White Sheets and Roses

Congratulations! After this week, we are halfway done with our study of Song of Solomon. It’s amazing how fast this book goes! Though Brook Curtiss wishes that it would go faster.

We have seen the beloved deeply in love with King Solomon, because of his character, yearning to consummate her love with him. We have seen how King Solomon cares for her emotionally, devoting himself to her in purity. We’ve seen his protection and provision.

They were eagerly awaiting their wedding night, but they had to get through the wedding first.

Last week, we saw their wedding, at the end of chapter three.

Today, we get to read about what happens after the wedding: the wedding night.

We have no descriptions about the wedding night in any other portion of Scripture. With good reason. This is a very private time. No one should be reading or gawking over those times.

However, here, in the Song of Solomon, we have a description of the wedding night, in very poetic terms, showing the beauty of what could happen.

I’ve talked with many different married couples. I have talked with couples who have a great relationship and the foundation for their relationship was laid by a great wedding night.

I’ve talked with other couples who are not doing well, and they can trace their brokenness back to their wedding night.

It is a very important time.

In God’s plan, a man and a woman are not to consummate their relationship until after the covenant has been made. They are not to have sex until after the wedding ceremony.

There is a lot of expectation then on that night. A covenant has been made, and now the covenant is acted on in a very intimate way. The man and the woman show how they expect their marriage to be on that very first night.

Maggie and I actually discussed what would happen that first night, how I could show protection and care, how she could show love and respect, setting the tone for the rest of our relationship.

Here, in the Song of Songs, setting up this picture of a godly relationship, we get a picture of what that night should be like, and what every moment of a godly relationship should be.

1. The Wedding Night: An Exposition

Let’s jump in and read this chapter.

A. Song 4:1-7

Song of Solomon 4:1–7 NIV

How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from the hills of Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely. Your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate. Your neck is like the tower of David, built with courses of stone; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors. Your breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies. Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, I will go to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of incense. You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.

Okay, now you thought I had made you blush before. Hang on for the ride.

This is the wedding night. They have made their vows. They have feasted.

Now, they are in their private room. And King Solomon is undressing his bride. As he undresses her, he is admiring her beauty.

He starts at the top, reflecting on her eyes, then her hair, and her teeth, using language of the time that showed beauty and worth. He talks about the lips, the temples and the neck, showing that no part of her is too small to be valued and cherished. He delights in her breasts, and continues down her body, finishing with, what he terms as, the mountain of myrrh and the hill of incense.

His time with her was more than just lustfully enjoying her body, which played its role. Definitely. God designed us to enjoy each other’s bodies. And that is a good thing!

But, through the enjoyment, he was showing that he cherished her.

The ways he described her used language that was familiar, but also language that was covenantal. I don’t have time to hit every thing, but he says that her eyes were like doves: relating to the doves that Noah released on the Ark.

Her lips were like a Scarlet ribbon, like the one that Rahab hung out her window. He was saying that yes, her body was beautiful, but she also reminds him of God’s amazing covenant, the assurance of our faith in Jesus Christ, the forgiveness of our sins. He values her and sees her character that high.

In addition to totally loving her body.

B. Song 4:8-15

Song of Solomon 4:8–15 NIV

Come with me from Lebanon, my bride, come with me from Lebanon. Descend from the crest of Amana, from the top of Senir, the summit of Hermon, from the lions’ dens and the mountain haunts of leopards. You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume more than any spice! Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon. You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits, with henna and nard, nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with every kind of incense tree, with myrrh and aloes and all the finest spices. You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon.

In verse 8, he called her bride for the first time in the book. They are married and they are about to consummate the relationship. You can almost hear the tenderness in his voice.

They are enjoying being naked together, as God designed it. He created our bodies unique, and he is glorified as we enjoy each other’s bodies. He has admired her body from top to bottom.

And now, he gives her an invitation. He says that she has stolen his heart, professing his love to her again, saying that her love is worth more than anything else to him.

