Choosing Good Friends
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Fathers Day –
We tend to minimize fathers in todays society. But 1/3 of children live in a fatherless home. These kids make up:
63% of all youth suicides.
70% of juveniles in state treatment facilities
71% of HS drop outs
75% of chemical abuse patients
80% of drug users
80% of anger driven rapist
85% of behavioral disorders
85% of Youths in prison
90% of homeless and runaway children
Fathers are important. When there is no father in the home the children are:
5 times more likely to commit suicide
9 times more likely to end up in a state run facility
9 time more likely to drop out of school
10 times more likely to abuse drugs
14 times more likely to commit rape
20 times more likely to end up in prison.
32 time more likely to run away.
Fathers you are important and we want you to rise up and accept the challenge to be the Father that the Lord wants you to be.
Kathy and I missed last week because we were at my high school reunion. As I talked with many of my friends, they had fond memories of my dad. My dad was a hit with all them. They affectionately called him by his middle name … Oscar. And when he died, they all came to his funeral.
My dad wanted to be the kind of dad and have the kind of home that my friends would gravitate towards. It worked. Here is why I bring that up.
Friends are important.
Friends are important.
So today I want us to look at the importance of choosing and supporting the right kind of friends.
Erma Bombeck said, “A friend is someone who doesn't’ go on a diet when you’re fat.
A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you just the same. A friend is someone who shows up when you need them and quietly leaves when you need to be left alone. A friend is someone who is there when you call… and sometimes before you call.
Ben Franklin said, “Be slow in choosing a friend, and even slower to change friends.”
David found himself in a time of celebration and praise towards God, and even a victory parade following the defeat of Goliath. He killed the giant and the army with him killed the Philistine army. look at
1 After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond between them, for Jonathan loved David. 2 From that day on Saul kept David with him and wouldn’t let him return home. 3 And Jonathan made a solemn pact with David, because he loved him as he loved himself. 4 Jonathan sealed the pact by taking off his robe and giving it to David, together with his tunic, sword, bow, and belt.
David was on top of the world. He had the public’s praise. He had gold. He had the girls and the king’s son was his best friend. It was his moment.
With that in mind, thing about this. Jonathan was the rightful heir to the throne of Israel because he was Saul’s son. Even though Saul was threatened by David’s success and accomplishments, Jonathan was not threatened because he realized the importance of true friendships and relationships.
David had befriended Jonathan, the son of King Saul. The Bible tells us tha these two young men had an instant bond. They became very close friends. They were so close that they made a promise to never let anything come between them.
Everything was going great. David had a best friend… he was a hero… he had a wife…
But something happened. The King became jealous of David and all of the praise he was getting. It threatened his position as the king in his mind. Listen to what they were saying about David.
7 This was their song: “Saul has killed his thousands, and David his ten thousands!”
After this, Saul’s feeling of jealousy took over and he began to plan ways to kill David. David became aware of this and went from a place of accolades and fear to panic and running for his life. Look at 1 Samuel 19:1-10
1 Saul now urged his servants and his son Jonathan to assassinate David. But Jonathan, because of his strong affection for David, 2 told him what his father was planning. “Tomorrow morning,” he warned him, “you must find a hiding place out in the fields. 3 I’ll ask my father to go out there with me, and I’ll talk to him about you. Then I’ll tell you everything I can find out.” 4 The next morning Jonathan spoke with his father about David, saying many good things about him. “The king must not sin against his servant David,” Jonathan said. “He’s never done anything to harm you. He has always helped you in any way he could. 5 Have you forgotten about the time he risked his life to kill the Philistine giant and how the Lord brought a great victory to all Israel as a result? You were certainly happy about it then. Why should you murder an innocent man like David? There is no reason for it at all!” 6 So Saul listened to Jonathan and vowed, “As surely as the Lord lives, David will not be killed.” 7 Afterward Jonathan called David and told him what had happened. Then he brought David to Saul, and David served in the court as before. 8 War broke out again after that, and David led his troops against the Philistines. He attacked them with such fury that they all ran away. 9 But one day when Saul was sitting at home, with spear in hand, the tormenting spirit from the Lord suddenly came upon him again. As David played his harp, 10 Saul hurled his spear at David. But David dodged out of the way, and leaving the spear stuck in the wall, he fled and escaped into the night.
When you are seen as successful in the eyes of the world, it is impossible to tell who your true friends are. Everyone wants to be your friend. remember the prodigal son? As long as he had money, he had friends. When everything falls apart, it’s then that you know who has your back.
Someone once said, A friend is someone who comes in when the whole world has gone out.
