Untitled Sermon (5)

STORY OF XU

Xu’s (“sh oo”) story is based on a real person drawn to faith in Jesus Christ by the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit. Xu was born in southern China 25 years ago, the unexpected second child in her family. Xu remembers growing up with serious doubts of her father's love. Her older brother was wanted. She wasn't. The hopes and joys of the family name were placed on him. The frustrations, burdens, and blames were placed on her. They were a professing Christian family and devoted to Christian duties.

Though she doesn't remember making the conscious decision, Xu spent most of her childhood striving to please her parents. She wanted to prove them wrong. She wanted them to know she was worthy of their respect. Surely they would love her, she thought, if she outperformed her brother. The pressure was very great, but she didn't care. Whether at school, or in sports, or cleaning the house, Xu excelled. If her parents asked them to memorize a Bible verse, she memorized the whole chapter from which it was taken.

Somewhere along the way, Xu became a genuine follower of Christ. The gospel made sense to her at the age of 13, and she placed her faith in Jesus Christ for this life and the next. She recalls feeling relieved and happy during the weeks to follow. In fact, she started taking Christian life more seriously.

For the first time in her life Xu felt accepted, beloved, and hopeful. She had become part of God's family. When she read or heard the Word of God, she knew she was hearing God speak. Jesus Christ had died in her place, and covered her in His righteousness. "What a comfort!" she realized. Xu wanted to share the news. She wanted her family to know the joy she was experiencing; much of the anger and resentment she experienced toward them subsided.

BACK TO THE STORY OF XU

Even though Xu believed her sins were forgiven and her adoption in God's family was secure, it was hard for her to apply these truths to daily life. Certain aspects of her old life continued into her new life. Slowly over time, her attitude and approach in relation to God started to look like her attitude and approach to everything else - a fretful, pressured, frustrating quest for perfection and approval. She wanted God to love and respect her. She feared being a disappointment to Him.

Public and private life started to look different for Xu during her adolescent years. Outwardly she was energetic, respectful, and moral. Inwardly she was angry, jealous, and prone to gossip. During the daytime she tried to fulfill every responsibility and meet every standard. During the night Xu retreated to the Internet to find attention from boys in chat rooms, play video games, and look at sensual images. She felt terrible about it. Whenever she fell to temptation, she would feel ashamed, make vows to God, and make up for it through rigorous physical exercise and intense Bible study. At 17 years of age Xu went away to university in Beijing. It created a whole new set of temptations.

Sexual immorality, stealing money, and gossip became regular habits in her life. Outwardly she blamed others in order to protect her image. Inwardly she felt guilty and tried to amend for her mistakes with good deeds. She wanted to please God and to please people, but couldn't find a way to succeed at both goals. Now she's spiritually and relationally exhausted. She's tired of her own games. God has given her a compassionate heart. People are drawn to her and often find encouragement in her words. She really wants to live honestly, where people truly know her, but she doesn't know how to begin.