More than Saying I Do
Notes
Transcript
Introduction
Introduction
Use the “Marriage” section from priest in The Princess Bride as an analogy explaining that sometimes we approach marriage as simply wanting to hear the words “man and wife,” when in reality there is so much more that is required for a marriage to be successful.
A successful marriage requires …
I. A Man and Woman of Substance
I. A Man and Woman of Substance
A. Recap:
We last left Ruth at the threshing floor.
She had experienced the incredible generosity of Boaz’s kindness and for several months she has been working in his fields.
Naomi has carefully observed their growing relationship and seizes a closing opportunity to find security for Ruth in a husband.
Ruth follows all of Naomi’s instructions: she washes herself, she anoints herself with perfume, and she puts on outer garments to make herself presentable and attractive.
Ruth goes to the threshing floor where Boaz is working, uncovers his feet, and lies down waiting for him to wake up.
We left with Ruth announcing who she was and declaring who Boaz is: a kinsman-redeemer.
Some scholars believe this act by Ruth is a sexual act (e.g., an act of prostitution).
Even if you do not understand it from a scholarly perspective, it is a plausible view, especially in light of the cultural setting:
What is the time period this account takes place in?
Ruth 1:1 (NASB95)
1 Now it came about in the days when the judges governed, that there was a famine in the land.
The period of the judges is summarized as a time when there was no king and everyone did what was right in their own eyes.
The field owners and workers have been hard at work with the harvest, so the threshing floor would have been an excellent place for prostitutes to go and solicit sexual favors.
So, perhaps Ruth is merely a woman seeking sex from her wealthy employer.
B. The response of Boaz
Thankfully, we don’t have to theorize about what happened.
Suddenly startled by the cool night air from his uncovered feet, Boaz awakes to find a young woman their in his presence.
The text has already told us he is a man of great integrity, and given his previous actions, if this was a prostitute, we would expect Boaz to send her away from his presence.
Yet, after being roused from his sleep and hearing the announcement of Ruth, how does Boaz respond?
The Lord bless you!
This pronouncement removes any doubt that Ruth’s act is honorable, respectful, and humble.
If it was anything else, Boaz would not have responded this way.
Why does he respond this way?
C. Boaz has been checking Ruth out
This isn’t a new announcement. It may be new in the moment, but Boaz has been watching this nature grow in Ruth for months!
Remember that Ruth has been working in Boaz’s fields for the past several months.
In chapter 2, when Ruth first meets Boaz, he tells her that all she has done (i.e., leaving her land and helping her mother-in-law) had been reported to him.
Boaz heard about the kindness of Ruth, but now he has experienced her kindness in action.
Her first and last kindness:
Her first kindness is her complete devotion to Naomi
Her last kindness is seeking out the redemption of Boaz
In his eyes, this is an even greater act, because it demonstrates Ruth is a godly woman is seeking a man of spiritual substance.
Going after young men — tells us that Ruth was free to marry
Poor or rich — tells us that Ruth could’ve chosen any man
Instead, Ruth chooses Boaz:
Why?
Ruth is a young woman, somewhere between the ages of 18-28
Boaz is somewhere between the ages of 35-45
Ruth was a foreigner who has integrated into Israelite society
Boaz is an Israelite
Ruth is a field hand
Boaz is the wealthy field owner
Ruth could have chosen any man, but she chose Boaz because she has been checking him out too. She has seen he is a man of his word. She has seen he is a man of integrity. She has seen he is a man of generosity. She has seen he is a man of faithfulness. Ruth has seen Boaz is a man of God.
D. The key to a successful marriage
There are all sorts of superficial things we think are important in marriage:
Beauty or rugged good looks — disappears
Wealth — dissipates
Personality — changes
Strength — fades
Job Security — ends
Ask any older person in here and they will agree, yup it goes away!
Ruth chooses Boaz and Boaz chooses Ruth because they are impressed with their walk with the Lord
Those of you who are single and want to get married, are you impressed with their Christian walk? Is it evident or do you have to really search to see it?
If you can’t see it, wait.
Well, I think we can make it work. I think I can change them. Plus, we already booked the wedding venue, and the photographer, and all our friends and family are going to be there. I can’t disappoint them.
Wait. Call it off. If they’re really the one, let the Lord work on them. Or maybe it is the Lord’s way of directing you to someone different.
Those of you who have been married for years, are you impressed with their Christian walk? How can you cultivate and grow that Christian walk in your spouse? Husbands, how can you better assume the role as the spiritual leader of the household? How can you better love your wives? Wives, how can you better push your husband to be the best man of God he can be? How can you better submit to his leadership as he submits to the Lord?
Husbands and wives, how can you model what a Christ-centered relationship looks like for your children so they receive a godly example?
Those of you have are no longer married for one reason or another, or have never been married, how can you foster an environment that encourages other generations on the importance of pursuing a godly spouse?
The primary characteristic you are looking for in a spouse is a man or woman of God.
Boaz sees it in Ruth. In fact the whole town sees it in Ruth. She gives off a God-pleasing aroma wherever she goes. Boaz calls her a woman of excellence.
10 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.
15 For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; 16 to the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life. And who is adequate for these things?
They know immediately their marriage has the ability to succeed because they are starting on common ground. Of course their marriage will have challenges, every marriage has challenges! That’s what happens when you take two completely different people and you put them together for the rest of their lives!
But two people who are different spiritually should not be put together:
14 Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? 16 Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, “I will dwell in them and walk among them; And I will be their God, and they shall be My people. 17 “Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,” says the Lord. “And do not touch what is unclean; And I will welcome you.
It’s like mixing oil and water together. No matter how much you want them to mix and form a cohesive bond, they never will. They will always separate because they have different natures.
Now, our God is in the business of changing natures. He can take what was incompatible and make it compatible. He can create a new nature.
