Honor God by Honoring Your Wife

Introduction

Good morning please open in your bibles to 1 Peter 3:7 that is 1 Peter 3:7. If you are using one of our Bible’s scattered throughout the chairs you can find this morning’s text on page 1015. That is page 1015. We arrived home from church two weeks ago and as is our custom we asked our kids what they learn about in their class. After several prodding questions that we met with the typical answers of “I don’t remember, I don’t know.” We finally got an answer from Judah. He looked up and said “Jesus, healed a woman from COVID.” The actual Bible story was when Jesus healed Peter’s mother-in-law from a fever. But to a 5 year old boy who’s working memory has been dominated by COVID-19, he associated a fever with COVID. Judah did what many of us do when reading the Bible. We bring our world and experiences into the text and while it understandable, this can often lead us to wrong conclusions about the biblical text.

For us, the hard part about 1 Peter 3:7 is that Peter refers to wives as a weaker vessel. We bring our world’s understanding of the marriage relationship into the text in unhelpful ways. We bring our cultural assumptions about the Bible (that is regressive, misogynistic, cruel to women etc) and we miss the point of 1 Peter 3:7.

Here is the point: Christian Husbands honor God by showing honor to their wives. Yes, this passage designates wives, really women, as a weaker vessel. Which once we break that down I don’t think it is very offensive at all. But this passage also advocates for the love, care, and honor of a wife, and women in general. We struggle with the term “weaker vessel” Peter’s audience probably struggled with phrase “heirs with you of the grace of life.” Peter’s mother-in-law did not have COVID, and the Bible does not advocate for the mistreatment of women.

Rather, Husbands are to honor God by honoring their wives. Read 1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

We will walk through this short passage phrase by phrase this morning beginning with Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. Now, this translation before us isn’t wrong, but it is a bit of and an interpretation rather than a translation. A good interpretation to be sure. Of course, I would advocate that husbands are to understand their wives. They are to treat their wives with compassion and concern. But the word translated “understanding” is actually the word for “knowledge.” Peter is saying that husbands are to live with their wives according to knowledge. The KJV translates the verse like this, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

Now, the question then becomes according to the knowledge of what? Husbands are to live wives live with their wives knowing two that will honor God. They are to live knowing their wives are the weaker vessel and that their wives are fellow heirs of the grace of life. If they fail to live with their wives in light of that knowledge, God will not hear their prayers.

What does it mean to live with your wife as weaker vessel and as a heir together of the grace of life?

Honor Her As the Weaker Vessel

First, what is the weaker vessel? Now, weaker implies that there is not who is stronger. In this case, the stronger one is the husband since wives are the weaker vessel. So, we must ask in what ways are women weaker than men in a general sense. Of course there are always exceptions to every rule and especially we start dealing with comparing individual to individual, but as Peter writes to a persecuted church throughout a large geographic area we can safely assume he is speaking to husbands generally.

Another helpful clue we need to consider is what is meant by the word vessel? And we glean its meaning by looking at other ways in which this word is used in the New Testament. In 1 Thessalonians 4:4 “that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor,” The word translated “body” is the same word we have here in 1 Peter 3:7 we see this kind of meaning again in 2 Corinthians 4:7 “But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.” The same word is the word translated as “jar.” Paul is clearly referring to our physical bodies that are fading and like worthless jars of clay that carry in them the death and resurrection of Jesus as he says in 2 Corinthians 4:10 “always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.” Now in this verse he is using a different word for body, but he using vessel or jar metaphorically for the body.

As bring this together it seems to me that Peter in 1 Peter 3:7 is saying generally men are physically stronger than women. The bodies of women are weaker than the bodies of men. I don’t think that is very controversial. In fact, I would venture to say most of the people you interact with would agree with that assessment.

If today during our announcements I said we going to have a men against women competition, and that we will use the churches money to send the winning sex on a all inclusive vacation. The loser has to stay home with the kids. And I said the women get to pick the contest, my guess is that even the most feminist lady in here is not going to choose power lifting. And if you do, great! Fellas we’re gong to Cancun! This not nearly as controversial of statement as you think.

If fact, what Peter is saying was very controversial to his audience. In a culture who’s economy was driven by mining for precious metals without modern equipment or through farming without tractors. A place in which life was just harder physically. A place and time in which the value of a person could easily be associated with their physical ability you have church leader who says, honor the weaker vessel. How do husbands honor their wives?

