What is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a foundational and essential aspect of what it means to be a Christian. First, forgiveness is something we receive. When we hear the gospel and respond in obedient faith, God forgives us of our sins. There is no such thing as an unforgiven Christian.

But forgiveness is also something we give. There should be no such thing as an unforgiving Christian. Jesus commands us to extend forgiveness to other. As forgiven people, we are to model and mimic the forgiveness we have received and extend such merciful and loving forgiveness to others.

But just because forgiveness is an essential aspect of Christianity does not mean it is easy. Practicing forgiveness can be challenging. But before we practice forgiveness, we need to understand forgiveness, which is also challenging! Jesus’ disciples wrestled with what it meant to forgive, and had to be taught by Jesus. Likewise, we may struggle to understand authentic, biblical, godly forgiveness. It’s possible that our natural inclinations and cultural influences may impact our understanding of, and thus our practice of, forgiveness more than we realize. But forgiveness is too important to ignore or practice haphazardly. Thankfully, we have a perfect model of forgiveness that we can (and must) learn from:

Ephesians 4:32 ESV

32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Colossians 3:13 ESV

13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

The Requirement of Forgiveness

One thing nearly every Christian agrees on is the necessity of practicing forgiveness. The New Testament unequivocally declares that unless we are willing to forgive others, we will not be forgiven by God.

Matthew 6:14–15 ESV

14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 18:35 ESV

35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

James 2:13 ESV

13 For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

Models on Forgiveness

While the necessity of forgiveness might enjoy near universal agreement, defining what forgiveness is and looks like . When to forgive, how to forgive, and what real forgiveness looks like differs among various viewpoints. We might think of these views along a spectrum:

1. Unconditional and Unilateral Forgiveness

When someone sins against us, we forgive them. Ideally, this forgiveness should be immediate. Forgiveness does not require repentance from the offender—we simply “forgive” them.

Unconditional forgiveness is also unilateral, meaning that forgiveness is a one-sided issue. Forgiveness is something I do when wronged. It is individual, not relational.

This concept of forgiveness focuses on letting go of bitterness, anger, and hard feelings. It is about choosing to move on after being hurt instead of allowing pain and hurt to continue to control you.

Forgiveness means different things to different people. But in general, it involves an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger…Forgiveness involves willfully putting aside feelings of resentment toward someone who has committed a wrong, been unfair or hurtful, or otherwise harmed you in some way. Forgiveness is not merely accepting what happened or ceasing to be angry. Rather, it involves a voluntary transformation of your feelings, attitudes, and behavior, so that you are no longer dominated by resentment and can express compassion, generosity, or the like toward the person who wronged you. (American Psychological Association)

The act that hurt or offended you might always be with you. But working on forgiveness can lessen that act's grip on you. It can help free you from the control of the person who harmed you. Sometimes, forgiveness might even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you. It also doesn't necessarily mean making up with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that allows you to focus on yourself and helps you go on with life. Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for improved health and peace of mind. Forgiveness can lead to: Healthier relationships.Improved mental health.Less anxiety, stress and hostility.Fewer symptoms of depression.Lower blood pressure.A stronger immune system.Improved heart health.Improved self-esteem. (Mayoclinic.org)

Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. One doesn't have to return to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from an offender. Forgiveness is vitally important for the mental health of those who have been victimized. It propels people forward rather than keeping them emotionally engaged in an injustice or trauma. Forgiveness has been shown to elevate mood, enhance optimism, and guard against anger, stress, anxiety, and depression. However, there are scenarios in which forgiveness is not the best course for a particular person. Sometimes a victim of sexual abuse becomes more empowered when they give themselves permission not to forgive. (Psychology Today)

These quotes are not meant to pit psychology against the Christianity. It shouldn’t surprise us that modern psychology is not going to take a Biblical or even a spiritual view of forgiveness. Psychologists and therapists are often working with individuals, and their goals are to help those individuals. Thus, their definitions and goals might tend to focus on the individual. In a clinical setting, that might even be a benefit. But we should be aware that modern psychology, while it may have its place, is not our source of authority for practicing the forgiveness Jesus commands. And we need to be aware that these modern concepts will permeate our own experiences, and if we aren’t careful, we might interpret the Bible’s teaching on forgiveness through the lens of modern definitions, concepts, and practices.

2. Transactional Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a transaction that only happens when the offender repents and the offended then grants forgiveness.

If the offender does not repent (and perhaps even if the offender doesn’t make full restitution), then there does not need to be, and perhaps cannot be, forgiveness.

