Better an Arrow from a Friend
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Back in New York, a friend showed up to church one day with a shirt for me.
It was from a conference he had gone to the day before.
Both the conference, and the shirt, were titled after Prov 27 17
As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
For many years we went to the conference together,
Wear our matching shirts.
Because we had learned the importance of friends sharpening each other.
It wasn’t always easy.
Sharpening yourself on a friend is hard and painful.
Just like sharpening a knife.
Sometimes painful, and sometimes you get cut.
But in the end, it is worth it.
We see this in the life of Paul and how he interacts with the Corinthian church.
In his second letter to them he states:
For even if I made you sorry with my letter, I do not regret it; though I did regret it. For I perceive that the same epistle made you sorry, though only for a while.
Paul had to call the members of the church in Corinth out in his first letter.
He called out divisions among the church.
He pointed out their carnality, and the fact they were mere babes in Christ.
Their sexual immorality, and the fact that no one judged it.
That they were suing each other in court, rather than working things out amongst themselves.
Even told them to be concerned with other people’s conscience.
And more. As he pointed out in
I do not write these things to shame you, but as my beloved children I warn you.
Paul hadn’t written that letter to shame the Corinthians, but to warn them.
To sharpen their countenance.
And now, in his second letter, he points out that he regretted having to write those things,
Though now he does not.
Why?
Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing.
Paul isn’t happy because he had made the Corinthian sorry,
But because that sorrow led to repentance.
On the thankfully rare occasions when I had to “sharpen” a friend,
It was never a happy affair.
What should have been at the forefront of my mind was,
Am I making my friend sorrowful in a godly manner?
For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.
I did not “sharpen” my friends because it made me happy.
Or because it made me look superior, or more godly.
I sharpened them in the hope of producing repentance.
There is a risk though,
Because if my “sharpening” does not produce repentance,
There’s a good chance a friendship could have been lost.
This is why we need to be careful when we “sharpen” a friend.
If we do not do so in a godly manner, we are likely to end up with an unpleasant result.
But look what happens when we “sharpen” out of agape love,
We sharpen in a godly manner, and hopefully see a godly result.
For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter.
How often do we hold back because we don’t like to see others in pain?
We decide that we can protect others from sorrow.
But in doing so, are we also protecting them from what godly sorrow produces?
The diligence to find and follow the truth.
The clearing out of self-righteousness.
The zeal to do what is right.
Would you keep these things from a friend?
Therefore, although I wrote to you, I did not do it for the sake of him who had done the wrong, nor for the sake of him who suffered wrong, but that our care for you in the sight of God might appear to you.
Isn’t this interesting…
Paul did not write to “sharpen” the Corinthians for the sake of the person who had done wrong,
Or for the sake of him who had suffered the wrong.
But so all of those in the Corinthian church would see the care Paul had for them.
Because of what I do, I end up having a lot of online discussions with people,
Many of whom are not open to even considereing what I'm saying.
People ask me, why do I continue such conversations. Haven’t I heard of Proverbs 26:4?
Do not answer a fool according to his folly, Lest you also be like him.
Sure, I’ve read that proverbs many times, along with Proverbs 26:5
Answer a fool according to his folly, Lest he be wise in his own eyes.
But there’s more.
In these public discussions, there’s almost always someone else watching.
Someone else you may not have even thought of the question.
That is who I’m talking to.
Not just the person in the discussion,
But everyone else who’s watching.
An Arrow From a Friend
An Arrow From a Friend
So far, I’ve been talking from Paul’s point of view,
Someone who is sharpening another.
What about if you are on the receiving end of said “sharpening”?