Separating Friends: Five Exhortations Regarding Ministry Relationships

INTRODUCTION

I have been in ministry, in some way shape or form, since 2005.

That is when I started as the Student Ministry Intern at Old Powhatan Baptist Church.

I was 20 years old.

I realize that some of you were not 20 years old in 2005 and hearing me talk about it as if it was a long time ago makes you laugh, but we are talking about almost 20 years.

In that time I have made some of my dearest friends in ministry. Fellow pastors I love inside and outside of the local church I am serving in.

In that time I have had friends in the ministry walk away for one reason or another.

Thankfully most continue as brothers, though some have tragically walked away from the faith.

In that time I have also parted ways with ministers that I counted as good men, but we could not agree on philosophy of ministry. Never easy.

In that time I have seen many church members choose a new church. Also rarely easy.

And in that time, I have also been able to observe relationships among members of the congregation.

I have seen people get along.

I have seen people have a falling out.

I have seen conflict resolved.

I have seen conflict hover and remain.

And in light of all that, I feel today’s passage in my soul.

It is something I have lived and there is a high likelihood that many of you have lived it as well.

Maybe you have had to end a partnership that was once fruitful for ministry for one reason or another.

Maybe you have had to leave a church.

Maybe you said goodbye to a parting minister.

If you have gone through any of that or anything similar, you will likely feel today’s passage as well.

CONTEXT

Today’s text picks up where we left off a week ago.

The Jerusalem Council has met and concluded with the letter going out to all the churches by the hand of Paul, Barnabas and the two prophets from Jerusalem, Barsabbas and Matthias.

Paul and Barnabas are in Antioch preaching and teaching, as they have been doing throughout the Gentile world.

But suddenly, there is a sharp disagreement in their ministry partnership.

Acts 15:36–41 ESV

And after some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us return and visit the brothers in every city where we proclaimed the word of the Lord, and see how they are.” Now Barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark. But Paul thought best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. And there arose a sharp disagreement, so that they separated from each other. Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. And he went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.

I’m going to give us Five Exhortations Regarding Ministry Relationships that we can glean from this passage this morning.

1. Treasure ministry friendships.

2. Expect ministry disagreements.

3. Resolve ministry conflict.

4. Extend ministry grace.

5. Keep ministry going.

We start with the first one this morning...

TREASURE MINISTRY FRIENDSHIPS

1. Treasure ministry friendships.

Our text this morning begins with a conversation between Paul and Barnabas regarding a second missionary journey, where they return to the churches they established and check on the state of the believers in those places.

Before we go any further and we delve into the conflict that will develop between these two, it is worth taking a moment to reflect on Paul and Barnabas’ ministry relationship and how it is a thing to be treasured.

After Paul’s dramatic conversion in Acts 9:1-19, it was Barnabas who commended Paul to the church in Jerusalem.

Acts 9:27 ESV

But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles and declared to them how on the road he had seen the Lord, who spoke to him, and how at Damascus he had preached boldly in the name of Jesus.

When Barnabas is sent to inspect the initial work in Antioch in Acts 11, who does he go and get in order to disciple the believers there? It was Paul, or Saul.

Acts 11:26 ESV

and when he had found him, he brought him to Antioch. For a whole year they met with the church and taught a great many people. And in Antioch the disciples were first called Christians.

When the church sent out their first missionary pair in Acts 13, we know who the Holy Spirit set apart for the work—it was Barnabas and Paul.

In Acts 13 and 14, we see the, go through much pain together, but it is pain they are willing to endure for the sake of establishing kingdom outposts—local churches—in each city.

They endured much tribulation together for the sake of penetrating the Gentile world with the Good News.

And in Acts 15, we saw them linked arm and arm, defending salvation by grace alone through faith alone at the Jerusalem Council.

Ministry partnerships and friendships such as these should be treasured.

Lasting bonds that are used by God to produce Kingdom fruit for His glory are wonderful gifts of grace that should leave us in thanksgiving and gratitude before the Lord.

Human beings are filled with jealousy and are prone to rivalries and dissensions.

Their reaction to the gifts and talents of others is often to compare them to their own.