God’s Forgiveness: Method and Purpose

Ephesians 4:32 and Colossians 3:13 command Christians to model God’s forgiveness in their own lives. Thus, if we want to extend godly forgiveness, we should consider how and why God forgives.

1. God is Proactive in Extending Forgiveness

Sin destroys relationships. But God is perfect and sinless, so He has never been the perpetrator. God has always been the one sinned against. And yet, God took the first steps in extending forgiveness to sinful humanity. While sinful man was indebted to God, God did not wait for man to attempt to repay his moral debt—God acted first.

In the Garden of Eden, God promised a deliverer to save mankind. God worked throughout history to bring about the opportunity for sinners to be forgiven.

John 3:16–17 ESV

16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

Romans 5:8 ESV

8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Even though God is the one wronged by our sin, He took the initiative and proactively worked to extend the offer and opportunity for forgiveness.

2. God is Abundantly Merciful

Not only is God proactive in extending forgiveness, but He is more merciful and compassionate than we can comprehend. Yes, God is a God of justice. Yes, God will punish those who persist in rebellion. Yes, God is a God of judgment and even wrath towards those who refuse to accept His offer of forgiveness. But none of these truths negate God’s merciful nature. And when God reveals His character, He emphasizes His patience and mercy.

Exodus 34:6–7 ESV

6 The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, 7 keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

Psalm 103:2–12 ESV

2 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, 3 who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, 5 who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. 6 The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. 7 He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel. 8 The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. 9 He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. 10 He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

Special Note on Verse 10: God does not deal with us according to our sins—God does not owe us forgiveness. Forgiveness is not based on what is owed!

The Lord does not simply overlook sin or turn a blind eye to wrongdoing. He will hold sinners accountable, and His wrath is severe. But God is disposed towards mercy. He is longsuffering. His first movement is not towards retribution, but mercy. God does all He can to extend the opportunity to forgiveness to sinners.

3. God Does Not Forgive Unconditionally

God’s is disposed toward abundant and extravagant mercy, but that does not mean that He forgives unconditionally. God is proactive in extending the opportunity forgiveness—in other words, God initiates the process that can bring about forgiveness. But Scripture never claims that God simply forgives apart from our acknowledgment of sin and repentance. On the contrary, Scripture clearly demonstrates that God’s forgiveness is conditional.

Luke 13:3 ESV

3 No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.

Acts 2:38 ESV

38 And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

1 John 1:9 ESV

9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

God’s mercy is abundant, but not unconditional. If we refuse to repent, then our sins remain unforgiven.

4. God’s Forgiveness Blesses Us

When God forgives, we (the sinners and wrong-doers) are the ones who are blessed. God does not forgive to bless Himself or help Himself. When God forgives, it is not about a personal release—it is a blessing given to us as He releases us from the debt we have incurred. Thus, God’s forgiveness is outward, not inward.

5. God’s Forgiveness is Relational

The essential question pertaining to forgiveness is not so much how God forgives, but why. While we often focus on the benefit of being forgiven of sins, release from our sin-debt is not the only reason God forgives. Release from consequences is most definitely a benefit, but not the only or even the primary purpose of forgiveness. God extends forgiveness in order to reconcile us to Himself. God doesn’t just wipe away our sin-debt—He restores us to a relationship with Him.

This is the heart of what forgiveness is all about. Forgiveness is not about a feeling; it is not about personal happiness; it is not even about release from consequences—Forgiveness is about restoring relationships that have been broken. There is no such thing as a forgiven sinner who has no relationship with God. If we are forgiven of our sins, then we are Christians and citizens of heaven.

Colossians 1:19–22 ESV

19 For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. 21 And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, 22 he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him,

Ephesians 2:14–19 ESV

14 For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility 15 by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, 16 and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. 17 And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. 18 For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father. 19 So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,

SUMMARY: Through Christ there is peace between men and God, and that peace brings us near to God and makes us citizens, saints, and members of the household of God.

2 Corinthians 5:18–20 ESV

18 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.

SUMMARY: God did not offer Jesus just to release us from consequences, but to reconcile us to Himself. There is no such thing as a forgiven yet unreconciled Christian.

With God, there is not such thing as one-sided forgiveness. God forgives in order to heal a sinner, and in so doing to reconcile the sinner to Himself and restore the relationship God originally intended and desired between Himself and humanity.

Do Modern Models Help Us Forgive As God Forgives?

Considering how and why God forgives, we can review the various models and approaches to forgiveness and see some potential problems.

