What a Friend!

1 Samuel 18:1–5 NLT

After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond between them, for Jonathan loved David. From that day on Saul kept David with him and wouldn’t let him return home. And Jonathan made a solemn pact with David, because he loved him as he loved himself. Jonathan sealed the pact by taking off his robe and giving it to David, together with his tunic, sword, bow, and belt. Whatever Saul asked David to do, David did it successfully. So Saul made him a commander over the men of war, an appointment that was welcomed by the people and Saul’s officers alike.

Introduction

It does’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that men and women approach relationships differently. Women can talk on the phone for hours about nothing at all. They can be apart for long periods of time and then just pick right up where they left off when they see each other. Women are also sensitive to what their friends are going through. It is like they are somehow connected.

Men on the other hand typically approach friendship in a much different manner. We can have an entire conversation with a head knod and a grunt. A conversation between two men may go something like this:

“Hey, how you doing?”

“Hey, I’m good. You?”

“Doing good!”

“Great! Let’s grab some lunch...”

“Sounds good to me.”

End of conversation. Everyone is good, there is no need to discuss anything of real deep emotional substance. We just don’t really work that way. It might be one of the reasons that men don’t really have many friends.

Can you count on one hand how many guys that you could truly trust your wife and children with? Is there someone that you can truly confide in when temptation tries you or trials come your way?

Many of us have hundreds of “friends” on Facebook, but how many of those people do we truly know in a deep and meaningful way?

Not many, I’m sure.

Let’s look at the life of David and Jonathan and see a powerful lesson on true friendship. (The stories of David and Jonathan can be found in ( 1 Samuel 18, 19, 20, 21, 23 )

1. The Character of Friendship

Jonathan does a great job of demonstrating the character of a true friend. While there may be many characteristics of a true friend, let’s look at 3.

a. True Friendship is selfless.

Verse 1 says that Jonathan loved David. The KJV says “he loved him as his own soul.”

With all that is going on with Saul and David, it is easy to dismiss Jonathan from the main story here.

Jonathan was the heir to the throne. If anything happened to Saul, Jonathan would have been the next in line.

That would have been the case except God anointed David to be the next king.

It would have been easy for Jonathan to get jealous.

Put yourself in his shoes for a second.

He didn’t do anything wrong. It was his dad that was the impatient one.

By all accounts, Jonathan was a good man with a dedication like no other at that time.

He could have gotten upset with God and told Him, “This ain’t fair!”

But that is not what he did.

He was selfless, blessing what God had blessed, and blesssing who God had blessed.

What could be said about you?

Do you get jealous when someone gets promoted over you?

Do you resent someone else because they don’t get fat when they eat a sixpack of donuts?

True friendship rejoices in others. Furhermore, true friendship mourns with others.

Help us to be true friends, Lord!

b. True Friendship is Intentional.

Jonathan and David were not just huntin buddies. They didn’t just hang out to watch the game on Saturday afternoon.

It was more than that!

They watched out for each other and were part of each other’s lives, even when it was not a good time.

Friendship cannot be based on convenience. There must be intentionality, because the worries of life never work on anyone’s schedule.

Being involved will often come at an incovenient time. (I think I might be preaching to myself right now!)

Verse 3 says they made a solemn pact, (KJV says covenant).

That is something that is taken very seriously.

It is like the two young men who took out there pocket knives and cut themselves and made a blood oath. It is serious!

Do you notice that this selfless love and intentionality is something necessary in marriage as well?

There is a third characteristic of friendship...

c. True Friendship Speaks Truth.

Jonathan had to tell David somethings that were not easy to say. He was genuinely concerned for him and had to tell him. He didn’t just want to keep the peace or make David feel good. David needed his life saved and Jonathan’s words did that.

I cannot help but to think about a man who goes to the doctor for a headache. The doctor runs some scans and finds a rather large tumor pressing on his brain. The doctor knows that it is a very good possiblity that the man will die but cannot bear to tell him, so he tells the man that he has migraines and to take some pills and everything will be okay. This would be a tragedy. And yet we see it all the time.

