Sex and Sexuality Part 2

Introduction

Good morning everyone, as many of you know Pastor Nik has been doing a series called “Absolutes” and is all about living out God’s truth in our lives.

Last week, Pastor Nik covered Part 1 of Sex and Sexuality

When he initially asked me if I would teach one of these Sundays, I was all for it, and then he gave me part two of sex and sexuality.

He covered a lot of different areas, but specifically focused on the Biblical ethic for our body as it relates to our sexuality and maleness and femaleness.

He said, your body was made to express the beauty of your Creator.

Todays topic doesn’t so much focus on sexuality I’m going to focus more on living out God’s design in marriage and the family, specifically as it relates to the responsibilities and roles.

In the same way your body was made to express the image and beauty of your Creator, so is your marriage and family.

As always, you can scan the QR code for the notes as well as follow along on the powerpoint.

Prayer

Our text is going to be in Ephesians 5, starting in verse 21 where the Apostle Paul is addressing ….what the household should look like.

Before we read, I think it is important to give a bit of background to Ephesians to set the tone to what Paul is going to say.

Background & Tension (Slide)

The church at Ephesus was interesting......it was started about 20 years after the resurrection of Jesus

It part of the Roman Empire about 600 miles away from Jerusalem, where the earthly ministry of Jesus took place.

While there were some Jewish people that lived there.....Ephesus was predominantly a Gentile city (meaning non Jewish).

Ministry to Gentiles

His approach to presenting Jesus to the Gentiles was very different than it was to the Jewish people because he didn’t have any common ground with the Gentiles.

The Gentiles would not have been familiar with the ancient Jewish Scriptures -- our Old Testament -- which served as the foundation for the apostle Paul’s conversation with the Jews.

With the Jews Paul would tie everything back to the Law.

The Gentiles came from a completely pagan culture.

They were very religious and had many different gods and idols they worshiped.

And the message of Jesus would have been entirely foreign from anything in their background.

This is why as Gentiles started coming to faith in Jesus, it started a revolution in Ephesus.

Because the teachings of Jesus were so countercultural -- that they were disrupting the very fabric of their society and the family as well.

Acts 19 -- even talks about a riot that broke out in Ephesus

Because so many people were turning to faith that it was hurting the business of people who sold idols and shrines for the pagan temples.

So, imagine….there are people turning from sorcery -- and paganism and temple prostitution -- and coming to faith in Jesus.

Jesus didn’t come to simply offer improvement, or change our outward actions and attitudes.

He came to transform us into a new person -- completely brand new!

His message challenged every religious and social construct that existed……including the structure of the family, and what family dynamics should look like

And to help us get the full grasp of the impact of what we are about to read -- we need to understand how a family unit was structured in the Roman Empire.

Because without that -- you won’t understand how radical -- the words of the apostle Paul to the church at Ephesus really are.

(Slide) You see, the Roman family structure was shaped about 300 years before Jesus was born.

Main Text

300 years before Jesus was born – many of the cultural norms at Ephesus had been shaped by Aristotle.

Aristotle, was a Greek philosopher – he wrote what is his most famous work called Politics.

And in it -- he articulated what was known as -- The household codes.

This was the model, basically—- the rules of life for a typical family of the Roman Empire.

Let me sum up what he had to say about the family.

A husband and a father rules over his wife and children

The husband would rule over his wife because women were considered “disadvantaged genetically” to have the capacity to lead themselves.

He had an inferior view of women.

Fathers would rule their children because they were “immature.”

This is the family code they had in place -- this was the context -- the culture the apostle Paul was sharing Jesus with.

This was the pervasive thought of that day.

So when the apostle Paul addresses the household….

The question is -- what is Jesus’ example and model for our households?

To answer that -- we are going to be reading in Ephesians 5, starting in verse 21, all the way to chapter 6:4.

This is a long passage, and we’re going to read it all the way though without commentary once, so that we get the big picture.

Then we are going to circle back and break it down

Ephesians 5:21, And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to Himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again, I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

6:1 Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. 2 “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: 3 If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

If you read that quickly -- portions of it sound pretty close to what Aristotle taught.

The husband is the head of the wife who must submit.

Children obey your parents

(Slide) But that’s the genius of what the apostle Paul does here.

He didn’t just write to establish a household code.....He writes -- into -- a household code that already existed.

Paul’s model for household relationships affirmed traditional roles they understood, but undermined their cultural understandings of those roles.

And I’ll show you how in a moment.

In this passage we just read, Paul breaks down 4 types of relationships in the home:

Wives to Husbands

Husbands to Wives

Children to Parents

Fathers to Children

So lets go back and break that down

(Slide) Wives to Husbands (22-24)

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

Wives are told to submit to the headship of their husbands.

Submission to headship means choosing to come under the authority and leadership of your husband.

Means relating towards your husband with dignity and respect.

There has been a lot of confusion in the church about how this looks and works out practically in the home.

Story of Karis and I dating

Headship according to Aristotle meant the man must exercise authoritarian type leadership over his wife.

What the husband says goes, regardless of how the wife feels about it.

Because his wife is inferior in certain aspects, so the man needs to take leadership.

Paul came in and affirmed this traditional role of headship, but then undermined their cultural understanding of it.

He said, “Yes, the man is the head, as Christ is the head of the church, but notice how he undermines their understanding of it in verse 23.

23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.

Paul tied headship, not to the Lordship of Jesus over His body the church, but to His Saviorhood.

Saviorhood implies serving, sacrificing, and giving, even at great personal expense.

Think of what Jesus as Savior meant for us

Paul tells us what that meant in Philippians 2.

Philippians 2:5-8 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. 6 Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. 7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, 8 he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross. (NLT)

That’s what it means to operate in headship as a Savior.....which means this.

A wife’s submission to her husband, is not a submission to Authoritarian/Controlling leadership, it is submission to Servant leadership.

As one theologian put it, “If headship means 'power' in any sense, then it is power to care, not to crush; power to serve, not to dominate; power to facilitate self-fulfillment, not to frustrate or destroy it. And in all this the standard of the husband's love is to be the cross of Christ, on which he surrendered himself even to death in his selfless love for his bride.

When you understand this, it makes sense what Paul says next in how husbands are to treat their wives.

(Slide) Husbands to Wives (vs 25-33)

25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her

Husbands -- treat your wife with excessive love. Love her like Christ loved the church.

Something important to note -- the apostle Paul uses the word – love…..six times -- when addressing husbands

With Aristotle -- a home functioned based on Authoritarian Hierarchy.

Not so with those who follow Jesus

If a husband and a wife are one -- how can one dominate over the other?

Husbands....if we love our wives as Christ loves us -- the church -- so much so that we “lay our lives down” for them -- how can one dominate over the other and say that is following Jesus?

It’s the very goodness and love of Christ that draws us to repentance....that draws us into a desire to have a relationship with Jesus....that draws us into submission to Him.

When you see Jesus in all his love and goodness, “Who wouldn’t want to submit to that?”

When a husband operates in that same kind of loving service and sacrifice for his wife and family.....who wouldn’t want to submit to that?

Husbands....love your wives excessively as Christ loves the Church.

Children to Parents (6:1-3)

6:1 Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. 2 “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: 3 If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”

Children are told to joyfully obey and honor their parents -- whether they want to or not…whether they agree or not.

Speaking to the teens in the room:

Not only are you commanded to obey and honor, but even though you don’t always realize it or understand it, submitting to your parents provides you with a very real safety net.

Reminds me of the saying: "When you're young, you think your parents know everything. When you're a teenager, you think they know nothing. When you become an adult, you realize they knew more than you ever thought."

God is the one that ordained the family structure, and you would do well to understand that.

Submitting in obedience and honoring your parents may be challenging, especially as you are growing in your own independence, but is vital to the overall health of the family.

Fathers to Children (6:4)

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

Fathers don’t exasperate your children -- instead -- lead and treat them with dignity.

Your approach with your kids is not to be the approach Aristotle recommended, where you basically can Lord over your kids.

Don’t provoke your children to anger.

Don’t speak to them in a way that shows very little empathy and understanding towards them.

Not only that, but you are to raise them with discipline and instruction.

Meaning you don’t delegate your responsibility to another person, or to a device.

Meaning you don’t sacrifice your kids on the altar of your career, your desires, or your dreams.

You are to raise them with intentionality and purpose, as a Father who is a servant leader in his family.

Summary

So this is what the family should like with Jesus.

To sum it all up......lets look back to chapter 5:21 --

Ephesians 5:21, And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Paul summed it up at the beginning.

Even if your understanding of what Paul meant in the following verses is a little bit different than what was laid out today…..here’s what we can know…

If you live by Ephesians 5:21, submitting to one another out of love and respect….you will have a household that looks like Jesus.

Application

(Slide) How different would your household look, if everyone in it acted like Jesus and lived with an other's first mindset??

And just because you think some of your family members will never live it out -- doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.

Paul reminded them of their duties, not their rights.

Parents -- don’t start applying this principle by telling your kids it’s their responsibility to obey you joyfully.

Husbands -- don’t start applying this principle by telling your wives it’s their responsibility to submit to you.

Wives -- don’t start applying this principle by demanding that your husband love you excessively.

Begin with you!!! Do what God has asked you to do.

Men -- love excessively!

Women -- respectfully submit.

Children -- obey joyfully.

And Parents – always treat your children with dignity.

Listen -- your family’s story doesn’t hinge on your past experiences. Your family’s story hinges on your decision today.

To accept or reject our command to live Jesus’ example in our households.

To submit to one another out of reverence for God.

God’s heart is not that we have the picture-perfect family.

God’s heart is that we write a better story -- a healthier future for our families.

It’s our story to write, with the help of the Holy Spirit…and you can start today.....regardless of our past experiences.......and God gives us the grace and empowerment to write it.

Sources

Wives submitting - https://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/why-wives-must-read-the-context-of-ephesians-5-22.html#:~:text=“Wives%2C%20submit%20to%20your%20own,a%20troubling%20or%20ludicrous%20command.

Headship - https://www.christianstudylibrary.org/article/ephesians-521-32-–-headship-and-submission

Headship (Sam Storms) - https://www.samstorms.org/all-articles/post/article-10-things-you-should-know-about-male-headship#:~:text=(4)%20Headship%20is%20the%20authority,to%20frustrate%20or%20destroy%20it.

Myths of Male Headship - https://juniaproject.com/5-myths-of-male-headship/

Man as Leader in the family - https://www.covenantkeepers.org/online-articles/44-family-issues/330-how-does-a-husband-lead-his-wife-and-family