The Spirit-Filled Marriage

The Spirit-Filled Marriage - Ephesians 5:22-33 June 16, 2024 I'm sure it's no surprise to you that in today's age, marriage is not as honored and respected as it used to be. I ran across a psychological blog post from June of 2023 that discussed the shift in the view of marriage among Gen Z and Millennials. Here are some interesting statistics about what they learned from their survey: 2 in 5 think marriage is an outdated tradition 73% feel it's too expensive to get married in the current economy 85% do not think marriage is necessary to have a fulfilled and committed relationship 1 in 6 are not planning to get married. 3 in 5 unmarried couples live with their partners In 2019, the Pew Research Center recorded that only 46% of Millennials are married, compared to 57% from Gen X, 62% Late Boomers, 67% Early Boomers, and 83% from the Silent Generation. This information alone helps us to understand the state of marriage in our age today. In case you couldn't figure it out, today we're talking about marriage as we continue in our series in Ephesians. Now, for those of you who are unmarried, please don't tune out just yet. While these principles are specifically for the wife and husband, within the context of general relationships with believers, we can apply these same principles. Before we get into the text this morning, background and set up is important. In our passage this morning from Ephesians 5, beginning at verse 22, Paul addresses the marriage relationship. In fact, for the next three weeks, Paul addresses three relationship groups, beginning with the most important earthly relationship, that of the wife and husband. What we will see when we get into the passage, much of Paul's instruction of marriage is based on God's original design of marriage. Of course, this original design takes us all the way back to the Garden, to the first marriage. This union is found in Genesis 1:28, where we read, AND GOD BLESSED THEM. AND GOD SAID TO THEM, "BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY AND FILL THE EARTH AND SUBDUE IT, AND HAVE DOMINION OVER THE FISH OF THE SEA AND OVER THE BIRDS OF THE HEAVENS AND OVER EVERY LIVING THING THAT MOVES ON THE EARTH." That blessing at the beginning is God's blessing of their union, and His instruction for them. Noteworthy, this is before the fall. Chapter 2 of Genesis describes - in more detail - the creation account from chapter 1, and we see something very important in verse 20. Adam was tasked with naming all of the animals, which is a form of dominion. So, Moses records these words in Genesis 2:20, THE MAN GAVE NAMES TO ALL LIVESTOCK AND TO THE BIRDS OF THE HEAVENS AND TO EVERY BEAST OF THE FIELD. BUT FOR ADAM THERE WAS NOT FOUND A HELPER FIT FOR HIM. So, we see that 1) God blessed their union and 2) that Eve was created for Adam. Then, just verses later, we see what this union looks like in reality, in Genesis 2:24 we read; THEREFORE A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND HIS MOTHER AND HOLD FAST TO HIS WIFE, AND THEY SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This is to say that when a marriage is blessed by God, the husband and wife joined together as one. This will be very important when we get into the instructions that Paul lays out for the husband in our text this morning. Once again, recall that all of this was before the fall. Things changed after the fall. Of course, when I say "the fall" I am speaking of the first sin, that resulted in sin coming into the world, and everything that follows, to include sickness and death. Because of this fall, God cursed Adam, Eve, and the Serpent who tempted them. Here is the curse to Eve, found in Genesis 3:16: TO THE WOMAN HE SAID, "I WILL SURELY MULTIPLY YOUR PAIN IN CHILDBEARING; IN PAIN YOU SHALL BRING FORTH CHILDREN. YOUR DESIRE SHALL BE CONTRARY TO YOUR HUSBAND, BUT HE SHALL RULE OVER YOU." Arguably, the passage we're going to read this morning from Paul on the marriage relationship is a direct commentary on these passages from Genesis on the marriage relationship of Adam and Eve. In other words, everything we will read this morning is founded in the roots of the creation and fall narrative of Genesis, chapters 1-3. But wait, there's more. I would further argue that our passage this morning is prefaced by the passage we read last week, particularly verses 18-21. When Paul speaks of being filled with the Spirit, he shows us how that is done in the corporate worship context, so verse 21 connects that section with the section on the marriage, parental, and employer relationships that carry us through chapter 6, verse 9. So, let's read the preface from verses 18-21, before we read our primary passage from this morning. Ephesians 5:18-21 says, 18 AND DO NOT GET DRUNK WITH WINE, FOR THAT IS DEBAUCHERY, BUT BE FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT, 19 ADDRESSING ONE ANOTHER IN PSALMS AND HYMNS AND SPIRITUAL SONGS, SINGING AND MAKING MELODY TO THE LORD WITH YOUR HEART, 20 GIVING THANKS ALWAYS AND FOR EVERYTHING TO GOD THE FATHER IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST, 21 SUBMITTING TO ONE ANOTHER OUT OF REVERENCE FOR CHRIST. In other words, the picture of biblical marriage is prefaced by two things: * Being filled with the Spirit (Eph. 5:18) * Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ (Eph. 5:21) With that in mind, let's read our text from Ephesians 5:22-33: 22 WIVES, SUBMIT TO YOUR OWN HUSBANDS, AS TO THE LORD. 23 FOR THE HUSBAND IS THE HEAD OF THE WIFE EVEN AS CHRIST IS THE HEAD OF THE CHURCH, HIS BODY, AND IS HIMSELF ITS SAVIOR. 