This is why Paul listed rivalries and dissensions as works of the flesh in Galatians 5:19-21--

These are the sort of things that come out of humanity in their natural fallen state.

And with this being the reality, we should truly cherish when we come across people who do not care about who gets credit or who gets more attention or who is more effective.

All they care about is playing their role to glorify God by being a part of His plan to build His Kingdom through the local church.

This is why the Bible speaks so sweetly of the bond of friendship.

Proverbs 17:17 ESV

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 27:17 ESV

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 ESV

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

The sort of union that we see between Paul and Barnabas is a friendship such as these.

Brothers born for adversity.

Iron sharpening iron.

Two—better than one. Lifting one another up again.

It ran so deep that perhaps it was union of friendship like the one spoken of by the Puritan Richard Sibbes:

In friendship there is one soul in two bodies.

Richard Sibbes

If you have people in your life—particularly in this church—that you love and you simply love to serve with, then you should thank God for them and you should let them know just how much they mean to you.

We are all finite and we never know when we are doing our last bit of Kingdom work together.

Cherish it and communicate your gratitude toward God and those He has blessed you to have a fruitful ministry with.

Cherish it because these friendships can be more rare than they should be.

This is evidenced in what comes next for Paul and Barnabas.

EXPECT MINISTRY DISAGREEMENTS

There is a disagreement between Paul and Barnabas and it plays out in verses 37-39.

Barnabas is in favor of the trip to check on these infant churches, but he wants to bring “John called Mark,” with them (v. 37).

JOHN MARK

If you do not remember who John Mark is, we met him in Acts 12. He is the son of Mary, the woman who was hosting the believers on the night when Peter was miraculously delivered from Herod’s prison.

Then, back in Acts 13, there was the mention of John Mark leaving Paul and Barnabas in the midst of their first missionary journey.

Acts 13:13 ESV

Now Paul and his companions set sail from Paphos and came to Perga in Pamphylia. And John left them and returned to Jerusalem,

Now, Paul is against John Mark coming with them on their second trip because he left the team on the first trip. He had gone back home to his mom’s house.

But Barnabas feels differently...

…And there is a sharp disagreement between them over the situation (v. 39).

SHARP DISAGREEMENT

I think there are three things in play when it comes to this disagreement between Paul and Barnabas.

First of all, I believe this is a result of different relationships.

Barnabas has a relationship with John Mark that Paul does not have.

We learn in Colossians 4 that Barnabas is Mark’s cousin.

Colossians 4:10 ESV

Aristarchus my fellow prisoner greets you, and Mark the cousin of Barnabas (concerning whom you have received instructions—if he comes to you, welcome him),

Secondly, I believe this is a result of different personalities.

I think there is plenty of evidence from the Bible—like the entire book of Philemon—that Paul was filled with plenty of grace.

In fact, in just a bit, we will talk about his relationship with John Mark years later and how it changed.

But with that said, Barnabas is uniquely gifted in the area of encouragement and he seems prone to extend generous amounts of grace wherever he goes.

His name was Joseph, but he was given the name Barnabas by the Apostles, which means “son of encouragement.” (Acts 4:36)

He is the one to defend and commend Paul in Jerusalem in Acts 9.

He is the one sent by Jerusalem to inspect and establish the young believers in Antioch

Understanding these things, it is not surprising to see Barnabas lobbying for Mark to have a second chance on the team.

Thirdly, I believe this is a result of different mindsets.

Paul is likely thinking like a missionary here.

Every member of the team is important.

Every member must pull their weight.

Paul likely has memories of the interruptions to the work that Mark’s desertion caused in their last journey.

He doesn’t want to risk that this would be the case again.

Barnabas is thinking more pastorally.

This is a chance for John Mark to grow. Give him a chance to show that grace transforms and changes a man from the inside out.

I am not sure we should work too hard to figure out who is right and who is wrong in this situation.

Plenty of ink has been spilled over that.

There are more important things in the Bible for us to spend our time on.

Instead, I read this and think, this is just a matter of two different men, with two different personalities, two different mindsets and two different relationships to Mark himself.

2. Expect ministry disagreements.

You are not going to agree with everyone.

We might agree on the big things—God is Triune. Christ is divine. Salvation is found in no other name. The Good News should be shared.

