Our Family Values - Shelby

INTRO

Happy Father’s Day!

I couldn’t think of a better day to begin our new Sermon Series Titled….

Family Values

Please turn with me in your bibles to Proverbs 11.

Ultimately our series on Family Values is about Balance…

Over the next 3 weeks we are going to look at the importance of Values in the family. A Family is a unit:

You may be many different people with many differences… you may be a single parent… it may just be you and your spouse without kids…

Whichever life situation you are in, all the different parts come together to form a unit. In my own experience growing up in a Christian family and in my 12 years of ministry… I have learned a very important truth about healthy families…

Healthy Families have clear values established in their homes.

Too many people today never take time to actually decide what Values they will establish in their lives.

If you don't set clear values for yourself and your family… You are more easily led by the blowing of the wind.

In the technological world we live in, you and your children are more heavily influenced than you may realize by all of the different views and values people are expressing constantly.

And before you realize you it, you may find that your family is divided on important issues facing our society today.

Values will give strength, stability, and sustainability to your marriage, your kids, and your life.

Let's dive into the Word of God today and learn about Values.

PROVERBS 11

As we read this… Feel free to highlight, circle, or mark in your Bible or Bible App anything that sticks out to you about Values.

Proverbs 11 CSB

Dishonest scales are detestable to the Lord, but an accurate weight is his delight. When arrogance comes, disgrace follows, but with humility comes wisdom. The integrity of the upright guides them, but the perversity of the treacherous destroys them. Wealth is not profitable on a day of wrath, but righteousness rescues from death. The righteousness of the blameless clears his path, but the wicked person will fall because of his wickedness. The righteousness of the upright rescues them, but the treacherous are trapped by their own desires. When the wicked person dies, his expectation comes to nothing, and hope placed in wealth vanishes. The righteous one is rescued from trouble; in his place, the wicked one goes in. With his mouth the ungodly destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous are rescued. When the righteous thrive, a city rejoices; when the wicked die, there is joyful shouting. A city is built up by the blessing of the upright, but it is torn down by the mouth of the wicked. Whoever shows contempt for his neighbor lacks sense, but a person with understanding keeps silent. A gossip goes around revealing a secret, but a trustworthy person keeps a confidence. Without guidance, a people will fall, but with many counselors there is deliverance. If someone puts up security for a stranger, he will suffer for it, but the one who hates such agreements is protected. A gracious woman gains honor, but violent people gain only riches. A kind man benefits himself, but a cruel person brings ruin on himself. The wicked person earns an empty wage, but the one who sows righteousness, a true reward. Genuine righteousness leads to life, but pursuing evil leads to death. Those with twisted minds are detestable to the Lord, but those with blameless conduct are his delight. Be assured that a wicked person will not go unpunished, but the offspring of the righteous will escape. A beautiful woman who rejects good sense is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout. The desire of the righteous turns out well, but the hope of the wicked leads to wrath. One person gives freely, yet gains more; another withholds what is right, only to become poor. A generous person will be enriched, and the one who gives a drink of water will receive water. People will curse anyone who hoards grain, but a blessing will come to the one who sells it. The one who searches for what is good seeks favor, but if someone looks for trouble, it will come to him. Anyone trusting in his riches will fall, but the righteous will flourish like foliage. The one who brings ruin on his household will inherit the wind, and a fool will be a slave to someone whose heart is wise. The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, but a cunning person takes lives. If the righteous will be repaid on earth, how much more the wicked and sinful.

PRAYER

SERMON

Our Family Values Matter!

What do you value?

All of Proverbs 11 shows us the contrast of someone who has values and someone who doesn't.

What does your family value?

Testimony: Hill Family Values: Honesty, we value the truth and open and honest conversations; Respect, treating others how we want to be treated; serving each other and others, as much as possible we want to help others when they ask; Putting God first.

I remember growing up we had a family verse…

Psalm 19:14

Psalm 19:14 CSB

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.

It reminded us that what you say matters, because ultimately what is coming out of your mouth is what is in your heart and you have to ask yourself, is it acceptably to the Lord?

I am thankful we established these values.

It hasn't always easy to stick with them.

There are plenty of times like in any family that you get upset and frustrated with your family members and you want to react differently than what your values might say. But when you stick to your values you and your family grow together and you are strengthened.

