God’s Design for Our Relationships

Introduction

construction reminder, ice cream social leads into equipping class

Driving to Foco, listening to sermons on Youtube, found this great series by Matt Chandler that he’d just done a few years earlier. I had just started dating Hope and it POWERFULLY SPOKE TO ME! (Explain how this really challenged you to consider how marriage and family reflects God.)

Main Point: Our Human Relationships Reflect our Relationship with the Lord.

Introduction

Colossians 3 has contained many instructions for how we are to live out our faith and the same is true in Colossians 3:18-4:1.

I want to challenge us to think about this as “HOW OUR HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD REFLECT OUR FAITH!”

Paul provides a brief and definitely not total, explanation of how this will work. There’s a million things Paul could have said about marriage, but he only writes 2 sentences about it. The same is true for parenting and for working relationships.

So let me encourage us- these instructions flow from Colossians 3:1-17. These instructions build off of those instructions!

So for instance, what we see husbands should do builds off of the importance for a husband to be gentle and forgiving!

Remember, when Paul wrote this, he didn’t include verse numbers. This is one long argument that we have broken down into sections to look at more in depth and to apply.

I love how simple this passage is. We have a tendency to overcomplicate it. But, like the rest of Colossians, the GOSPEL shines bright and the instructions are simple!

So, let’s dive in and see how the simple gospel Paul emphasizes in Colossians should shape our lives.

Colossians 3:18 CSB

18 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Paul begins discussing relationships by specifically talking to women.

This was culturally unusual. Oftentimes women were not addressed. But something was different in the early church- there were many women and women were valued.

The same should be true today! On the Practical Theology Corner we are doing a series on gender and the church. One phrase you’ll see in there a number of times is that…

God created men and women to be different. Both men and women are made in God’s image and are of equal value. But, the role of men and women is different!

Paul addresses women here, specifically, wives. This is really important. Paul isn’t giving this instruction of submitting to every woman and saying, “As a woman, submit to every man.”

This is specifically about HUSBANDS!

And even in the instruction Paul does something that we can overlook. Paul uses a middle imperative. We don’t have a middle tense in English.

But think of it as a passive. In other words, Paul is saying, “Voluntarily submit yourself to your husband.”

Let’s go one step further. Let’s look at what this word means.

Paul uses the word ὑποτάσσεσθε here. The word means to obey, or to be obedient. It does not mean to have no thoughts or to get pushed around. It is not saying that you should open yourself up to be abused or taken advantage of. It means to be obedient and that implies trust!

It’s often used to talk about marriage and gender- in passages like Colossians 3:18, Ephesians 5, 1 Peter 3:1, and even in 1 Timothy 2 when Paul talks about men and women in the church!

But there’s another way it’s used. Believe it or not, this word was used to describe Jesus in Luke 2:51

Luke 2:51 CSB

51 Then he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was obedient to them. His mother kept all these things in her heart.

Luke 2:51 talks about Jesus’s trip to Jerusalem as a 12 year old.

One thing leads to another and Jesus is separated from his parents and is at the temple teaching the priests, pharisees and scribes!

His parents panic, find him and bring him home.

We then read that JESUS WAS OBEDIENT TO THEM, or “JESUS SUBMITTED HIMSELF TO THEM!”

Further, in James 4:7, this word is used to describe how ALL CHRISTIANS submit to GOD!

That’s not a negative connotation at all, unlike what our culture adds to this word!

I think it’s important that we remember that this idea of submitting is not necessarily a negative!

There’s also a qualifier given to the submission of a wife. A wife is to submit, “AS IS FITTING IN THE LORD.” Her submission is a sign of HER FAITH!

But, there’s a second reason that it is so important. Why does a woman submit to her husband? BECAUSE IT IS FITTING TO THE LORD!

But further, what should a husband do with it?

HE NEEDS TO LEAD HER AND LOVE HER LIKE CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH!

Make no mistake about it. This is a call to both parties in marriage. A wife is given an instruction and so is a husband!

“As IS FITTING IN THE LORD” is also a qualifier!

