The Purpose in Marriage

Introduction:

Last week we all discussed what the Bible teaches about our unique purposes as being men and women.

For the men we identified that God has purposed primarily for 3 things:

To Submit

To Lead

To Love

As men we are called to submit first and foremost to God, without properly submitting to God and His rule we cannot then fulfill the other 3 purposes He gives us: Lead and Love. Submission is foundational.

As men we are called to Lead. Lead who? Our wives, families. To do what? Lead those around us to submit to Christ and live a life honoring to Him. To do this properly we must first be submitted and walk it out ourselves. Everything us as men do, our very lives should be lived in such a way that people recognize Christs love within us.

As men God wants us to love. Who? Our wives, families, and everyone else. As men, we are to submit and lead, but if we aren’t submitted to God we can’t love properly, because God is love, and having a relationship with Him is how we properly love others. Secondly, we can’t lead our wives and families, if we don’t do it out of love. Love is the foundational element that all men should practice.

Last week, the women learned that to be a woman you must first purpose to be one that fears the Lord. Without this everything else in which a woman is supposed to do cannot properly be done. Proverbs 31:30

Proverbs 31:30 ESV

30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

This is similar to how the men are called to submit.

After a woman has purposed to fear the Lord, she can then adequately accomplish other Biblical characteristics of being:

Be trustworthy

Be Honest

To carry yourself with dignity and strength

To be a hard-worker

Always have willing hands

Not to speak idle word, but always speak wisdom

To show compassion to those in need

And be a caretaker of their family

What we learned last week is key for us to properly understand what a marriage is and what is it’s purpose. Without knowing the purposes between a man and woman, we can’t better know what God wants to do with both of us combined.

Now onto the purpose between a man and woman.

The Purpose of Marriage

Definition of Marriage: An intimate and complementing union between a man and a woman in which the two become one physically, in the whole of life.

What does this mean:

Intimate: Close and private

Complementing: Each complements each other, the man has strengths where the woman is weak, and the woman has strengths where the man is weak.

Genesis 2:18 (ESV)

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

This Word fit literally means opposite in the original language. Therefore, the differences in physical and mental strengths is not something to avoid, nor is it a mistake, but it is actually how God intended it to be.

As a married couple, Brianna has strengths that I have, and I have strengths that she doesn’t have. By this when we work together we can complement and help each other improve our weaknesses. That is how it should be.

Union: the marriage is the uniting of 1 man and 1 women.

Become one: The goal of marriage is to make the two people be uniting and become one whole “person”. Basically speaking through unity, they both work together, have the same goals. Because they are made one this also ensures that one does not harm the other one. Because someone does not normally harm themselves, so because the two are united together they seek not to harm the other, because in doing so they will be harming themselves. They are bonded together.

By implementing marriage, God is protecting humans from pain and suffering that comes from fornication, and adultery.

Give the electrocution illustration.

Purpose: To reflect the relationship of the trinity and to serve God.

Within the book of Genesis we see that God made man in His own image and likeness Gen1:26

Genesis 1:26 (ESV)

26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

If we were made in the image and likeness of God, what is it that we have that is like God?

Ruling, procreation, reasoning power, the ability to make decisions, and relationships.

When we look at these 5 characteristics that God has, it is easy to see how marriage perfectly demonstrates them:

Just like God rules over all creation, through marriage the man and woman “rule” over the creation that God has made. Genesis 1:28

Genesis 1:28 ESV

28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Basically, through marriage, God has entrusted man and woman to rule over what he has created, together.

2. Just like God has the power to create things with the words of His mouth, through marriage, God gave man and woman the ability to pro-create through sex.

3. Just like God has all the wisdom, He created man and woman to have the same ability to think, and together through marriage they are to come together and put each others minds together to rule over the earth in the best way possible.

- When a man and a woman think in the right way together, they will do things that glorify God. And marriage gives them the ability to do that.

4. Just like God made the earth and everything in it out of his own will, God gave man and woman the ability to make their own decisions, without being forced. Through marriage, when it is properly done, it is a sure way that man and woman can come together and make decisions that they agree on.

- Marriage is not designed to have one person calling all the shots, but on the contrary, it is shots being called that each are in mutual agreement on.

5. Just like God is relational to all of His Creation, through marriage this characteristic is shown because it honors the best relationship between man and woman.

By these comparisons it is easy to see how Marriage portrays the character of God.

So far we have defined what marriage is and given its purpose now we will briefly discuss the unique roles that God gives man and women to perform inside marriage.

The Role of man: Assume Headship/Leadership

Ephesians 5:23 ESV

23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Guys, inside of a true biblical marriage the Bible says that it is your responsibility to lead your wife and family.

What does being the head mean, and more importantly what does this look like?

