Fathers, Teach Your Children to Love Wisdom and Live
Notes
Transcript
A Father’s Heart, for better or worse…
A Father’s Heart, for better or worse…
In 1960, 89 percent of the children in the United States lived in homes where their fathers were present. I read a statistic from the Pew Research Center posted by Gretchen Livingston that said,
“About one-third of U.S. children are living with an unmarried parent.” Gretchen Livingston Pew Research 2018)
I wondered how many of those children are with their mothers. Does it matter? Just having the father in the house? Is that enough? No.
Researches are finding fathers in the home who are present but passive. Matt Haviland of “All Pro Dad” describes passive fathers as those, “who avoid conflict, lets his children get away with too much, or does not discipline them. Mom becomes the only enforcer and doesn’t get to experience an equal parenting union.”
He goes on to say that, “Children of a passive dad can become adults who do not respect authority, don’t develop conflict resolution skills, and potentially become passive parents and spouses themselves.”
This week, in my Bible time, I was struck by the words of Proverbs 19:18
18 Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.
Solomon is speaking as a father to other fathers. His admonishment is for fathers to give correction to their sons. When a father corrects his son, there is hope for life. It is wise to say hope because the son could still be foolish and reject his fathers discpline. Foolish sons die often because of their foolishness. That being said, what struck me was If a father does not correct his son, Solomon says, you have set your heart to put your son to death. Men, let the weight of that fall on you for a second.
When fathers are absent from their children’s lives, whether physically or passively, they’ve tuned their hearts against their children putting them to death.
How does an absent or passive father put their child to death?
How does an absent or passive father put their child to death?
God sees the role of the father as the most significant spiritual care giver to their child’s soul. When God called Adam to be the head of the home, he made the man physically and spiritual responsible for the household. When Adam and Eve sinned against God, God called Adam to give an account for the fall. In Israel’s culture, it was assumed that fathers would teach their children the Shema (Duet 6:1-5). When Paul addressed the family dynamics in the Ephesus church, he called father’s to not exasperate their children but to bring them up in the instruction of the Lord.
Father’s are held responsible for teaching their children to fear the Lord and to love wisdom. When a father is not present in their child’s life, who is left to correct the foolishness that is wrapped up in the heart of a child? A mother can only do so much. Mothers do not have the voice of authority that a father has in a child’s heart, no matter how “strong” she has to be. Children intuitively know this. Watch how a child responds to his mother verses his father. Even if mom is a string disciplinarian, her voice does not carry they way the voice of a father carries when he calls.
My mother was a strong disciplinarian. She had to be with two boys twice her size at home while the Navy called my dad to sea. She didn’t play around, and I did not enjoy being on her bad side. But there was a fear a felt in the bottom of my stomach when I heard my dad call for me, especially if I had crossed a line.
My dad was very calm. He never exasperated his discpline. He communicated what I did wrong and the punishment I was going to receive. He never gave me more than he said he was going to give, and I never got the impression he held a grudge.
There were times he did not even have to speak. I would be acting foolish and he would look at me that let me know my life was in jeopardy and could end at any moment if I did not stop doing what I was doing. His presence in my life was an authority, even when I didn’t want it to be.
God has ordained fathers to be the authority in the home. John Drescher is right to emphasize,
To the child, the father is God’s representative; this makes the father’s task sacred and serious. We fathers are to deal with our children as God deals with us.
John Drescher
It is right for us take a day out of the year to commend out father's to the sacred seriousness of their call to parent children. Moreover, I would go on to say this is a calling for all men, regardless if you have children or not. With the massive absenteeism of fathers in the home and the children who find themselves in the church as spiritual orphans, we need every man on deck ready to be a father.
Because of my dads job as a machinist mate in the Navy, he was gone 3-9 months out of the year at times. God put Christian men into my life to speak his truth and help me navigate some pretty rough waters. In college, after my conversion, God gave me a spiritual father, Dave Futral, who trained me up in the Lord, and he still speaks into my life today.