24 NOW AS THE CHURCH SUBMITS TO CHRIST, SO ALSO WIVES SHOULD SUBMIT IN EVERYTHING TO THEIR HUSBANDS. 25 HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES, AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER, 26 THAT HE MIGHT SANCTIFY HER, HAVING CLEANSED HER BY THE WASHING OF WATER WITH THE WORD, 27 SO THAT HE MIGHT PRESENT THE CHURCH TO HIMSELF IN SPLENDOR, WITHOUT SPOT OR WRINKLE OR ANY SUCH THING, THAT SHE MIGHT BE HOLY AND WITHOUT BLEMISH. 28 IN THE SAME WAY HUSBANDS SHOULD LOVE THEIR WIVES AS THEIR OWN BODIES. HE WHO LOVES HIS WIFE LOVES HIMSELF. 29 FOR NO ONE EVER HATED HIS OWN FLESH, BUT NOURISHES AND CHERISHES IT, JUST AS CHRIST DOES THE CHURCH, 30 BECAUSE WE ARE MEMBERS OF HIS BODY. 31 "THEREFORE A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND HOLD FAST TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH." 32 THIS MYSTERY IS PROFOUND, AND I AM SAYING THAT IT REFERS TO CHRIST AND THE CHURCH. 33 HOWEVER, LET EACH ONE OF YOU LOVE HIS WIFE AS HIMSELF, AND LET THE WIFE SEE THAT SHE RESPECTS HER HUSBAND. Here's our main idea from our passage this morning: A marriage is Spirit-filled through submission, and sacrificial love. Really, those are the two primary commands from this passage. What's specifically seen here though is to whom the commands are given. So, that's what we'll discuss from our passage this morning. First, HOW TO BE A SPIRIT-FILLED WIFE (vv.22-24) As stated, there is really two primary commands in this passage, and the command to the wife is: * Submit to your husband. o Paul provides three reasons for this: * As to the Lord (v.22) * The husband is the head (v.23) * The church submits to Christ (v.24) o Obviously, we need to discuss this. o Last week I commented that this passage is controversial - or maybe stated otherwise - counter cultural, and it's because of that word "SUBMIT." So, let's discuss this word. * I had the pleasure of reading Pat's exegesis of this passage when he was in seminary, here is what he shared about this word: The word, "comes for a military term that means to take a position in a phalanx of soldiers. There is no idea of rank or status, but rather an equal sharing of the task. Other meanings of the word include 'give allegiance to', 'tend to the needs of', 'be supportive of', or 'place oneself at the disposition of.' In the middle voice, in which it is used here, it describes a voluntary action." * Second, submission does not mean inferior. * Third, the text is clear, when it states "own husband." o So, why is the wife supposed to submit to her husband? o As noted, Paul provides three reasons or motivations why. o See how Paul connected the command with the phrase "AS TO THE LORD" * So, this tells us something, doesn't it? * One, this command presupposes a Christian union. * A union based on the foundation of our Lord, Jesus. * Because of this union, the wife can submit to her husband out of reverence to the Lord - recall verse 21. * The reason for this is because Paul says (and our passages from Genesis affirm) that the man is the head of the home. o Again, this is one of those difficult passages for the modern woman, and frankly, if Paul did not continue this passage into verse 33, or write 1 Corinthians 11 or 1 Timothy 2, it would be easy to be offended by it, but the connection to verse 32 is beyond essential. Here is what Paul says there: THIS MYSTERY IS PROFOUND, AND I AM SAYING THAT IT REFERS TO CHRIST AND THE CHURCH. * This statement is in direct response to Paul's citation from Genesis 2:24 (two become one) and Paul's discussion on the Christian marriage relationship. o When Christian marriages recognize, remember and honor their marriage as a picture of Christ and the Church, then the idea of submission should not be a problem. o It's really no different than submitting to the owner or manager of your place of employment, or really anyone in a position of authority. o Finally, Paul says that the wife is to submit to the husband, as the church submits to the Lord, because of the picture we just saw. Of course, marriage is not one sided, so we must now discuss, HOW TO BE A SPIRIT-FILLED HUSBAND (vv.25-31) Here is the command to the husband: * Love your wives (v.25) o How? AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER. o Some commentators note that the section from Paul to the husbands is longer and they argue that it is actually more difficult. o Why? Because of that qualifier, "AS THE LORD LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER" o In verses 26-27, Paul reminds us of the purpose of Christ's sacrificial love. Boice says that: * Christ's goal is to make the church holy (v.26) * Christ is cleansing the Church through the Word (v.26) * Christ will present the church as a radiant bride without blemish (v.27) o I think most married men would be willing to protect their wives at any cost. o Boice again made this observation: "Most of us will never have the chance to put love to that great and ultimate test, but we do have countless lesser ways to show our love daily. One wife rightly told her husband, 'Dear, I know that you are willing to die for me; you have told me many times. But while you were waiting to die, could you just fill in some of the time helping me to dry the dishes?'" o The obvious notion here is that we must show our wives our love. Through our actions, our words, and how we support them. o This difficulty of this passage lies in the word "love" o The type of love that Paul describes here means: "a love that submits one's own self-interests to the interests of others" o It's a sacrificial love. The love that Paul describes in Philippians 2:3-4: 3 DO NOTHING FROM SELFISH AMBITION OR CONCEIT, BUT IN HUMILITY COUNT OTHERS MORE SIGNIFICANT THAN YOURSELVES. 4 LET EACH OF YOU LOOK NOT ONLY TO HIS OWN INTERESTS, BUT ALSO TO THE INTERESTS OF OTHERS. o David Guzik says this love: * ... is a love that loves without changing. * ... is a self-giving love that gives without demanding or expecting re-payment. * ... is the kind love so great that it can be given to the unlovable or unappealing. * ... is love that loves even when it is rejected. * ... is a love gives and loves because it wants to; it does not demand or expect repayment from the love given. It gives because it loves, it does not love in order to receive. o Paul then takes this expression down a notch, when he command that we love our wives "AS THEIR OWN BODIES" in verse 28 * I saw one commentator note that Paul may have had the command to love your neighbor as yourself in mind. * But Paul's connection to "OWN BODIES" cannot be ignored. * Verse 28 should not be read without verses 29-31. So, let's do that: 28 IN THE SAME WAY HUSBANDS SHOULD LOVE THEIR WIVES AS THEIR OWN BODIES. HE WHO LOVES HIS WIFE LOVES HIMSELF. 29 FOR NO ONE EVER HATED HIS OWN FLESH, BUT NOURISHES AND CHERISHES IT, JUST AS CHRIST DOES THE CHURCH, 30 BECAUSE WE ARE MEMBERS OF HIS BODY. 31 "THEREFORE A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND HOLD FAST TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH." * What an amazing picture we see here. Returning to the Genesis historical narrative, Paul reminds us that we are joined together, and if we treat our wives poorly - physically, spiritually, emotionally - then we are treating ourselves poorly because we are one. This all comes back to what we saw earlier that the picture of biblical marriage is prefaced by two things: * Being filled with the Spirit (Eph. 5:18), and * Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ (Eph. 5:21) Which means, as stated in our main idea: A marriage is Spirit-filled through submission, and sacrificial love. Pastor Pat said it this way in a sermon in 2014: That God's design for marriage requires: * Men who love by serving like Christ and, * Women who love by submitting like the Church What does your marriage look like? Are you supporting one another? Are you serving one another? Are you sacrificing for one another? Are you a "team?" Jim and Elizabeth George wrote companion books on how to be a husband or wife after God's own heart. Elizabeth's book to the wives made this observation of the marriage relationship: "What a winning combination! The husband leads, loves, and works hard to provide, while the wife follows, loves, helps, and appreciates his efforts." That's the key. Two people that God joined together, submitting, loving and serving one another in the order that the Lord had designed. Charles Swindoll has a helpful commentary on the book of Ephesians, and he wrote some reflection questions for both the wife and the husband. Since we don't have time to go through these now, I've put them in the bulletin for your review. I urge you to take the time to reflect on those questions. One last thought, there are so many books and so-called experts on marriage - and for the record, I'm not one of them - which is why Paul, who was writing to a culture much like our own, laid out the Biblical blueprint for marriage. Our marriages are to reflect Jesus and His relationship to the Church. What does your marriage reflect? Let's pray. 2