But underneath those big picture agreements, we have small disagreements and in truth, these small disagreements tend to lead to the fractures that bring ministry partnerships to an end.

What broke apart this dynamic duo? What ended the union between the Batman and Robin of evangelizing the Gentile world?

Was it church-planting philosophy?

Was it doctrinal divide?

Was it some big, massive issue that you would expect to tank this ministry friendship?

Well, no.

It was the roster of the mission team.

It was a matter of “Who is going on this trip?”

But sadly, these are things that happen.

It can break our hearts.

It can break our spirit if we allow it.

It can cause us to cry out to God.

And since it tends to come from disagreement over smaller things, it can often catch us off guard.

EXAMPLE OF WESLEY’S AND WHITEFIELD

Another example of this in church history would be the relationship between John and Charles Wesley and George Whitefield.

The Wesley brothers are the fathers of the Methodist church.

Whitefield was the preeminent evangelistic preacher of his generation and his ministry was largely responsible for the Great Awakening that came about in the 1700’s.

The men were very close.

Whitefield followed the Wesley’s across the Atlantic to Georgia, where they did mission work together.

In England, Whitefield would turn his open-air pulpit over to John Wesley and they would see many turn to Christ together.

All the while, Charles was writing the soundtrack for the revival in the background.

But then John Wesley published a sermon called “Free Grace” in 1739, in which he publicly attacked a Calvinistic view of predestination and salvation.

Wesley did not give Whitefield a heads up even though Whitefield was a firm believer in the doctrines of grace represented in Calvinism.

After private correspondence, things went public when some of Whitefield’s students published one of the private letters that Whitefield wrote, where he is going hard after Wesley’s Arminian beliefs.

Wesley proceeded to rip the letter up in the pulpit.

In later years the two would reconcile as Christian brothers and put hard feelings to rest.

When Wesley died, Whitefield was asked if he was in heaven and Whitefield responded and said, “You cannot see John Wesley in heaven because is so close to the throne of Christ that he is hidden.”

And yet, it is an example of a fruitful ministry partnership coming to a seemingly premature end.

Two men who believed Jesus alone saves could not agree on how He saves.

The sharp disagreement caused them to part ways.

Treasure ministry friendships, but know that they do not always last a lifetime.

In fact, many come to an end over things that you would never expect.

Disagreement on third-tier doctrinal issues.

Mission trip rosters.

These things happen as much as we may want them not to.

RESOLVE MINISTRY CONFLICT

But this brings us to our third exhortation this morning:

3. Resolve ministry conflict.

While we should expect that disagreements will happen, we should also be resolved to bring those disagreements to a close.

In the case of Paul and Barnabas, I believe they do a bit better than Wesley and Whitefield.

We can see their solution in verses 39-40.

Barnabas will take John Mark and sail to Cyprus, where he will likely check on the churches that were established there.

Paul takes Silas—one of the prophets who had helped deliver the letter from the Jerusalem Council to the Gentile churches—and they are going to go visit the churches Paul and Barnabas established in Acts 13 and 14.

In this case, the resolution was to separate from one another.

Sometimes this is the case.

Barnabas went one way and Paul went the other.

There are other times when the conflict might be resolved in other ways.

If there is an issue of sin between two people, Jesus instructions in Matthew 18 might be put to use.

If there is an issue of doctrinal disagreement, there may be debate and depending on how that goes, there will be a discussion about whether or not ministry can continue.

How important is this doctrinal disagreement on the mission field?

How important is this doctrinal disagreement when it comes to unified ministry in the local church?

If there is a disagreement over ministry philosophy, questions will be asked about how much this impacts the day to day execution of Kingdom work.

And depending on the circumstances, the resolution of different types of conflict may vary.

In some cases, people will continue to minister together, relegating their differences to being inconsequential.

In some cases, people will part from ministering together, but remain in the same church, continuing to be friendly.

And then in some cases, it is more like Paul and Barnabas or the Wesleys and Whitefield.

Sometimes, brothers and sisters must separate in order for conflict to be resolved and the unity of the church at large to not be threatened.

This should not be done lightly and you hope and pray it is few and far between, but we know that sometimes, this is the case.

Many of us have seen it and lived it.