In our text this morning, Solomon is once again helping fathers understand their significance in the lives of their children. In the context of Proverbs 7, Solomon is trying keep is sons pure. In so many words, Solomon is saying to his son, “Hey boy, pay attention to me. Give me your eyes. This is important. If you will listen to me, you will live. If you walk in your foolish ways, you will die.”
How will the foolish son die in our text? He will die if he puts too much confidence in his flesh when it comes to temptation; namely sexual temptation. Foolish sons, or even children for that matter, are weak because they put too much confidence in their flesh. They have not idea their confidence is built on a house of cards.
In Proverbs 7:6-23, Solomon offers a story of a young man who has put a lot of confidence in his flesh. Solomon says he lacks sense (Prov 7:7). He has no spiritual discernment. The word of god is not a lamp unto his fet and a light unto his path. He finds himself in a part of town he should not be (Prov 7:8-9). He’s in the Red District on Bourbon Street. Of course, he is met with a scandalous woman who aims to lead this young man astray. At this point, Solomon exposes the folly in the boys character. The young man has no idea he has four weaknesses that the shady lady of folly is about to exploit.
Confidence in your flesh makes you weak against seduction (Proverbs 7:13).
Confidence in your flesh makes you weak against seduction (Proverbs 7:13).
When the woman meets him, she tries to seduce him. to seduce someone is to arouse someone to engage in sexual activity. Seduction is engaging temptation. In verse 13, Solomon says
Proverbs 7:13 (ESV)
13 She seizes him and kisses him…
In verses 16-17, the woman says,
16 I have spread my couch with coverings, colored linens from Egyptian linen; 17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.
She’s describing her bed for him as a way to lure him to her house.
A wise man knows that the flesh is easily aroused, and when aroused, gives in to gross sin, and immediately flees the situation. Joseph, when he was seduced by Potiphar’s wife, immediately ran out the room, even leaving his robe in the hands on the woman. The fool, however, has not learned the dangers of seduction. He allows his heart to be aroused, and doing so he let down the guard of his religious convictions.
Confidence in your flesh weakens your religious convictions (Prov 7:14).
Confidence in your flesh weakens your religious convictions (Prov 7:14).
The woman has the audacity to say,
14 “I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows;
Verse 14 implies she has a meal waiting at home that is sanctified. God provides free will offerings with a vow that could be made to Him, and then eaten at home. You see this in
Levit 7:16
16 But if the sacrifice of his offering is a vow offering or a freewill offering, it shall be eaten on the day that he offers his sacrifice, and on the next day what remains of it shall be eaten.
The woman is a religious woman, maybe a woman you would meet at church. She appears to be religious, but in fact, she only has a veneer faith. Ray Ortlund once said, “Religious observance sometimes accompanies blatant evil.”
Once again, when Jospeh was approached by Potiphar’s wife, he said to her, Gen 39:9
Genesis 39:9 (ESV)
9 … How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?”
The foolish son does not factor God into the equation. His heart is aroused. His religion is weak. And he is overwhelmed with flattery.
Confidence in your flesh weakens your resolve with flattery (Proverbs 7:15)
Confidence in your flesh weakens your resolve with flattery (Proverbs 7:15)
The woman says to the foolish son,
15 so now I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you.
The shady lady of folly makes the foolish son feel special, unique. She is attracted only to his masculine form. Her flattery makes him feel as if he is her ideal man.
The shady lady is no fool when it comes to gaining the attention of a man. She knows there are two ways to a man’s heart; food and flattery. She offers him both.
Everyone love a littler flattery, to be made much of, or to feel unique. I can tell you as a man, men thrive on flattery, especially from women. As a positive, when a wife pursues her husband and offers him a compliment, or acknowledges his worth, that man knows who butter his biscuits. And he will thrive on her affection for weeks on end, and it does not take much. The negative side, the foolish side of this is, weak men will give their attention to whatever woman flatters them the most, especially when pleasure is promised.
