Instructions For Children (Ephesians 6:1-3)

Welcome: Please turn with me in your Bibles to the sixth Chapter of Ephesians, beginning in verse 1. Our text this morning will be the first three verses of Chapter 6, which you can find on page 1162 in the navy blue Bibles found in your pews.

Ephesians 6:1–3 (ESV)

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

This is the Word of the Lord

Thanks be to God.

B. Starting Chapter 6

Today we begin the sixth and final chapter of the Book of Ephesians. As you might recall, Paul is in the middle of applying the direction he gave in verse 21 of Chapter 5, saying that the whole body of Christ engages in this good work of...

Ephesians 5:21 (ESV)

submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

That is not a flattening command or a command of same-ness for all, but a calling for all the various parts of the body of Christ to submit to each other according to their station, vocation, and particular responsibilities. So husbands obey the command in a certain way, wives in another, and children, in another, which is where we arrive at today, at the start of Chapter 6.

And so this morning, I want to speak especially to the children in our body. Not only to the children, but especially to them. And I want to show you at least three things from our text this morning:

1. Children are Addressed 2. Honor and Obedience is Commanded 3. The Blessing is for All

1. Children are Addressed

So, Paul says here in our text this morning...

Ephesians 6:1 (ESV)

Children...

Stop there. The apostle Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit, addresses children. This is not a command about children. That’s next week (in verse 4). This is a command given to children. Now that’s odd, isn’t it?

“Paul. Why are you giving commands to children? Don’t you know they’re not in the room? They can’t understand predestination and justification by grace through faith, and putting off your old self and so on. That’s all for the adults.”

No, it isn’t. It’s for the body. And children are part of the body. This is for the covenant community, and the children are part of the covenant. This is for the family, and our children are part of the family.

Dear saints, this is why we practice infant baptism. Because we believe that our children are—from their earliest days—part of our body. “We’re going to heaven, and the kids are coming with us.”

We are not waiting around hoping for the day when they finally, actually become part of the body. We acknowledge and affirm that they are part of the body, they are under God’s blessing, they are inheritors of God’s gifts, they are entitled the admonitions and corrections, and from the earliest days of their spoken “Amen,” they are welcome at the Table.

When our children profess faith, we rejoice and say “Of course!” We do not say “Well. I know you say you believe, but we’ll see about that. The elders are going to give you a test and make sure you really, really, really believe.”

No. When elders in this church meet with children and their parents in this church to confirm and affirm a profession of faith, it’s more like we’re guests at a party. And we are coming in and saying “We heard your parents say that you have spoken your own hatred of your sin and sadness over your sin, as well as your love for Jesus, and your faith that he died and rose and has forgiven you. We are so excited to hear that, can you tell us too? Can we be part of this celebration with you?”

It is really important that we understand our children to be part of this body, part of this covenant family, part of this congregation. Paul has been speaking to husbands and wives at the end of chapter 5, and then he takes a knee (so to speak) getting eye-to-eye with the children of Christians, that is to say, the Christian children of Ephesus, and he tells them about their inheritance and their responsibilities.

And there is a strong movement today (I believe a Holy-Spirit-wrought movement ) among Reformed churches to recapture the inter-generational nature of the body of Christ. More and more churches are realizing maybe it’s not such a good idea to send the children away to their own church, until they are old enough to read and write, and then to send them away to their own church, until they are old enough to get a drivers permit, and then send them away to a youth group version of church on Sunday morning, and then once they are old enough to really own their faith, send them away to a summer camp so that they really get a hold of real faith and real authentic piety miles away from their home church, their home elders, and their home congregation, and then they turn 18 and we suddenly expect them to have a sense of rooted responsibility in the local church, and then we wonder “Why are they leaving the church?” It might be because we’ve been sending them away from their earliest days. They’re just doing what we taught them to do. To find faith everywhere else except the gathered worship of the church.

That doesn’t explain everything about our present cultural moment, but it can explain a lot of cases in broad evangelicalism. Many young people, when they grown up and move out, send themselves away from the church because it’s what they’ve been taught to do.

But as I said, there is a strong movement today of inter-generational ministry. Where we defy the generational whining that pervades so much of our culture. The generational enmity. Boomers hating millennials. Millennials hating boomers. Gen Z despising millennials. Gen-X just kind of hating everyone.

You know what would be really counter-cultural? A community where an 80 year old is the dear friend of an 18 year old. And they’re not afraid of each other or intimidated by each other. And the 18 year old shows up to help move boxes. And the 80 year old shows up to share wisdom. And they thank God for each other.

Paul here addresses the covenant children. Because covenant children are part of the family.

2. Honor and Obedience is Commanded

Paul says,

Ephesians 6:1–3 (ESV)

Paul, as he does in other places in other letters repeats the law of God in the 10 commandments. That’s because the 10 commandments have not been nullified. They are still just as much God’s good word to us today as they ever were. We still need to hear those words, all of us, including children, and so Paul repeats them here.