Ephesians 5:25–30 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.” Notice how a husband is to behave. He is to love his wife by giving up himself for her, he cleanses her through the word of God, (Men are we fighting to make sure our wives get time in the word, studying with her, praying with her?) Do you nourish her? Do you cherish her? This how the Christian Husband shows honor to his wife.

Now, remember Peter is saying you do this knowing she is the weaker vessel. Men, what is the temptation we all face when we encounter someone weaker than us? We bully them, we are harsh to them, we make them feel foolish when they don’t measure up. Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” Why does Paul say that? Because he knows your nature. God says when see weakness you are to show honor. The flesh and world say when see weakness pounce on it and use it your advantage. This is not to be so among us. Your wife’s weaknesses are to move you to greater displays of grace and honor. You are not to treat her like one of the guys and tell her to suck it up buttercup.

Now, as I say that I know what many of us are thinking. We think, don’t do that because that will enrage your wife. And if momma ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy. And I want to speak to our Christian husbands with a word of warning. You do not hold back your language just because it would upset your wife. Though it certainty would. There is something graver at stake. You hold back your harsh words, because it offends God. The fear of your wife is not to be your primary motivator. The fear of the Lord is to light a fire under you. You serve your wife not because you want to avoid being nagged at or because it is just easier to give her her way. To serve her in this way is drudgery.

Men, we have the honor and privilege of serving our wives with joy. Serving your wife and showing her honor is to be source of joy in your life. Why?

Because in doing this you imitate Christ who became weak for the sake of sinful people. Jesus loves the weak. Matthew 11:28–30 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”” Husbands live sacrificially with joy, because Jesus did. Hebrews 12:2 “looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Jesus found joy in laying down his life for sinners because his joy was rooted in the glory of God. You have the same opportunity as you live with your wife understanding she is the weaker vessel. You have the joy of glorifying God by laying down your life for another.

T/S- you honor your wife though she is weaker than you and you honor your wife because she is a Fellow Heir of Grace

Honor Her as a Fellow Heir of Grace

For those who are in Christ whether male or female all share the same eternal destiny. For all of those who are in Christ they have an inheritance that is as Peter said in 1 Peter 1:4–5 “to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.” Our gender does not dictate the rewards we experience in heaven. Paul explains in Galatians 3:28–29 “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise.” Now, this doesn’t mean that once you are saved you stop being male of female just like you stop being your ethnicity (Jew or Greek) or that slaves on earth became free or free men suddenly became earthly slaves. But in the book of Galatians the apostle Paul has argued that people are made right before God or justified before him not by their works, their ethnicity or anything else. They are made right before God by faith alone!

The primary identity of the believer is that they are a child of God. Your believing wife shares this identity with her believing husband and therefore is a recipient of God’s grace that leads to eternal life. The way you behave toward your wife must reflect this reality. She is an heir of grace. She is first and foremost a daughter of God before she is your wife. You must treat her with the reverance that that entails.

We are told in Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” God created men and women to reflect His glory. Men and women are made in the image of God. They are creatures that bear the mark of the Creator, being created in His image.

C.S. Lewis reminds us, “There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations - these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit - immortal horrors or everlasting splendors. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously - no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption.”

Husbands, your wife is child of God destined to spend eternity glorifying Him in her femininity, yes. But she was bought with the same blood you were bought wife, she raised to the same life you have raised to, she is made in the image of God. As a Christian woman being sanctified in this life she is growing in the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. This beauty is sculpted in her by the Maker of the stars, mountains, and sunsets. His glorious fingerprints are on your wife, and in Peter’s own words from verse 4 she is very precious in His sight. She is God’s gift to you and help mate picked for you by the Sovereign King of the universe.

Proverbs 31:29 ““Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”” Now, that verse is about Brittany Rosentreter. I don’t care what any commentary says, what a scholar or rabbi might say, but when I read that verse it is about my wife. Many of you are excellent, but Brittany surpasses them all. Men, when you read that verse do you say in hearts of hearts that verse is about my wife.

Now, what if things are going very well right now? What if you don’t feel like your wife looks like the wife described in 1 Peter 3:4-5. What if my wife is wayward, what if when no one is around my wife is harsh with me, what if my wife doesn’t buy into this whole be subject to your husband thing? Or what she doesn’t want to go where I think the family should go? Should I put my foot down? Make her do it?

