David & Jonathan: The Value of Friendship

Warren Brosi

June 2, 2024

Dominant Thought: The LORD wants friendships founded upon His loyal love.

Objectives:

I want my listeners to understand what loyal loving friendships look like.

I want my listeners to feel encouraged by the love of Jesus who shows us what true friendship is.

I want my listeners to find ways to cultivate healthy friendships this week.

Focus question: What do covenant loyal friendships look like?

Who are some of your closest friends? If you could list them out right now, who would you be on your list? You may want to go back to your growing up days. I’m thinking of Johnny Kennedy and Gary Grimmett. It was at Johnny’s house where I learned to ride a 4-wheeler and the three of us came down with senioritis just days before graduation and skipped school to watch the Cubs and the Cardinals play. My mom wrote me a note, but didn’t lie for me. She said where we were. Our principal even mentioned it in his graduation remarks saying, “Where were Johnny Kennedy, Gary Grimmett, and Warren Brosi on said day…And is that really Harry Caray’s autograph you received?”

Maybe you’re thinking of friends who are no longer walking this earth. Oh, what you wouldn’t give to have a chat, play catch, or sit down for meal at Bonanza with them.

Maybe your friends are in this room or across the country. You can tell alot about your friends. As we move through this series of lessons from the past, the lesson for today is to value the importance of friendship.

The sermon in a sentence is this: The LORD wants friendships founded upon His loyal love. Or said another way, “God wants our friendships to look like His loyal love for us.”

Today, we’re going to look at the friendship of David and Jonathan from 1 Samuel 18 and 1 Samuel 20 and see what loyal friendships look like.

First, the LORD shows us loyal friendships that sacrifice for one another (1 Samuel 20.4, 30-31). Jonathan is willing to do whatever David wants him to do (1 Samuel 20.4). People have tried to portray this relationship with David and Jonathan as an intimate same sex relationship based on 1 Samuel 18.1-4; 1 Samuel 20.17; and 2 Samuel 1.26). Those who propose that interpretation misunderstand the meaning of the words and context. The word for love in 1 Samuel 18 can mean the love between a father and son (Genesis 22.2) and in the command to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Leviticus 19.18). With Jonathan gives extravagant gifts could be a way of showing a greater more powerful person like Saul, 1 Samuel 17.38-39; Goliath, 1 Samuel 17.51; and Jonathan, 1 Samuel 18.4 giving weapons to David. Someone greater submitting to the newly anointed king from 1 Samuel 16. It could be a sign of support of submission. The phrase “‘became one in spirit’ has a similar kind of double meaning, inferring again the political nature of their relationship” (Bill T. Arnold, The NIV Application Commentary—1 & 2 Samuel, p. 273, quoting Peter R. Ackroyd, “The Verb Love--’ahab in the David-Jonathan Narratives—A Footnote,” VT 24 (1975): 213-14).

Jonathan’s name means, “Jehovah has given” or “God has given.”

Jonathan would have been the rightful heir to the throne, the crown prince, but his father, Saul, disobeyed God and the kingdom was torn away from him and his family.

In Jonathan’s friendship with David, Jonathan sacrifices his rights to the throne to support his covenant friend, David.

These friends come up with a plan to discern if Saul really wants to kill David. Jonathan goes along with the plan and faces his dad at the new moon feast and covers for David’s absence on two consecutive nights. The plan was if Saul was supportive of David’s absence, the David was safe. If Saul gets angry, then David is in danger. Saul responds with anger.

Jonathan also dodges a spear from his dad much like David has done (1 Samuel 20.33). Jonathan endures the scorn of his father when Saul calls him, “You son of a perverse and rebellious woman!” (1 Samuel 20.30). Jonathan endures Saul’s anger on behalf of his friend David.

Jonathan is a good friend to David and David is a good friend to Jonathan. Would you consider putting healthy friendships on your list of non-negotiables? We all have a list whether it is written down or not. Values we live by in our lives. Values that guide our life. Michael DeFazio at Ozark Christian College preached on this text and challenged us to put friendships on our list of non-negotiables. A few weeks after he preached that sermon, I carved out some time to put my list on paper. Here are some of my non-negotiables.

My Non-negotiables[1]

1. I will remain faithful to Jesus.

2. I will not ruin my marriage.

3. I will not walk out on my children.

4. I will learn all my life.

5. I will grow as a man of prayer.

6. I will honor my commitments.

7. I will tell the truth.

8. I will bless the nations.

9. I will embrace humility.

10. I will prioritize friendships.

These non-negotiables were encouraged by Michael DeFazio who preached on Friendship from 1 Samuel 20 for Preaching Teaching Convention at Ozark Christian College on 02/22/22 [View sermon here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6m2ePankv-U].