So let’s unpack the command

Ephesians 6:1–2 (ESV)

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),

Paul begins with the command to obey, and then he quotes the fifth commandment which says “Honor.” It doesn’t say obey. It says honor. So which is it? Well, the answer is that it is both because honoring parents is a command given to all Christians at all ages and seasons of life. And children, I can tell you that you will discover as you get older, honor will look different.

As you grow into teenage years, honor looks like taking their words seriously.

As you move into marriage and into your 20’s and 30’s honor will look like maintaining and preserving and wisely prioritizing that relationship. Especially when grand-kids come into the picture.

As you move into your 40’s and 50’s and beyond, honor will look like caring for them. Making sure their needs are met, and they are properly protected and cared for and…well, honored.

And in your younger years, boys and girls, honor will most often look like obedience. More on that in a moment. Let’s go back to the text.

Ephesians 6:1–2 (ESV)

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),

…the first commandment with a promise. What’s that about?

Well often the way this gets understood is “the first commandment in the list of 10 commandments that contains any promises.”

But that’s actually not true, and not right. The first four commandments certainly do contain promises and blessings. So what’s going on here? Well, the word that Paul uses here--”first” (the Greek word is protos)--it can mean first in a list (which is what I am saying it doesn’t mean). Or it can mean first in the place of prominence.

So you might remember in the parable of the prodigal son--or, better named, the parable of the two brothers—Jesus says that when the prodigal son comes home and tries to give his Dad this prepared speech about how he can be a slave in dad’s house, what happens?

Luke 15:22 (ESV)

But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet.

The best robe. The protos robe. The first robe. That’s not the first robe you find. And it’s not the first robe in a stack of robes. It’s the big one. The nice one. The preeminent one. So bring that back to our text.

Ephesians 6:2 (ESV)

“Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),

Or, this is the command with the big promise.

Now, I am not saying that honoring father and mother is a bigger deal than not blaspheming or not indulging and worshipping images of God and idols.

I am saying that if this promise gets missed, ignored, and dissolved, everything goes haywire. Because this is the protos promise. This is the big one.

When a people reject this command, they pronounce a curse on themselves. Which pretty well describes the moment of we are in as a people and as a culture. You know, the Reformed tradition has always rightly understood that this 5th commandment is not only about fathers and mothers. It is about all God-given structures of authority. It’s just that father and mother are the first God-given structure of authority that we meet. And when we despise and hate that authority. When we refuse to honor that authority, it will have downstream effects of us despising pretty much all other authorities, which will destroy us.

Do you see? The promise of long life and blessing that is attached to the 5th commandment is not “Obey your parents and you’ll live to be 105, and life will be great.”

It is, rather, “If you despise and hate and reject the authority of your parents, it will lead unstoppable pride in your heart, and a rejection of most if not all authorities in your life, and that will put you in a such a setting of danger and misery and foolishness, that you’ll be lucky if you manage to live to 25, nevermind 105.”

Because when this goes wrong, the who society goes haywire. That’s why when God promises Reformation he promises Mal. 4:6

Malachi 4:6 (ESV)

And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction.”

When children and fathers are estranged, the land is under a curse. The promise of Reformation begins with the promise of restored families. Many of you know the pain of family estrangement. Parents despising their children. Or children despising their parents. Even in this room. Lots of kids have problems with their parents and vice versa.

Some of that is an especially demonic doctrine of our day. Our day is one where all that has to happen for you to exempt yourself from 5th commandment obedience is to find a therapist to tell you that your parents are toxic, and at that point, the 5th commandment does not apply to you, and you can just cut them out of your life. That is absolutely demonic.

Now, there are some special circumstances where grown children might have to put up some fences for the sake of their marriage and children. I mean, for example, if you are grown and you know that your father is a drunkard and given to fits of rage and physical abuse, then no, of course you don’t let your children stay the night with Grandpa, even if he tries to invoke the 5th commandment when you refuse. But you still have to find a way of clearly obeying the 5th commandment, even if you have to put some boundaries in place. “No, Dad, they can’t stay the night. But we’ll be over at 11 tomorrow for lunch, we’ll be in the room the whole time, and we’re bringing the soda since we know you’re back on the wagon.” Or whatever that might look like.

3. The Blessing is for All

Ephesians 6:1–3 (ESV)

One of the things you notice here is that Paul assumes the lifelong nature of this command. Because he starts with children and he ends with long life. So obviously he begins by talking to children, and he ends by talking to adults. That’s because the blessings here (just like the fifth commandment) is for all sons and all daughters.

This command does not dissolve with old age. It begins in childhood, but it does not end there.

When children are given this commandment, it looks like obedience. Children, obey your parents in the Lord.

So, if I can have the attention of children in the room.