Then, he starts hinting at what he would like based upon that love, as he stares adoringly at her.

He says that her garden is locked up. And he uses a rather provocative metaphor, speaking of her sealed fountain or well.

Song of Solomon 4:15 NIV

You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon.

He doesn’t force himself on her, but asks her to open up that well, so that he might go into the depths. How is she going to respond?

C. Song 4:16-5:1

Well, she doesn’t respond like a normal blushing bride.

Song of Solomon 4:16 NIV

Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.

They both understand that God created sex to be enjoyed and when relished in the covenantal relationship of marriage, it is good and God is glorified. So, she looks at her husband and says “Come on in. Let us worship God together through the passion of lovemaking.”

They consummate their marriage. And King Solomon proclaims:

Song of Solomon 5:1 NIV

I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk. Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.

He says that it was very good. As God designed it to be, they became one in a gloriously pleasurable way.

Then the chorus responds. It isn’t like the friends are sitting out there having a shiveree. But, in the telling of the narrative, in hearing what has happened that night, they are encouraging this new couple to enjoy the gift of sex that God has given. To drink their fill of lovemaking, not holding any passion back.

And in this, God is glorified.

You see in this chapter, the care and protection of the groom, making sure that his beloved feels cherished and safe. You see the response of the beloved at the care and protection of her godly husband, as she joyfully, ecstatically invites him in to enjoy the pleasures of marriage.

You see the dance of oneness, the mutual initiation and response. And finally, the joy of tasting the gift of God that had been guarded until the perfect time.

Intimate Companionship, pt 1: A Defense of Marriage

The first Sunday in May, when I gave the introduction to the Song of Solomon, I declared that “God designed marriage as a beautiful thing.

“Two different people, drastically different not only in biology, but in emotions and desires and dreams. These two people coming together to support one another, encourage one another, mature one another, and be completely devoted to one another, even if no one else in the world is.

“It’s a beautiful thing.”

When two people know one another closer than any other person, and hold that knowledge in safety and encouragement. Wow. That is a relationship to be treasured and emulated.

Unfortunately, many couples don’t experience this. In fact, instead of being to someone who supports him, encourages her, matures him, and is completely devoted to her, showing safety and encouragement, the spouse is actually someone who is not safe, who regularly tears him down, who abuses her, who is prideful and selfish. And so the marriage is a painful experience, with sometimes a feeling of hopelessness that nothing will ever change.

I am fully aware that we live on this side of the Fall. We are all sinful. We all intentionally and unintentionally hurt those closest to us. We sometimes get stuck in our own thinking, acting the fool, instead of seeking to understand those around us.

But, one of the results of the Gospel, if we have turned to Jesus in faith, yes, he saves us, forgives us, justifies us. Does all these things. But, he also gives us the ability to show others a picture of what life was like before the fall, a picture of Eden, and a picture of what life will be like after Jesus comes again, a picture of eternity.

So, you might be experiencing the pain of sin in your relationship, the effect of your sin and the effect of your spouses. But, Jesus can redeem your relationship, if you humble yourself and let him.

And the ideal that I am going to describe today can be your reality, because this ideal is how God designed marriage to be and how he is glorified in front of all creation.

A. Total Knowledge

God designed marriage to be total knowledge of each other.

I love the Hebrew idiom for sex. “to Know.” Adam knew Eve and then they conceived. Abraham knew Sarah. Isaac knew Rebecca. Joseph did not know Mary until after the birth of Jesus.

The betrothal period was a time of getting to know each other. And then the wedding ceremony happened, and the final stage of knowledge was knowing someone more intimately than any other person. Seeing them completely exposed and experiencing the deepest parts of them.

Marriage is a total knowledge of each other. Every single part. The parts you like, and the parts that you don’t. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. Our personalities, giftings, and quirks. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Everything is laid bare before your spouse. They are to have total knowledge of you. As we tell our pre-marital counseling couples: if you love someone, you will allow them to see your whole self, messy emotions and everything.

Total knowledge.

