Sunday AM - June 16, 2024 Choose the Man You Want to Be Today
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Today is Fathers Day. I had asked some time ago if I could speak on this Sunday because there is a message I heard around 22 years ago on Fatherhood in this building that impacts me to this day. Shayla and I have been married for 15 years and have had children for 14 years. You can do the math. I was not a father when I heard this message nor was I married. Now I don’t remember that sermon exactly but there is one key point I will make at the end that I will want you to hold on to. In fact I will give you the main point up front.
Choose today, to be the father you want to be tomorrow.
This principle applies to everyone - you can rephrase it to say “Choose today to be the person you want to be tomorrow.”
What is fatherhood?
Father:
a man in relation to his children.
an ancestor
a man who gives care and protection to someone or something
The first two definitions of a father are a matter of fact, a matter of identity. But the third has to do with a fathers effort and initiative. Some of us have had Fathers who you could easily say represent that definition well. Others of us may not have known our fathers. Some of us may have had fathers who don’t fit the first two definitions but fit the third.
Last week I asked you to answer three questions about your fathers:
What is the first thing you think of when you think of your father ?
What is your favorite thing about your father?
What is the most important thing your father taught you?
From this survey one thing I learned is that 90% of you did not learn to follow instructions from your father.
Here are the top words the congregations used to describe their fathers:
Hard Work
Strong
Humorous
Love For Kids/Family
Strong Morals
Love for God
Put God first
Endure Hardship
Golden Rule
Unspoken Love
Honest
Love for Wife
Faith
Safety
Wisdom
Service to God
Friendship as an Adult
Teaching
Return things in better condition
Their were three responses that I receive which were not positive. And I appreciate that because not every person has a good memory or relationship with their fathers. We live in a broken world. Raise your hand if you have had a father figure in your life that made impact on who you are today, but was not your father. We should not just celebrate our fathers but those who were like fathers to us. Who picked us up when we were down.
I can tell you after reading all the messages you sent to me about your fathers, I feel like half the father many of you have had. This is why I wanted to do this in many ways. As fathers we have this burden. We feel like we are never as good a father as we should be. One of the studies I read showed that men are more likely to feel judged about the quality of their parenting then women. And sometimes when we feel that burden we want to push it off and walk away. Each time we fail, we feel like the worst father ever.
Why is fatherhood important?
As I was looking at what the world has to say about fathers I expected to see apathy or indifference. But I was quite surprised. I read an article in Psychology Today, The Importance of Father by Ditta Olika and she starts with:
"The fathers have eaten a sour grape and the children's teeth are set on edge." (Jeremiah, 31, 29)
This quote from the Bible represented the power of the father as the primary authority of the family for many centuries. His word was unquestioned, his decision final, his influence dominant in all matters relating to family. What he was not seen as was a caretaker of the children — that responsibility rested with (or was vested in) the mother.
The author goes on to say that the changes of the 20th century had many factors that led to the the diminishing view of the role of fathers. The view of the early 20th century was pointing to a fathers role as being less then a mothers and more like external influences. One thing that she attributes to this view is the entrance of the field of psychology and poor research that was done in the early 20th century, which did not include fathers in surveys on parenting.
In the Seventies the pendulum began to swing in the other direction. The articles goes on to say:
These days, neither the general public nor psychological researchers see the father as an equivalent to "other influences." The professional journals, as well as the Internet, are filled with articles reporting results confirming the importance of the father.
The way that fathers play with their children also has an important impact on a child's emotional and social development. Fathers spend a higher percentage of their one-to-one interactions with infants and preschoolers in stimulating, playful activity than do mothers. From these interactions, children learn how to regulate their feelings and behavior.
Here is a summary of some research on the :
Research from the National Study of Youth and Religion suggests that fathers who are actively involved in religious activities and discussions with their children are more likely to have children who maintain a strong faith into adulthood.
A study by the Barna Group found that fathers play a crucial role in shaping their children's spiritual lives, with children who have a close relationship with their father being more likely to have a strong faith foundation.
The National Center for Family & Marriage Research reports that fathers who prioritize faith and spirituality in their own lives are more likely to pass on those values to their children, leading to a stronger sense of religious identity in the family.
Despite the positive impact of fatherhood on a child's faith, research also indicates that fathers who are absent or uninvolved in their children's lives may contribute to a weaker sense of religious identity and practice in their children.
What are the most important things a father can do?
Place God above all other interests.
Love your wife, the mother of your children.
Honor your father and mother.
Love your children and do not exasperate them.
Work hard and honor your employer.
34 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; 36 and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household.
37 “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.
This passage can seem confusing at times. We talk about how Jesus brings peace that passes all understanding. However, the point Jesus is making in verse 37 is no person in your life should be above Christ. Jesus must be number one in you life. And when he said this some people were going to have to turn their backs on their family to follow Jesus.
Again the point is, “There should be no one in your life before Christ”.
4 “Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
When Jesus is asked what the greatest command is This passage is what he quotes. Deuteronomy 6:5 “5 “You shall love Yahweh your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” God needs to be part of your everyday life. Your kids need to hear you talk about God and know that He matters to you, because if it matters to you it will matter to them. Think about how your children speak on the subjects like sports and politics. If you have expressed your opinion you will often hear your children exaggerate what they have heard you say. How much more important is Jesus then our politics?