But we should seek someone we are compatible with from the beginning. Someone who shares the same values. Someone who shares the same worldview. And the values and worldview we are seeking are a faith and trust in Jesus Christ.
What makes Ruth a woman of excellence is not her kindness. What makes Boaz a man of worth is not his financial ability.
Both Ruth and Boaz are people of substance because they have a faith in Jesus Christ. The other characteristics we see are merely an outgrowth of this.
A successful marriage requires …
II. A Man and Woman Who Submit and Obey
II. A Man and Woman Who Submit and Obey
A. A promise and a complication
We can imagine the conversation between Ruth and Boaz going something like this:
Don’t be afraid, Ruth. I know who you are. I’ve seen your acts of kindness.
I will do whatever you ask because I can see you are a woman of excellence.
Now, it is true, I am a close relative. It is within my ability to redeem you.
But. However. There is someone closer than me.
We can imagine Ruth as Boaz delivers this crushing blow, but all hope is not lost. Boaz lays out a plan:
He tells her to remain until morning
If the other man will redeem Ruth, as is his right, then Boaz will let that happen
We should notice that Boaz is aware of a nearer kinsman-redeemer, which tells me that Boaz has already considered marrying Ruth! He has already thought this out.
If he will not redeem her, then Boaz promises to
So, remain until morning and then we will settle the matter
Why does Boaz then tell her to leave before anyone notices? Does he have something to be ashamed about?
We have already established that Ruth’s actions were godly and honorable, so Boaz’s action here is also godly and honorable. He is looking out for Ruth’s reputation as well as his own:
22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.
22 abstain from every form of evil.
There are several translations of this verse, and all of them are correct. The problem with translating it as appearance is that we rely on the perceptions of others to determine our actions.
However, Boaz recognizes how a woman at the threshing floor would appear. No one would assume that Ruth was behaving in an honorable way, they would immediately assume the worst. We see this even in how scholars have attempted to interpret this portion of Scripture.
Before anyone can jump to conclusions, Boaz makes sure Ruth is gone.
But Boaz still does not send her away empty-handed.
He instructs Ruth to give him her cloak and proceeds to fill it with barley.
It is a gesture of goodwill to Ruth, but more importantly to Naomi as a promise that he will fulfill his obligations one way or the other.
B. Submission and obedience
In order for Ruth to gain the outcome she desires, she must submit to and obey everything that Boaz has instructed her.
Unfortunately, these two words have been ruined by our culture. When women hear these words, they have been conditioned to think of a domineering husband or a patriarchal society. Instead of allowing Scripture to inform us of the beauty of these words, we have allowed society to twist our understanding.
But Ethan, isn’t the husband the head of the household?
Absolutely, so let’s talk about that what that means!
Every man knows Ephesians 5:22-23, even non-Christians!
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.
The problem is, most men remember this passage this way:
Ephesians 5:22–23 (NLT)
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands … 23 For a husband is the head of his wife …
But the condition is this: wives, submit to the leadership of your husband as your husband submits to the leadership of Jesus Christ.
Husbands you are the head of your wife and family. This word comes from the Greek word kapto meaning to take captive. It’s the same word used for capital punishment. Meaning, your head goes on the chopping block first! It means the physical and spiritual well-being of your family falls first at your feet. It means you will give an account of how you managed this area.
Wives, this is a responsibility that has been given to men that none of them asked for and none of them want. Look at the standard that is set for them! Just as Christ is the head of the Church, so husbands are to be the head of their wives.
Christ is the perfect protector and provider of His bride. He perfectly preferences her over Himself, to the point of laying down His life for her. That’s the standard that men are to follow in their own families, and we fall woefully short.
C. A woman and a man who submit and obey
Notice that a successful marriage requires a woman and a man who submit and obey. It requires a man who is submitting to and obeying the leadings of the Holy Spirit in His own life. It requires a man who is searching the Scripture for how to best lead his family. It requires a man who assumes his God-given responsibility to be a protector and provider.
It also requires a woman who recognizes that leadership, meaning it should be apparent, in her husband and willingly submits to and obeys it because she sees it is from the Lord. It requires a woman who trusts the direction of her husband.
Boaz is submitting to and obeying the Law, understanding that he has a responsibility redeem this family. It will either be through him or this other man, but he will make sure it happens. Ruth is submitting to and obeying everything that Boaz requests of her, because she sees in him a man obeying the Lord.
And both of them are ultimately putting their faith and trust in the Lord.
A successful marriage requires …
III. A Man and a Woman Who Trust the Lord
III. A Man and a Woman Who Trust the Lord
A. Ruth and Boaz leave the threshing floor:
Boaz returns to town to resolve the matter at hand, Ruth returns to Naomi
Naomi asks Ruth what happened, and we can imagine Ruth replaying the events from the night before.
She shows Naomi the grain, who clearly takes it as a measure of good faith that Boaz will do what needs to be done.
Certainly there are many unanswered questions on the part of both Ruth and Boaz.
Will the other man choose to act as the kinsman redeemer?
If he does, will he choose to marry Ruth?
Will Ruth have the same appreciation for this new individual?
What will happen to Naomi?
What will happen to the relationship between Ruth and Boaz?
We don’t know how Ruth responded, we only see Naomi’s loving counsel:
B. Wait and see
Naomi trusts that Boaz will do what is right. Ruth trusts that Boaz is listening to the leading of the Lord. Boaz trusts that no matter what role he plays in the process, Ruth and Naomi will see redemption.
None of them know how or what will happen, which is why Naomi’s simple instruction is so profound: wait and see.
Trust that in the God who has brought you this far
8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
3 “The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You.
4 Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. 6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light And your judgment as the noonday.
25 “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 “Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?
Conclusion
Conclusion