The Vanity of Isolation

Call to Worship: Psalm 66:1-4// Prayer

Adoration: Our God, we see the glory of your name, and we praise you: all your works in creation—everything that you have made, and everything you have done to redeem your people—it is all utterly awe-inspiring. Your power is beyond measure. All your enemies run in terror when they catch a glimpse of it; all your people rejoice, because your infinite power is the very power which has saved us and which defends us to the end. We rejoice in your love and grace; we bow with joy before your excellent greatness.

Confession: And yet, when we look at our own hearts, we see that we are double minded. Sometimes we take joy in you; sometimes we have carried a prideful heart around with us. Sometimes we love one another; sometimes we speak and act selfishly. Forgive us, Father, our God, for we have sinned against you.

Thanksgiving: But we remember your power, and the power of your Son’s death on the cross to remove all guilt forever for all those who trust in you. Who is like You, O Lord, among the Gods? You have cleansed us, and we are clean; you have pardoned us, and our guilt is gone; you have welcomed us through the blood of your Son, and no one can take us out of your hand. We praise you with joy for the excellent greatness of your redeeming love!

Supp: And since we are your beloved children, we ask, teach us to walk in love. And especially this morning we pray for the men in the congregation: those of us who are married, that we would love our wives and our children, and lay down our lives for them; those who are single, that they would honor you in their singleness; all of us, that in a culture that would have us be cowardly, lustful, and combative, we would instead be pure, peaceable, and courageous // and we ask for Comunidad de Gracia that you might equip them as they seek to disciple one another and to reach the lost in their community: may you supply their every need and be glorified in them // and Father, our world is so full of evil--we ask for your mercy: for refugees displace by wars in Burma, Iraq, Syria, Israel, Yemen; for those suffering from famine, oppression, disease; for those taken in slavery or living in fear of violence; and for so many other things we could bring before you: we ask your mercy on those suffering, for comfort and relief, and for the grace of your gospel to pierce through the darkness as the day draws near when you will defeat all this evil for good and make all things new // and we pray especially for our brothers and sisters in India: please protect them and give them gospel-boldness in the face of violent Hindu nationalists; please give them supernatural love for their enemies, and a pure gospel to preach, that many of their countrymen might be saved // and now, as we turn to your word, please help me to preach clearly, that you might be glorified in how we hear your word, and in how it changes us and lifts our faces to you.

Family Matters

Last small group meeting this week/break for Summer; see bulletin for summer fellowship schedule

Study leave: won’t be in office/prayer meeting canceled

Next Sunday: evening BBQ potluck with Cross Creek @ 5 pm - no need to bring anything

Sam + Annika Farewell (check w/ Sam first!)

A hard announcement: Sam and Annika will be moving to another congregation

It’s hard because: Sam and Annika, Stevie and Amelia, you guys know how much you are loved by the congregation here; you will be greatly missed. You have given so much to us.

But it’s also good, because: Sam and Annika, your faithful service, your loyal love to the saints of Scholls, has been very obvious to us, and cannot be forgotten; and we also know that wherever you go, you’ll seek out a biblical church and will love and serve the saints there to the glory of God.

There’s a temptation here, for me, and for all of us, to be discouraged when folks leave… and it is hard. It’s difficult. But when members of Scholls decide to move to a different church - one that preaches the gospel - then if we really believe in the universal church, then we want to send them with joy also, because even though we are losing, another congregation will be gaining, and all in God’s wisdom. And Sam especially has been very patient and thoughtful as he’s faced this question, and full of integrity and goodwill as we’ve talked through it.

So, Sam and Annika will be trying out Harvest CC, and maybe landing there or maybe trying somewhere else as well... and so I want to invite the members of Scholls, as you are able, to come up and surround Sam + Annika, so that we can pray for them and send them off with a blessing from us and a prayer for God’s blessing on their family in the years to come.

Benediction

Romans 15:5–6 ESV

May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Sermon

Read: Ecclesiastes 4:1-16

Intro

This morning, I want to suggest to you that our culture is in the midst of an epidemic—the disease is called loneliness, and the virus which causes it is isolation.

Now, we’ve been going through Ecclesiastes. And from the beginning, Solomon set out to examine a variety of paths we could take in life, in order to show us that those paths are vain—foolish. And this morning he’s going to examine a path that has become very heavily traveled today: the path of isolation.