Illustration: Family Values Scales

Family More & Values Less

(Not enough Values)

Family Falls No Structure No Guidance W/O Vision

Proverbs 29:18 says where there is no vision the people perish.

Family Less & Values More

Too Many Values Decreases Relationships No Flex Legalistic & Rigid

Family & Values Equal Balanced Healthy

Our Family Values are a Heart Thing

Matthew 15:8–9 CSB

This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me. They worship me in vain, teaching as doctrines human commands.”

Too often we have values written and hanging on our walls, but they never touch our hearts.

Until Values are in our hearts, they do nothing for us.

Our Family Values can't be Compromised.

Homes are full of "Do as I say and not as I do"

Which from my experience that kind of attitude usually leads to more rebellion because…

What you do enforces your values.

You may say… We value Integrity… but if your kids see two different versions of you… You have told them integrity doesn't really matter.

Your actions and decisions should be influenced and guided by the values you hold on to.

What values will you not compromise in?

For the rest of today's sermon we are going to look at some Values found in God's Word that you can consider for you and your family.

Values From God's Word:

For these follows turn with me to Colossians 3 starting at verse 12.

Colossians 3:12–17 CSB

Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of Christ, to which you were also called in one body, rule your hearts. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell richly among you, in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I find it interesting that the scripture says to put on, other versions say clothes yourselves, that tells us that these values aren’t meant to be used when you you feel like it, no, they are meant to be with you at all times…

So let’s look at the specific things we need to Put on:

Heartfelt compassion 

– The Greek text is a bit more earthy and explicit: meaning most literally a “gut-level” compassion.

These are “deep” feelings, not just passing or surface feelings. The insight here is the capacity to feel deep emotions, to have sympathy, empathy, etc.

It refers to deep feelings about someone’s difficulty or misfortune.

The virtue to be cultivated here is a deep, tender, family-like mercy or compassion for others, especially in their misfortunes or struggles. It is to have the kind of mercy that usually is directed toward a brother, sister, child, or parent.

It is the tender compassion that should exist in the family.

Kindness 

– In our culture, this virtue is often misunderstood as meaning “niceness” or pleasantness.

But in this passage kindness is meant in a far more active sense.

It refers to meeting real needs.

The Apostle Paul lists kindness as one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit

Galatians 5:22 CSB

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

Jesus uses this word when describing his yoke as being easy.

Kindness here is to be understood as the Spirit-produced goodness that meets given needs in a suitable way and avoids human harshness.

Humility 

– This virtue is also often misunderstood today, to mean having a low estimation of oneself.

But true humility is reverence for the truth of oneself.

Humility is the virtue that helps us to moderate between having too high an opinion of ourselves, and having no sense at all of our gifts or denying/hiding them.

Scripturally, “Humility” is not an artificial or purely negative self-assessment that ignores our gifts and talents.

Rather, it comes from comparing ourselves to the Lord instead of to others.

For the believer, having humility means living in complete dependence on the Lord and realizing that whatever good we have is a gift from Him for which we should be grateful (rather than glorifying ourselves because of it).

Gentleness 

– Gentleness is often misunderstood as the quality of a person who is mild-mannered and seldom animated.

But the virtue of gentleness is one that moderates strength and anger without destroying them.

Aristotle defined meekness or gentleness as the proper mean or middle between too much anger and not enough.

There are times when not only is some anger appropriate, but it would actually be wrong not to show it.

Think Jesus chasing the money lenders out of the temple

So, gentleness or meekness refers to the quality possessed by someone who has authority over his anger and is able to moderate its use.

Meekness has sometimes been called “gentle strength,” because it expresses power along with reserve and gentleness.

It is the perfect virtue for a parent who needs to discipline a child.

Some degree of anger is necessary in order to underscore the seriousness of a matter, but not so much as to be counterproductive.

Gentleness is a virtue that helps one to steer a middle course with anger that avoids both excess and defect.

Patience 

– Patience is the willingness to suffer on account of others, often for a long period of time.

Another word for Patience is long-suffering.

It is the ability to wait a sufficient amount of time before expressing anger or using some kind of force.

Patience is a virtue that embraces steadfastness and staying power. 

