More Focus on Forgiveness

Ephesians 4:29-32

Sermon by Rick Crandall

Series: The Book of Ephesians

Grayson Baptist Church - January 3, 2016

(Revised May 18, 2024)

BACKGROUND:

*How should we Christians treat one another? How does God want us to treat each other? The fact is that God has a giant interest in how we treat each other. And we know this is true, because the Bible talks about this over 60 times in the New Testament. Four of those times are here in Ephesians 4.

-In vs. 2, we are to be "bearing with one another in love."

-In vs. 25, "we are members of one another." In other words, we belong to one another in the spiritual Body of Jesus Christ.

-And in vs. 32, we are to be "kind to one another," and "forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you."

*The heart and soul of all these "one another" Scriptures is God's agape love. He wants us to love one another the same way that God loves us. And it is amazing for me to realize that God talks about us loving one another, not 2 or 3 times, but 16 different times in the New Testament.

*Beginning on the night before the cross, in John 13:34 Jesus told His disciples, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another."

*On that same night in John 15:12-14 Jesus said, "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you." Then again in John 15:17 Jesus said, "These things I command you, that you love one another."

*Here are several more examples. In Romans 13:8 Paul said, "Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law."

*In 1 Thessalonians 4:9-10, Paul said, "But concerning brotherly love you have no need that I should write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another; and indeed you do so toward all the brethren who are in all Macedonia. But we urge you, brethren, that you increase more and more."

*And in 1 Peter 1:22-23, the Apostle Peter told Christians, "Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart, having been born again, not of corruptible seed but incorruptible, through the word of God which lives and abides forever."

*The essential foundation for our relationships as Christians is God's kind of love for us. And an essential dimension of that love is forgiveness. God wants us to forgive other people, but the main focus today is forgiving one another in the Body of Christ. Please think about this as we read Ephesians 4:29-32.

MESSAGE:

*Have you ever had a problem forgiving someone? We get it naturally. We were all born with a selfish, sinful nature that wants what we want, when we want it.

*Jeff Strite told about a little girl who spent the whole day fighting with her sister. And that evening as they got ready for bed, they were still mad at each other. As usual, they knelt beside their beds for their prayers. And the 8-year-old began to pray, "Dear God, Please, bless Daddy and Mommy. Bless our cat and our dog." Then she stopped.

*Mom gently prodded, "Didn't you forget somebody?" She glared across the bed at her 6-year-old sister, then said, "And, oh yes... -- God bless my ex-sister." (1)

*We can be like that when we refuse to forgive one another. It's because we were born with a selfish, sinful nature. But Christians, we are born again by the Holy Spirit of God! We were born again with the nature of Jesus Christ, so we are surely able to forgive just as Jesus has forgiven us, and God commands us to forgive.

*But what is forgiveness? James Merritt tells us that biblical forgiveness literally means "to let go" or "to send away." And Merritt said, "Forgiveness takes place when we release to the Lord any bitterness that we feel we have a right to have toward someone else. Forgiveness is the willingness to put both the offender and the offense into God's hands, and let Him take care of the matter.

*Dr. Archibald Hart defined forgiveness as 'giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.' And James Merritt wisely noted that "forgiveness is the only cure for the emotional cancer of bitterness." (2)

*Christians: God commands us to forgive other people. And today's Scripture helps us see why.

1. FIRST: OUR FORGIVENESS HELPS PASS GOD'S GRACE ON TO OTHERS.

*Verse 29 reminds us that all people need the grace of God in their lives. There Paul tells Christians, "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers."

*The "corrupt communication" here is foul or abusive language. It includes any words that are rotten, putrefied, and not fit for use. Paul was talking about the kind of bitter words we tend to use when we refuse to forgive someone. And the original word for "grace" comes from a root word that means "joy or good cheer." So "grace" in general is something that brings joy, delight, and good will. But most of all, "grace" is the merciful, loving kindness of God that draws us to Jesus Christ and saves our souls.

*Everybody needs God's grace! And Christians: Our forgiveness can help pass God's grace on to other people. God wants us to live in such a way that we spread His grace to everyone around us. So, can people see Jesus in us? Can they find His patience? -- His love? -- His forgiveness?

*Richard Wurmbrand spent 14 years suffering for Christ in a Communist prison. And he told the story of one husband who was a living picture of Jesus. This man was sentenced to death by the Communists. But before being executed, he was allowed to see his wife. His last words to his wife were, "You must know that I die loving those who kill me. They don't know what they do, and my last request of you is to love them, too. Don't have bitterness in your heart because they kill your beloved one. We will meet in heaven."

*Those amazing words of forgiveness greatly moved the guard who sat in on the conversation between the husband and his wife. And that former guard told the story to Richard in prison, where the guard had also been sent for becoming a Christian. (3)

*Can people see Jesus in us? Do we remind people of our Savior? We will, -- if we are willing to forgive. Christians: We should forgive, because our forgiveness helps pass God's grace on to other people.

2. WE SHOULD ALSO FORGIVE, BECAUSE NOT FORGIVING GIVES PAIN TO GOD.

*In vs. 30 Paul tells believers, "Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." Our refusing to forgive grieves God's Holy Spirit.

*Most of us have been hurt by grief on some level. Grief is the reaction we have to loss. It affects us spiritually, emotionally, even physically. Grief hurts. -- The pain and sorrow can be intense. And grief isn't just about the death of a loved one. Many types of loss bring grief: A marriage that ends in divorce, a friendship that falls apart, when someone we love moves away, when something we care about is stolen. Even the loss of a pet can bring grief. We also have grief whenever someone hurts us. Maybe they betrayed our trust. Maybe their words cut us like a knife.

*Why does God allow us to go through grief? -- Well, it's partly because we live in a world broken by sin. But God is moving His children toward a day when there will be no grief. As Revelation 21:4 says, "God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying; and there shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.''

*Until that day we will go through the pain of grief. But Romans 8:28 tells us that "all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." So maybe our grief can help us understand God's grief, at least a little bit, anyway.

*Most people don't think about this, but God has feelings too. Our sin brings Him sorrow. Our sin breaks His heart. So refusing to forgive grieves God's Spirit. Don't hold on to hurts that God wants you to forgive.

*Years ago, Stuart Briscoe visited a mission in a remote, tribal area. Stuart spent the night in the hut of the local witch doctor. Overhead he saw a variety of small objects hanging from the ceiling. The missionary told Stuart that each object represented an offense the villagers had committed against the witch doctor or his family. If someone spoke unkindly about the witch doctor, he would hang up an object that represented that person's unkind words.

*Forgiveness was not an option for that hard-hearted, lost, old man. In fact, the witch doctor hung those objects from the ceiling, so that as he lay in his bed each night, he could remind himself of each person's offenses. (4)

*Old grievances may not be hanging from your ceiling. But are they hanging in your heart? If we refuse to forgive, we are grieving God's Spirit, and we surely don't want to hurt God! So we have to cut our hurts loose, and give them over to the Lord. Be a forgiver and know that He will ease your pain.

3. THE THIRD REASON TO FORGIVE OTHERS IS BECAUSE NONE OF US IS PERFECT.

*In vs. 31-32, Paul surely wasn't speaking to perfect people. There he said:

31. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.

32. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.

*Paul said, "Be kind to one another . . . forgiving one another." Paul knew that all of us would need forgiveness at times, because none of us is perfect. By the grace of God, Christians, we are heading toward perfection. But we're not there yet! So one reason to forgive is because (hopefully) we are wise enough to understand that sometimes the shoe will be on the other foot. We will need to be forgiven too. All of us will have times when we need to say, "I'm sorry, please forgive me." And all of us will have times when we need to say, "That's okay. I forgive you."

*This universal need to forgive and be forgiven is one of the things Jesus stressed in Matthew 6, when He gave us the Lord's Prayer. This prayer is supposed to be a model of our daily prayers to God. So in Matthew 6:11-12, Jesus said that this is the way we ought to pray: "Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors."

*Christians: None of us is perfect, so we all will need forgiveness, and we all will need to forgive.

*Dietrich Bonhoeffer was one of the great Christian heroes of the 20th Century. Born in Germany in 1904, he grew up to become a devoted Christian, author, professor, musician, and pastor. Bonhoeffer's opposition to the Nazis and support for the Jews made him a target for Hitler's secret police.