Confidence in the flesh weakens your appetite for pleasure (Prov 7:16-18)
The woman is offers the foolish son an exotic sexual experience.
16 I have spread my couch with coverings, colored linens from Egyptian linen; 17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. 18 Come, let us take our fill of love till morning; let us delight ourselves with love.
In verse 18, she promise to satisfy him the only way a wife could satisfy him. She’s promising to him what Solomon says true love does for a faithful wise man who loves his wife.
18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, 19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
This arrangement is not always. There is no faithfulness here. There is no single minded heart united loyal love that abides in a sacred covenant relationship until death. That is true pleasure. A faithful marriage built on the faithfulness of a covenant keeping God will have long lasting pleasure that is even enjoyed in eternity. This is a costly one-night stand. For the boy has no idea who he is dealing with. This is not a prostitute. This is another mans wife. She has led him into a trap, and now he will surely die.
22 All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast 23 till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life.
How many young men have perished at the hands of foolishness? How many of those young men did not have a biological father present in the home, or had a passive dad who never engaged them in correction, even a spiritual father who was willing to disciple them in the Lord? Fathers and mend of the church, the word of God calls everyone of you to
Teach your children, our children, to fear the Lord and love wisdom so they can live.
Teach your children, our children, to fear the Lord and love wisdom so they can live.
Fathers, teach your children to fear the Lord (Prov 1:7; 7:1; 8:13)
Fathers, teach your children to fear the Lord (Prov 1:7; 7:1; 8:13)
The word of God is clear.
7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and discipline.
To fear the Lord is to put all of your confidence in Him. Fathers, teach your children to
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. 7 Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
Trust in the Lord is faith. It is to give to the Lord all of your heart, your mind, and your will. To trust in the Lord with all your heart is to be completely devoted to the Lord. Father’s who give all of their mind and heart to the Lord become wise. Walking in wisdom is beneficial to your life. Following the Lord’s wisdom ensures you will live a good life. The good life is not finding the right career or being the “perfect you.” The good life is learning how to enjoy the gifts God gives you, but not letting those gift s become idols. The good life is joyfully advancing the kingdom of God by making much of Jesus in the church, community, and home. The good life is an abundant life of receiving God’s grace now, hating evil, growing in holiness, and preparing yourself to enjoy Christ in eternity.
I see so many young men wondering around Litchfield with no vision for their life. They only seem devoted to instant gratification. Is it possible that the problem we have with our young men aimlessly wondering around getting into drugs and trouble is because they have no father-figures in their life teaching them otherwise?
Solomon says that the fear of the Lord is hatred of evil (Prov 8:13). Young men have to be taught to hate evil. They have to be taught what to devote their lives too. Old Testament theologian Dr. Duane Garrett makes the point, “Devotion to God and devotion to Wisdom are inseparable.” Father’s teach your children to fear the Lord so they will love wisdom.
Fathers, teach your children to love wisdom (Prov 7:1-3)
Fathers, teach your children to love wisdom (Prov 7:1-3)
The entire book of Proverbs is a plea from a father to his sons to love what is right. Both Wisdom and Folly are personified as women whom a son could marry. Dr. Peter Gentry referred to these two women as Lady Wisdom and the Shady Lady Folly.
Solomon says to his sons, love wisdom. Love wisdom like you love your wife. Your wife? Yes, your wife. In Proverbs 7:4, Solomon says
4 Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and call insight your intimate friend,
The Hebrew word for “sister” could be translated either “sibling” or wife. The context has to help you decide the interpretation. Considering the entire context of chapter seven deals with sexual infidelity and the book of Proverbs portrays wisdom as a woman to be sought after like a wife, verse four should say, “Say to wisdom, “You are my wife.” Also notice the second part of the verse speaks to intimacy. Love wisdom with the same joy, passion, oneness, as you would love your wife. Love wisdom like you love your wife.