Children: God’s command to you is to obey mom and dad in all they tell you, and to do it the same way you obey your heavenly Father—that is cheerfully and right away. Not grudgingly, not dragging your feet or rolling your eyes. Not “Sure, I’m going to obey, but I’m going to do it with a scowl on my face and mumbling under my breath.” That’s not godly obedience. That’s mechanical obedience wrapped up in sin, which as it happens, is just regular old boring sin.

But notice what Paul says:

Ephesians 6:1–3 (ESV)

Paul is saying children, do this, because it is good and glorious and will be a blessing to you. I think he likely has in mind not just the 5th commandment, but Proverbs 17:6

Proverbs 17:6 (ESV)

Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.

The glory of children is their fathers. The idea there is that your Dad’s guidance and love and wisdom is not something you endure. It is like a gold medal around your neck and you show it off. Look at this. Look how great my dad is. He guides me, and things go well when I listen. God has blessed me so much!

As you get older, honoring will look different, but it won’t go away. So what is Honor? Well, it’s when someone you deeply respect walks into the room, and you stop talking immediately, because you value what they have to say. Honor is refusing to gossip or trash talk about them or complain about them. Honor is praying for them. Honor is giving their words weight and importance and respect in your life. And as you get older and get married and start your own family, honor will look like preserving and protecting and cultivating a good and healthy relationship with Mom and Dad, so far as it depends on you. Giving them healthy and appropriate access to grandchildren. You will also practice 5th commandment obedience to your in-laws by enabling your husband or wife (best as you can) to practice obedience to this commandment. “Yes of course we’ll have them over for dinner.”

Now this is not to say that parents are perfect. Fathers make mistakes. Mothers miss the mark. Nevertheless, the Bible says we honor our fathers who corrected us.

“I didn’t deserve that spanking!” Ok. Maybe you didn’t. “I got blamed for that thing my sibling did!” Ok. Maybe that’s true.

Have you ever gotten away with anything? Just call it even yeah? Take the discipline to heart with a good spirit.

At the same time, parents—you should be willing to confess your sins and repent to your children when you sin against them. Whoever said authority means never having to say you’re sorry…was probably demon-possessed.

Conclusion

So in this text we see that children are addressed. That honor and obedience is commanded, and that the blessing is for all.

So what falls to us today is the most counter-cultural thing imaginable. It is to actually believe it and live like it is a blessing.

I mean, do you know what will happen if we believe this and live like it’s a blessing? It will look weird to the world. If a mother says “Go and do this” and rather than fussing or complaining, a child says “Yes ma’am” with a cheerful smile and quickly takes off to obey, the world will be so suspicious.

“What are y’all some kind of cult? Everybody knows that children don’t obey happily. Something must be really wrong.”

Or, my personal favorite way to confess your unbelief in God and your hatred of his promises “Oh, just wait until they are teenagers. That’s when everything unravels, when all the blessing stops, when God becomes a liar, when parenthood becomes nothing but a terrible burden, when there’s no wisdom or direction or hope, there’s no encouragement or help, there’s only submission to the spirit of the age where you cultivate endless anger against each other until they leave.” That’s from hell, honestly. And a lot of cynicism has been sown into our churches such that we believe that God is honest about salvation, but he lies about marriage, family, and children.

Ephesians 6:1–3 (ESV)

So when you hear that you probably think Paul is quoting from Exodus 20, and the 10 commandments. And you’re half right. He is quoting from the 10 commandments, but he is not quoting from Exodus 20. You see, the 10 Commandments are given in two different places in the Old Testament. The first time is at Mt. Sinai, just after the victory over Pharaoh at the Red Sea. The second time is 40 years later, in Deuteronomy 5, Moses repeats the 10 Commandments. What’s interesting is that there are some differences. For instance, with regard to the 5th commandment, here’s what we read in Exodus 20, at Sinai:

Exodus 20:12 (ESV)

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

And here’s what we read in Deuteronomy 5:16

Deuteronomy 5:16 (ESV)

“ ‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

Did you see the difference? Not just that your days may be long in the land, but also that it may go well with you in the land. So this is not just about living, it’s about quality of life. It’s not just about mere existence or survival, it’s about blessing. And that fits with what God so often does in the Bible. Over the course of biblical history as we trace God’s covenant promises, the blessings always get bigger, they do not contract. So what we have here is Paul repeating the fifth commandment from Deuteronomy, reminding them both of the command and the blessing attached to it.

And he’s not addressing Israelite children at the foot of Mt. Sinai, who will one day reach the fair land of Canaan. He’s talking to Gentile Christian children in Ephesus, who serve a crucified, risen, ascended, and reigning Lord. The whole earth is their Cannan. Our children find themselves not on the other side of a Red Sea, but on the other side of a cross. And children, your Lord Jesus says to you today that promises and blessings have been expanding for you for centuries. He means to glorify your relationship with Mom and Dad. He means to reverse all the cursed versions of parent/child relationships popular on our screens. And my little brother in Christ, my little sister in Christ, he very well means to start with you. So honor and obey your parents, for here there will be great joy and blessing.