Men are stronger than women and we could utilize that strength to attempt to get our way. But that would be sin. Husbands are to lead their families, but husbands are not given any kind of punitive measure for their wives. Husbands and wives are not like parents and children or even governments and citizens. The government has the sword and the parent has the rod. Husbands have honor. When she is weak and sinful, honor her.

Choose to glorify God by loving someone that does not seem to love you back. Do not follow her into sin, you lead by example toward righteousness. But you don’t have the authority or the responsibility to force decisions on your wife. She is to submit to you, because first and foremost she submits to God. You are to honor her first and foremost because you honor God.

T/S- As you live according to the knowledge of her as the weaker vessel and as an heir of grace you can be sure that your prayers will be heard by God. This text teaches the inverse, so we end our time today with a warning for husbands.

Honor Her that Your Prayers are not Hindered.

Our text tells us that if a husband fails to live as this passage prescribes then a husbands prayers will not be answered. As we draw to a close I want to ask, why is it Peter gives 6 verses to wives and one to husbands? That seems kind of lop sided. Well I believe it is because Peter is writing to the persecuted and powerless. The citizen mistreated by his government in chapter 2 the slave mistreated by his master, and the woman mistreated by her non- believing husband. He has a heart is for the weak, and writes to them with a beautiful robust Gospel that says to suffer well is to win favor with God! A favor that will result in eternal blessing.

But then when he shifts to the one area in which the Christians might have some power, the Christian husbands, he says honor the one who is weak. See the one who is under your authority as a fellow heir. And if you fail to do this God is so displeased he will not hear your prayers.

I believe Peter is sticking his thumb into the eye of the cruel governors, the emperor, the cruel slave master, and the ungodly husband. He is saying the world’s powerful might not honor the world’s weak, but this is not to be the way Christians lead. Christian’s even when strong, use their strength to honor the weak.

Why? Why are Christian’s so different? In Mark 10:35-45 we read of James and John, two of Jesus’ disciples that later become apostles or leaders of the church. They want Jesus to put them at his right hand and left hand. They want to be in positions of authority. And Jesus asks them, “Can you drink the cup I drink can you be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with?” Now Jesus speaks cryptically here, but he is referring to his death. He is asking them to really wanna be like me? I’m gonna die for others. They both say “We are able!” Jesus replies and tells them, “You drink the cup I drink and you will be baptized with my baptism.” Meaning they will suffer great persecution. The other 10 hear this and they get upset thinking John and James just snaked their way to the top. And Jesus calls them all together and says, Mark 10:42–45 “And Jesus called them to him and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.””

Christian leaders lead through service to those that follow them. That includes Christian husbands. We strongly affirm male headship in the home and church, but don’t get confused. This is not to any man’s wordly advantage. To lead Christ’s way is to follow Jesus in his death. It is to look to those who are weak and chose to show them honor as a fellow heir of grace.

And this is so important that if we don’t do it. Then it will directly impact our relationship with God. Your prayers will be hindered. I don’t exactly what that means, but it seems that the prayers of an ungodly husband are not effectual. God will not act upon your prayers if you do not lead through service to your wife. If you don’t show honor though she is weak, if you do not see her as a fellow heir of grace. To sin against your wife is a great sin.

The intensity of this threat is only as effective as a man’s dependence upon prayer. If you don’t pray, if you functionally live like you don’t depend on God then this threat means little to you. And perhaps if this threat means little to you I need to be more clear about a greater threat. The threat of an eternity in Hell if you do not know Christ as Lord.

1 John 4:7–12 “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.” 1 John 4:13–20 “By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.”

Now this passage is talking about your brothers in Christ. But if you don’t love your wife…. You cannot claim you love God. The love of God is the only thing that casts out the fear of His final judgement. You simply cannot claim to fear God and live in a harsh way with your wife. Christians are not harsh with those they love.

Conclusion

Brothers, as I preach to you this morning if you find yourself convicted of sin. If you have not led your wife as God would have your lead her, if have been harsh in word or deed with your wife, if could not stand before God today and know that you are obeying this passage then for the good for your wife, the good of this church, for the glory of God, and for the sake of your own soul and prayers repent. Repent quickly and genuinely. Turn from your sin and confess it to another brother. James 5:16 “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”

Men, we cannot get this wrong. You need to confess to your wife and ask her forgiveness, in some cases you need to repent to your children, and you must repent before God. If you are living well with your wife, keep going. And should sin enter your heart cast yourself upon the grace of Christ. Run to his mercy and put sin to death. We must be men dependent upon the Lord and the effectiveness of our prayers.