The tie that binds
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Title: The tie that binds
Text: Matthew 5:31-32
D.T The exception is never the ideal
Introduction: “Buckle Up” I don’t start many sermons with these words. However today as we continue our study on the “Sermon on the Mount” we will be addressing one of the most difficult topics to address. Divorce. As we unpack this, there is going to be alot for me to say and elaborate, so the best thing to do is just drive right in and get started.
(READ Matthew 5:31-32
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Before we unpack what we just read, I want to establish the three guidelines for us to remember as we study this text.
There is grace in Divorce Remember Romans 8:38 Regardless of how you believe this text applies to your life, regardless of how you relate to this text, we must remember this truth. There is always grace abundant wherever hardships we find ourselves, and divorce is now exception!
Don’t insert the wrong tone. When the bible speaks about Divorce, it encounters an issue common to written forms of communication (ILLUSTRATION reading a text in the wrong tone) We have a tendency to insert the wrong tone when the bible speaks of divorce.
These words on the surface may seem harsh, however we may not be reading this in the tone we were intended. While this seems harsh, it doesn’t exist to be harsh. Jesus' teaching is meant to provide protection, specifically protection for women.
Remember that during Jesus’ time there existed many loopholes and ways to cross their fingers in order to weasel out of commitments. One of these ways of crossing your fingers in a commitment had to deal with Divorce. Within the Jewish hierarchy and religious authority, there existed 2 schools of thought when it came to how the Jews approached divorce. Both of these schools of thought would focus on Deuteronomy 24:1.
(READ Deuteronomy 24:1-4
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.
The 1st school of thought would rightfully limit finding something indecent about their wife as discovering they have been sexually improper. However the 2nd school of thought said finding something indecent in his wife could be something simple as burning their breakfast too much, or not keeping the house clean enough. This would give people an easy and “justified” reason for divorcing their wives so they can marry one who is younger. In Jesus teaching he is backing the Shammai school of thought as being the only one that was justified and correct. The only justified grounds for divorce was marital unfaithfulness. In Matthew 19 Jesus would tell the Pharisees that divorce only exists because of man's hardened heart. Basically God recognized that people were going to attempt to absolve and abandon their marriage covenant. God provided a certificate of divorce as a means to keep the absolution of their covenant manageable. Divorce was something that was merely permitted, it was and is never advocated biblically. Divorce was never meant to be a convenient way out for a marriage, it was meant to make bad situations manageable.
Is a second marriage adultery? The simplest way to explain what Jesus was saying is this. Adultery and divorce are tantamount, they are the same. Why? Because they both result in a broken marriage. According to Mark Moore and his commentary. Genesis defines marriage as having 2 pillars. Commitment and faithfulness. When a certificate of divorce is presented, the commitment of marriage is broken. Therefore the marriage is broken. When a partner commits adultery against their spouse, the faithfulness of a marriage is broken. Therefore the marriage is broken. Jesus doesn’t mention all of this to twist the knife, to kick people while they are down. Jesus says this because it’s something people must come to understand. The one man one woman ideal will never apply to their lives again. Second marriages are not only validated as indicated in Deuteronomy 24, but they can absolutely be healthy and long lasting. However they must realize that practically speaking that second marriage seals the first one as beyond reconciliation. We must realize a second marriage will always bear the burden of the brokenness of the first marriage. That brokenness must be surrendered to Jesus so that he can hastily usher one towards healing. If a person remarries the baggage, scars, memories of that previous marriage must be surrendered to Jesus Why? Because that baggage, those scars, those memories, they can never be undone. Because they were never meant to be undone. They can however be healed through the grace and mercy of Jesus.
1st Corinthians 7:12-15 I do want to address one more exception to divorce that Paul elaborates upon. We haven’t discussed abuse within a marriage, and the bible doesn’t appear to speak about abuse within marriage, but I believe it does. I will show you why.
To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.
When Paul talks about marriage to an unbeliever. Paul says a Christian should strive to make that marriage work if they consent to live with them. The key is found in “consenting to live with them.” The Greek word it refers to is Oikos, which is a word to describe a home, dwelling place, refuge and community. If a person is willing to make an oikos, they should keep the marriage. If a person refuses Oikos, the other spouse is justified in their Divorce as they are not enslaved, and they are meant for peace.
If a person abuses their spouse, they are not providing Oikos. Therefore the other is Justified in their divorce.
The exception is never the ideal. The justified reasons for divorce must be established and understood, but they are never the ideal we reach. Jesus is far less interested in justifying divorce as he is creating and reconciling marriages. What God has gathered together, let no man separate. Let us commit to this ideal anew this morning, regardless of how current or previous marriages have unfolded before now. Let us make a new commitment today to either build up the marriage we are in today. (Ephesians 5) If we aren’t married by choice or otherwise, we can still make a commitment to those whom we love and care. What God has joined together, let no one separate. Let this be of The grace we’ve been given, the lives we choose to live, and the marriages in which we commit.