A wife’s submission should never lead her AWAY FROM sin! First and foremost, women- you need to FOLLOW CHRIST!

If your husband is leading her into sin, you need to say no!

If your husband came to you today and said, “Let’s go rob a bank!”

Paul wouldn’t want you to say, “Sure sweetheart, let me grab the ski masks and I’ll meet you in the car!”

She should say, “NO!”

The point is simple- husbands, we are to lead our wives CLOSER TO THE LORD, not AWAY FROM GOD!

Colossians 3:19 CSB

19 Husbands, love your wives and don’t be bitter toward them.

This is really a continuation of verse 18. Although we are talking about these as two separate instructions, they are closely linked.

Husbands- you are to AGAPE LOVE YOUR WIFE! Hear me on this- we are to agape, or sacrificially love our wives. Paul doesn’t tell us to EROS, or physically love our wives only. He doesn’t tell us to PHILEO, our friendship love our wives really well.

HE TELLS US TO AGAPE LOVE our wives. And he uses an ACTIVE IMPERATIVE! Remember- that means it’s a command that requires action!

Loving your wife isn’t optional; it isn’t just for good times, it’s not just something we can passively do- it’s for ALL TIMES and it requires us to be active!

We need to LOVE OUR WIVES!

In Ephesians 5, Paul provides more commentary on this. He compares a marriage to the CHURCH AND CHRIST!

So think about this- JESUS LOVES THE CHURCH SO MUCH THAT HE LAID DOWN HIS LIFE FOR THE CHURCH!

And the CHURCH SUBMITS TO JESUS!

It’s that simple and straightforward! It’s that design that we are to mirror.

But listen to that. I mean listen to that. Husbands aren’t called to be dictators, instead, a husband’s love is to mirror CHRIST’S LOVE FOR THE CHURCH!

And how does Christ love the Church?

Christ loved the church by DYING FOR THE CHURCH!

Jesus loved us so much that HE took our place and was killed for us!

Jesus bore pain for the Church and JESUS FORGAVE THE CHURCH!

Listen- that’s a high calling!

I know far too many guys- not just young guys- who think, “My wife just doesn’t submit to me. I don’t get it.”

What I want to ask- and it’s really a question for all of us as husbands- is, “Hey, so how is laying down your life for your wife going? How’s dying to yourself?”

Think about it like this- yes, your wife is to follow your lead and yes, you may have the final decision making authority, but at the same time, the way that you should be leading your wife and your family is in a self-sacrificial way.

Paul then tells husbands not to be bitter towards them.

This word isn’t used very often in the New Testament. In fact, it’s basically used here and in Revelation to describe a bad taste!

There’s a clear connection though. Bitterness in a biblical sense consumes you. It makes you sick!

When John is given something to eat that is BITTER, he becomes SICK!

So let’s apply this. Don’t grow BITTER, or to DISDAIN YOUR WIFE!

The sentence structure shows us that this isn’t just a suggestion. This is a COMMAND! DO NOT GROW BITTER TOWARDS YOUR WIFE!

And think about this! Jesus doesn’t disdain us or grow bitter towards us and we sin against JESUS ALL THE TIME!

EVERY SINGLE DAY WE SIN!

EVERY DAY WE FALL SHORT!

But Jesus doesn’t become embittered against us.

This really matters!

Husbands, love your wives- AGAPE LOVE YOUR WIVES! SACRIFICIALLY LOVE YOUR WIFE- REFUSE TO GROW BITTER! Wives, trust your husbands and submit to them as is FITTING IN THE LORD!

Paul doesn’t just talk about marriage. He also talks about parents and children.

Colossians 3:20–21 CSB

20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they won’t become discouraged.

Paul uses another imperative here as he addresses children!

The word that Paul uses for obey (ὑπακούετε) carries a really specific meaning. It means, “HEAR AND DO!”

It’s typically used to talk about things like obeying the GOSPEL!

But here, Paul uses it to talk about the importance of listening to your parents as a child!

It’s a really straightforward instruction- HEAR AND DO!