On the flip side, if we love someone, we will seek to see their whole self. We will be like King Solomon rejoicing over the entire body of his bride. But not just the body, but rejoicing to know the emotions, the giftings, the desires, the spirit, the quirks of our spouse. And not being content with what we learned yesterday, but continually learning every single day.

I love walking through 1 Peter 3:7 with men. The admonition of this verse is for them, but the application can be applied across genders.

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

For us to live in an understanding way, we must first seek to understand them. We must desire total knowledge. We can’t be like the fool in Proverbs.

Proverbs 18:2 NIV

Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.

Instead, whether we are husband or wife, we must seek that intimacy with our spouse, that total knowledge that God designed us to have.

B. In Safety

This can be scary. Growing up, we are trained to hold things in: Don’t let our emotions out. Don’t let people know what we are truly thinking. Why? Because they will rip us apart, they will ridicule us, or they might just walk all over us.

So, don’t let them know. They don’t need to know.

However, God designed marriage to be a union of two completely different people, coming together to support one another, encourage one another, mature one another, and be completely devoted to one another, even if no one else in the world is.

Marriage isn’t supposed to be like the school you graduated from, the workplace you left thirty minutes ago, or the family you grew up in. Marriage is supposed to be a picture of God himself.

That means, we should be completely safe to allow total knowledge of ourselves by our spouses.

When the wife is emotional because of something that happened during the day, or because of something that we did, she should be safe in voicing those emotions. When she has desires or concerns or dreams, she should be safe in voicing them. We should be like King Solomon, meeting his beloved where she is at and loving her as she needed to be loved in that moment. Dying to ourselves that our wives might live.

When a husband is discouraged, or scared, or weighted down by the pressures of responsibility, he should be safe in voicing those things. When he has desires or concerns or dreams, he should be safe in voicing them. The wife should be like the beloved seeing the man before her and validating who God has made him to be. Respecting him and lifting him up, as the church respects God.

Our total knowledge should be in safety. My niece said something really cute the other day. She was barking like a dog incessantly. My brother asked her, as the dog, to stop barking, because she, as the girl, is scared of dogs. And he didn’t want the dog to scare the girl. Now, he just wanted her to stop barking, but he thought it would be a cute way of making her stop.

She responded to him: I’m not going to be scared because I love her, the dog, and because I love her, I love her bark.

That is total knowledge in safety. That is how married couples should treat each other. We love each other, therefore we love every single part of each other.

Total knowledge in safety.

C. And Encouragement

And in encouragement.

Basically, the entire chapter of Song of Solomon 4 is King Solomon verbally affirming how he sees his beloved. And he goes into detail. Men, when is the last time you have detailed all the reasons that you are attracted to your wife physically? I don’t care how old you are. You can still do it. When was the last time you detailed all the reasons that you cherish your wife because of her character or her actions?

If we have total knowledge in safety, we should be proving that we know our spouse and that they are safe with us, by how we encourage them in who they are.

Women, when was the last time you detailed all the reasons that you are attracted to your husband? When was the last time you detailed all the reasons that you respect your husband for his character or his actions.

And if you, whether husband or wife, don’t know any reason to cherish her or respect him, talk to me and I will give you some reasons. We are commanded to love and to respect, so don’t allow your sinful nature to get in the way of obeying God.

The interesting thing is, when a man cherishes his bride and a woman respects her husband, they each have an easier time preforming their God given roles. And they have an easier time performing their ministries and callings in other areas of life. We get to be our partners cheerleaders.

And not just to them, but to others. Throughout the Song of Solomon, the beloved is continually boasting about her lover to her friends. She is never talking him down. When we are with others, we should primarily, because we are to have total knowledge in safety, we should primarily be talking our lovers up, showing respect and love.

Now, I know that some do not have a total knowledge in safety type of relationship yet. And that cannot be created over night. Don’t expect it to. Next week, we are going to discuss how it can get there. If you would like help getting there, let me know. But it will take humility on both sides of the relationship.