Some may ask, “so does this mean I get to boss my wife around and she must obey me no matter what because I am the head?”

The simple answer to this question is no! That is not at all what being the head means.

Luke 22:26 ESV

26 But not so with you. Rather, let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves.

Jesus mentions here that a leader must serve his people that he is leading. That is what it means to be a leader.

Apply this principle to marriage and it is clear that when a man leads his wife, in essence what he must first do is stop giving orders and instead he should start taking them.

Now I am not saying that a man does whatever his wife asks, but what I am saying is that ladies your husband should be serving you everyday. If you are the one giving and giving, and your husband is only receiving receiving, then most likely he is not serving you.

Ephesians 5:25 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

A true man looks for what he can give his wife, while a little boy sees what he can take from her.

A man in marriage should be giving himself sacrificially for her benefit, just how Christ sacrificially loved us.

Love that is Biblical is not a feeling but it is a thought of first the other person. What do I mean by that? Love in the Bible is a mental decision and a commitment to place another person above yourself, and it is that kind of love that Paul is speaking of in Eph 5.

In regards to leading, the husband is clearly called to lead the wife and family, however the husband does not have all the rights and authority. The woman is first dependent upon Christ, as a man who is called to serve his wife, the man should not be leading his wife to follow him, but contrary he should be leading her to follow Christ.

We talked about this last week with the guys, but when the Bible commands men to lead even from the book of Genesis in the garden of Eden, God wanted the man to lead the wife to follow him.

Genesis 2:15–18 ESV

15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, 17 but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

After God created the man, he gave him the commandment, he didn’t give Eve the command, he gave it to Adam. This implies that God wanted Adam to tell Eve the command and instruct her to not follow “his” instruction, but Gods.

Women, your future man should not be trying to get you to follow him, but he should be leading you to follow Christ. If he isn’t leading you to Christ, he does not need to be your husband.

Men, women are not to be used by you, for your own pleasure and satisfaction, they are precious and innocent in the eyes of God, and you are called to serve, protect, and lead them to the feet of Jesus. If you are not doing that you are wrong, and need to change.

Also guys, you as the husband are called treat your wife with respect and considerateness.

1 Peter 3:7 (ESV)

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

So far we have explained that in a marriage the Bible commands that the husband (man) to lead his wife and family to Christ by being a loving, honoring and respectful servant. By following these biblical guidelines the man will fulfill his role in the marriage.

Now onto the woman. What does the Bible say that a woman’s responsibility is in a marriage?

Colossians 3:18 ESV

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Simply put, wives you are called to submit to your husbands spiritual leadership.

Now, “does this mean I have to do whatever he says?” “Does this mean I can’t come up with ideas on things we should do?”

No and no. Remember that you as a woman are submitted to God first, therefore if your man is trying to get you to do something that is contrary to His Word, you do not have to obey.

Also, it is important to remember that your husband is supposed to be leading you in a God-honoring way, in a way that points you to Christ. He is not supposed to be barking orders and demands at you. Therefore, if he is not doing those things you do not have to listen. The leadership is always to direct the family unit in a God honoring way, to God. Those are the things that you should be submitting to. Another way to put it is, your husband should be leading you spiritually, not physically.

Ephesians 5:23 (ESV)

23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Christ is the head of the church, therefore outside of the church the husband is the head of the wife which involves the family unit.

Physically speaking, you and the husband are on equal grounds, in matters of life, business, careers, hobbies, parenting, etc. You and your husband are a team, do not get confused and think that the man leads everything, no no he is only ordained to lead his family in spiritual matters.

Conclusion:

When we look at marriage we see that it is a great gift that God himself ordained.

Within this marriage union, men and women are protected from harm and suffering.

Marriage was purposed to glorify God.

The man of a marriage is called to lead his wife and family in loving, serving, and respectful way, whereas the wife is called to submit to her husband.

Outside of it aka fornication and adultery, there is all the room for pain and suffering.

Marriage is sacred in the fact that it was created by God and He did not have to create it. It is a unique gift that we should all enjoy.

You are all teenagers right now, but you want to know something me and Brianna don’t see teenagers in you. You know what we see?

A future mom.

A future dad.

A future husband.

A future wife.

We want each one of you to fill those roles in the most God honoring way, that is why we are going through this series.

If you are not already thinking this way, you need to seriously consider, what kind of wife will I be on day, what kind of husband, what kind mom, father?

Y'all, the world is after the family unit, and if you don’t follow God’s way of family design, it won’t be good. People will get hurt and lives devastated.

Who has went through a divorce?

I can’t imagine what that is like, Brianna can better understand, she has went through it. But what I can tell you is that if you will begin now living your life as a future husband or wife, and start following today what God’s Word says you should, you will most likely never have to make your kids know what that feels like.