Why?

BECAUSE IT PLEASES THE LORD!

So if you’re a child, hear your parents and do what they ask you to do!

THAT PLEASES THE LORD!

And there’s a second thing going on. For the kids int he Colossian Church and our kids today- THIS IS PART OF HOW YOU LIVE OUT YOUR FAITH!

YOU LIVE OUT YOUR FAITH BY HEARING AND OBEYING YOUR PARENTS INSTEAD OF FIGHTING WITH THEM OR QUESTIONING EVERYTHING THEY TELL YOU TO DO!

That’s going to speak to other children around you! So obeying your parents is part of how YOU live out the GREAT COMMISSION!

Paul then turns his attention to fathers. There’s been a lot of attention given to why Paul only addresses fathers here. Let me give you my simplest interpretation.

We see throughout Paul’s writing that he expects husbands and therefore father’s to lead their families!

He addresses fathers because THE DAD WILL SET THE TONE IN THE HOUSE!

And he tells dad’s “NOT TO EXASPERATE YOUR CHILDREN.”

The word used here is ἐρεθίζω which has a few meanings. Most notably, this means, “provoke, or make someone resentful.”

So father’s- don’t provoke your children.

Let me encourage us also as we consider this verse- this instruction fits in with what Colossians 3 has overall taught us!

We have seen throughout Colossians 3 the importance of living in a GOD HONORING WAY- a way that is marked by LOVING OTHERS! Think about it- gentleness, kindness, humility, etc. from verses 12-17 will not PROVOKE your child!

So I think Paul’s really challenging parents- in particular Dad’s- to find that balance between leading and guiding and being overbearing and provoking their children!

And Paul gives a clear reason why.

Paul says that this is so that “THEY WON’T BECOME DISCOURAGED!” The other way to translate this word is “DISHEARTENED” which literally means to “LOSE HEART!”

In other words, they’ll be destroyed!

So why should father’s not exasperate their children? BECAUSE IT DESTROYS THEIR CHILD SLOWLY!

This is so important! And it mirrors the commands of Colossians 3:12-17!

Think about it- for husbands and wives, for fathers and children, we are seeing the application of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, love, peace, thanksgiving and the WORD OF GOD DWELLING WITHIN THEM!

Loving and healthy marriages, loving and healthy relationships between parents and children- THOSE SPEAK TO THE CHARACTERISTICS THAT PAUL ADDRESSES IN COLOSSIANS 3:12-17!

This isn’t just a passage about family relationships-it’s a passage showing us how our sanctification will be applied to our relationships!

Paul addresses one last set of relationships from Colossians 3:22-4:1. Paul addresses “SLAVES AND MASTERS.”

Let me be clear- there would have been slaves and freemen and even masters in this church together!

Slavery was factually different in Rome than it was in the US. We won’t get into every detail of this, but it’s important that we make that distinction clear. This passage is not promoting SLAVERY!

Far from it! And I would challenge that this passage should be more broadly applied to ANYONE WHO WORKS FOR ANOTHER PERSON!

So, if you have a boss, pay attention to verses 22-25!

Colossians 3:22–25 CSB

22 Slaves, obey your human masters in everything. Don’t work only while being watched, as people-pleasers, but work wholeheartedly, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, do it from the heart, as something done for the Lord and not for people, 24 knowing that you will receive the reward of an inheritance from the Lord. You serve the Lord Christ. 25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for whatever wrong he has done, and there is no favoritism.

Paul tells slaves to obey- that is HEAR AND DO!

Then, Paul tells them to work hard.

Why? BECAUSE THEY DO IT FEARING THE LORD and they WORK FOR THE LORD NOT FOR MAN!

Listen to this- OUR WORK SPEAKS TO OUR GOD! We work hard because we FEAR THE LORD AND WE WORK FOR THE LORD, NOT FOR MAN!

And similarly- our reward that is mentioned in verse 24 comes not from MAN, but from GOD!

Think about it like this- our reward for our work isn’t our paycheck. Our reward is the GLORY WE BRING GOD AS WE WORK HARD!