Polls tell us that, out of every 10 Americans, between one and two experience feelings of loneliness every day. And the younger you are, the higher that percentage goes. And about 1 in 3 Americans report feeling lonely at least once per week. And these are just the people who know—I wonder how many more would feel lonely if they turned off the TV and put down the phone, long enough to think about it? What would the numbers be if we measured how many people don’t really have meaningful relationships?

And of course, that’s thinking about society as a whole. You might imagine that it’s better in church—at least, it should be better. Aren’t we a group of people unified in Christ and committed to one another? But polls indicate that it’s a significant problem here, too. Committed believers also struggle quite often with isolation and loneliness.

And of course, the literature in medicine and psychology will tell you that loneliness is bad for you in a variety of ways. Isolation is bad. But in saying that, they’re really just confirming what Solomon has already taught here in Ecclesiastes 4.

And so, even if you don’t struggle with loneliness yourself, you need Ecclesiastes 4. Because, chances are, God intends for you to be a friend to the lonely and the isolated—especially among your brothers and sisters in Christ. So let’s look into Solomon’s wisdom here, where he teaches that Isolation is vain, but friendship is good.

***(if new folks) By the way, if you haven’t been with us for the first few chapters of Ecclesiastes, I’d ask for your patience in this sermon. Ecclesiastes is a hard book of Scripture. It often says counter-intuitive things. It’s OK to feel disoriented by some of the things that Solomon says—that’s part of his teaching method. But I promise you two things: first, it may be a hard book, but the gold is worth the digging; and second, it may say strange things—but a careful, humble study of it will show that it does not contradict the faith once and for all handed down to the saints. So stay with me as we examine in chapter 4 how Isolation is vain, but friendship is good.

Isolation is Vain: Three Pictures

[Oppressed without comforters] Actually, as you start off chapter 4, it’s not obvious what point Solomon is trying to make. It looks like, maybe, his main concern is injustice:

Ecclesiastes 4:1 ESV

Again I saw all the oppressions that are done under the sun. And behold, the tears of the oppressed, and they had no one to comfort them! On the side of their oppressors there was power, and there was no one to comfort them.

But notice, there’s a phrase he repeats twice in there—“there was no one to comfort them”—that’s his emphasis. Certainly, injustice is horrible to see. But in this case, what is especially horrible to Solomon is that the oppressed had no one to comfort them.

That word, “comfort,” is an especially emotional and relational word. It has the sense of trying to give relieve or hope to someone who’s just experienced a bitter tragedy, an unexpected ruin or loss. Trying to comfort.

So to Solomon, it is gut-wrenching to look out and see people who’ve suffered injustice, and find that they are holding their wounded hearts in isolation and loneliness. And it grieves him so deeply that he then says:

Ecclesiastes 4:2–3 ESV

And I thought the dead who are already dead more fortunate than the living who are still alive. But better than both is he who has not yet been and has not seen the evil deeds that are done under the sun.

Wow. Now, that phrase, “evil deeds,” means not just the oppression, but the horrific emotional isolation that comes after. So, it’s so horrible to think about this kind of isolation, that Solomon tells us it’s better to not be alive, than to see it.

=> Now, I do what to clear something up here. This is hyperbole. Solomon is not advocating death . He’s not saying that death is good. In fact, later in the book he’s going to say, “Better to be a living dog than a dead lion.” Life is actually quite valuable.

=> His point here is simply that it’s so horrible to see this kind of isolated, intense emotional pain, that it makes life less pleasant than death.

And yes, this is heavy to think about. But as Christians, we can’t avoid it. Christ himself came down and became one of us, to taste our sorrow in this crooked world, and to give us comfort. And so imitating Christ means having a sensitive heart toward those whose hearts are in turmoil from what they’ve been through.

And the interesting thing here is that Solomon talks about all of the oppressed—as if the natural pattern in oppression is that, first you get oppressed, and then you suffer your wounds in silence and isolation. Think about that.

