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Prudhoe Castle in Northumberland is the fortress that withstood all sieges except one. It was a formidable stronghold that resisted attacks during the 1173-1174 conflict between England and Scotland Prudhoe Castle has many a story to tell to the intrepid visitor. Built as part of a series of Norman Castles along the Tyne after the 1066 Norman conquest, and continuously occupied for over nine centuries. It was originally the home of the Umfravilles but was eventually taken over by the famous Percy family. Prudhoe survived many wars, and resisted two sieges during the 1170s, by William the Lion of Scotland, the only Northumberland castle not to fall to the Scots in that invasion.. However, when Oliver Cromwell led the Parliamentarian forces during the English Civil War, Prudhoe Castle eventually surrendered. Despite its resilience against previous sieges, the gates were lowered for Cromwell’s troops

2 Corinthians 10:3–6 CSB

3 For although we live in the flesh, we do not wage war according to the flesh, 4 since the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but are powerful through God for the demolition of strongholds. We demolish arguments 5 and every proud thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive to obey Christ. 6 And we are ready to punish any disobedience, once your obedience is complete.

We may often think of our home as our castle. We think

1. Satan mainly attacks the mind.

1a. Be smart about what you choose for entertainment .

Even Disney has an agenda to influence kids. It’s not just seedy websites any more. And the entertainment industry has never really been family friendly. During the 80s, they had a PG-13 rating for movies. Knowing what I know now, those were not family friendly. Sometimes we need to step back and reflect, I shouldn’t have watched that. I didn’t know what th

1b. Consider the influences upon family, like social media.

It’s not just sex, drugs and rock and roll. Social media has allowed Satan a silent megaphone as kids and adults scroll endlessly.

The Role of Social Media in Spreading Contagion

Numerous authorities point to one turning point: The introduction of the iPhone. This single device ushered in the unintended consequences of adolescents with unfettered access to social media combined with unhealthy doses of peer pressure.

Think back to how bullying, anorexia, and cutting has been on the rise since 2007. Now we have the rapid explosion of transgender identification among teens.

A study at Brown University confirmed the obvious.

Before we get too far into the stats, it’s important to note a very telling fact about the study. After it was published the University suffered immense pressure. Critics tried to discredit the observations of parents in the study by saying these parents could be politically biased, or opposed to the idea that their daughter wanted a mastectomy. As you would expect, they pulled the initial study, and published a “revised” version–with a slightly different title but very few changes from the original.

It’s all part of Satan’s plan to take minds captive to his will which is to reject God. The speed at which these ideas that are so patently at odds with God and nature reveal Satan’s power.

It’s being pushed constantly upon us and our kids.

And it’s hard to argue because Satan has been successful in convincing our culture that feelings trump everything. “I feel it in my heart...” that becomes the highest authority. And it is intoxicating.

Jeremiah 17:9 CSB

9 The heart is more deceitful than anything else, and incurable—who can understand it?

Has anyone else noticed how smart birds can be? Our houses have vents for our dryers and vents. To allow air to escape and keep critters out, an engineer created a luver. The air flow going out pushes these slats open and then it closes, supposedly. Well, Sarah and I discovered these bugs, they turned out to be bird lice. We had to spray and kill those lice, but that was not enough. We had to remove the nest.

Not only that, we needed to put a wire/plastic mesh over the luver to prevent the birds from coming back.

John 13:9–10 CSB

9 Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not only my feet, but also my hands and my head.” 10 “One who has bathed,” Jesus told him, “doesn’t need to wash anything except his feet, but he is completely clean. You are clean, but not all of you.”

You can’t prevent birds from flying overhead, but you can work on keeping them from infesting your home.

2. To Guard your home:

2a. Prioritize God’s Word and work on positive interactions (Obey the law of love).

Ephesians 4:27–29 CSB

27 and don’t give the devil an opportunity. 28 Let the thief no longer steal. Instead, he is to do honest work with his own hands, so that he has something to share with anyone in need. 29 No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear.

Conflict is inevitable in marriage, home, or any relationship.

Whether it’s about not having enough sex, the dirty laundry, or spending too much money, conflict is inevitable in every marriage.

To understand this issue fully, you must first recognize how your own family history and the culture around you can shape the way you communicate. We live in a smart-aleck, sarcastic, and immoral culture. Words are thrown around as if they don’t matter, and people are treated as though they had little worth. Just watch a little television and you’ll get my point.

Also, if you are from a verbally abusive family or have lived in a negative verbal environment, you will have the tendency to follow that pattern of behavior. It is important to realize the unhealthy way those around you communicate and to refuse to follow suit. If you will notice, you can see that those who are impure, ungodly, or negative in their speech do not have good relationships.

Words are like seeds. If you don’t like the harvest in your marriage, there is good news: you can change seeds and the harvest will change. You have power. You aren’t helpless and you aren’t a victim. You have the power of death and life in your tongue. Unleash that power toward your spouse in a positive manner and you will see the truth of what the Bible says.

To understand the difference between happy and unhappy couples, Dr. Gottman and Robert Levenson began doing longitudinal studies of couples in the 1970s. They asked couples to solve a conflict in their relationship in 15 minutes, then sat back and watched. After carefully reviewing the tapes and following up with them nine years later, they were able to predict which couples would stay together and which would divorce with over 90% accuracy.

Their discovery was simple. The difference between happy and unhappy couples is the balance between positive and negative interactions during conflict. There is a very specific ratio that makes love last.

That “magic ratio” is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions.