8 Cherish her, and she will exalt you; if you embrace her, she will honor you.
9 She will place on your head a graceful garland; she will bestow on you a beautiful crown.”
In our text Solomon says to his son,
1 My son, obey my words, and treasure my commands. 2 Keep my commands and live; protect my teachings as the pupil of your eye. 3 Tie them to your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart.
Solomon offers three ways to love wisdom
Guard Wisdom
Guard Wisdom
The word for treasure means to safeguard, save, store up, hide-the way a pirate might hide his treasure. The point is to guard wisdom so it cannot be taken away from you. Solomon elaborates on guarding wisdom with a comparison
Proverbs 7:2 (ESV)
2 keep my teaching as the apple of your eye;
The Hebrew word for “the apple of’ refers to the small reflection seen in the pupil of ones eye. The phrase describes keeping something close to you so you can carefully watch over it.
Adam was given the task to guard the Garden of Eden. Sin did not enter the world through the sword. Sin came through a craft serpent that challenged the wisdom of God. Adam was supposed to rebuke the serpent and protect the integrity of his wife and creation. He failed to guard wisdom and the consequence is now all of us fail to be wise.
Remember Wisdom
Remember Wisdom
Solomon says to bind wisdom on your fingers so you will not forget it. Moses told Israel to tie the commands of the Lord to their hands and forehead so they will not forget (Deut 6:3-5). You remember wisdom so you can practice wisdom. Fathers, you must teach your children to remember wisdom so they can practice it.
Solomon later says,
6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
The word train conveys the idea of formal and informal teaching. Father’s must intentionally teach their children doctrine and theology, and to help them memorize scripture. Father’s are also need to apply the word of God to every day life.
When the kids were little, we did our formal instruction through family devotions at night. We sang songs, read scripture, and prayed together. We also made sure the children were instructed regularly at church through Sunday School.
There were also many informal times of instruction. Every time we had to admonish a child, we asked good heart probing questions with the intent to apply scripture. We utilized car times to sing scripture songs and meditate on scripture. We had daily discussions about what God expects of them to be good friends. There was nothing in life we did not discuss in the context of God’s authority, from the squirrels in the yard to squabbles on the playground.
Treasure Wisdom
Treasure Wisdom
The phrase write them on your heart means to internalize them. Wisdom cannot be rooted in appearance. Wisdom must find its roots in the inner you, your soul, and to what you love, what you think, what moves you to act. It must be rooted in your heart, the well spring of your life (Proverbs 4:23). To be rooted in your means it is guarded, remembered and treasured.
Jesus says, Matt 6:21
21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
When wisdom is treasured, your heart fears the Lord. He becomes you supreme delight. Wisdom then permeates every aspect of your life. God’s wisdom guides you in where you live, what job to take, what church to attend, who to marry, and how to be a good father. It gives you the right moral compass to navigate ethical issues, and helps you value what is proven true.
Fathers, teach your children to live (Prov 7:5, 22-23)
Fathers, teach your children to live (Prov 7:5, 22-23)
The consequence of foolishness is death. Solomon’s goal is
Proverbs 7:5 (ESV)
5 to keep you (his son) from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words.
Why does he want to keep his son from the shady lady of folly? She leads to death
22 All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast 23 till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life.
Father’s if you are not around to teach your children to love wisdom, or if you are around but refuse to engage them as God has called you to as a father, you set your heart against them to die. You are not there to tame the foolishness in their heart, and train them in the way of wisdom.
Men of the church, God has placed you here with or without children to be a spiritual father to all the children, just as your Father has done for you in Christ.
One of the benefits of Jesus’ perfect atonement is that we are adopted as sons and daughters into God’s family. Jesus provides a way for us to feel the Father’s lavishing love, to experience his grace, and to know his wisdom. The only way one can be truly wise is to know Jesus because Jesus is God’s wisdom ( 1 Cor 1:24,30).
Fathers, men of the church, set your heart to teach your, our children, to fear the Lord and love wisdom by knowing Jesus so they can live.
Fathers, men of the church, set your heart to teach your, our children, to fear the Lord and love wisdom by knowing Jesus so they can live.