When a woman is abused, for example, it is very difficult for her to take any steps to get help for it, to talk about it, and so to receive comfort. Oppression caries with it a natural kind of shame, which leads the heart to silence and isolation

And often, it’s the same with battlefield PTSD, or, suffering some injustice at the hand of a neighbor… and many more examples could be given…

But the point Solomon is making is this: the social and emotional isolation of the oppressed is even more tragic than the oppression itself. And there’s a gentle nudge in these words: if you’ve gone through something like that—if that’s you—you will probably have a very natural urge to isolate yourself on that issue. But if you do, you’ll but cutting yourself off from the very thing which can comfort you. Friendship. What should you do? Choose a brother or sister you trust, and confide in them. Let them pray for you, and give you comfort. Isolation is vain, but friendship is good.

[Neighbors who envy] But next, Solomon turns to a very different kind of isolation.

Ecclesiastes 4:4 ESV

Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man’s envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity and a striving after wind.

So here is isolation based on envy and competition. You’ve got someone who works hard, but the driving force is envy over what someone else has.

Now, the word here is “neighbor.” But keep in mind, home life and work life were not isolated from each other in that society in the way that they are today. Your neighbor was likely also your fellow farmer, your coworker, or you business rival. Most business was done out of the home—or nearby, at the city gate. So when we apply this idea to our own time, it encompasses everything:

A negative, competitive relationship with your coworkers, vying hard for who gets that next promotion

A bitter rivalry with other businessmen, who might otherwise have been your friends

A “keeping up with the Joneses” attitude toward your neighbors—you look over at their house, their cars, their kids, and envy them rather than loving them as neighbors. Or maybe it’s not the Joneses next door, but the Joneses on social media, whose life you wish you had.

And notice: this kind of isolation may be far less obvious than the first kind—you might be civil with your neighbors or coworkers even while your heart toward them is rivalry or envy. So there isn’t any real friendship there.

And Solomon calls this approach to life vanity. Vapor. Chasing after wind. Loneliness, even though you are surrounded by people.

And what are you going to do if you embrace this path? You’re going to exhaust yourself, chasing what your neighbor has. Whether that’s working yourself to death in the work place, or exhausting yourself in the home trying to make it perfect, or anything else like that.

So what’s the wise alternative? To give up on working hard? No. Verse 5 says:

Ecclesiastes 4:5 ESV

The fool folds his hands and eats his own flesh.

He folds his hands to rest—that’s what that means—to rest and not work, and soon, he has nothing left. That’s foolish. That’s not the answer.

So what’s the answer? Look at vs. 6:

Ecclesiastes 4:6 ESV

Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind.

“Two hands full of toil” means working yourself to death out of envy.

“One hand full of quietness” means you still work hard, but your heart is at peace and so you don’t work yourself to death. You have a peaceful heart about your work and your home, and so you’re able to enjoy friendships as well with your coworkers and your neighbors.

How does this apply to us? It might sometimes mean turning down a raise or quitting a hobby, when you see that it would take you away from meaningful relationships with family and friends.

Or, think about the difference between entertaining and hospitality. There’s nothing wrong with entertaining guests in your home. But it’s not the same thing as Christian hospitality. Entertaining is hosting an event—again, not wrong. But hospitality is folding people into your life.

=> Sometimes, when we’re cleaning up our house to have guests over—no actually, it’s always perfectly spotless—but sometimes I see a toy that got missed on the floor, and I’m convicted to leave it. Not to call the girls to clean it up, but to leave it there, because that’s good for my heart.

=> The point of biblical hospitality isn’t to impress people, but to have real fellowship with them. And by the way, if you decide that your house has to be spotless before you can have people over, guess what? You won’t have people over very often, because it will be so exhausting to prepare. Your standard of cleanliness may actually get in the way of friendship.

But it’s not just between people that this applies: for example, their can be envy between congregations. You look at that church the next neighborhood over, and see it growing. And you get envious. And suddenly you’re willing to try all kinds of unbiblical church growth strategies to keep up. But it’s vanity, and a striving after wind. Instead, we should rejoice when other gospel-preaching congregations thrive and grow. We should think of them as friends.

[Workaholics w/o Family] Solomon’s third example of isolation focuses on family:

Ecclesiastes 4:7–8 ESV

Again, I saw vanity under the sun: one person who has no other, either son or brother, yet there is no end to all his toil, and his eyes are never satisfied with riches, so that he never asks, “For whom am I toiling and depriving myself of pleasure?” This also is vanity and an unhappy business.

So here’s another lonely workaholic. But this time, it’s family that he doesn’t have

Maybe he’s estranged from his family by his dedication to his work

Maybe he’s been so engrossed in his work that he never bothered to start a family

Maybe he’s been tragically robbed of his family, and never taken the time to start a new one

The text doesn’t say exactly—but the point is that he’s exhausting himself, and for what? He’s rich, but that doesn’t satisfy him. If he was exhausting himself to care for others, that would be one thing. But he’s exhausting himself for no one. It’s vanity.

And, it’s extremely common in the US today. Singles are waiting later and later in life to get married, and later and later to have kids, if they have them at all. Why? A mix of reasons. But one of the factors is that folks chase a high standard of living, and prioritize that over family. Now, there may be some degree of wisdom in waiting until you can support a family before you start one. But according to Solomon, delaying kids until you’ve achieved the American Dream is… vanity!

But this convicts me, too. Because of all the people that prevent me from being isolated and lonely, my daughters are supposed to be high up on that list. I’m supposed to delight in providing for them and delight in their companionship. And that requires me to open my hand more than I do, and put down that fist full of toil—or that cell phone—and spend time with them.

[gift of singleness???] Isolation is vain, but companionship of family—both biological and spiritual—is good.

So in these three examples, Solomon has shown us what an utter tragedy it is to be isolated. It’s a foolish path, if you’ve chosen it. But he wants you to see this because he wants to make you thirsty for something wise: friendship. “Two are better than one,” he says, “because they have a good reward for their toil.” And so now, he’s going to show us the goodness of friendship.

Community is Good: (Three Pictures?)

[Lifting the fallen] Look at verse 10. Talking about friends it says,

Ecclesiastes 4:10 ESV

For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

Here’s a familiar scene. One person gets into trouble. If he has a companion, he’ll soon be OK, because that companion will lift him back up. But if he’s isolated, not so! He’ll be in trouble for a long while, if he gets out of it at all.

So the first thing about true friendship—true fellowship and community—is that it extends beyond the surface level. A true friend will warn you when you’re in danger, even if it’s unpleasant. A true friend will help you when you’ve fallen. A true friend will forgive you and help restore you when you’ve sinned.

Isolation is vain, but True friendship is good.

[Keeping each other warm] Then he says:

Ecclesiastes 4:11 ESV

Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?

This is probably about traveling in the ancient world, where you’d bed down under the stars each night. On a cold night, travelers might huddle together to keep warm as they slept.

But it’s more than the literal meaning: it’s about going through a difficult task or season of life—perhaps the trials of young motherhood, or a hard season at work. If you are isolated, it chills and batters your soul. But if you have fellowship during that difficult time, it gives you comfort and encouragement. Sometimes even just one wise sentence spoken by a friend makes all the difference for our frail human hearts.

Isolation is cold, but friendship warms the soul.

[Defending one another] And third Solomon says:

Ecclesiastes 4:12 ESV

And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

So isolation is dangerous. When you’re alone, you are easy to attack—whether that’s by a literal robber or scammer, or whether that’s to the traps of the Tempter, the enemy of your soul, who is always prowling around, seeking someone to devour.

But if two or three are together, they can stand and defend each other. They can warn and look out for one another. They can watch out for one another’s souls. That’s what true friendship does. So isolation is dangerous, but friendship brings safety.

And so, rather than travel the vain road of isolation, Solomon urges us to take the path of friendship and community. Isolation is vain and dangerous, but true friendship is good, soul-warming, and safe.

Application 1: Kings and Advice

***And now, Solomon is going to apply this to a real life situation—the story of a King who couldn’t take advice. We don’t know who this king is, or even if it is just a parable. You can hear similarities to some things in both David’s life and Solomon’s life, and maybe some of the other kings of Jerusalem also, but the point of the parable is the tragedy of exalting yourself above friendship***

[Tthe story] Listen to verse 13:

Ecclesiastes 4:13–14 ESV

Better was a poor and wise youth than an old and foolish king who no longer knew how to take advice. For he went from prison to the throne, though in his own kingdom he had been born poor.

Probably, this is talking about the same person: a king who started as poor and wise, but ended as rich and foolish. Verse 15 goes on:

Ecclesiastes 4:15–16 “I saw all the living who move about under the sun, along with that youth who was to stand in the king’s place. There was no end of all the people, all of whom he led.

