Three P's of Manhood

Background to passage: this passage is the first combination of the Spirit-filled life and the “household codes” in scripture.

We begin our process of deacon nomination this week, and I always remind you of the qualifications required of deacons, usually in 1 Tim 3. This year I decided that since most of the qualifications for deacons are character qualities that are demonstrated from his home life, and since motherhood was last week, we would deal with godly men and fathers this week.

This title is a little too broad, but I still think fits the text nicely. We will be stepping up in our discipleship of men in particular in the coming months. Our aim is to develop men like this, and catapult those that are at various stages in their spiritual development on to the next level.

Ephesians 5:25–33 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Opening illustration: Our concept of manhood is very generational. I grew up with He-man, G. I. Joe, Rocky, and Rambo. Earlier might be Chuck Norris or John Wayne or Clint Eastwood. Jimmy Stewart was not one that I would have guessed. Conan the Barbarian, Shrek, Robert Duvall, Sean Connery (James Bond), Indiana Jones, Tarzan, Speedy Gonzalez,

Main thought: The qualities of a husband commanded to practice in the home are similar and helpful in the selection of deacons.

1) Prophet/Priest (v. 25-27)

Ephesians 5:25–27 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

1) Prophet/Priest (v. 25-27)

Explanation: Short explanation is that Christ died to ransom a people for God, the church. He gave his life, THAT he might sanctify her, pour the Word over her, present her in splendor and holiness.

Deuteronomy 6:6–7 ESV

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

John 17:17 ESV

Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.

Colossians 1:22 ESV

he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him,

Illustration: Whitefield and Baxter taught on family religion often, but I want to offer a quote from James Alexander’s book called Thoughts on Family Worship. “Nothing will spur a father toward godly, spiritual discipline in his own walk with Christ more than leading his family in worship. In order to teach his wife and children, he will have to study the Scriptures on his own. A godly woman will be encouraged and inspired as she sees her husband take responsibility and lead in family worship. This practice sets a tone of harmony and love in the household and is a source of strength when they go through affliction together. As they pray for each other their mutual love is strengthened. Reading and memorizing Scripture and the catechisms of the church results in incredible development of children, both spiritually and intellectually. What families regard as important is evidenced by the manner in which they spend their time. Therefore, regular family worship shows the children that their parents believe that Jesus Christ is central to all of life. This practice leaves a legacy that will benefit thousands in generations to come.”

Application: Husbands, you role, your commission, your example from Christ is to lay down your discomfort, your feelings of inadequacy, your pride, and do whatever is necessary to communicate the word to your family to make them beautiful and holy before the Lord and the world. This doesn’t mean in a formal teaching capacity, although in the home it can take that form. Men, look at your families, look at your faithfulness to make disciples in your home. It may mean that you have to ask the hard question of “do I know where my wife, children, or other family members are in their walk with Christ?”

Deacons, if they are married, will have these qualities. They will lead their family in the Word. They will share what God has been sharing with them through the Word. Holiness will be a priority in their lives and a goal in the lives of their families. Men, what do you do to pour the Word over your wives and children. Maybe it’s family devotions. Maybe it’s text messages of scripture. Maybe it’s praying for and with them. Maybe it’s having intentional conversations about biblical truth.

Church, look for these men. Look for prophets and priests of their homes.

2) Protector (v. 28-30)

Ephesians 5:28–30 ESV

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

2) Protector (v. 28-30)

Explanation: For a man to strive for the protection that Jesus offered to the church, he must nourish and cherish as he does his own body. This is not the concept of learning martial arts or marksmanship and self-defense training, although it could include those things. Here we know that a man should look out for the health and well-being of his family. One writer suggested the qualities of personal strength (not necessarily physical), wisdom, and courage.

Argumentation:

Illustration: We are a health conscious society/culture. We are constantly considering choices we make for how they will affect our health. Dr. Rowland Taylor, Feb 9, 1555, “I say to my wife and to my dear children, the Lord gave you unto me, and the Lord hath taken me from you and you from me. Blessed be the name of the Lord. I believe that they are blessed which die in the Lord. God careth for the sparrows and for the hairs of our heads. I've ever found Him more faithful and favorable than is any father or husband. Trust ye therefore in Him by the means of our dear Savior Christ's merits. Believe, love, fear, and obey Him.”

Application: Men are to be protectors of households, countries, women and children, others who are unable to protect themselves. They should insert themselves into situations where others are being abused, harmed, oppression, or in desperate need. They should make wise decisions that do not place others in harm’s way unnecessarily. They must be of strong constitution to stand for values, ideals, and convictions. They should be courageous to make difficult choices, potentially sacrificing personal comfort for the benefit of others.

For deacons, we look for men of strength and conviction who are committed to helping those who need support. We are looking for men of wisdom and courage to guard the church and its members. We are looking for men willing to sacrifice themselves in order to carry out their responsibilities to family and God’s family. We need men who are willing to run into danger rather than from it to care for others.

3) Provider (v. 31-33)

Ephesians 5:31–33 ESV

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

3) Provider (v. 31-33)

Explanation: This picture of marriage hearkens back to Genesis and Jesus. It teaches that a man leaves the provisions of his mother and father and sets out on a life with his wife. It speaks about the man leaving, and the man holding fast, he has the weight of responsibility.

1 Timothy 5:8 ESV

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Illustration: As I talk to business owners and managers, I have found over the last few years the lowest rung on the bar for employment is that they show up to work. Another comment they make is that on the whole, they are seeing more and more younger millennials and Gen Zers who have little or no work ethic. They expect work to be fun and easy, for little evaluation and constant reward.

Application: In pre-marital counseling, I would ensure that the soon to be husband has a job (s), one lined up, or a plan for securing financial necessities. This would include children down the road. In light of biblical manhood, this requires a willingness to work. Sometimes circumstances don’t permit, but the willingness to work must be present. Another way to judge a man’s ability to be a provider for a family or a church is their work ethic. Do they work hard. The book of Proverbs says plenty about that. We can also attempt to answer the question of generosity. Are they men who will give to legitimate causes or people?

As we nominate and select men to serve as deacons, look at their ability to provide. Are they willing to work? Are they willing to work hard at what they do?

Closing illustration:

Recap