I don’t know if you’ve ever had a coworker say that they don’t want to work, or that they are underpaid, or that they are just wasting their time.

But it can be easy when everyone around us piles on the negativity to join in! But that shouldn’t be our response.

Instead, we stop ourselves and think, “Hey, this matters! I do this for God!”

Verse 24 contains what I think is the key point in this discussion. “YOU SERVE THE LORD CHRIST!”

Our work REFLECTS THE GOD THAT WE SERVE!

Are we happy with the testimony of our work, or does that concern us a little?

As Christians, we are called to work in a specific way- we are called not to maximize profits while hurting others, but instead to SERVE THE LORD JESUS CHRIST! OUR WORK IS ABOUT GOD FIRST AND FOREMOST!

In verse 25, Paul provides a reminder about the importance of fair treatment. Paul reminds the slaves, or bondservants- that God sees their masters and that God will repay evil and wrongdoing.

This is Paul’s transition into Colossians 4:1

Colossians 4:1 CSB

1 Masters, deal with your slaves justly and fairly, since you know that you too have a Master in heaven.

Paul not only speaks to slaves and those who are employed, but also to masters, or anyone who oversees others!

And Paul gives 2 instructions.

“DEAL WITH YOUR SLAVES JUSTLY AND FAIRLY.”

So how do we treat our employees?

JUSTLY AND FAIRLY!

Why? BECAUSE WE HAVE A MASTER IN HEAVEN!

Listen- as Christians, we are all servants. You could be the most powerful person in the world and EVEN THEN, you have an authority that you serve- GOD!

So the way that we treat people under our authority matters!

Even more- the way that we care for our employees, the way that we TREAT them, speaks about GOD!

When we take care of our employees and treat them JUSTLY AND FAIRLY, we are SPEAKING OF THE GOD THAT WE SERVE!

Because hear me out, our leadership is a reflection of the GOD THAT WE SERVE!

And ultimately, we are called as Christians to lead as servants like JESUS DID!

Remember Mark 10:45!

Mark 10:45 CSB

45 For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

We are called to LEAD AS SERVANTS!

And remember- Colossians 3 is ultimately about how we are to live out our FAITH! The way that we work, the way that we lead, the way that we have relationships is a HUGE PART OF HOW WE LIVE OUT OUR TRANSFORMED LIVES THAT PAUL HAS EXPLAINED IN COLOSSIANS 3:12-17!

Application

1.     Your Marriage is a reflection of Christ and the Church

2.     Your Family is a reflection of Christ’s family

3.     Your Work is a reflection of Christ’s Work (How much it changed you!)

Your Marriage is a Reflection of Christ and the Church

All three of our applications today hinge around the same central idea. They all are built off of our job- TO CONNECT PEOPLE WITH JESUS!

Paul covers three different types of relationships and each of these is its own unique way to share the gospel through our actions!

First, Paul covered how our marriages matter and how we should live in them.

I am deeply convinced that our marriages can be a POWERFUL EVANGELISTIC TOOL!

Think about it like this- who do you spend the most time with- at least VOLUNTARILY?

Probably your spouse and your family.

The people you work with know that you’re married, the people who see you on date night and see those rings know that you’re married! The world can see that you are married!

But what we do inside of marriage is SO COUNTER-CULTURAL compared to the world. It’s really a powerful example. The world sees marriage if we’re honest- as convenience and attraction based.

As Christians, we don’t see marriage built on that. Our marriages should be built on our shared faith! And we should also recognize that God has given us instructions in the Bible for our marriages.

And one of the most famous instructions- that can be taken out of context often- is “wives submit to your husbands.”

There are 2 parts to this instruction that typically get dropped. First, the fact that husbands are then told to LOVE THEIR WIVES IN A SELF-SACRIFICING ALL-CONSUMING WAY and then secondly, the fact that in Ephesians 5, Paul provides a clear reason for the submission of a wife to a husband. It isn’t because of sexism, it’s because marriage mirrors Christ’s relationship with the CHURCH!