1. Unconditional Forgiveness

This is Not How God Forgives

God does not forgive unconditionally. God requires repentance in order for there to be forgiveness. If we are supposed to forgive unconditionally, that would mean the forgiveness we practice is categorically different than the forgiveness we observe from God. That seems unlikely if we are supposed to forgive as God forgives us. Further, Jesus’ own teaching on forgiveness indicates that forgiveness requires repentance.

Luke 17:3–4 ESV

3 Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, 4 and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

2. Unilateral Forgiveness

This is not how God forgives.

Unilateral forgiveness is inward and focuses on self. But God’s forgiveness is outward and others focused. Again, can we really forgive as God forgave us if our model of forgiveness is categorically different than God’s?

Unilateral forgiveness can be selfish

Unilateral and unconditional forgiveness might sound pious and noble, but this model of forgiveness has the potential to be self-centered and selfish. Instead of forgiveness being a stepping stone towards reconciled relationships, forgiveness becomes an individual matter of self-healing, letting go of hurt, and personal happiness. In this scenario, we might feel better about “letting go of hurt” and getting over past wrongs committed against us, but forgiveness in this instance has only benefited us.

Unilateral Forgiveness Does not reconcile relationships

As hard as it is to release bitterness and anger when we are hurt by someone, it’s even harder to risk another relationship with a person who wronged us. But this is exactly what God has done. God forgives in order to restore. If we want to practice true, godly forgiveness, then our goal should also be restoration.

Matthew 18:15 ESV

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

This will not be easy and it won’t always be quick—but if restoration is not the goal of forgiveness, then can we truly say we are forgiving like God forgives?

Unilateral forgiveness doesn’t help the sinner

It may help the victim feel better, but it doesn’t promote healing for the offender. And yet, God’s forgiveness is offered as a process to help us recover from our sins. God doesn’t require repentance just to make us feel guilty—God requires repentance because that’s what is best for us! Requiring repentance is not only just, it’s also merciful. When we confront and rebuke error, we don’t do that just to get an apology. We do that so that a sinner can see their sin and repent. Unilateral forgiveness cares about our personal feelings. Biblical, godly forgiveness cares about the souls of others.

3. Transactional Forgiveness

We might become reactive instead of proactive

True, Biblical forgiveness is transactional in that it is relational. But there are attitudes we must be wary of when viewing forgiveness in this light. It is tempting to view repentance as something we are owed. This is expressed when we say things like “He owes me an apology” or “I won’t forgive them until this is made right.” These attitudes make forgiveness something that is reactive, not proactive. But this does not model God’s forgiveness either. God, as the party sinned against, proactively sought reconciliation and extended an opportunity for forgiveness. While this is hard to put into practice, it’s the attitude we must develop. Instead of waiting for wrong-doers to come to us, we proactively and lovingly seek reconciliation and restoration. And this is not just so that we get something for being wronged—this process is about helping the wrong-doer! We love them, care for their soul, and want to model God’s love—thus we pursue reconciliation.

We might pursue retribution instead of reconciliation

Another danger is that we use the path to forgiveness as a guise for retribution. In other words, when we see that forgiveness is only applicable when there is repentance, then we use a lack of repentance as an excuse for vengeance disguised as justice. We might claim to be “seeking justice,” but is that true, or are we seeking vengeance? Are we seeking to punish? Is our real goal and desire forgiveness and reconciliation or judgment?

Here is one aspect of forgiveness where there is a degree difference between the forgiveness God extends and the forgiveness we extent. But this difference is explicitly commanded in Scripture.

Romans 12:19–20 ESV

19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”

If we confront someone who has wronged us and they do not repent, that does not permit us to take vengeance or retribution into our own hands. It also doesn’t permit us to be bitter or hateful towards them. In such a case, a person has made it clear they are an enemy, but how do we treat enemies? We love them, pray for them, and treat them right. And we stand ready to forgive and restore them as soon as they are ready and willing to repent. If they choose never to do so, then we leave judgment and punishment in God’s hands.

Conclusion

Forgiveness is hard. But is that really a surprise? Consider what God had to do to forgive us. Reconciling us required great effort, great patience, and great sacrifice. And yet, God loved us enough to pursue us anyways and extend forgiveness.

None of us will work harder than God, be more patient than God, or sacrifice more than God. But practicing forgiveness will still require effort, patience, and even sacrifice. It will be difficult. But forgiveness is worth the difficulty. The beauty of forgiven sinners and restored relationships is worth the challenge. The power of forgiveness is worth the effort. Let’s not neglect such a powerful and beautiful thing. Let’s not settle for models of forgiveness that less than godly. Let’s recognize what God has done for us, and let’s practice, to the very best of our ability, that same loving forgiveness. Let’s forgive as the Lord has forgiven us.