Just like David we will all go through dark times in our lives. Over and over again the Bible tells us that storms are coming our way. (story of the wise and foolish builders)
In these dark times God is going to use our closest friends to lift us up and support us to make it into the next phase of life. Even during this time time of fear, anxiety and depression for DavidGod was sending him people who were there to love and support him. The Bible says that the Israelites loved him; that Jonathanloved him; and even the King’s daughter Michal loved him. God sent people to love David even though he was being hated on by King Saul.
When we go through difficult times God will send us encouraging people to build us up. (You will find those right here at River Church)
Identifying and building true friendships is one of the most important things we can do in life and as a Christian. The quality of our friendships will determine the quality of our walk with the Lord.
So let’s look at the friendship of David and Jonathan so we can learn how to identify and develop the relationships we have with our true friends.
5 Markers of a True Friend
5 Markers of a True Friend
1. A true friend is someone who is willing to make a sacrifice.
1. A true friend is someone who is willing to make a sacrifice.
4 Jonathan sealed the pact by taking off his robe and giving it to David, together with his tunic, sword, bow, and belt.
Jonathan was telling David that he loved him so much as a friend that even if it costs him his chance to rule the kingdom, he was willing to pay that price to be a true friend.
Too often, people are in relationships for what they can get out of them. When they get what they want, they move on. True Friends don’t do that. Look at what Paul said in Phil 2:3-4
3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
Think about someone who has been this kind of friend to you. Then think of someone who needs you to be this kind of friend to them.
Jesus said, John 15:13
13 There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
2. A true friend is someone who warns us when we are headed for trouble.
2. A true friend is someone who warns us when we are headed for trouble.
1 Saul now urged his servants and his son Jonathan to assassinate David. But Jonathan, because of his strong affection for David, 2 told him what his father was planning. “Tomorrow morning,” he warned him, “you must find a hiding place out in the fields. 3 I’ll ask my father to go out there with me, and I’ll talk to him about you. Then I’ll tell you everything I can find out.”
Often times being a true friend requires you to speak up and warn your friends when they are making disastrous decisions or setting themselves up for failure.
I used to do a program in the schools called TLC. One of the goals was to get the kids to speak to their friends and help them past suicidal thoughts.
17 As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.
It’s not feathers sharpens feathers. Sometimes when you confront a friend who is headed for trouble, they will get mad at you. They key during these times is to remain faithful in your friendship. Stay consistent and be patient with them so they can turn around.
6 Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.
A friend has your best interest at heart. An enemy wants to see you destroyed and will tell you what you want to hear so that you will fail. A friend’s advice, even painful advice, is more valuable than the words of an enemy.
3. A true friend is someone who defends your character to others.
3. A true friend is someone who defends your character to others.
4 The next morning Jonathan spoke with his father about David, saying many good things about him. “The king must not sin against his servant David,” Jonathan said. “He’s never done anything to harm you. He has always helped you in any way he could. 5 Have you forgotten about the time he risked his life to kill the Philistine giant and how the Lord brought a great victory to all Israel as a result? You were certainly happy about it then. Why should you murder an innocent man like David? There is no reason for it at all!”
A true friend is one who will always defend you when criticized by others. They know your character and even find it hard to believe when others say something that does not align with this. They challenge others to be reminded of your character and of values.
We can tell what kind of a friend a person is by how they talk about us when we are not around. There are a lot of people that will smile in your face but stab you in the back.
24 There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.
Charles Colson story – soon after being released from prison – guest speaker at GW University – hostile crowd there in Wash DC – 1 student stood up & referred to some vicious criticisms that H. Kissinger had leveled at R. Nixon – To Colson, “Do you agree with this criticism?” –
Colson said as he scanned the room, every ear was listening / eye watching… waiting for him to respond – “We all know Mr. Nixon’s negative qualities. He’s been dissected in the press like nobody in history. I could tell you his good points, but I don’t believe I could persuade you to accept them – But what it comes down to is, ‘No I don’t go along with HK’s comments. Mr. Nixon is my friend, & I don’t turn my back on my friends” – Thought the roof would cave in – but then, after a moment of silence – students stood up & gave him a prolonged standing ovation – even they could appreciate loyalty to a friend.
Do you have friends like that? Are you a friend like that?
Real friends are faithful.
4. A true friend is someone who encourages us when we feel defeated.
4. A true friend is someone who encourages us when we feel defeated.
1 David now fled from Naioth in Ramah and found Jonathan. “What have I done?” he exclaimed. “What is my crime? How have I offended your father that he is so determined to kill me?” 2 “That’s not true!” Jonathan protested. “You’re not going to die. He always tells me everything he’s going to do, even the little things. I know my father wouldn’t hide something like this from me. It just isn’t so!”