Second, the LORD shows us loyal friendship that strengthen one another (1 Samuel 20.35-42; 23.16-17).

Jonathan completes the plan by shooting some arrows. The plan was if Jonathan says to the boy that the arrows are near, then David is safe. If Jonathan says to the boy fetching the arrows, “The arrows are beyond you,” then David is in danger. Jonathan shoots the arrows and then tells the boy, “The arrow are beyond you.” The boy gathered the arrow and Jonathan sent him back to town.

David comes out from behind the rock he was hiding. David bowed down before Jonathan three times. Remember this is the anointed, but not yet king of Israel bowing down to the crown prince of Israel. They kissed each other. Again, in the ancient world and in many cultures today, people greet one another with a kiss. When I was in France, one of the men greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. I was a respectful and kind greeting. Those who want to make this text affirm same sex relationships are disregarding the context of the ancient world.

This moment is filled with emotion with both men weeping together and a note that David wept the most.

Then, Jonathan sends David off, “Go in peace for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, ‘The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever’” (1 Samuel 20.42).

The next few chapters David flees and is on the run from Saul. Jonathan meets David one more time in 1 Samuel 23.15-18. Saul has come to take David’s life. Then in 1 Samuel 20.16, we read, “And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God.” The English Standard Version reads, “strengthened his hand in God.”

I wonder what that looked like? Was it a friendly embrace. Was it the comfort of seeing your friend? Was it a truthful encounter? How did Jonathan help David find strength in God?

What friends have helped you find strength in God? What did they do? How did they help you? Maybe they visited you in the hospital. Maybe the showed up in the middle of the night or by the side of the road?

Who are your 3 am friends? Loyal friendships help each other find strength in God.

Proverbs 18:24 ESV

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Who will your pall bearers be? Can you think of six people who will carry your casket when you die? If you can’t think of six people who will carry you when you’re dead, then who is carrying you while you’re living?

This meeting in 1 Samuel 23, will be the last time recorded in the Bible where Jonathan and David see each other.

Third, the LORD shows us loyal friendships that endure for one another (1 Samuel 20.14-15; 2 Samuel 4.4; 9.1-7).

Later on, David chooses to honor his friendship to Jonathan’s family based on the request in 1 Samuel 20.14-15.

In 2 Samuel 9, David asks, “Is there anyone still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” (2 Samuel 9.1). Jonathan has a son named Mephibosheth who is crippled in both feet (2 Samuel 4.4). He restores his grandfather’s land and invites Mephibosheth to dine at his table all the days of his life. That word for kindness in our text is the world for covenant loyal love. We saw in 1 Samuel 20 a few times. It is the loyal enduring love from God.

James Bryan Smith tells the story of two friends Ray and Richard who later changed his name to Brennan in The Good and Beautiful God (page 142):

While growing up, his best friend was Ray. The two of them did everything together: went to school together, bought a car together as teenagers, double-dated, and so forth. They even enlisted in the Army together, went to boot camp together and fought on the frontlines together in the Korean War.

One night while sitting in a foxhole, Brennan was reminiscing about the old days in Brooklyn while Ray listened and ate a chocolate bar. Suddenly a live grenade came into the trench. Ray looked at Brennan, smiled, dropped his chocolate bar and threw himself on the live grenade. It exploded, killing Ray, but Brennan’s life was saved.

When Brennan became a priest he was instructed to take on the name of a saint. He thought of his friend, Ray Brennan. So he took on the name “Brennan.”

Years later he went to visit Ray’s mother in Brooklyn. They sat up late one night having tea when Brennan asked her, “Do you think Ray loved me?” Mrs. Brennan got up off the couch, shook her finger in front of Brennan’s face and shouted, “...What more could he have done for you?”

Brennan said that at that moment he experienced an epiphany. He imagined himself standing before the cross of Jesus wondering, Does God really love me? And Jesus’ mother Mary pointing to her son, saying, “...What more could he have done for you?”

We sometimes might wonder, Does God really love me? Am I important to God? Does God care about me?

We might look at our church and think about making big plans and whether it’s really possible for us to make a massive impact on the city. Will God give us what we need?

Jesus showed us what true loyal friendship is like. He taught us when He spoke to his disciples on his last night on earth before the cross in John 15.

John 15:13 NIV

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.