are here. Which means you are part of a community of faith, hope, and above all love. A community that is willing to walk with you, to sit with you, to bring you a message of love, and to abide at your side until all is ready.
We can suffer, sometimes beyond what we know how to handle. But God so loved the world. God blessed Abram and Israel, and the disciples and every generation of Christians to be witnesses of God’s intervention to the world, not just through telling the story but through bearing witness to God’s love in how we treat not only other Christians but each child of God and all of creation.
Have Christians and the church failed at this, sometimes spectacularly? Yes, tragically, and both the church and its victims have at times suffered terribly as a result. Just in the short history of the U.S., Christians have committed slavery, sexual abuse, and theology of dominion that leads people to believe it’s their duty to make others less and their privilege to take anything they want from creation without a care for the future - all in Jesus’ name.
I don’t have pat answers to all of that. I don’t think it’s enough to dismissively say “not all Christians.” Certainly, any approach to addressing these shortcomings must start from the same place that recovery from depression starts, humility and hope. And any approach that matters should also start by acknowledging the sins committed in our name (and Jesus name) and seeking to do whatever is in our power to undo or at least counteract some of the harm we have caused (even if it’s not us individually that caused it).
But I hope that the approach also models a deeper kind of love that is not just concerned with making up for damage (though that can be important). At its best, it models a love that turns suffering into hope, not trite exhortations to turn your frown upside down or don’t worry be happy, but by walking alongside those in our lives who are hurting, no matter the reason, as vessels of a hope that is beyond us.
The final verse of “Waiting for Love” is:
We are one of a kind, irreplacable
How did I get so blind and so cynical?
If there’s love in this life we’re unstoppable
No, we can’t be defeated
Whether we are called to stay where we are or move across the world, there is love that we don’t have to wait for and that can’t be defeated, a love that bridges our pasts and future together in hope. And that, siblings in Christ, is the best news.
Thanks be to God.