A true friend is intersted in your safety and well being. They tell you the truth even when it hurts.

Proverbs 27:6 “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.”

When you were a little child, Mama would kiss your booboo and everything would be okay.

Some wounds need the truth more than a little kiss

These are some characteristics of true friendship: Selflessness, intentionality, and truthfulness

2. The Importance of Friendship

Jonathan friendship helped David and so does a true friend help us. Lets look at how David benefited from his friend.

a. It Shields

Jonathan took great risk to help David.

He warned him of the great danger that awaited him at the hands of his own father, Saul.

Eccesiates reminds us that 2 are better than 1.

We quote this Scripture many times in reference to marriage, and I do believe that you should be friends with your spouse. However, this is not limited to just your husband or wife.

In battle, 2 can back up to each other and fight off the enemy. There are no blind spots that way.

Friends can help you see the blind spots in your life.

They see things that you cannot see and are faithful to point them out to you, even if you don’t want to hear it.

When you are in isolation, you cannot see behind you and that is exactly where the enemy takes you by suprise.

That is one reason that being part of a church and regularly attending is helpful.

Though, when you are hurting, you may want to stay away, it is exactly the place you need to be.

Church people can be the most loving people in the world. Just because they don’t let you sulk and sit around throwing a pity party doesn’t mean they are unloving.

I love what my friend Stacey Denison says about friendship, “It keeps the mess beat off you!”

Johnathan was able to shield David from harm.

We not only need Jonathans in our lives, we need to be Jonathans to others.

b. It Strengthens

When David felt like giving up, Jonathan was there to speak courage.

Truly, David’s life was crumbling around him. Saul, his mentor was out to kill him.

He was isolated and no doubt the enemy of his soul was speaking garbage into his mind.

But Jonathan encouraged him and reminded him who he was.

It is reported that the strongest horse can pull 5,000 lbs.

Interestingly when you put two of them together, they can pull 14,000 lbs. That is more than double.

I used to keep a sign in my office that said, “None of us are as strong as all of us.”

For those of us who served in the military, we understand this concept, but sadly others don’t get it.

Imagine a SEAL team boat crew...

A valuable lesson for us is that we need others so we can be strengthened. We also need to be held responsible and make sure we don’t let others down by not being a strenghtening friend when they need it.

c. It Shapes

Jonathan’s friendship with David shaped him.

Years later when Saul and Jonathan were killed, David asked if any of Jonathan’s relatives were living.

David gave generously and sacrificially to Jonathan’s son, Mephibosheth, makings sure he lacked nothing.

Proverbs 13:20 “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.”

Psalm 1:1 “Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with mockers.”

It is important who you hang around.

Just like Jonathan’s character helped shape David’s character, we do that for each other.

Be careful who you allow to shape yours.

3. The Power of Friendship

We don’t have to look far to see the greatest example of friendship, our Lord Jesus. He is the one who inspired true friendship.

When David was in trouble, Jonathan walked 30 miles to Horesh (1 Samuel 23:16-18)

Jesus saw our trouble and walked the Via dolorosa and purchased our freedom.

Jonathan gave up his right to the throne and helped David take his place.

Jesus gave up his throne and purchased us a place in the kingdom.

Jonathan made David’s cause, his cause. He took off his royal robe, tunic, sword, bow and belt (1 Samuel 18:4).

Jesus laid down his royal robe and gave us the right to become heirs.

Jesus refused to walk away from his mission. He could have called legions of Angels but He didn’t.

He took the punishment. He endured the cross for the joy awaiting him.

Is there anyone who can testify that Jesus has been that friend that sticks closer than a brother? (Proverbs 18:24)

Will you stand with me please?

What will you do with what you have heard today?

Will you choose to be a better friend?

Will you choose to allow others to be involved in your life?

Will you allow Jesus to help you?