“When the masters of marriage are talking about something important,” Dr. Gottman says, “they may be arguing, but they are also laughing and teasing and there are signs of affection because they have made emotional connections.”

On the other hand, unhappy couples tend to engage in fewer positive interactions to compensate for their escalating negativity. If the positive-to-negative ratio during conflict is 1-to-1 or less, that’s unhealthy and indicates a couple teetering on the edge of divorce.

So what’s considered a negative interaction?

2ai. Work intentionally to have at least Five Positive interactions to every negative one.

Be mindful of the

2aii. Watch for the The Four Horsemen that destroy homes: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling

The Antidote to Criticism: Gentle Start-Up

A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, but criticism attacks a person’s very character. The antidote for criticism is to complain without blame by using a soft or gentle start-up. Avoid saying “you,” which can indicate blame, and instead talk about your feelings using “I” statements and express what you need in a positive way.

To put it simply, think of these two things to formulate your soft start-up: What do I feel? What do I need?

Criticism: “You always talk about yourself. Why are you always so selfish?” Antidote: “I’m feeling left out of our talk tonight and I need to vent. Can we please talk about my day?”

Notice that the antidote starts with “I feel,” leads into “I need,” and then respectfully asks to fulfill that need. There’s no blame or criticism, which prevents the discussion from escalating into an argument.

The Antidote to Contempt: Build a Culture of Appreciation and Respect

Contempt shows up in statements that come from a position of moral superiority. Some examples of contempt include sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor. Contempt is destructive and defeating. It is the greatest predictor of divorce, and it must be avoided at all costs.

Contempt: “You forgot to load the dishwasher again? Ugh. You are so incredibly lazy.” (Rolls eyes.) Antidote: “I understand that you’ve been busy lately, but could you please remember to load the dishwasher when I work late? I’d appreciate it.”

The antidote here works so well because it expresses understanding right off the bat. This partner shows how they know that the lack of cleanliness isn’t out of laziness or malice, and so they do not make a contemptuous statement about their partner or take any position of moral superiority.

Instead, this antidote is a respectful request, and it ends with a statement of appreciation.

The Antidote to Defensiveness: Take Responsibility

Defensiveness is defined as self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood in attempt to ward off a perceived attack. Many people become defensive when they are being criticized, but the problem is that being defensive never helps to solve the problem at hand.

Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner. You’re saying that the problem isn’t me, it’s you. As a result, the problem is not resolved and the conflict escalates further. The antidote is to accept responsibility, even if only for part of the conflict.

Defensiveness: “It’s not my fault that we’re going to be late. It’s your fault since you always get dressed at the last second.” Antidote: “I don’t like being late, but you’re right. We don’t always have to leave so early. I can be a little more flexible.”

By taking responsibility for part of the conflict (trying to leave too early), even while asserting that they don’t like to be late, this partner prevents the conflict from escalating by admitting their role in the conflict. From here, this couple can work towards a compromise.

The Antidote to Stonewalling: Physiological Self-Soothing

Stonewalling is when someone completely withdraws from a conflict discussion and no longer responds to their partner. It usually happens when you’re feeling flooded or emotionally overwhelmed, so your reaction is to shut down, stop talking, and disengage. And when couples stonewall, they’re under a lot of emotional pressure, which increases heart rates, releases stress hormones into the bloodstream, and can even trigger a fight-or-flight response.

In one of our longitudinal research studies, we interrupted couples after fifteen minutes of an argument and told them we needed to adjust the equipment. We asked them not to talk about their issue, but just to read magazines for half an hour. When they started talking again, their heart rates were significantly lower and their interaction was more positive and productive.

What happened during that half hour? Each partner, without even knowing it, physiologically soothed themselves by reading and avoiding discussion. They calmed down, and once they felt calm, they were able to return to the discussion in a respectful and rational way.

Therefore, the antidote to stonewalling is to practice physiological self-soothing, and the first step of self-soothing is to stop the conflict discussion and call a timeout:

“Look, we’ve been through this over and over again. I’m tired of reminding you—” “Honey, I’m sorry to interrupt you, but I’m feeling overwhelmed and I need to take a break. Can you give me twenty minutes and then we can talk?”

If you don’t take a break, you’ll find yourself either stonewalling and bottling up your emotions, or you’ll end up exploding at your partner, or both, and neither will get you anywhere good.

So, when you take a break, it should last at least twenty minutes because it will take that long before your body physiologically calms down. It’s crucial that during this time you avoid thoughts of righteous indignation (“I don’t have to take this anymore”) and innocent victimhood (“Why is he always picking on me?”). Spend your time doing something soothing and distracting, like listening to music, reading, or exercising. It doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as it helps you to calm down.

2b. Be aware of what fills your thoughts.

2bi. You become conformed to what you take in.

Romans 12:2 CSB

2 Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

2bii. Play Christian Music.

Have Christian music fill your minds and thoughts.

Psalm 149:5 NLT

5 Let the faithful rejoice that he honors them. Let them sing for joy as they lie on their beds.

2biii. Place Bible verses throughout the house.

Put them on your wall. Work on one as a family. Put it on the Fridge.

3b. Bless your home.

Luke 10:5 CSB

5 Whatever house you enter, first say, ‘Peace to this household.’

Take Aways:

How do the things you read, watch, and listen to shape your thoughts and attitudes?

What are some practical ways to fill your mind with godly influences?

What does it mean to bless your home, and how can this practice impact your family?

Are there specific prayers or rituals that you find meaningful when blessing your home?

By exploring these points and questions, you can deepen your understanding and application of the principles outlined in the message.