*In the spring of 1943, Bonhoeffer was thrown into prison for the crime of trying to help a group of Jews escape to Switzerland. He was hanged in the concentration camp at Flossenbürg on April 9, 1945. Bonhoeffer was one of four in his immediate family to die at the hands of the Nazis.

*On the day that he died, Dietrich led morning prayers for his fellow prisoners. Then he was soon taken to the gallows. A captured British prisoner recorded his parting words, "This is the end. -- (but) for me, the beginning of life."

*Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a great Christian hero, but he wasn't perfect. Bonhoeffer wrote these words about his own sinfulness and ours: "If my sinfulness appears to me to be in any way smaller or less detestable in comparison with the sins of others, I am still not recognizing my sinfulness at all." (5)

*The only perfect person who ever lived was Jesus Christ! None of us is perfect. All of us are going to need forgiveness, and that is a good reason for us to forgive others.

4. ANOTHER REASON TO FORGIVE IS BECAUSE WE HAVE GOD'S POWER AT WORK IN OUR HEARTS.

*Christians: Verse 31 reminds us that God is at work in our hearts. Paul said, "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice." Let all of these bad things "be put away." In other words: Let these bad things "be put away" by God. Let them be "raised up, lifted up and carried away by God." God's Word uses the passive voice in this verse to remind us that God is working in our hearts to transform the way we live. (6)

*His Word confirms this truth to us in another letter Paul wrote as a prisoner in Rome. It's in Philippians 2:12-13 where Paul said, "Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure."

*When it comes to our salvation then, I remember one preacher saying, "God works it in, and we work it out." God's goal is for us to grow into all we can be in the Lord. As Paul wrote here in Ephesians 4:13-15,

13. till we all come to the unity of the faith and the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ;

14. that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness by which they lie in wait to deceive,

15. but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head Christ.

*God's will for us is spiritual growth. And a big part of that growth is forgiveness. God wants His children to be forgivers, because He is a forgiver. As Chuck Swindoll once said, "We are most like beasts when we kill. We are most like men when we judge. We are most like God when we forgive." (7)

*When somebody hurts us, sometimes we want to strike back. It's tempting, isn't it? But God wants us to walk in His way of forgiveness. And as we think about God's kind of forgiveness, we need to clear up some misunderstandings.

*Robert Enright explained that "Forgiveness is not forgetting. Deep hurts can rarely be wiped out of one's awareness. Also, forgiveness is not necessarily reconciliation. Reconciliation takes two people, but we can forgive someone without reconciliation."

*You see, forgiving other people is mostly a matter between you and God. It does not mean that you have to tell the person who offended you that you have forgiven them, though sometimes that might be helpful. But sometimes the person doesn't think they did anything wrong. They might say, "What do you mean you forgive me?!? I didn't do anything wrong!" They might even get furious, or just laugh in your face.

*One lady I know needed to forgive the father who had abused her in the worst possible way. But he was dead. Her forgiveness wasn't for the dad's sake. It was for her sake, and it did help her.

*"Forgiveness is not necessarily reconciliation. It's also not condoning. Our forgiveness does not require us to excuse bad behavior or pass it off as insignificant. Also, our forgiveness is not a pardon that releases an offender from the consequences of an action." (8)

*All of these things are important for us to know, but it is also important to know that forgiveness is not a feeling. Years ago, I heard Charles Stanley speak on this topic, and he helped me to understand forgiveness in a brand new way. Most people think that forgiveness is a feeling. But it is not a feeling.

*Let me also say that forgiveness is not giving people a blank check to abuse us. It does not mean that we allow ourselves to be a doormat for someone. Yes, Jesus told us to turn the other cheek. But in Matthew 18, the Lord also gave a process to deal with fellow Christians who mistreat us. Forgiveness is not a blank check for people to take advantage of us.

*But also know that forgiveness is not a feeling. Lots of times we get confused about that, and we think we can't forgive someone until we have this feeling in our heart. But again, forgiveness is not a feeling. It is both a command from God, and a choice of our will. We can see this truth in vs. 32 where again, Paul tells Christians to "be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you."