This passage is important because it shows Jonathan being an encourager to his friend David.
All of us have friends who get discouraged from time to time. When people get discouraged they often times have polarized thinking – Extremes. We hear words like always, never, and extreme exaggerations of how they feel or what is going to happen. They get pessimistic and negative and make broad sweeping statements.
They may say stuff like, “No one would miss me if I were gone” / Everything is going wrong in my life. / (Steve thinking he was not saved – unpardonable sin)
At times like this our friends need us to encourage them. And when we feel like this we need friends to encourage us.
15 After the usual readings from the books of Moses and the prophets, those in charge of the service sent them this message: “Brothers, if you have any word of encouragement for the people, come and give it.”
We need to always encourage others to grow in their faith.
21 After preaching the Good News in Derbe and making many disciples, Paul and Barnabas returned to Lystra, Iconium, and Antioch of Pisidia, 22 where they strengthened the believers. They encouraged them to continue in the faith, reminding them that we must suffer many hardships to enter the Kingdom of God.
Jon Elder… Steve Lanier… Ron Dingus…
5. A true friend is someone who is always available when we need them most.
5. A true friend is someone who is always available when we need them most.
8 Show me this loyalty as my sworn friend—for we made a solemn pact before the Lord—or kill me yourself if I have sinned against your father. But please don’t betray me to him!”
17 A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.
A friend will be available. I knew a SS teacher who worked with some boys who sometimes found themselves in trouble, but they knew they could call him when the needed him.
Love is spelled time.
Maybe you have been betrayed by people who you thought were friends of yours…People you trusted and cared for and shared your life with. Then they took the intimacy of your relationship and used it to stab you in the back.
This often times represents the worst kinds of hurt in our lives. We feel embittered and overwhelmed by the devastation of broken trust. Maybe it was a best friend or a business partner or a childhood friend or a spouse…
14 Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. 15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
Bitterness and Offense will rob you of all the peace and joy in your life. You have to let things go and release them to the Lord. God can’t heal a wound, which you have not presented to them. Bitterness is the worst kind of wound because it is an internal wound. It is not easily seen by others but will rot you from the inside like a beautiful home that is infested with termites.
Conclusion
How many of you would like to have a friend that is characterized by these 5 markers? The Key to Great Friendships…
1. Make Jesus Your Friend
2. Surround Yourself with Godly Friends
3. Heal the Hurts of Past Relationships
or once you have done this…
Make a Sacrifice for others… look after their interests, not just yours.
Be willing to be a good enough friend to warn your friends when they are headed for trouble.
Be willing to stand up for others… then they will stand up for you.
Be an encourager to others.
Be available to others.
Look at Jesus.
We have all had relationships that have hurt us or let us down. Can I tell you that there is a relationship that will not let you down? There is a friend who has made a sacrifice for you; who warns us as we head into trouble; who defends our character against our accuser; who encourages us when we feel defeated; and who is always availableto us in our times of need.
This friend is Jesus Christ.
He sacrificed His life so that you could be forgiven.
He sacrificed His life so that you could be forgiven.
18 Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit.
16 “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.
6 Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.
He warns us when we are headed for trouble.
He warns us when we are headed for trouble.
23 For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.
2 It’s your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore.
23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.
He defends our character.
He defends our character.
JOB - The devil accused Job and he always accuses us.
34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.
He encourages us when we feel defeated.
He encourages us when we feel defeated.
28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
He is available for you today
He is available for you today
2 For God says, “At just the right time, I heard you. On the day of salvation, I helped you.” Indeed, the “right time” is now. Today is the day of salvation.
But you have to respond to Him. How do you do that?
You respond with trust in Jesus
8 God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. 9 Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.
You have to receive a gift. If offered you a dollar but you never reached out for it…
You respond by turning to God from sin.
19 Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away.
You respond by receiving Christ
12 But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.
Receiving Jesus means this:
Turn to God from your own way of living. Repent
Invite Jesus into your life and trust him to forgive you of your sin.
Allow God to direct your life.
Where are you today?
1. I have a personal relationship.
2. I don’t have a relationship.
3. I would like to have a personal relationship.
Where would you like to be? You can begin your personal relationship with God by receiving Jesus Christ by faith.
You can express your faith through a simple prayer. Prayer is simply talking with God. He knows what you mean even when it’s difficult to express yourself.
“Dear God, I know my sin has separated me from you. Thank you that Jesus died in my place. I ask Jesus to forgive my sin and to come into my life. In Jesus name, Amen