But however the conflict is resolved, it must be resolved.

It cannot be allowed to fester.

The unity of the Spirit that God has provided His church is at stake.

Ephesians 4:1–3 ESV

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

KEEP MINISTRY GOING

But notice that even though Paul and Barnabas separate, they do not allow the Kingdom to suffer in the process.

The solution they come up with is heartbreaking on one hand—friends are separating.

But on the other hand, the Kingdom is benefiting. It is getting a “2 for 1.”

4. Keep ministry going.

Though it would have been sad for everyone who knew Paul and Barnabas to see them separate, it would not have been hard to see God’s sovereign hand at work in the aftermath.

He uses the separation in order to double the mission work.

Now, you not only have Paul leading a team through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches (v. 41), you also have Barnabas and John Mark doing work in Cyprus.

And not only that, but these two mission teams are uniquely gifted for the work they are being sent out for.

If you’ll recall Barnabas was from Cyprus:

Acts 4:36 ESV

Thus Joseph, who was also called by the apostles Barnabas (which means son of encouragement), a Levite, a native of Cyprus,

This makes him a perfect candidate to go and encourage the believers who are there.

On the other hand, Paul takes Silas with him.

Silas is a prophet who is commended by the church in Jerusalem.

If there were to be any more questions about the validity of Gentiles coming to Christ through Paul’s ministry, Silas would be able to vouch for it to the Jerusalem congregation.

When ministry partnerships end, we will naturally be tempted to be discouraged and disheartened.

We might even feel defeated.

We might feel like a failure for not being able to keep the team together.

And we know that Satan loves to see us weak.

When he sees our candle flicker in the corner of his evil eye, he will run up breath his nasty dog breath all over the flame in order to try and blow it out.

This is when we must turn to God for strength and get up again.

We must be like David in Psalm 4.

Though he is being pursued by Absalom and he has many foes, and people are saying that his situation is beyond God’s grace, he looks to the Lord as His Defender and Sustainer.

Psalm 3:3 ESV

But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.

And as God gives the strength, we get out our toolbox and we get back to the business He has called us to, finding new people He has set aside for us to do the work with.

And as we do it, we trust that He is arranging the members of the body in the teams and ministries He wants them in.

1 Corinthians 12:18 ESV

But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose.

He knows what He is doing with His church and His children.

Trust Him and keep working.

Where one ministry partnership ends, two may begin.

EXTEND MINISTRY GRACE

And then, our final exhortation this morning, does not come from the text of Acts 15, but is evidenced by what we see in other places in the New Testament.

We already know that Barnabas showed John Mark grace, but what we see in Paul’s later letters is that he did the same.

Earlier I mentioned Paul calling John Mark Barnabas’ cousin.

That reference to John Mark in Colossians seems to be without any sort of disclaimer.

The way Paul speaks of him and his relationship to Barnabas “matter of factly” speaks to a reconciliation with John Mark.

And what may be implied in Colossians 4 is explicit in 2 Timothy 4.

2 Timothy 4:11 ESV

Luke alone is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry.

Paul calls John Mark very useful to him for ministry.

This is a far cry from Paul saying, “This guy can’t go on the trip.”

Clearly he has not only come to be friendly with John Mark—he sees him as a crucial instrument for God in His Kingdom.

Now, Acts 15 is taking place around 50 AD. 2 Timothy is written around 15 years later.

What happened in this fifteen years that changes Paul’s mind about Mark?

Maybe it was his steadfastness in partnering with Barnabas.

Maybe Paul saw Mark be more committed to the mission with Barnabas and it sparked him to want to join with Mark again for ministry’s sake.

Maybe it was his relationship to Peter.

In his first letter, Peter speaks of Mark the way Paul speaks of Timothy.

1 Peter 5:13 ESV

She who is at Babylon, who is likewise chosen, sends you greetings, and so does Mark, my son.

Church history even tells us that the Gospel of Mark is actually Peter’s account of Jesus’ life dictated to John Mark, who wrote it down under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

Clearly there was a special relationship between these two men.

Maybe it was this spiritual father/son relationship that ultimately commended Mark to Paul.

Or maybe Paul’s issue was just surrounding this one mission trip and it should not be surprising at all to see Paul give credibility to Mark otherwise.