*These are commands from God. He is commanding us to choose to forgive those who have hurt us, -- not because they necessarily deserve it or ever will. Rather, He is telling us to choose to forgive them, because it's the Christ-like thing to do, and because our forgiveness will bring healing in our hearts from the Lord.

*Christians: We know that God is a forgiver because He has forgiven us! We know that He loved us and wanted to forgive our sins so much that He sent His only begotten Son to die in our place. And by the blood of the cross of Jesus Christ, the doorway to forgiveness was opened for us. Now, as Christians we can choose to forgive, because we have been born-again with the nature of our Risen Savior. We can also forgive, because we have the Holy Spirit of Christ living in us to help us forgive.

*I ask people to picture God asking them if they are willing to forgive. And then to pray something like this, "Yes Father, since I know that you have commanded me to forgive, and since I know that I can because I am born again, and since your Holy Spirit is living in me to help me forgive, right now, I choose to forgive that person."

*And when we do this, God begins to heal our wounded heart. It can even make a difference in our physical health. President Ronald Reagan knew this truth. Remember that John Hinckley tried to assassinate Reagan back in 1982, and he almost succeeded. The bullet went into Reagan's lung and stopped less than an inch from his heart!

*But daughter Patti Davis later reported, "The following day my father said he knew his physical healing was directly dependent on his ability to forgive John Hinckley. By showing me that forgiveness is the key to everything, including physical health and healing, he gave me an example of Christ-like thinking." (9)

*That is a testimony to the power of God's grace, the power at work in the life of every believer, the power to forgive. And Christians, we should forgive because we have God's power at work in our hearts.

CONCLUSION:

*We should forgive "just as God in Christ also forgave (us)." But how did Jesus forgive us? His forgiveness is undeserved, unlimited, and unending. His forgiveness is compassionate, costly, and complete. Jesus forgives us sacrificially, lovingly, patiently, repeatedly, and eternally!

*Every person in this world deserves eternal punishment for our sins. But God loves us and sent His Son to die on the cross for our sins. Philippians 2:8 tells us that Jesus "humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross." Jesus Christ gave His blood on the cross, so that we might live forever. Three days later he rose from the dead!

*And by receiving the risen Christ as our Lord and Savior, we receive the forgiveness that we all so desperately needed. As Ephesians 1:7 says, "In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace. So, if you have never received Jesus as your Lord and Savior, call on the Lord to save you today.

*And Christians, ask God to help you "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you." We can get started right now as we go back to God in prayer.

(1) SermonCentral sermon "Giving Love to Get Love" by Jeff Strite - 1 John 4 7 21

(2) Quote from Dr. Hart from Home With a Heart by Dr. James Dobson - p. 100 - Source: Sermons.com sermon "Doing Right When You Have Been Done Wrong" by James Merritt - Ephesians 4:31-32

(3) SermonCentral illustration - SOURCE: Michael G. Moriarty, The Perfect 10: The Blessings of Following God’s Commandments in a Post Modern World, pp. 141-142.

(4) Jill Briscoe, HeartStrings (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 1997 - Jill Briscoe - Dynamic Preaching, www.sermons.com

(5) SermonCentral illustration contributed by Jim Luthy

(6) Sources:

-STRONG'S HEBREW AND GREEK DICTIONARIES - from Strong's Exhaustive Concordance by James Strong, S.T.D., LL.D. - Published in 1890; public domain. - Downloaded to e-Sword by Rick Meyers - Copyright 2021

(7) THE TALE OF THE TARDY OXCART by Charles R. Swindoll, Word, p. 216. - My source: Cross & Crown sermon "Model Prayer 1 - Spirit" by James McCullen - Matthew 6 9-13

(8) Adapted from Robert D. Enright, in Niki Denison, "To Live & Forget" - On Wisconsin Nov-Dec 1992 - Source: Sermonillustrations.com 09152002

(9) "Angels Don't Die." - Fresh Illustrations for Preaching & Teaching (Baker), from the editors of Leadership. - Source: Bible Illustrator for windows - Topic: Forgiveness - Index: 1314-1316 - Date: 6/1998.2000 - Title: "The Healing Power of Forgiveness"