What must we do before we can talk of God’s word? We must read and know what what it says.
What are the most important things a father can do?
Place God above all other interests.
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
5 Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ; 6 not by way of eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart. 7 With good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men, 8 knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free.
9 And masters, do the same things to them, and give up threatening, knowing that both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no partiality with Him.
Husbands and Fathers, the second most important thing you can do is love your wife. To love her as Christ loves the church. Willing and ready to give your life for her. Build up your wife in front of your children so they will know how much you value her. Have conversations about your faith with her and you will wash each other clean with the word.
The first statement Paul makes in this passage is to wives that they submit to husbands. Be the kind of man that makes it easy for your wife to want to submit. Lead with faith not bullying or being pushy but with faith.
So as a couple we should want to lead our family to heaven hand in hand.
Now I want to stop for a moment:
Not all homes have a father and a mother. Not all family situations are as they were designed by God to be. For we live in a broken world. Listening to friends of mine this makes teaching your kids to respect their father or mother hard. I have seen it done, though it is hard on the parents. The only thing I can say here is pray and seek help from those who might understand.
What are the most important things a father can do?
Place God above all other interests.
Love your wife, the mother of your children.
Third honor your own parents. Show your children how you value your parents. Model for them the respect that is appropriate. And require that the respect their mother.
What are the most important things a father can do?
Place God above all other interests.
Love your wife, the mother of your children.
Honor your father and mother.
The fourth thing we need to do as fathers is to bring our children up in the discipline of the Lord and not provoke our children to anger. On this note, in case you didn’t know this…
Sarcasm is not a love language!
Some times as fathers we like to push our children, or challenge them. As we do so, let us not insult them. Let us not put them down. Lets us build them up. Paul put it this way in Colossians 3:21 “21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.” We want to train our children to seek the Lord.
Let us use our words to up lift our children and not tear them down. This is not always easy. And each person, each child is different. One word may be encouraging to one child and the same be discouraging to another child.
What are the most important things a father can do?
Place God above all other interests.
Love your wife, the mother of your children.
Honor your father and mother.
Love your children and do not exasperate them.
Fifth, as a father I also should work hard, obeying my boss and showing by my conduct at work and at home that submit to my boss. Let us not bad mouth the people we work for. Let us not play the blame game.
23 Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.
Lets us work as though we are working for God.
If you are responsible for other people at work treat them with respect remembering that we all serve someone. Just like with our children we don’t need to be people who push others the way we want. We need to show people how to live by doing it ourselves.
What are the most important things a father can do?
Place God above all other interests.
Love your wife, the mother of your children.
Honor your father and mother.
Love you children and do not exasperate them.
Work hard and honor your employer and your employees.
Who is a father?
Some of you may not have any children. Does this apply to you? Yes.
Brothers encourage those younger then you. Children and adults. If you see someone who needs some encouragement give it. If someone has a burden they cannot carry lift it. Paul calls Timothy his child by faith. 1 Corinthians 4:17 “17 For this reason I have sent to you Timothy, who is my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, and who will remind you of my ways which are in Christ, just as I teach everywhere in every church.” There are a number of men here a Baker Heights that I consider to be like fathers to me.
Before I was born, my father noticed a lady and her son at church. The father was in the military. My father took the boy during church and treated him like his own son. He took him hunting and fishing. My dad was not his father but he took time to encourage this boy and lighten the burden of his mother. You do not have to have children to be a good father.
Fathers, Men, Young men. Perhaps all this feels like a burden you cannot carry. Perhaps it feels like too much to bear.
Choose today, to be the father you want to be tomorrow.
As Joshua’s life was coming to a close he called all of Israel to himself to remind them of what God had done and call them to the serve of the Lord. After he reminds them of what God has done and what they owed to the Lord he says the following:
14 “Now, therefore, fear the Lord and serve Him in sincerity and truth; and put away the gods which your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. 15 If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
Men, the choice is yours today, and everyday. To whom will you devote your life? What example will you set for your children and others? Whether you teach them with your mouths you will teach them with your lives. What will you choose?
Perhaps you feel unworthy of your calling as a father. If you are a Christian you need to remember that you were not worthy of the calling to follow Jesus in the first place.
9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, 10 nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.
We have a choice to be the people we were or to be made new and follow Jesus. This is not a one time thing. Though my focus in this lesson is for Fathers this applies to everyone.
Shayla’s father used to say “God doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called.” You have to choose if you will let God and his word change you to be who he has called you to be.
Now I am going to ask for some participation. I am going to ask for groups to stand and remain standing if you can. If you are not comfortable you can stay seated. I will ask the congregation to say something to each group after they stand.
If you are a grandfather please stand up if you can.
If you are a father please stand up.
If you have ever been a father figure to others stand up.
Thank you for serving your family and the church.
If you ever want to be a father or father figure stand up.
Men I would like you to repeat after me the following
Joshua 24:15 (LSB)
Today I choose to serve
God over my own desires.
Today me and my house,
we will serve the Lord.
Invitation
Every time we are together we offer an opportunity to respond to the gospel. Whether you are a father, a mother, a son, or a daughter, we all have a heavenly father who loves to help his children. Who wants to bring them back into his care under his wing. He loves to forgive and restore.
If have any needs at this time you can either write on the back of the attendance cards and hand them to one of the elders or come forward as we stand and sing.