Whatever the case may be, one thing is very clear—Paul gave Mark grace and received him again as a brother and ministry partner in the years after the incident in Antioch in Acts 15.

Which leads us to our final point this morning:

5. Extend ministry grace.

THE GOSPEL MOTIVATION

At the end of the day, we must show one another the sort of grace that we see being shown to Mark—first by Barnabas and then by Paul in years to come.

Jesus’ parable regarding the Unforgiving Servant is helpful to show us our motivation for doing this.

We find that parable in Matthew 18.

In verses 21-35, Jesus talks about a man who owed a king ten thousand talents.

This is an insurmountable debt and the only way the man can be forgiven is if the king graciously wipes his account clean.

And the king does this out of pity and forgives the debt because he desired to settle accounts with his servants.

But then the man proceeds to go out into the street and when a fellow servant who has a debt with him comes to him and asks forgiveness, he denies it and throws the man into prison.

As a result, the king says:

Matthew 18:32–35 ESV

Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

It is no accident that Jesus teaches this parable on the heels of His instructions on what to do if a brother needs to be confronted with his sin.

He is saying, “This is how you deal with transgressions against you in the church. If you refuse to do this and you won’t forgive your repentant brother, then you are like the unforgiving servant and you will be delivered to the jailer of Hell.

For the person who is incapable of forgiving has not tasted forgiveness and they prove it in their unmerciful attitude.

In the Gospel, we have received grace upon grace in Jesus Christ.

We should have been punished for our sin, but Jesus was punished for us.

We should be estranged from God forever because of our sin, but Jesus was estranged for us.

We should have received the holy and wrathful justice of God forever in Hell, but Jesus received it for us at Calvary.

In light of this scandalously good news, we should be the most forgiving and merciful people on the Earth.

The mercy we have received should stir up a mercy in us toward others.

And this includes other who have messed up.

Others who have failed and fallen short.

Others who need some second chances.

Our tendency is to write people off and count one mistake as being worth a thousand.

We think, “One failure is all it takes to be in exile.”

And yet, if this had been God’s disposition toward us, we would not just be useless in ministry—we would be lost in sin.

We would have no salvation.

Therefore, the local church should be filled with second chances.

It should be filled with people who are ready to see those who were once seemingly useless in ministry to be useful again.

DISCLAIMER

Now, in light of the climate in today’s culture, I want to be really clear here.

What I am talking about is restoring someone to useful ministry after they have been repentant over sin that is neither disqualifying or endangering.

I am not talking about second chances after criminal charges—particularly if abuse was involved.

I am talking about second chances in situations like John Mark—grace for those who have let people down in ministry, but who have not done something that makes their involvement in ministry dangerous to other people.

In cases where people stumble and they can be restored again to good use in the Lord’s service—which I think is most cases—we must be ready to pour out the very grace we have received from Christ.

CONCLUSION

The joys we find in companionship of noble, unselfish, thoughtful people here give only the faintest conception of the joys of heaven’s companionships.

R. A. Torrey

Torrey is telling us of the eschatological future to come.

A day is coming when there will be nothing but the unity of heaven’s friendships in the presence of the glory of Jesus Christ.

The sweetness of Christian friendship in Christian community in the here and now is just a preview of what is to come in the perfect harmony of heaven’s relationships.

We rejoice that this day is coming.

There will be no strain from sin in our relationships then.

There will be no separation of friends.

There will be no friction between colleagues.

The patterns of the old man, which cause these divisions in our Christian community, will perish with the old world.

But until that day arrives at our doorstep, we must heed these lessons today from the situation with Paul and Barnabas.

Treasure the friendships you have.

Expect disagreements to come.

Resolve them in a godly manner.

Keep the ministry going.

Extend grace along the way.

And then one day—the Lord will return.

His people will be raised.

And we will work and serve Him without the slightest speck of distraction or dissension.

And the joy we get from it will be rich.

And the friendships we enjoy as we work will be unceasing and unparalleled by what we experience in this life.

Until then, continue to heed the lessons we learn from Paul and Barnabas.

Continue to build the Kingdom with God’s lovely saints—taking all the ups and downs that come with the adventure.