So let me make this really practical. Your marriage, my marriage, they reflect CHRIST AND THE CHURCH!

If we want people to understand Christ, then let’s live it out in our marriages! For husbands- that means being serious about LOVING OUR WIVES! It means being sacrificial, it means LOVING HER AS CHRIST LOVES HER AND LOVES YOU!

For wives, it means trusting your husbands.

Listen, as we are married and LIVE OUT GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE, it will stand out as different.

I mentioned in our introduction this sermon series I had listened to in college about God’s design for gender. I remember in one sermon, Matt Chandler made the point that in a healthy Christian marriage, where the husband is LOVING HIS WIFE AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH and where the wife submits to her husband as the church does to CHRIST; it stands as different. He made the statement, “If someone came and lived with me for a week, they should see my wife thriving and want that for themselves!”

That’s what we want in marriages! We want healthy marriages where the people around us see that something is different!

And do you know what we do when they ask us what’s different?

WE POINT THEM RIGHT TO JESUS AND WHAT HE DID ON THE CROSS!

We take them to Romans 6:23, we show them word by word what JESUS DID AND HOW IT TRANSFORMED THEIR LIVES!

So hear me- couples- you won’t be perfect. Let’s be honest. But, perfection isn’t what makes our marriages different. The way that we forgive, the way that we constantly work to love one another better, that makes our marriages different!

Let me leave every married couple with a challenge today. Take the time to feed your marriage. Take the time to go on dates, to listen, to be together, so that your marriage can reflect Christ’s relationship with the church!

Your Family is a Reflection of Christ’s Family

Our second application point is similar. Just as our marriages can point people to Christ, so can our FAMILIES!

Think about it like this- I’ll keep it simple and brief. Marriage reflects Jesus’s relationship with the Church and I would argue that the family does also.

Christ never provokes us, so that’s simple, but what are we called to do again and again in scripture? We are called to OBEY! We are called to HEAR GOD AND DO!

Think about the Great Commission! It’s our call to CONNECT PEOPLE WITH JESUS!

And if you read it, there aren’t limits on it. It doesn’t say, “On the third and 4th friday’s do this, but don’t worry about it otherwise.” No!

It’s AS YOU GO, DO THIS!

We are to HEAR AND OBEY!

And a great place to live that out is our FAMILY!

Let me give 3 practical steps and let me be clear- I’m not a parent. I don’t know every challenge you face.

First, you are called to disciple your children.

Straightforward- RAISE UP YOUR CHILD IN GOD’S WORD! TEACH THEM GOD’S WORD! That’s your job as parents!

Secondly, the way that you raise your child speaks to the world. When you sin against your child- go and ask for forgiveness! When your child disobeys, point them back to God! Not in a manipulative weird way, but in an honest and loving way!

The way that we RAISE OUR FAMILIES IS A REFLECTION OF CHRIST’S WORK FOR US!

Thirdly- this morning, I was brushing my teeth and saw an article that actually was addressing the meaning of provoking your children in Colossians 3!

It hit me to try and touch on these for a second. The author laid out three ways that you can exasperate your child. I’m going to lay out three similar but slightly different ways.

Manipulation- Over-the-top rules- Destructive Behavior that is unfitting for a parent (anger- slander- Colossians 3:1-10 behavior)

Your Work is a Reflection of Christ’s Work

Paul says it well- we work not for man but for God!

Let me keep this point super short and simple. Christ paid a great price for us. HE DID IT FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US! (GOSPEL!)

Now, we have a response. We are called to MAKE DISCIPLES AS WE GO!

And further, I’d argue that our daily job is an opportunity for this!

Think about how we can show Christ through our work! Our work gives us opportunities for evangelism AND DISCIPLESHIP! (Define discipleship- Becoming and helping others be followers of Jesus who grow in their faith and actively live it out) (Working hard, being responsible, respectful, caring, LOVE YOUR COWORKERS, etc.- expand this as you go!)

And remember, you aren’t working for man, you’re working for GOD!

Let me pray for us.