So, he achieved great royal glory. But his story ends in tragedy: vs. 16: “Yet those who come later will not rejoice in him.” Why? Because he ended as a fool who couldn’t take advice. Which you could also translate as, “he no longer knew how to hear a warning.”

In his old age and his royal glory, this king isolated himself and became a fool. And that was how his people would remember him—not as the poor wise youth, but as the old royal fool. “Surely this also is vanity and a striving after wind.”

What does this story tell us? Everyone needs community; no exceptions. If you are a leader, and you get to the point where you can’t hear warnings from those you lead, you’ve gone down a path of tragic vanity. And this applies to every kind of leadership, including church leadership.

Application 2: The Community of God’s People

But then also, it’s not just leadership, but every person, who needs community—who needs the soul-warming friendships, people who care enough to warn you, to pick you up when you’ve fallen, to defend you in danger, to comfort you when you are in grief. This need is just part of being human.

So, then also, we shouldn’t be surprised that Jesus created the local church the way he did… to be a place for these kinds of relationships to flourish. Our own church covenant recognizes this—and the church covenant, by the way, is just a statement of what Christian life together is supposed to look like. The first three points say:

1. To walk together in Christian love.

2. To exercise Christian care and watchfulness over one another.

3. To pray with and for one another, sharing our burdens, sorrows and joys.

Believers need this kind of community! It’s not optional. But here’s the thing: Scripture doesn’t just command us to live like this with us: it also shows us the deep well of goodness that’s to be had in this kind of a community!

So then, why is it so often lacking in the American church? And how can we, at Scholls, do it better? Well there are probably dozens of reasons that folks avoid friendship and community. Solomon already gave us a few. But here’s a couple more:

People avoid community because isolation is more comfortable—at least, at first.

People avoid community because they’ve been hurt

People avoid community because it requires commitment and work—right? We’re talking about community between sinners, after all. Solomon was right to say it’s safer than isolation. But it’s also risky. People can offend you. Hurt you. Let you down.

So then, you could actually say that the very thing which makes community good—friendship with others—is the thing that makes it potentially harmful as well. Risky. And brothers and sisters, there’s no way around the riskiness of friendship and community.

Application 3: Jesus, Friend of Sinners

***But there is one thing which can give us courage to forge ahead with friendships, and to sink our roots deep with one another, and that’s this: while we all may let each other down, and sometimes even hurt one another, there is one friend who never will, and who is always with those who trust in him***

In fact, he left the glory of heaven for the very purpose of making friends with sinners. And right after those sinners-friends deserted him, he died for them, that they might have eternal life.

John 15:13 ESV

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

Jesus, friend of sinners. The one whose death brought life to you, if you have trusted in him. Who is faithful to warn you when you’re going astray. Who will pick you up when you’ve stumbled. Who will warm your soul when you’re spiritually cold. Who gives you comfort. Who defends you from all darkness with his shepherd’s rod and staff.

Now think about that: if we have a friend so faithful as that, isn’t it now much easier to love other friends who will sometimes let us down? We will let each other down, but Jesus will never. And on that basis, we can be true friends to one another.

Conclusion:

OK. But that’s all quiet ethereal. That’s a grand vision of friendship and community. But how do we put it into practice? How do we fight that pandemic of loneliness?

Step one: commune with Christ. Commune with him more.

But step two could be a lot of different things: have your brothers and sisters over to your house for dinner. Reach out to the lonely, both in your congregation and in your neighborhood. Practice hospitality to encourage your brothers and sisters, and to reach the lost. Prioritize friendships over achievements. Put down the phone and get coffee with a friend. Invest time in your family. Get together with others and sing some hymns you know. Switch from silence to text, from text to calling, from calling to in-person conversation. Young people: unless you find out that God designed you for singleness, you should desire and prepare for marriage, and chose a partner you’d like to be friends with for the next 80 years. If he designed you for singleness, learn the art of good friendships! But the list goes on: Bake cookies for your neighbors. Host a block party. Open the Bible together with a friend. Host a neighborhood Bible study. Are you lonely? Take courage and strike out in faith, looking for a friend. So I don’t know what the next step is for you personally, exactly. But friendship is a strong priority for the wise and the believer.

But in all these things, always remember the one Friend who is eternally yours: Jesus, the friend of sinners like us.