In our families, it is often necessary to “stay in the conversation” for a long time before we see results.

How many parents know that you will have the same conversations over and over again with your kids?

Parents need to look beyond the moment to the longer perspective.

Husbands and wives need to realize that change in their spouse may take a long time, and require much prayer and ongoing help.

In our divorce, cut-and-run culture, patience is a virtue that helps us to stay and to strive to work out differences.

Bearing with one another 

– This is a related virtue that helps us to “stay in the conversation” even when progress is slow.

Thus the value of bearing with others describes “still putting up” with them even after going through a course of action that has yet to produce all the desired results.

It is forbearing, enduring, persisting.

To endure even when change seems slow or unlikely.

Forgiveness

 – If any of you has a grievance against someone, forgive him as the Lord forgives you.

This is another essential virtue, but one that causes a lot of fear and stress.

Many people think that to forgive is either to pretend that nothing happened or to say that there should be no consequences for wrongdoing.

Neither notion is necessarily contained in the concept.

To forgive is the grace that allows us to let go of our anger and our need to hurt or shun the one(s) who have harmed us.

Sometimes the best we can do is to extend the grace of indicating that we are no longer filled with venom or with the desire to seek vengeance.

Through forgiveness we let go of the need to change the past, and we surrender the illusion that vengeance will make everything all right.

As we can see, our capacity to forgive others is directly related to how deeply we grasp the enormous mercy that has been extended to us.

Too many people today have little knowledge of, or appreciation for, the incredible degree to which they have been forgiven.

And so, they are poorly equipped to forgive others.

Too many are “unbroken” in their spiritual walk and manifest more as Pharisees than as forgiven and grateful disciples.

Love 

– Putting on love binds all the virtues together in perfect unity. The journey to love requires that the Lord remove a lot of sin and selfishness from us, and the other virtues assist with this.

Believe it or not, God can actually give us the power to love other people—even our enemies and those who trouble us.

This is not just a slogan; it is a virtue and a reality for those are purified by God’s grace and brought to the increasing perfection of greater maturity.

Peace 

– We are called to peace because we are members of one body.

The concept of peace ruling in our hearts is a fascinating one in the Greek text.

In English, the idea of the word “peace” is rather abstract and incomplete; it refers more to an absence of conflict than a truly positive and rich reality.

But the Greek word for peace is εἰρήνη (eirene), which comes from eirō (to join or tie together into a whole).

And so, the “peace” referred to by the Greek is the experience of being made whole, as when all essential parts are joined together.

Peace is God’s gift of wholeness, of being complete.

It is a far more beautiful gift than simply not being at war or not arguing.

The concept of peace ruling in our hearts is even more interesting in the Greek, which literally speaks of peace being a βραβεύω brabeuó (one acting as an umpire).

And thus peace in this sense referees or “makes the call” in a conflict between contending forces, whether within us or outside us.

So, when we are whole, complete, this wholeness and completeness “calls the shots,” so that we do not overreact in error and become upset at what is not real or accurate.

As members of the Body of Christ, we are called to receive this gift of peace, this wholeness, this completeness.

And when we receive it, we become a real blessing to our family and to others!

Thankfulness

 – Gratitude is one of the most essential virtues to cultivate.

It is a discipline of the mind and heart wherein we remember what God has done for us so that we are moved, grateful, and different because of it.

A grateful person is joyful.

It’s pretty difficult to be grateful while also being grouchy, stingy, unkind, or unmerciful.

Gratitude is a wonderfully transformative grace and virtue.

The Word

– We do this as we teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in our hearts.

The text directs us to make a home for the word of the Lord in our mind and heart.

The word of the Lord cannot be something of which we are only vaguely aware.

It is to dwell in us richly, abundantly, and habitually.

It is to have a home within us, an abiding presence.

The Christian home must be a place where the faith is learned and taught! 

Parents absolutely must read Bible stories to their children.

The faith must be learned, discussed, and handed down.

This task cannot simply be relegated to Sunday school or the pulpit.

Parents and elders in the home should immerse themselves in God’s teaching so they will be able to teach it, urge it, and deeply plant it in the hearts and minds of other family members, especially children.

CLOSING:

What values does your family have?

Who have you decided your family will be? What values will you not compromise in?

SALVATION CALL: